0:00:00 > 0:00:01Across the UK.
0:00:01 > 0:00:05Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07What does it want from us?
0:00:07 > 0:00:11- Thousands of children... - Are hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:11 > 0:00:16One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. He is...
0:00:18 > 0:00:22- ..the Joke Master. - Did someone say my name?
0:00:22 > 0:00:24And this is the Joke Machine.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Joke Machine activate!
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Oh! Joke Machine activate!
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Where are we going?
0:00:42 > 0:00:45- ALL:- We are superstars! Argh!
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Let's get cracking, jokers.
0:00:53 > 0:00:54Go for it, maestro.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58- How'd you make seven an even number? - I don't know.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Take the "S" out.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Oh, God! Can you pull a kidney? Oh!
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Where do you take a sick wasp?
0:01:11 > 0:01:15- To the wasp-ital. - The wasp-ital?! Yes!
0:01:15 > 0:01:18- Thank you.- Any time, mate. Any time.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22Why did the mango cross the road to the doctor's dancing the conga?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24I don't know. Why?
0:01:24 > 0:01:27- He had a severe case of conga. - Clear!
0:01:27 > 0:01:29BOOING
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Nope, I can't save that one.
0:01:32 > 0:01:33No! No!
0:01:33 > 0:01:36FROG CROAKS
0:01:36 > 0:01:39A ten-foot beetle knocked on my door. He punched me in the face
0:01:39 > 0:01:40and people are saying
0:01:40 > 0:01:42there is a nasty bug going around.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46LOLOLOLOh, 'ello!
0:01:46 > 0:01:47That's a funny joke.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Yes!
0:01:49 > 0:01:52I want some more. I want some more.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55There was two lumps of sick walking down the street,
0:01:55 > 0:01:57one started crying, and the other one asked why.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59"Because I was brought up here."
0:01:59 > 0:02:03Ow, ow, that joke's made my stomach feel funny.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04APPLAUSE
0:02:04 > 0:02:05HE LAUGHS
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Next dish, please.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Nice entrance.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12- What happens when you tell an egg a joke?- What?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14It cracks up.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17No, it does not, and no, I have not. Get out!
0:02:17 > 0:02:20SHE SCREAMS
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Joke it up!
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Why don't you see penguins in Britain?
0:02:23 > 0:02:24I've got no idea.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- They're afraid of Wales.- Parp!
0:02:27 > 0:02:30That joke was so bad I lost the ability to speak.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33I don't hear you coming up with any better.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Bring me the new class.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Now, get joking.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Come on, buddy. Hit me with it.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59A crab, he walks into the bar.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02The bartender said, "You're barred." He goes, "Why?"
0:03:02 > 0:03:04"You've been giving it too much of that."
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Too much of what? Too much of your good times.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Yes!
0:03:08 > 0:03:09Next!
0:03:09 > 0:03:13- Why did the music teacher need the ladder?- Why?
0:03:13 > 0:03:17- To reach the highest note. - Boing-oing. Not funny.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Boo!
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Never tell that joke again.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24At least it's better than what you would do.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28I'm doing a lot for the world, yeah. I'm spreading peace and joy.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30All you're doing is leaving.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Joke it up.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- What does a cat say when it goes up the highway?- What?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Me-e-o-o-w, meow-meow.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Whoo! Whoo! Pull over!
0:03:43 > 0:03:45We're the funny police
0:03:45 > 0:03:48and we want to give you an escort down the funny highway.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Thank you.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Ho-ho! I hope the good times keep coming.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55What did one lift say to the other?
0:03:55 > 0:03:58I think I'm coming down with something.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00That is not funny. BOOING
0:04:04 > 0:04:07- It better not be a bad one. - Why are binmen so moody?
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Why ARE binmen so moody?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Because they're always down in the dump.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15I'll be honest, I'd rather shove a hot poker up my nostril than
0:04:15 > 0:04:17have to sit through that again.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Bye.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25I wonder who won that one, hmm?
0:04:25 > 0:04:26It was...
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Bingo!
0:04:29 > 0:04:31- You should be proud, Meadow Lane. ALL:- Yay!
0:04:31 > 0:04:36- Be proud in defeat, Armley. ALL:- Boo!
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Phew. Some good jokes there, but none of them...
0:04:39 > 0:04:41PHONE RINGS Excuse me.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Hello. Oh, hi sweetheart.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Yeah, I'm almost finished here.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48OK. No, you hang up. No, you...
0:04:48 > 0:04:51She hung up. Joke you later, jokesters.