0:00:01 > 0:00:04- Across the UK...- Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06What does it want from us?
0:00:06 > 0:00:09- Thousands of children... - ..hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17He is...
0:00:17 > 0:00:20- the Joke Master. - Did someone say my name?
0:00:20 > 0:00:23And this is The Joke Machine.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Joke Machine, activate!
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Oh! Joke Machine, activate!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Where are we going?
0:00:38 > 0:00:41ALL: Lea Forest Primary.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Make me crack up, you jokesters.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52- Where am I? - You're on The Joke Machine.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54- What do you call a pig with three eyes?- I don't know, what?
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Pi-i-ig.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59- You get it? - That's a waste of my time.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02So, what you're trying to say that it's not the best joke,
0:01:02 > 0:01:07- it's like the worstest joke. - It is the worstest joke.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10All I have to say is you are the worst Joke Master ever.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13I prefer the term worstest. Zap!
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Is that the best you can do?
0:01:16 > 0:01:18No, this is.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Aaaargh!
0:01:21 > 0:01:25- Next!- There are two muffins in an oven on a baking tray.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29The first muffin said to the other muffin, "Crikey, it's hot in here!"
0:01:29 > 0:01:31And the other muffin said, "Oh, my God, a talking muffin!"
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Oh, my God, a funny Brummie!
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Whoo! I know there are a lot of funny Brummies.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40What goes black and white, black and white, black and white?
0:01:40 > 0:01:44- And then rolling down the hill? - Negatore on the hilaritaro.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Shut up.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48- Excuse me?- I said shut up.
0:01:48 > 0:01:53P-p-p-p-p-p... I heard what you said, I'm just... P-p-p-p...
0:01:53 > 0:01:55disgusted that you're using that language.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Bring in the next one.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04What would you get if you crossed a sheep with Ebenezer Scrooge?
0:02:04 > 0:02:06- What?- Ba-a-a-a-ah humbug.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Now, it's party time!
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Whoo.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Picking the apples, picking the apples.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Joke it up.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- Where do cows go on their holiday? - Where?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- Moo York.- Oh.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24- That joke is really, really not funny.- Oh.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27I could have won that.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Well, how about you apologise for that awful joke?
0:02:30 > 0:02:36- Sorry.- What you sorry for? - I'm sorry for ruining the jokes.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Such a nice guy.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42This is going to hurt me a lot more than it's going to hurt you.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49HE SOBS
0:02:49 > 0:02:51It was never meant to be this way.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Why couldn't he just be funny?
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Next!
0:02:59 > 0:03:03Come to me, class two, for I need jokes.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11ALL: St Matthew's Primary.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Joke time.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Come on, buddy, hit me with it.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23I said to the lion and the witch, what are you doing in my wardrobe,
0:03:23 > 0:03:25and it said, it's "Narnia" business.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Oh, "Narnia" business! Ha-ha, yes!
0:03:30 > 0:03:35- Yay!- "Narnia" business! Whoo!
0:03:35 > 0:03:37What does an idiot say in the dark?
0:03:37 > 0:03:39It's too dark in here, I can't hear you.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Boom, boom, boom!
0:03:41 > 0:03:42Yeah!
0:03:42 > 0:03:45I want some more, I want some more.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48What do you call a Loch Ness monster with no neck?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50- A loss neck monster.- Eh-eh!
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Aaargh!
0:03:53 > 0:03:55MACHINE BURPS
0:03:55 > 0:03:57JOKE MASTER SNARLS
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- Why do witches wear nametags?- Why?
0:04:00 > 0:04:03To see which witch is which.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05I'm just sending a message to my mum,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07she likes jokes about witches.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Oooh-ooh!
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Ha! Send.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17Mm, who should win? Ah...
0:04:17 > 0:04:19You!
0:04:19 > 0:04:21- THEY CHEER - St Matthews!
0:04:23 > 0:04:25THEY BOO
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Don't boo me, boo yourselves!
0:04:29 > 0:04:34Whoo! We got some funny stuff. Funny stuff. But I need more!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36So, I'll joke you later, jokesters.