0:00:02 > 0:00:05'Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky.'
0:00:05 > 0:00:08'What does it want from us? Thousands of children...'
0:00:08 > 0:00:10'Hoping they will be chosen.'
0:00:10 > 0:00:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17He is...
0:00:17 > 0:00:19The Joke Master.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22Did someone say my name?
0:00:22 > 0:00:24And THIS is The Joke Machine.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Joke Machine activate!
0:00:31 > 0:00:32HE COUGHS AND GAGS
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Joke Machine! Activate!
0:00:36 > 0:00:37ELECTRONIC WHIRRING AND BEEPING
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Where are we going?
0:00:41 > 0:00:42CHILDREN CHEER
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Make me crack up, you Jokesters!
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Go for it. Good luck.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Why did the mushroom go to the party?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Because he was a fungi.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59DENIED!
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Oh, zip it, you got no sense of humour, man.
0:01:02 > 0:01:03Uh, you can zip it,
0:01:03 > 0:01:07because the sense of humour is coming out of my pores, sister.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09ELEPHANT ROARS
0:01:09 > 0:01:10Oh, what have you got?
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Why do saltwater crocodiles live in saltwater?
0:01:12 > 0:01:13Why?
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Because pepper makes them sneeze.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17HE SNEEZES
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Ugh, I am allergic to bad jokes.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22You have a pea brain about jokes.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Did you just say I've got a pea brain about jokes?!
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Ahhh!
0:01:27 > 0:01:30That's a weird thing to say.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31This better not be a bad one.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34If you're American when you go in the toilet and you're American
0:01:34 > 0:01:38when you go out the toilet, what are you when you're doing the toilet?
0:01:38 > 0:01:39What?
0:01:39 > 0:01:41European, of course!
0:01:41 > 0:01:42I didn't see it coming!
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Yes! Whoo!
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Go for it, maestro.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Why are pirates pirates?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Cos they arrrrrrr.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53You've got to give it some urrrrrrgh.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Shut your big mouth.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58I've got an average size mouth, thank you.
0:02:00 > 0:02:01GIRL SCREAMS
0:02:01 > 0:02:02Make it good.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Why did the Cyclops quit being a teacher?
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Cos he only had one pupil.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08Now let me think.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11Next!
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Please tell me your joke.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I was in the milk and cheese shop the other day, and the guy starts
0:02:18 > 0:02:22throwing around the milk and cheese, and I thought, "How dare he?"
0:02:22 > 0:02:24JOKE MASTER CHUCKLES Yes!
0:02:24 > 0:02:27(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) How dare you? Well done.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Yeeeeaaah!
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Is that a celebration or should I call an ambulance?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Come to me, Class Two, for I need jokes.
0:02:43 > 0:02:44CHILDREN CHEER
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Joke time!
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Why did the boy bring a stick of butter to the wedding?
0:02:54 > 0:02:55I don't know, why?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57He heard you had to toast the bride and groom.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Eh-eh!
0:02:59 > 0:03:00You shouldn't be called the Joke Master,
0:03:00 > 0:03:02you should be called the Dumb Master.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06Dumb Master? How about the Hammer Master?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Please make this a funny one.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13What do you get if you cross a sea with a computer?
0:03:13 > 0:03:15A brainwave.
0:03:15 > 0:03:20Computers and water is a bad idea! But as a joke, it's great!
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Well, thank you.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Awww. There's those British manners I've heard all about.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Knock, knock.
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Who's there?
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Boo hoo.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Boo hoo who?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Sorry, I made you cry.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33I'm only crying tears of joy!
0:03:33 > 0:03:34CHEERING
0:03:34 > 0:03:36DING!
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Tell me a joke.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Who's that?
0:03:41 > 0:03:42It's the Joke Master.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43What duck steals things?
0:03:43 > 0:03:45I don't know.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46A robber ducky.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I got one in my bath! Ha-ha!
0:03:48 > 0:03:49Whoo!
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Whoo-hoo!
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Why are waiters so good at tennis?
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Because they're good at serving.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58You know what that joke did? It made me smile.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Yeah!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03NONSENSICAL VOCALISING
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa!
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Good joke ruined by the dancing. See you!
0:04:10 > 0:04:12SPLAT!
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Send the next Jokester in, please.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Why didn't the zombie cross the road?
0:04:16 > 0:04:18I don't know, why?
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Cos it didn't have the guts for it.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Oh! My brain exploded, that was so unfunny.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26That's just false information.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Well, how about you talk back to Cupcake.
0:04:29 > 0:04:30HE SCREAMS
0:04:30 > 0:04:31ANIMAL SCREECHES
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Next!
0:04:33 > 0:04:34What do you get from nervous cows?
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Milkshake.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37You know what's funny when it shakes?
0:04:38 > 0:04:40BOY GIGGLES
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Hmm. Who was the victor?
0:04:45 > 0:04:46It was...
0:04:46 > 0:04:47DRUM ROLL
0:04:47 > 0:04:48..you.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Bournemouth Park.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51CHILDREN CHEER
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Try harder next time, St Margaret's.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57CHILDREN: Booo!
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Some good jokes there, team. But not enough!
0:05:01 > 0:05:05So we're going to have to do this again. Joke you later!
0:05:07 > 0:05:09ROCKET ENGINE REVS