0:00:00 > 0:00:02- Across the UK... - Sightings have been reported
0:00:02 > 0:00:04of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07What does it want from us? Thousands of children...
0:00:07 > 0:00:08Hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:08 > 0:00:13One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:13 > 0:00:14He is...
0:00:16 > 0:00:17..the Joke Master...
0:00:17 > 0:00:19That's me!
0:00:19 > 0:00:21..and this is The Joke Machine.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Joke Machine, activate.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Oh...
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Joke Machine, activate!
0:00:35 > 0:00:36Where are we going?
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Yay!
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Make me crack up, you jokesters.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49No pressure,
0:00:49 > 0:00:51but I really need this to be funny.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55- Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip to space?- Why?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57He wanted to find Pluto.
0:00:57 > 0:01:02That joke was so funny, you've turned my voice into that of a giant.
0:01:02 > 0:01:03Yay!
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Ha-ha-ha, he-he.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Make it count.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10What do you call a train filled with toffees?
0:01:10 > 0:01:13A chew-chew train.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14Never tell that joke again.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Have you got a better one?
0:01:16 > 0:01:18What did the toffee apple say...
0:01:18 > 0:01:21- Actually, I haven't got time for this.- Ah!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23HE FALLS THEN SQUISHES AT THE BOTTOM
0:01:23 > 0:01:25What did the young shrimp say when his mum asked him
0:01:25 > 0:01:28- why he wouldn't share any of his toys?- I don't know.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Sorry, I'm a little SHELL-fish.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35You have just beamed me up to the Starship Hilarity.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Yay!
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Next batter.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41What does the chess player have for lunch?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Pawn cocktail.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Checkmate.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Whoo!
0:01:46 > 0:01:49He-he-he, yeah!
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Give me some jokes.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- How do you get your name in lights all over the world?- How?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Change your name to emergency exit.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59That is the worst joke I have heard all day.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Excuse me?
0:02:01 > 0:02:02That is terrible, I'm amazing.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04This is who I think is amazing,
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Cupcake.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- Ah!- Rrrargh!
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Ha-ha-ha!
0:02:12 > 0:02:14There was a pig who walked into a restaurant
0:02:14 > 0:02:17and he bought a Coke and he went to the bathroom and left.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18And there was a second pig
0:02:18 > 0:02:21who went into a restaurant and bought two Cokes,
0:02:21 > 0:02:23went to the bathroom and left.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26And there was a third pig who came in to the restaurant
0:02:26 > 0:02:28and bought three Cokes and he was just about to leave
0:02:28 > 0:02:30when the man at the counter asked,
0:02:30 > 0:02:33"Why aren't you going to the toilet like all the rest of the pigs?"
0:02:33 > 0:02:36and the third pig said, "Because I'm the pig that goes,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38"Wee, wee, wee," all the way home."
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Ah!
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Come to me, class two, for I need jokes.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Yay!
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Joke time!
0:03:02 > 0:03:04I want some more.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Why do hairdressers drive so fast?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Because they know all the shortcuts.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Ex-nay on the funny-ay.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14You suck at this job, you shouldn't be at this job.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Never in a million years would I hire you.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Thanks, Alan Sugar, but you're fired.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Hello, little lady.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Anybody can roast beef, but nobody can pee soup.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33I really don't like that joke at all!
0:03:33 > 0:03:38Ha-ha-ha, I'm just laughing to cover my sadness.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39What do you know about jokes?
0:03:39 > 0:03:42A lot more than you, that's why they call me the Joke Master.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Really?
0:03:44 > 0:03:45Bye!
0:03:48 > 0:03:49Send in the next one.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Go, go, go!
0:03:52 > 0:03:54What do you call a crazy moon?
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Pfft, I've got no idea.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57A LUNAR-tic.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01You have totally eclipsed most other jokes today.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Yay!
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Ha-ha-ha!
0:04:05 > 0:04:09What's the fastest drink in the world?
0:04:09 > 0:04:10I don't know, what?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Milk, because it's past-your-eyes before you see it.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Not funny.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16What?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Why was the basketball pitch wet?
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Because the players dribbled all over it.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31You've taken fun and you've taken a -ny and you've put it together.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Funny.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Yes!
0:04:35 > 0:04:38I wonder who won that one, hmm?
0:04:38 > 0:04:40It was...
0:04:40 > 0:04:41Bingo!
0:04:41 > 0:04:43St Bride's.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46Boo!
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Keep booing, you just sound like a cow with the cold.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Whew, we got some good jokes there,
0:04:54 > 0:04:55but I need more.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59So I'll see you again. Joke you later, gangsters!