0:00:02 > 0:00:04- Across the UK... - Sightings have been reported of
0:00:04 > 0:00:07- a mysterious object in the sky. - What does it want?
0:00:07 > 0:00:10- Thousands of children... - Hoping to be chosen...
0:00:10 > 0:00:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:15 > 0:00:16He is...
0:00:18 > 0:00:20..the Joke Master.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Did someone say my name?
0:00:23 > 0:00:25And this is the Joke Machine.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Joke Machine...activate!
0:00:32 > 0:00:33HE COUGHS
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Joke Machine...activate!
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Where are we going?
0:00:41 > 0:00:43ALL: Brentnall Primary!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Shall we get cracking, jokers?
0:00:51 > 0:00:53OK, what have you got for me?
0:00:53 > 0:00:54What do you call a guy
0:00:54 > 0:00:57who's building a sculpture of rope
0:00:57 > 0:00:58- in an attic?- What?
0:00:58 > 0:01:00That's rope-mantic.
0:01:00 > 0:01:01- BLEEP! - Not funny!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05BARKING
0:01:06 > 0:01:09- Why are frogs so happy? - They don't have to pay taxes?
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Because they eat whatever bugs them.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14- BLEEP! - Down with that joke!
0:01:14 > 0:01:15Argh!
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Boo!
0:01:18 > 0:01:20- Hit me with it.- What do you get
0:01:20 > 0:01:23- when you cross cheese with ducks? - I don't know.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26- Cheese and quackers.- Quack, quack!
0:01:26 > 0:01:30- Funny.- I'm better than you, ha!- I hope he doesn't speak to his mother
0:01:30 > 0:01:34- with that mouth. - Where do you take a sick horse?
0:01:34 > 0:01:36- Where?- To the horse-pital.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38- BLEEP! - Not...funny at all.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41My God, you've definitely not got a sense of humour.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Some of you kids need to start
0:01:43 > 0:01:45taking ownership of your own failures
0:01:45 > 0:01:47and stop blaming them on me.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52SHE SCREAMS
0:01:53 > 0:01:55I'm crashing. Ugh...
0:01:55 > 0:01:57- I need my joke fix. - I can hear music
0:01:57 > 0:02:00coming out of the printer.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02I think the paper's jammin' again.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04What's funny about that?
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Um, everything!
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- I know it is.- Ha-ha!
0:02:09 > 0:02:13Why is it dangerous to do maths in the jungle?
0:02:13 > 0:02:17- Why?- Because when you add four and four, you get 'ate'.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19BLEEP!
0:02:19 > 0:02:22I don't get it, and if I don't get it, then YOU get it.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Bring in the next victims. I mean, jokers!
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Cracking up time, jokesters.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Calm down, you're in the right place.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I was reading a great book - the history of glue.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49I couldn't put it down.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- BLEEP! - That was rubbish!
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- You know what's rubbish?- What?
0:02:53 > 0:02:54You saying my joke's rubbish.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58You know what you do with rubbish? You take out the trash.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Mammy!
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Bring on the joke train!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06There was three Paddys - Paddy the Englishman,
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Paddy the Scottishman, Paddy the fat man.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11They were all on a plane and, boom,
0:03:11 > 0:03:13the first engine goes down.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17Half an hour later, boom, boom, the second and third goes.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18They were all told
0:03:18 > 0:03:23to jump out of the plane. Paddy the Scottishman jumps out and says,
0:03:23 > 0:03:24"God bless Scotland".
0:03:24 > 0:03:28Paddy the Englishman jumps out and says, "God bless England".
0:03:28 > 0:03:32Paddy the fat man jumps out and says, "God bless the man I land on".
0:03:32 > 0:03:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:35 > 0:03:36Yes!
0:03:36 > 0:03:40A man went to the doctor's. The doctor said, "How can I help you?"
0:03:40 > 0:03:43The man said, "I'm addicted to Twitter."
0:03:43 > 0:03:46The doctor said, "Sorry, sir, I don't follow you."
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Hashtag, hilarious!
0:03:48 > 0:03:49Yes!
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Next dish, please.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- What do you give to a sick pig?- What?
0:03:54 > 0:03:55Oink-ment.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57That is hilarious.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Yes!
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Now we're cooking! Next joke.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05- What's the difference between a bird and a fly?- I don't know.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09- BLEEP! - Not funny!- Coming from who?
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Coming from the Joke Master.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Can I hear a joke then?
0:04:14 > 0:04:18Sure, you can. Why did the girl fall off the swings? I haven't got time.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20What are you doing to me?!
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Bring in the next one!
0:04:23 > 0:04:26What was written on the Lego man's grave?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29- 'Rest in pieces'.- Give me an F
0:04:29 > 0:04:32- for funny.- Yeah! Ooh!
0:04:33 > 0:04:38Who could possibly have won that one? It was...
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Bingo!
0:04:39 > 0:04:40ALL: Yay!
0:04:40 > 0:04:42St Joseph's!
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Turn that frown upside down.
0:04:46 > 0:04:52Woo! Some good jokes there, but I need more!
0:04:52 > 0:04:55So, see you again. Joke you later!