0:42:02 > 0:42:03Across the UK...
0:42:03 > 0:42:06Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky.
0:42:06 > 0:42:09What does it want from us? Thousands of children...
0:42:09 > 0:42:11Hoping they will be chosen.
0:42:11 > 0:42:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:42:15 > 0:42:17He is...
0:42:18 > 0:42:20..The Joke Master.
0:42:20 > 0:42:22Did someone say...
0:42:22 > 0:42:24my name?
0:42:24 > 0:42:27And this is the Joke Machine.
0:42:30 > 0:42:32Joke Machine, activate!
0:42:32 > 0:42:34ALARMS SOUND
0:42:34 > 0:42:35Ahh!
0:42:37 > 0:42:39Joke Machine, activate?
0:42:42 > 0:42:44Where are we going?
0:42:46 > 0:42:50- ALL:- Emmaus Primary! We are legends!
0:42:54 > 0:42:56Let's get cracking, jokers.
0:42:58 > 0:43:00OK, what have you got for me?
0:43:00 > 0:43:03- What did the two penguins jump when they first met?- Dunno.
0:43:03 > 0:43:05They were trying to break the ice.
0:43:05 > 0:43:08Well, that is a good joke and good body movements, too!
0:43:08 > 0:43:10- BELL RINGS - Yes!
0:43:10 > 0:43:12I want some more. I want some more!
0:43:12 > 0:43:15- What do you call a judge with no fingers?- I dunno, what?
0:43:15 > 0:43:18- Justice (Just-His) Thumbs! - BUZZER
0:43:18 > 0:43:21The jury's verdict is in and on charges of being funny,
0:43:21 > 0:43:23you have been found not guilty.
0:43:23 > 0:43:26I'm not finished with you, I know where you live.
0:43:26 > 0:43:28Get out of my courtroom.
0:43:29 > 0:43:31Let's keep it going.
0:43:31 > 0:43:34Why did the raisin go out with the human?
0:43:34 > 0:43:36- Because he couldn't find a date! - BUZZER
0:43:36 > 0:43:38Oh, it's not funny, it's just weird.
0:43:38 > 0:43:40What's your problem?
0:43:40 > 0:43:41You, right now.
0:43:45 > 0:43:47Oh, come on! Give me a good one.
0:43:47 > 0:43:51A man walked to a job centre and asked, "Any jobs available?"
0:43:51 > 0:43:54The woman said, "Yeah, dress up as a monkey and dance around a cage."
0:43:54 > 0:43:56So he said, "Yeah, when do I start?"
0:43:56 > 0:43:59She said, "Monday." So it was that Monday...
0:43:59 > 0:44:01- HE SNORES - And he went into the cage
0:44:01 > 0:44:03- and she said... No. - HE SNORES
0:44:07 > 0:44:08Ah!
0:44:08 > 0:44:10BIG SPLASH
0:44:12 > 0:44:16- What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?- Dunno.
0:44:16 > 0:44:17Na-cho (not-your) cheese!
0:44:17 > 0:44:19Ay-yay-yay!
0:44:34 > 0:44:36Bring in the next victims - I mean, jokers!
0:44:41 > 0:44:44THEY CHEER
0:44:49 > 0:44:51We are go for jokes.
0:44:51 > 0:44:55- Where is this place?- Hey, Joke-Face. Spit it out of your mouth.
0:44:55 > 0:45:00- Why can't a three-legged donkey be a comedian?- Why is that?
0:45:00 > 0:45:02Because he can't do stand-up.
0:45:02 > 0:45:05You should open up a tool shop, because you nailed that.
0:45:05 > 0:45:07- Yes! - BELL RINGS
0:45:07 > 0:45:08Thank you.
0:45:08 > 0:45:10So, there was a balloon school
0:45:10 > 0:45:14and one balloon wanted to pull a prank, so he put a pin underneath
0:45:14 > 0:45:17everyone's chair and he got sent to the head teacher's office.
0:45:17 > 0:45:20The head teacher told him that he'd let the school down
0:45:20 > 0:45:21and he's let her down
0:45:21 > 0:45:24and most importantly, he'd let himself down.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27BUZZER Well, now I'm in a bad mood!
0:45:31 > 0:45:35- What have you got for me? - I'm just going to tell a joke.
0:45:35 > 0:45:36Oh, thank the Lord.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38What do you call a king who lives in a desk?
0:45:38 > 0:45:41- A ruler. - BUZZER
0:45:41 > 0:45:44How dare you come in here with that rubbish?
0:45:44 > 0:45:46Talk to the hand, meanie.
0:45:46 > 0:45:50Well, why don't you talk to THIS hand?
0:45:50 > 0:45:52Ah!
0:45:52 > 0:45:56- Eh?- Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?- Dunno, why?
0:45:56 > 0:45:58Because he lost his filling.
0:46:01 > 0:46:04BELL RINGS Oh, God. Oh, can you pull a kidney?
0:46:05 > 0:46:07That was good.
0:46:07 > 0:46:10Yesterday, I saw an ant walking down the road with a kindle.
0:46:10 > 0:46:12I asked him, "Do you want some help carrying your kindle, mate?"
0:46:12 > 0:46:14And he said, "Kindle? What Kindle?
0:46:14 > 0:46:16"All I've got is a flatscreen TV."
0:46:16 > 0:46:18Well, that was f-ant-tastic.
0:46:19 > 0:46:21- BELL RINGS - Yeah!
0:46:23 > 0:46:26Hmm, who was the victor?
0:46:26 > 0:46:28It was... DRUM ROLL
0:46:28 > 0:46:29YOU!
0:46:29 > 0:46:32Mapledene!
0:46:32 > 0:46:34THEY CHEER
0:46:34 > 0:46:37THEY BOO Cheer up, it's home time soon.
0:46:40 > 0:46:43Whoa, we got some funny stuff in the bag.
0:46:43 > 0:46:45But I want more!
0:46:45 > 0:46:47So I'll see you again.
0:46:47 > 0:46:50Joke you later, jokey-jokers!