0:00:02 > 0:00:04- Across the UK... - Sightings have been reported
0:00:04 > 0:00:06of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:00:06 > 0:00:07What does it want from us?
0:00:07 > 0:00:11- Thousands of children... - ..Hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:11 > 0:00:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:15 > 0:00:16He is...
0:00:18 > 0:00:19..the Joke Master.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21That's me!
0:00:21 > 0:00:23And this is The Joke Machine.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Joke Machine, activate.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Oh...
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Joke Machine, activate!
0:00:37 > 0:00:38Where are we going?
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Let's get cracking, jokers.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Come on, come on, come on, I want some jokes!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56I walked into the butcher's the other day
0:00:56 > 0:01:01and said, "Can I have a pack of bacon, please?" The butcher said,
0:01:01 > 0:01:05"Lean back," and I said, "Can I have a packet of bacon, please?"
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Enjoyable.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Yes!
0:01:09 > 0:01:13- Next.- I went to a seafood disco yesterday.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Ha-ha, keep going.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17I managed to pull a muscle.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19That was so good!
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Ha-ha-ha!
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Thanks.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Ha-ha-ha.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Why is it so hard to unlock a piano?
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Because all of the keys are inside.
0:01:30 > 0:01:34How dare you come in here with that rubbish!
0:01:34 > 0:01:36You've got to be kidding me.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Does this look like a kidding face?
0:01:38 > 0:01:41It's a serious face.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48What was the cow's comment on the movie?
0:01:48 > 0:01:49What?
0:01:49 > 0:01:52It was udderly moo-ving.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54That joke is funny.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Oh, thank you.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Oh, any time.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00What have we got?
0:02:00 > 0:02:04What do you get when you cross a fridge with a stereo?
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Cool music.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10Give me an N. N! Give me an O. O! Give me a T. T!
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Give me a funny. Funny!
0:02:12 > 0:02:14What have we got? Not funny.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I think my joke's funny, you might not, but mine is.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Well, go home and tell it to yourself!
0:02:21 > 0:02:22Ah!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Bring in the next one.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- What did the skier say to his ski? - What?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Nice to ski you.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30Ha-ha, pfft.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32I never liked you, anyway.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Well, I am sick of bad jokes.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Why did the bee cross his legs on the motorway?
0:02:43 > 0:02:45I don't know.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47He was looking for a BP station.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49HORN HONKS
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- That's funny!- Thanks.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Class two, what have you got?
0:03:08 > 0:03:11All joke systems are go.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Go for it, maestro.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17What's the difference between Celtic and a tea bag?
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Tea bag can stay in the cup longer.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Take that, Celtic! Ha-ha-ha.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22Yah!
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Who are the other Scottish teams?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Did you hear about the owner of the chip shop?
0:03:28 > 0:03:32He got arrested by the police because he was battering the fish.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34BUZZER BEEPS
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Wait, that's offence...
0:03:36 > 0:03:37The fish got battered...
0:03:37 > 0:03:40I like it! Ha-ha.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah!
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Doing the fancy tombola.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Wait...
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Is your hair naturally that colour? Because if it is, I like it.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53What did dinosaurs put on their floor?
0:03:53 > 0:03:54I don't know, what?
0:03:54 > 0:03:55Reptiles.
0:03:55 > 0:04:00Rrrar! Me say we likey-likey that joke.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Rrrar!
0:04:01 > 0:04:02Yay.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04That was my hando-saur.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
0:04:06 > 0:04:08To meet his flatmate.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12Well, I'm trying to see the funny, but I just can't see it.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13Ah!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17- Knock, knock.- Who's there?
0:04:17 > 0:04:18- Anita.- Anita who?
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Anita borrow a pencil.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Baaah.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25Oh, that joke was so bad, I lost the ability to speak.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30I wonder who won that one, hmm?
0:04:30 > 0:04:32It was...
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Bingo!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- Yay!- Sullivan Upper.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Boo!
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Dry your eyes, kids.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46Phew, we got some good jokes, there.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49But I need more, so I'll see you again.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Joke you later, gangsters!