0:35:02 > 0:35:05'Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky.'
0:35:05 > 0:35:09'What does it want from us? Thousands of children...'
0:35:09 > 0:35:11'Hoping they will be chosen.'
0:35:11 > 0:35:16One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:35:16 > 0:35:17He is...
0:35:18 > 0:35:20..The Joke Master.
0:35:20 > 0:35:21That's me!
0:35:21 > 0:35:24And THIS is The Joke Machine.
0:35:27 > 0:35:30Joke Machine, activate!
0:35:30 > 0:35:32LOUD THUD
0:35:34 > 0:35:36Joke Machine activate?
0:35:37 > 0:35:39ELECTRONIC WHIRRING AND BEEPING
0:35:39 > 0:35:40Where are we going?
0:35:43 > 0:35:44CHILDREN CHEER
0:35:47 > 0:35:48CHILDREN: Whooooa!
0:35:50 > 0:35:53Let's get cracking, Jokers!
0:35:53 > 0:35:54DING! DING!
0:35:54 > 0:35:56Bring on the joke train!
0:35:56 > 0:35:59What do you call a flock that flies in formation?
0:35:59 > 0:36:01Hm, don't know.
0:36:01 > 0:36:02The Red Sparrows.
0:36:02 > 0:36:04Is that even a joke?
0:36:04 > 0:36:07Well, you haven't heard a proper joke.
0:36:07 > 0:36:08CRUMBLING ROCKS
0:36:11 > 0:36:12Bring in the next one!
0:36:12 > 0:36:16Did you hear about the lorry load of tortoises crashing into
0:36:16 > 0:36:18that trailer load of terrapins?
0:36:18 > 0:36:21It was a turtle disaster.
0:36:21 > 0:36:24And that is a turtle success!
0:36:24 > 0:36:25CHEERING
0:36:25 > 0:36:27Next joke.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
0:36:29 > 0:36:30Don't know.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32In case he got a hole in one.
0:36:32 > 0:36:35Oh, that is so bad I can't even look at you.
0:36:37 > 0:36:39SHE SCREAMS
0:36:41 > 0:36:42Nice twirl.
0:36:42 > 0:36:45When's a baby best at playing basketball?
0:36:45 > 0:36:46I don't know, when?
0:36:46 > 0:36:48When it's dribbling.
0:36:48 > 0:36:50Aw, that was bad! Oh, that was bad!
0:36:50 > 0:36:52You're meant to be a Joke Master?
0:36:52 > 0:36:56You're not very good at seeing what's funny.
0:36:58 > 0:36:59Next!
0:36:59 > 0:37:01Why do spiders like the internet?
0:37:01 > 0:37:03Watching BBC iPlayer?
0:37:03 > 0:37:05Because of all the websites.
0:37:05 > 0:37:06CHEERING
0:37:07 > 0:37:10Good joke, my friend.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12HE CHEERS
0:37:12 > 0:37:14Oh, please make this a good one.
0:37:14 > 0:37:16If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,
0:37:16 > 0:37:19how long would it take four men?
0:37:19 > 0:37:21No time at all, the wall's already built.
0:37:21 > 0:37:22KLAXON
0:37:22 > 0:37:24Here's my wall of...
0:37:24 > 0:37:26not funny.
0:37:26 > 0:37:27HE GRUNTS
0:37:27 > 0:37:29Stop trying to break my floor!
0:37:29 > 0:37:30I don't care!
0:37:36 > 0:37:38Bring me the new class!
0:37:44 > 0:37:45CHILDREN CHEER
0:37:51 > 0:37:55OK, Class Two, am I buying what you're selling, hmm?
0:37:58 > 0:38:00Mmm! I want more jokes!
0:38:00 > 0:38:03What's the most dangerous Christmas decoration?
0:38:03 > 0:38:04I don't know.
0:38:04 > 0:38:06Missile-toe.
0:38:06 > 0:38:09OK, I'm going to say that's funny, because I'm a little bit
0:38:09 > 0:38:12scared of you, so all the best for the future, mate!
0:38:12 > 0:38:15Thank you. Same with you, Joke Master.
0:38:15 > 0:38:16Next!
0:38:16 > 0:38:19What did the police say to his tummy?
0:38:19 > 0:38:21"You're under a vest."
0:38:21 > 0:38:23Bo-woop! Not funny.
0:38:23 > 0:38:27You are SUCH the baddest person I've ever met in the world.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33SHE SCREAMS
0:38:33 > 0:38:35This better not be a bad one.
0:38:35 > 0:38:37Where do frogs keep their money?
0:38:37 > 0:38:39In the river bank.
0:38:39 > 0:38:41Yes! I'd hate to rob it!
0:38:41 > 0:38:42Yay!
0:38:42 > 0:38:44CHEERING
0:38:44 > 0:38:45Ah, cos... Cos you'd get wet.
0:38:45 > 0:38:47Why did the jelly baby go to school?
0:38:47 > 0:38:49I don't know!
0:38:49 > 0:38:51Because he wanted to be a Smartie!
0:38:51 > 0:38:53All sweeties want to be Smarties!
0:38:53 > 0:38:55HE VOCALISES NONSENSICALLY
0:38:57 > 0:38:59Ooh, I'm looking forward to this one.
0:39:00 > 0:39:01Hit me with it.
0:39:01 > 0:39:04Two fish were in a tank, and one said to the other,
0:39:04 > 0:39:05"Do you know how to drive this thing?"
0:39:05 > 0:39:07KLAXON
0:39:07 > 0:39:08ELECTRONIC WHIRRING
0:39:08 > 0:39:10Did you say "fish"?
0:39:10 > 0:39:11Did she say "fish"?
0:39:11 > 0:39:13Did you say "fish"?
0:39:13 > 0:39:15Did she say "fish"?
0:39:15 > 0:39:16You said "fish"!
0:39:17 > 0:39:19SHE GAGS AND COUGHS
0:39:19 > 0:39:21JOKE MASTER LAUGHS
0:39:22 > 0:39:23SHE GAGS AND COUGHS
0:39:23 > 0:39:24THUD
0:39:25 > 0:39:28Hmm. Who was the victor?
0:39:28 > 0:39:30It was...
0:39:30 > 0:39:31DRUM ROLL
0:39:31 > 0:39:32..you.
0:39:32 > 0:39:33CHILDREN SCREAM
0:39:33 > 0:39:35Sullivan Upper!
0:39:36 > 0:39:37CHILDREN: Boooooo!
0:39:37 > 0:39:39Dry your eyes, kids.
0:39:39 > 0:39:40BOOING CONTINUES
0:39:42 > 0:39:48Woooo! Got some good jokes there. But I need more!
0:39:48 > 0:39:49So I'll see you again.
0:39:49 > 0:39:51Joke you later, jokesters!
0:39:53 > 0:39:54ROCKET ENGINE REVS