0:07:02 > 0:07:05- Across the UK...- ..reported sightings of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07What does it want from us?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Thousands of children...
0:07:09 > 0:07:11..hoping they will be chosen.
0:07:11 > 0:07:16One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. He is...
0:07:18 > 0:07:19..the Joke Master.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22That's me-E-E-E-E! CRASH!
0:07:22 > 0:07:24And this is The Joke Machine.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Joke Machine - activate!
0:07:30 > 0:07:32DISAPPOINTING WHIRRING
0:07:32 > 0:07:35GENTLE ELECTRONIC HUMMING
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Where are we going?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44COMPUTER BEEPS AND WHIRS
0:07:44 > 0:07:47THEY CHEER
0:07:48 > 0:07:51TRANSPORTER HUMS
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Let's get these jokers cracking up!
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Joke away.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00What did the buffalo say to his son when he went on a school trip?
0:08:00 > 0:08:01I don't know.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03BYE-SON.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Hello, hilarity.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07- DING! - Yeah!
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Whoo! Now we're cooking with laughs! Next one.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12What did ET's mother say when he got home?
0:08:12 > 0:08:13What?
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Where on EARTH have you been?
0:08:15 > 0:08:16BUZZER That is a flop!
0:08:16 > 0:08:19What? You don't even know what a joke is!
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Well, I do - set up, punch line, laugh.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Tell you what you had - set up...
0:08:25 > 0:08:26..and that was it.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27MACHINERY WHIRS
0:08:27 > 0:08:29WHACK!
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Tell me your joke.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33- Where did the rabbit learn to fly? - Where?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35The HARE Forces.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Bring on the funny!
0:08:37 > 0:08:38BOOM! There it is.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40- Yes! - DING!
0:08:40 > 0:08:41More! More! More!
0:08:41 > 0:08:43What do elves learn at school?
0:08:43 > 0:08:44The ELF-abet.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46BUZZER I hope you've got ELF insurance,
0:08:46 > 0:08:48because this is going to hurt!
0:08:50 > 0:08:51ARGH!
0:08:54 > 0:08:56What did the leaf say to autumn?
0:08:56 > 0:08:57I don't know - what?
0:08:57 > 0:08:58"I'm falling for you."
0:08:58 > 0:09:00I see what you did there
0:09:00 > 0:09:01and I LIKED it!
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- DING! - Yay!
0:09:05 > 0:09:09Come to me, Class Two, for I need jokes.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16THEY CHEER
0:09:21 > 0:09:22Joke time!
0:09:24 > 0:09:28Think you can do better than those guys? Hit me.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Why did Humpty Dumpty laugh when he fell off the wall?
0:09:31 > 0:09:32I don't know.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34He had a CRACKING time.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Ooh, careful! I'm going to fall off my chair
0:09:36 > 0:09:38if you keep saying funny things like that.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39HE CHUCKLES
0:09:39 > 0:09:41SILENCE
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- Yes! - DING!
0:09:43 > 0:09:44SILENCE CONTINUES
0:09:44 > 0:09:45Hello.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48What did the tomato say to the other tomato?
0:09:48 > 0:09:49Pfft. I've got no idea.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52"I've really got to go, but let's KETCH-UP tomorrow!"
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Fruit, that we always mistake as vegetables, talking
0:09:55 > 0:09:57is always a winner!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59- Why, thank you! - DING!
0:09:59 > 0:10:00HE CHUCKLES
0:10:00 > 0:10:03What did the grape say whenever it got stood on?
0:10:03 > 0:10:05It just let out a little WINE.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07BUZZER Hello, comedy police?
0:10:07 > 0:10:10I would like to report a joke fraud.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12ARGH!
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Oh, I'm sorry. Wrong number. Bye.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Where do you go to dance in California?
0:10:18 > 0:10:19Where?
0:10:19 > 0:10:20San Fran-DISCO.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22BUZZER That is not funny at all.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23I used to live there!
0:10:23 > 0:10:26What's your point? That's probably why it's not funny.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28That's not very nice.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30I don't have to be nice - I can do things like THIS!
0:10:33 > 0:10:35ARGH!
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Please - I just need a good joke.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43What dog can jump higher than a building?
0:10:43 > 0:10:44What dog?
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Any dog - buildings can't jump.
0:10:46 > 0:10:47BUZZER
0:10:47 > 0:10:51That's one of the most annoying jokes I've heard, EVER, in my life.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53I'd like to see you try better.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57OK, what did Superman say to Wonder Woman
0:10:57 > 0:10:59when they were travelling in her invisible jet?
0:10:59 > 0:11:00"Hey, what...?"
0:11:00 > 0:11:01I haven't got time.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06Hit me with it.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08How did the snowman get to school?
0:11:08 > 0:11:09I don't know - how?
0:11:09 > 0:11:10- By ICICLE. - BUZZER
0:11:10 > 0:11:12I'm out of patience and I'm out of time.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14That's one too many bad jokes from you!
0:11:15 > 0:11:17WIND ROARS
0:11:21 > 0:11:22Hmm...who should win?
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Er... DRUM ROLL
0:11:25 > 0:11:26..you!
0:11:26 > 0:11:27THEY CHEER
0:11:27 > 0:11:30By jingoes, you did well, Bullion Lane.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31THEY BOO
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Don't be a player-hater, be a congratulator.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Phew! Got some good jokes there, didn't we?
0:11:37 > 0:11:39But me need more ha-ha!
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Ee-ah, ooh!
0:11:41 > 0:11:42Joke you later!