0:49:02 > 0:49:04- Across the UK... - Sightings have been reported
0:49:04 > 0:49:06of a mysterious object in the sky...
0:49:06 > 0:49:09What does it want from us? Thousands of children...
0:49:09 > 0:49:11Hoping they will be chosen.
0:49:11 > 0:49:16One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:49:16 > 0:49:20He is...the Joke Master.
0:49:20 > 0:49:23That's my name, don't wear it out.
0:49:23 > 0:49:26And this is The Joke Machine.
0:49:29 > 0:49:32Joke Machine, activate.
0:49:32 > 0:49:34TOOTING, HE GASPS
0:49:36 > 0:49:38Aw, Joke Machine, activate.
0:49:41 > 0:49:42Where are we going?
0:49:44 > 0:49:47ALL CHEER
0:49:52 > 0:49:54Cracking-up time, Jokesters.
0:49:55 > 0:49:57Hello, little lady.
0:49:57 > 0:50:00- What did the mountain climber name his son?- What?
0:50:00 > 0:50:02Cliff.
0:50:02 > 0:50:03HE "TOOTS" TRUMPET
0:50:03 > 0:50:05Funny.
0:50:05 > 0:50:07Yay!
0:50:07 > 0:50:08What have you got for me?
0:50:08 > 0:50:10Where do bees go to the toilet?
0:50:11 > 0:50:12The BP station.
0:50:12 > 0:50:16Yes! That is brilliant! Yes!
0:50:18 > 0:50:21Ho-ho, I hope the good times keep coming!
0:50:21 > 0:50:25On my first year of school, I came home and I said,
0:50:25 > 0:50:29"Mummy, I think my teacher is in love with me."
0:50:29 > 0:50:32"Why do you think that?" said my mummy.
0:50:32 > 0:50:35"Because she put kisses all over my homework jotter."
0:50:35 > 0:50:38- BUZZER - Truly, truly, awful.
0:50:38 > 0:50:43- Really?- Yeah! Really!- Really?
0:50:43 > 0:50:46Yeah...really.
0:50:46 > 0:50:48You really think so?
0:50:48 > 0:50:51- I think I think so.- Really?
0:50:51 > 0:50:54Ye... Yeah, it was a bad joke.
0:50:54 > 0:50:56- Really, really?- I can't handle you.
0:50:56 > 0:50:59But Cupcake can!
0:50:59 > 0:51:00Aaah!
0:51:02 > 0:51:03EXASPERATED GROAN
0:51:03 > 0:51:06- Knock, knock.- Who's there?
0:51:06 > 0:51:08- Ya.- Ya, who?
0:51:08 > 0:51:10Nah, I prefer Google.
0:51:10 > 0:51:11Ha-ha.
0:51:11 > 0:51:13Other search engines are available.
0:51:13 > 0:51:15Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
0:51:15 > 0:51:17Chilling.
0:51:17 > 0:51:18Next.
0:51:20 > 0:51:24- Who told you you were funny? - My mum and my dad.
0:51:24 > 0:51:25Biased.
0:51:25 > 0:51:28- When is the hog's birthday?- Dunno.
0:51:28 > 0:51:29Hogmanay.
0:51:29 > 0:51:30Hog money?
0:51:30 > 0:51:33What is that, like, pig cash? Not funny.
0:51:33 > 0:51:34Man...!
0:51:38 > 0:51:40Bring me the new class.
0:51:45 > 0:51:47ALL SHOUT
0:51:52 > 0:51:53Joke away!
0:51:55 > 0:51:56Tell me your joke.
0:51:56 > 0:51:59What trees do fortune-tellers read?
0:51:59 > 0:52:00Palms.
0:52:00 > 0:52:03Hmmm, well, this fortune-teller says...
0:52:03 > 0:52:04no.
0:52:04 > 0:52:05You're a weirdo.
0:52:08 > 0:52:09Aaaah!
0:52:09 > 0:52:11Bring in the next one.
0:52:11 > 0:52:16What do you call a monster that goes to the disco every night?
0:52:16 > 0:52:17The boogie man.
0:52:17 > 0:52:18- BUZZER - Not funny!
0:52:18 > 0:52:21Aaah!
0:52:21 > 0:52:22Next!
0:52:22 > 0:52:25What do you call a bum's picture?
0:52:25 > 0:52:27A wonderful piece of fart work.
0:52:27 > 0:52:30- BUZZER - Baaow-up. Not funny.
0:52:30 > 0:52:32Aaah!
0:52:32 > 0:52:35I just need a good joke!
0:52:35 > 0:52:38Why are all the football stadiums always cold?
0:52:38 > 0:52:40Because of all the fans.
0:52:40 > 0:52:42Success!
0:52:42 > 0:52:44Yay! Done.
0:52:44 > 0:52:47Heh-heh.
0:52:47 > 0:52:48Hello, little lady.
0:52:48 > 0:52:51Why did the dog sit next to the fire?
0:52:51 > 0:52:53Because he wanted to be a hot dog.
0:52:53 > 0:52:55- BUZZER - That's not funny, it's dangerous!
0:52:55 > 0:52:58So why don't you grab your hot dog and leave?!
0:52:58 > 0:52:59I'll rub it in your face.
0:52:59 > 0:53:02- Why don't you rub it in your face? - Never.
0:53:02 > 0:53:05- Then rub it in your mum's face!- No!
0:53:05 > 0:53:07- Well, throw it at your dad!- No.
0:53:07 > 0:53:08OK, bye.
0:53:10 > 0:53:11Aaah!
0:53:14 > 0:53:16Ho-ho-ho!
0:53:16 > 0:53:19There were two people driving in a car, one was called Shut Up
0:53:19 > 0:53:20and one was called Manners.
0:53:20 > 0:53:23Shut Up drove too fast and a policeman stopped him.
0:53:23 > 0:53:26The car stopped so suddenly, Manners flew out the window.
0:53:26 > 0:53:28The policeman asked Shut Up for his name.
0:53:28 > 0:53:30He said, "Can I have your name, please, sir?"
0:53:30 > 0:53:32Shut Up said, "Shut Up."
0:53:32 > 0:53:34"I beg your pardon?"
0:53:34 > 0:53:36"Shut Up." "Where are your manners?" "They flew out the window."
0:53:36 > 0:53:38Yeah!
0:53:38 > 0:53:39Woo-hoo!
0:53:42 > 0:53:46Hmmm. Who was the victor?
0:53:46 > 0:53:47It was...
0:53:47 > 0:53:49you!
0:53:49 > 0:53:50ALL CHEER
0:53:50 > 0:53:52Calderwood!
0:53:54 > 0:53:57Aw, such a shame.
0:53:58 > 0:54:02Some good jokes there, team. But not enough!
0:54:02 > 0:54:06So we're going to have to do this again. Joke you later!