0:00:02 > 0:00:03Across the UK...
0:00:03 > 0:00:06Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09What does it want from us? Thousands of children...
0:00:09 > 0:00:10Hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:10 > 0:00:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:15 > 0:00:20He is the Joke Master.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22That's my name, don't wear it out.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25And this is The Joke Machine.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Joke Machine activate!
0:00:31 > 0:00:34EXPLOSIONS
0:00:36 > 0:00:37Joke Machine activate.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Where are we going?
0:00:44 > 0:00:46- ALL:- Milton Park!
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Let's get cracking, jokers.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55What have you got for me?
0:00:55 > 0:00:58- Why does the Oreo go to the dentist? - Why?
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Because he lost his filling.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Happiness.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Yay!
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Next joke.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07I went to the dentist and he told me to say, "Ah." I said, "Why?"
0:01:07 > 0:01:08He said, "Because my dog died."
0:01:08 > 0:01:12Frame this look and put it on your fridge.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14CHEERING
0:01:16 > 0:01:18- What do you call a three-legged donkey?- What?
0:01:18 > 0:01:20- A wonky.- Oh.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21But where do you think it lives?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23I don't know, where?
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Oh, I don't know either. I think an un-stable.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28I didn't even think that joke could get any worse.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Meh-meh-meh!
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Who do you think you're talking to?
0:01:31 > 0:01:35Er, person in a box who doesn't really do much.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38This is not a box and I do a lot, actually.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Where...where am I?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Um, hello?
0:01:45 > 0:01:46What have we got?
0:01:46 > 0:01:48- What was Beethoven's favourite fruit?- What?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Ba-na-na-na-na!
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Well, slap me around the face with a piano
0:01:53 > 0:01:55and tell me to play Twinkle Toes.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Doesn't make any sense.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00- Knock-knock.- Who's there?
0:02:00 > 0:02:02- A tish.- A tish who?
0:02:02 > 0:02:03- Bless you. - BUZZER
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Ugh, my snot says not funny.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Let's hear it.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15How'd you get five donkeys into a fire engine?
0:02:15 > 0:02:19Two in the front, two in the back, one on top going ee-haw, ee-haw.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Ee-haw, ee-haw, no-oh, no-oh.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22You're a coward!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24IN HIGH PITCHED VOICE: How am I a coward?
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- How have you done this to my voice?- Coward!
0:02:27 > 0:02:29- Please stop calling me a coward.- No!
0:02:32 > 0:02:34So much backchat.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Bring me the new class.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47THEY CHEER
0:02:50 > 0:02:51Now get joking.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57AS AN OLD MAN: Hello, little child. Tell an old man your joke.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00What do you call Irn-Bru when it's been thrown down the stairs?
0:03:00 > 0:03:02I don't know.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Irn bruised.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09That joke was so funny it's made me young again! I don't need this!
0:03:09 > 0:03:10WINDOW SMASHES
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Ooh, yay! I like this.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Oh, I hope the good times keep coming.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17One, two, three, jokes!
0:03:17 > 0:03:21One day there was a young man walking down the main street.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23An older man was also walking down the main street.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26The older man said, "Do you want to hear my Batman impression?"
0:03:26 > 0:03:29He said, "Oh, all right, then."
0:03:29 > 0:03:32So he said, "No, not Krypton!"
0:03:32 > 0:03:34He said, "That's Superman."
0:03:34 > 0:03:37And the older man said, "Thanks, I'm glad you like it."
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Not funny.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42I'm Batman.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Why does Luke Skywalker need a night light?
0:03:44 > 0:03:45I don't know, why?
0:03:45 > 0:03:47- Because he's scared of the Darth. - BUZZER
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Let's just put that down to a "wookiee" mistake.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53GROWLING
0:03:53 > 0:03:54BURPING
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Ha-ha-ha!
0:03:56 > 0:04:00- What does the bramble bush say to the person?- What?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Go away, that's sore.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05BUZZER Does not compute.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06Boo!
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Boo to you too.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Send in the next one.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16Just go for it.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20- Where does King Caesar keep his armies?- Where?
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- Up his sleevies. - CHEERING
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Lovely little joke.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Well, that's a change from the normal you, then.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- What? I'm a nice guy.- Ahem,
0:04:29 > 0:04:32you've clattered people on the head with a hammer!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34I do enjoy doing that. Oh, yeah!
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Hmm. Who was the victor?
0:04:40 > 0:04:42It was...
0:04:42 > 0:04:44you!
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Milton Park! THEY CHEER
0:04:48 > 0:04:51THEY BOO Aw, such a shame.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Some good jokes there, team. But not enough!
0:04:57 > 0:05:00So we're going to have to do this again.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Joke you later!