0:00:02 > 0:00:03Across the UK...
0:00:03 > 0:00:06Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09- What does it want from us? - Thousands of children...
0:00:09 > 0:00:10Hoping they will be chosen.
0:00:10 > 0:00:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17He is...
0:00:18 > 0:00:20..The Joke Master.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23That's my name, don't wear it out!
0:00:23 > 0:00:25And this is The Joke Machine!
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Joke Machine, activate!
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Argh! Oh!
0:00:35 > 0:00:36HE SIGHS
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Joke Machine, activate...
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Where are we going?
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Birchgrove Primary! We're the stars!
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Crackin' up time, jokesters!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Joke me up, hotshot.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00What do you call a woman who burns her bills in a fire?
0:01:00 > 0:01:02I don't know.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04- Burn-a-debt. - BUZZER AND BOOING
0:01:04 > 0:01:06I've just looked up "funny" in the dictionary
0:01:06 > 0:01:08and there's not a picture of you.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11How could you hurt my feelings like this?!
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Eh?
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Argh!
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Do not disappoint me.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22What did the cake say to the knife?
0:01:22 > 0:01:23What?
0:01:23 > 0:01:25You want a piece of me?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27CHEERING 100% funny.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30You're dancing.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31Stop dancing now.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34It's the Joke Machine, not the Dance Machine.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Don't make me do this.
0:01:41 > 0:01:42What have we got?
0:01:42 > 0:01:45What do you call a sheep on a trampoline?
0:01:45 > 0:01:46I don't know. What?
0:01:46 > 0:01:48A woolly jumper.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Do I like this joke? No.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51No, I don't like this joke.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54You don't even know how to use a trampoline
0:01:54 > 0:01:56so I don't know why you're saying that!
0:01:56 > 0:01:58I injured myself on a trampoline a while ago
0:01:58 > 0:02:00and I can't go on it for medical reasons.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Well, the sheep also did and he made it.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Let's see YOU on the trampoline, then!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08HE SCREAMS
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Next!
0:02:11 > 0:02:13What's the best way to speak to a monster?
0:02:13 > 0:02:14What?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16From a long distance!
0:02:16 > 0:02:19P-too! P-too! Wa-kow! Yahoo!
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Yay!
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Oh, yeah, oh, yeah!
0:02:23 > 0:02:25How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
0:02:25 > 0:02:26Ten-tickles!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Eh-eh.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30You obviously don't know anything about jokes.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31You should try one yourself.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33All right, I will.
0:02:33 > 0:02:34A dinosaur walks into...
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Whoa! Is that the time? Got to go! Bye!
0:02:41 > 0:02:42Bring in the next victims!
0:02:42 > 0:02:43I mean, jokers!
0:02:49 > 0:02:51CHEERING
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Let's get cracking, jokesters.
0:02:59 > 0:03:00Joke away.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03What do you give a dog with a temperature?
0:03:03 > 0:03:05What?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Sauces, ketchup, anything for a hot dog.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08BUZZER AND BOOING
0:03:08 > 0:03:11That is genuinely a bad joke and bad advice.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13If your dog's got a temperature,
0:03:13 > 0:03:15please take it to a trained professional.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21What did the frog order from the takeaway shop?
0:03:21 > 0:03:22I don't know.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24French flies and Diet Croak.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Yes!
0:03:27 > 0:03:30HE SPLUTTERS I can't breathe that was so funny.
0:03:31 > 0:03:32What's that on your top?
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Erm, it's a birthday badge.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Let's hope you got a joke book for your birthday.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39When are doctors angry?
0:03:39 > 0:03:40When?
0:03:40 > 0:03:42When they run out of "patients".
0:03:42 > 0:03:45# Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you
0:03:45 > 0:03:48# Happy birthday That joke was funny
0:03:48 > 0:03:50# Happy birthday to you! #
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Thank you!
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Just blowing out candles.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Go for it. Good luck.
0:03:56 > 0:04:01Well, there were two cows in a field and one said, "Moo"
0:04:01 > 0:04:02and the other one said,
0:04:02 > 0:04:04"Aw, I was going to say that!"
0:04:04 > 0:04:07I think cows have that problem every day!
0:04:07 > 0:04:08Yay!
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Next joke.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12What do you get if you cross a snowman and a shark?
0:04:12 > 0:04:14A frostbite.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16HE ROLLS HIS TONGUE No!
0:04:16 > 0:04:17Seriously?
0:04:17 > 0:04:20I have never been more serious in my life.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25Aw, come on! Give me a good one!
0:04:25 > 0:04:29What do you call a person with jelly in one ear and custard in the other?
0:04:29 > 0:04:30I don't know.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32A trifle deaf.
0:04:32 > 0:04:33BUZZER Well, that would be...
0:04:33 > 0:04:34a trifle annoying.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Who could possibly have won that one?
0:04:40 > 0:04:42It was...
0:04:42 > 0:04:43Bingo!
0:04:44 > 0:04:46St Edmund's! CHEERING
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Better luck next time, Birchgrove.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Thanks, guys. We got some good jokes.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58But me need more! Ha-ha! Yargh!
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Joke ya later!