0:00:02 > 0:00:04Across the UK sightings have been reported
0:00:04 > 0:00:06of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:00:06 > 0:00:07What does it want from us?
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Thousands of children
0:00:09 > 0:00:11hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:11 > 0:00:16One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:16 > 0:00:17He is...
0:00:18 > 0:00:20..The Joke Master.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22That's me!
0:00:22 > 0:00:24And this is The Joke Machine.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Joke Machine, activate!
0:00:30 > 0:00:32PARRRP!
0:00:33 > 0:00:34I've not been well.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Joke Machine, activate.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39MACHINE BUZZES
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Where are we going?
0:00:45 > 0:00:49- THEY SHOUT:- Gabalfa Primary, Landaff North!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Let's get these jokers cracking up.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59BELL DINGS Where am I?
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Calm down, you're in the right place.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Why am I here?
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Well, you're here to tell a joke, not to crochet.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07- Why was the boy carrying a ladder? - I don't know.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09To go to high school.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10- BUZZER SOUNDS - CHILDREN SHOUT:- Boo!
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Ew-ew.
0:01:12 > 0:01:13You know what? This is stupid.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15I want to get out of here.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17This is just a stupid place.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19I'll help you get out of here.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21What have you got for me?
0:01:21 > 0:01:24What do prisoners use to call each other?
0:01:24 > 0:01:25"Cell" phones.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Faaantastic!
0:01:27 > 0:01:29BELL DINGS
0:01:29 > 0:01:30APPLAUSE Yes!
0:01:30 > 0:01:31I like that joke. I like that joke.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Guys, guys, I like that joke.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37What did the man say when he walked into the bar?
0:01:37 > 0:01:38"Ouch!"
0:01:38 > 0:01:42- BUZZER SOUNDS - That is mind-numbingly bad.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Well, you obviously don't tell jokes in your spare time.
0:01:44 > 0:01:45What do you do like doing?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Playing football.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48What position do play?
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Goalkeeper.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Yeah? Well, catch this.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Ha-ha.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Grr!
0:01:56 > 0:01:57Ha-ha-ha-ha.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00Please tell me your joke.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02I was in class one day,
0:02:02 > 0:02:03and I put my hand up,
0:02:03 > 0:02:05and the teacher said, "What is it, Maysha?"
0:02:05 > 0:02:07I said, "Well,
0:02:07 > 0:02:09"would I get told off if I haven't done anything?"
0:02:09 > 0:02:11The teacher said, "Well, of course not."
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Then I said, "Good, cos I haven't done my homework."
0:02:14 > 0:02:17- BUZZER SOUNDS - Your homework for this was to tell a funny joke.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Rr-rr!
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Ah!
0:02:21 > 0:02:23It's the last one from your class, make it count.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Pupil - "I don't think I deserve zero on this test."
0:02:27 > 0:02:32Teacher - "I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you."
0:02:32 > 0:02:33HE LAUGHS
0:02:33 > 0:02:34APPLAUSE
0:02:34 > 0:02:35Yes!
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Yes!
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Bring in the next victims...I mean jokers.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- THEY SHOUT:- Ashcombe Primary. Awesome!
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Let's get me some new jokes.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Well, a prisoner after many years is released from jail,
0:03:00 > 0:03:03and he runs around, saying, "I'm free! I'm free!"
0:03:03 > 0:03:06And a little boy walks up to him and says, "So what? I'm four."
0:03:06 > 0:03:08- BUZZER SOUNDS - Eh-eh.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10BOOS Oh, what are you doing?
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Rubby-rubby-rubby-rubby.
0:03:11 > 0:03:12No! Ow!
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Rubby-rubby-rubby.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Rub-rub-rub-rub-rub-rub.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Ah. Give it to me.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Mum - "Shall I put the kettle on?"
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Dad - "No, I prefer the dress you're wearing."
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Cos the Mum...she said to get... And then...
0:03:26 > 0:03:27thought the drink of...
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Ha-ha-ha-ha! Yes!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31MACHINE DINGS Yes!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Joke-jokey-jokey-joke-joke.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34More, more, more!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Why didn't the sun go to college?
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Because it already had a million degrees.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41- BUZZER SOUNDS - Negative funny.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45Joke it up.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50Teacher - "If I had one trifle on Monday, two trifles on Tuesday
0:03:50 > 0:03:53and three on Wednesday, what would I have on Thursday?"
0:03:53 > 0:03:56And the pupil says, "The biggest tummy ache in the world."
0:03:56 > 0:03:57- BUZZER SOUNDS - Well that would be
0:03:57 > 0:04:00a "trifle" annoying."
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Argh!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03This will be a good one. I can feel it in my bones.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- What did zero say to the number eight?- I don't know.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Nice belt.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10That is a "belter"!
0:04:10 > 0:04:11APPLAUSE Whoop, yay!
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Ha-ha-ha!
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Why do tigers have stripes?
0:04:15 > 0:04:16So that they can't be spotted.
0:04:16 > 0:04:17That is funny!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Yes! I love you.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Whoa! Back off, lady.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23We've only just met.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25What have you got, champ?
0:04:25 > 0:04:26What would you get if you cross
0:04:26 > 0:04:30a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?
0:04:30 > 0:04:32A-cocke-poodle-doo.
0:04:32 > 0:04:33Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:04:33 > 0:04:35APPLAUSE
0:04:35 > 0:04:38I'm taking that joke as my own, it's that funny.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Ah, thanks!
0:04:40 > 0:04:44Hm...who is the victor?
0:04:44 > 0:04:46- It was... - DRUMROLLS
0:04:46 > 0:04:47You!
0:04:47 > 0:04:48- THEY SHOUT:- Yeah!
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Ashcombe!
0:04:52 > 0:04:53- THEY SHOUT:- Boo!
0:04:53 > 0:04:54Gutted, Gabalfa.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Whoo! Some good jokes there
0:04:58 > 0:05:00but I need more.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02So see you again.
0:05:02 > 0:05:03Joke you later!