0:00:02 > 0:00:04- Across the UK... - 'Sightings have been reported
0:00:04 > 0:00:05'of a mysterious object in the sky.'
0:00:05 > 0:00:07'What does it want from us?'
0:00:07 > 0:00:10- 'Thousands of children...' - '..hoping they'll be chosen.'
0:00:10 > 0:00:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:15 > 0:00:16He is...
0:00:18 > 0:00:19..the Joke Master.
0:00:19 > 0:00:25- Did someone say my name? - And this is The Joke Machine.
0:00:28 > 0:00:29Joke Machine, activate.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33GROWLING Oh, sorry, cupcake.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Joke Machine, activate.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Where are we going?
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Bournville Primary School takes you on.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Let the joke-off commence.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56- Go, go, go.- What's a snake's favourite subject?- What?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58- Hiss-tory. - BUZZER
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Clear... Boom.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02I can't even save that joke.
0:01:02 > 0:01:07- What you going to do about it? Throw a hammer at me?- That's a great idea.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08Argh!
0:01:09 > 0:01:14- Make it good.- Why did the zombie get arrested for eating muesli?
0:01:14 > 0:01:17- Cos they thought he was a cereal killer.- Yes!
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Mixing the undead with...alive things.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23- Thank you.- Whoo! Next one.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25What do you call a dog on fire?
0:01:25 > 0:01:26I don't know, what?
0:01:26 > 0:01:28- A hot dog. - BUZZER
0:01:28 > 0:01:30- That...is not funny. - Eat my shorts.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Too stringy. No, thank you.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39What have you got for me?
0:01:39 > 0:01:41What did the polar bear say to the polar bear
0:01:41 > 0:01:44- as they were about to jump over a cliff?- What?
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- Are you cool about this? - BUZZER
0:01:47 > 0:01:49That is not funny. HE WHIMPERS
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- Oh, my God. Are you crying?- Yeah.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Are you pretending to cry?
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- I am.- You know that's not going to work, right?
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- Oh, OK.- On your bike, son.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Bring in the next one. Your school needs this joke to be funny.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11I need this joke to be funny.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15- What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?- I don't know. What?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Have you ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?
0:02:17 > 0:02:21No, I have not. HE LAUGHS
0:02:21 > 0:02:25- Thank you so much. - HE CONTINUES LAUGHING
0:02:25 > 0:02:28What's a vampire's favourite fruit?
0:02:28 > 0:02:32- A neck-tarine.- That joke is so good, it counts as one of my five a day.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- Yes!- Four more to go.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Might have some grapes.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Why did the dog cross the road?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40I don't know. Why did the dog cross the road?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Because it was doing an impression of a chicken.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44BUZZER Not even in your wildest dreams would that be funny.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Well, why don't you come out of your stupid rabbit hole and try
0:02:47 > 0:02:51- and beat me up, then?- I'm here for the funnies, not the fisticuffs, OK?
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- Can you just leave?- Make me.
0:02:59 > 0:03:00Let's bring in the new lot.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Abbey Catholic Primary School!
0:03:12 > 0:03:13We are go for jokes.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- Are you funny?- Not very.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- Then what are you doing here? - I've got no clue.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Sometimes that's how I feel. Anyway, on with the joke.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- What did the blanket say to the bed?- What?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Don't worry, I've got you covered.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31BUZZER How dare you enter the Joke Machine
0:03:31 > 0:03:33and not deliver a good joke?
0:03:33 > 0:03:37No, no, no, I think it's how dare YOU?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40How dare I? How dare you, sir?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44SCREECHING
0:03:45 > 0:03:50- Hiya.- What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?- Um...what?
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Do-you-think-he-saurus.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Congratulations - hilarious!
0:03:55 > 0:03:58- Yes!- Next batter.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00What did the mayonnaise say to the fridge?
0:04:00 > 0:04:01What?
0:04:01 > 0:04:06- Shut the door, I'm dressing. - Yes, that is a great joke.
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Yes!
0:04:09 > 0:04:11What's the fruitiest lesson?
0:04:11 > 0:04:13History, cos it's full of dates.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15BUZZER That joke is ancient history.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Well, you don't know what jokes are. Where's your sense of humour gone?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21My sense of humour is right here...
0:04:22 > 0:04:23..in my heart.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25Argh!
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Hmm... Who was the victor?
0:04:32 > 0:04:34It was...
0:04:34 > 0:04:36you,
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Bournville. THEY CHEER
0:04:40 > 0:04:42BOOING Don't be a player hater,
0:04:42 > 0:04:43be a congratulator.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Phew! Got some good jokes there.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51But I need more.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54So I'll see you again. Joke you later, jokesters.