0:00:00 > 0:00:01'Across the UK':
0:00:01 > 0:00:04'Sightings are reported of a mysterious object in the sky.'
0:00:04 > 0:00:05'What does it want from us?'
0:00:05 > 0:00:09- 'Thousands of children... - hoping they will be chosen.'
0:00:09 > 0:00:14'One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. He is...
0:00:16 > 0:00:18'The Joke Master.'
0:00:18 > 0:00:20Did someone say my name?
0:00:20 > 0:00:23'And THIS is the Joke Machine.'
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Joke Machine - activate!
0:00:30 > 0:00:31HE SPLUTTERS
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Joke Machine! Activate!
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Where are we going?
0:00:39 > 0:00:41CHEERING
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Make me crack up, you jokesters!
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Come on, come on, come on! I want some jokes!
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Why are bananas so flexible?
0:00:55 > 0:00:56Why?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Because they always do the splits.
0:00:58 > 0:01:03Give me an N - N! Give me an O - O! Give me a T - T!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Give me a funny - funny! What have we got?
0:01:05 > 0:01:06Not funny.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Boo! You're a piece of mud.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12A piece of mud on the Starship Funny.
0:01:12 > 0:01:13Aaaaah...
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Hiya!
0:01:16 > 0:01:19- What did the police officer said to the bellybutton?- What?
0:01:19 > 0:01:21You're under a vest!
0:01:21 > 0:01:22BUZZ! Not funny!
0:01:22 > 0:01:24- BLOWS RASPBERRY - Hey, that's rude.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26THIS is rude...
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
0:01:31 > 0:01:33BIG BEN CHIMES THEN BREAKS
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Bring in the next one.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37When were the vowels born?
0:01:37 > 0:01:39- When- U- and- I- were born.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- That is good! And- I O U!
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Yeahhhh!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Whooo! Now we're cookin' with laughs! Next one.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49How do snowmen lose weight?
0:01:49 > 0:01:50No chocolate?
0:01:50 > 0:01:51Sits by a fire.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55Warm 'em up, melt 'em down - Oh! He's a size zero!
0:01:55 > 0:01:59Ooh-hoo! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah Oh, yeah Oh, yeah!
0:01:59 > 0:02:01# Do the robot, do the robot!#
0:02:04 > 0:02:05How's a monkey make toast?
0:02:05 > 0:02:07- I don't know. - Puts it under the gorilla.
0:02:07 > 0:02:12That made me L-O L-O L-O-L-OL! LOL! L-L-L-L.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14BELL
0:02:14 > 0:02:15(L-L-L-L-L...)
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Hello, what joke have you got?
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Why was the student's report card wet?
0:02:20 > 0:02:22- Because it was under- 'C'- level.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23BUZZER
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Ohhh! That really hurt my funny bone! Get out!
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Rrrrrrrrrrr! BOINK
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Class One, done!
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Class Two, what have you got?
0:02:44 > 0:02:52ALL: Mapledene Primary! We've got awesome! Waaaaaaaah!
0:02:55 > 0:02:56Join the joke battle!
0:02:58 > 0:03:01These jokes better be HOT-A!
0:03:01 > 0:03:05Me and my friend watched three DVDs back-to-back yesterday.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Luckily, I was the one facing the screen.
0:03:07 > 0:03:12Nooooooooooooooot funny. At all.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13BUZZER
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Joke it up!
0:03:18 > 0:03:21A man saw a woman with a pair of inflatable shoes, but when
0:03:21 > 0:03:24he called her up to arrange a date, he found out she'd popped her clogs.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Someone's had a glass of giggle-juice!
0:03:26 > 0:03:28- BELL - Yes!
0:03:28 > 0:03:29Let's keep it going!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- What's brown and sticky? - What?
0:03:31 > 0:03:33A stick.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34Claaaassic!
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- Yeeeah! - BELL
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Is that a celebration or should I call an ambulance?
0:03:39 > 0:03:43- How do you make a baby astronaut go to sleep?- How?
0:03:43 > 0:03:44You rock-et!
0:03:44 > 0:03:48It is quarter-past funny, and you're late.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50You look like a joker yourself!
0:03:50 > 0:03:53That's because I am a joker! But YOU'RE not!
0:03:53 > 0:03:54Er, yes, I am!
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Do you want to prove that you're funny?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Well, not really, cos I just did it!
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Whatevs!
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Next!
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- What do you get if you cross a monkey with a bomb?- What?
0:04:09 > 0:04:11- BaBOOM! - BUZZER
0:04:11 > 0:04:12I am not amused!
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Speak to the hand cos the face ain't listening.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Well, speak to THIS hand because he IS...listening!
0:04:22 > 0:04:25I wonder who won that one, hmmm? It was...
0:04:25 > 0:04:28DRUM ROLL Bingo!
0:04:28 > 0:04:29ALL: Yay!
0:04:29 > 0:04:30Wormholt!
0:04:32 > 0:04:33ALL: Boo!
0:04:33 > 0:04:35At least you've got your health, Mapledene.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Some good jokes there.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40BUT NOT ENOUGH!
0:04:40 > 0:04:45So, I'll have to see you later. Joke you next time!