0:56:02 > 0:56:04Across the UK sightings have been reported of a
0:56:04 > 0:56:06mysterious object in the sky.
0:56:06 > 0:56:07What does it want from us?
0:56:07 > 0:56:11Thousands of children hoping they will be chosen.
0:56:11 > 0:56:15One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.
0:56:15 > 0:56:17He is...
0:56:18 > 0:56:20..The Joke Master.
0:56:20 > 0:56:21That's me!
0:56:21 > 0:56:24And this is The Joke Machine.
0:56:28 > 0:56:30Joke Machine, activate!
0:56:32 > 0:56:33MACHINE SOUND FADES
0:56:40 > 0:56:41Where are we going?
0:56:43 > 0:56:47- THEY SHOUT: - Roath Park! Ah!
0:56:51 > 0:56:53Let's get cracking, jokers.
0:56:55 > 0:56:57Please be funny, please be funny, please be funny.
0:56:57 > 0:56:59"Doctor, Doctor, it hurts when I press
0:56:59 > 0:57:02"here, here, here, here and here."
0:57:02 > 0:57:04"The solution's obvious, you've got a broken finger."
0:57:04 > 0:57:07Oh, that was so funny I've broken my ribs.
0:57:07 > 0:57:09Here, here and here.
0:57:09 > 0:57:10Yay!
0:57:12 > 0:57:13This better not be a bad one.
0:57:13 > 0:57:17A bear walks into a bar. He walks up to the barman. He says...
0:57:18 > 0:57:19"Can I have a beer, please?"
0:57:19 > 0:57:22The barman said, "Why the big "pause"?
0:57:22 > 0:57:24Why the big...?
0:57:25 > 0:57:27- Funny!- Yes!
0:57:28 > 0:57:30(Yes!)
0:57:30 > 0:57:32- Hello.- What accent is that?
0:57:32 > 0:57:34American.
0:57:34 > 0:57:35Well, I hope you're funny.
0:57:35 > 0:57:37Have you heard about the magic tractor?
0:57:37 > 0:57:39It drove down the lane and turned into a field.
0:57:40 > 0:57:43- Well done.- Whoop-whoop!
0:57:43 > 0:57:44Yay.
0:57:50 > 0:57:53- IN AMERICAN ACCENT: - God bless you, America. Yee-hah.
0:57:56 > 0:57:58"Mum, can we have a dog for Christmas?"
0:57:58 > 0:58:00"No, dear, we'll have a turkey like everyone else."
0:58:00 > 0:58:02- BUZZER SOUNDS - Eh-eh.
0:58:02 > 0:58:03OK, do you want to hear a funny joke?
0:58:03 > 0:58:05That's why we're here.
0:58:05 > 0:58:08What's the difference between you and a brick?
0:58:09 > 0:58:10Well...heaps.
0:58:10 > 0:58:12There isn't any.
0:58:12 > 0:58:13HE GRUMBLES
0:58:14 > 0:58:17Ah! Ah! Get me out!
0:58:17 > 0:58:20- How do you wake up Lady Gaga? - I don't know?
0:58:20 > 0:58:21"Poke her" face.
0:58:21 > 0:58:22- BUZZER SOUNDS - I don't like it.
0:58:25 > 0:58:28- Argh!- Next!
0:58:28 > 0:58:30A man walks into a public library, and he says,
0:58:30 > 0:58:32"Can I have a beer, please, mate?"
0:58:32 > 0:58:35And the lady says, "This is a public library." And he goes,
0:58:35 > 0:58:37("Oh, sorry. Can I have a beer, please?")
0:58:37 > 0:58:39- BUZZER SOUNDS - Sh.
0:58:39 > 0:58:41- HE WHISPERS: - That joke was rubbi-shh.
0:58:41 > 0:58:44What...you've set out to find the best joke
0:58:44 > 0:58:45because you don't have a good joke.
0:58:46 > 0:58:48Well, that's a very interesting theory...
0:58:48 > 0:58:51if it came from someone who knew what they were talking about!
0:58:53 > 0:58:56Wh...what are you doing? Where are my arms? Where are my legs?
0:58:56 > 0:58:58What are you doing? Ah!
0:59:02 > 0:59:03Nnnn-next class.
0:59:09 > 0:59:11- THEY SHOUT: - Marlborough Road!
0:59:11 > 0:59:13Ah-ah-ah!
0:59:16 > 0:59:18Think you can do better than the last class?
0:59:18 > 0:59:19Well, we'll see.
0:59:21 > 0:59:22Hiya.
0:59:22 > 0:59:24Why are fishes so clever?
0:59:25 > 0:59:27Because they always stay in schools.
0:59:27 > 0:59:28BUZZER SOUNDS
0:59:31 > 0:59:32Fish...
0:59:32 > 0:59:35are...not...
0:59:35 > 0:59:36funny.
0:59:36 > 0:59:39Um, that was the funniest joke in the world.
0:59:39 > 0:59:42I tried all my best. Grr!
0:59:42 > 0:59:44Well, that is embarrassing.
0:59:47 > 0:59:48BOING
0:59:48 > 0:59:51- Wow.- Wow, cool.
0:59:51 > 0:59:53Double trouble, this better be double funny.
0:59:53 > 0:59:56Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
0:59:56 > 0:59:58Pull yourself together.
0:59:58 > 1:00:00Ping, ping. Wigout.
1:00:00 > 1:00:02Yeah!
1:00:03 > 1:00:05I want more!
1:00:05 > 1:00:08What's the difference between a wolf and a flea?
1:00:08 > 1:00:09Don't know.
1:00:09 > 1:00:15A wolf howls on the prairie, and a flea prowls on the hairy.
1:00:15 > 1:00:16- BUZZER SOUNDS - Not funny.
1:00:18 > 1:00:19Next!
1:00:19 > 1:00:22What are ghosts' favourite berries?
1:00:22 > 1:00:23"Booo" berries.
1:00:23 > 1:00:26- BUZZER SOUNDS - Crikey, that is a bad joke.
1:00:30 > 1:00:34Why did the banana go to the doctor's office?
1:00:34 > 1:00:35Cos he didn't "peel" well.
1:00:35 > 1:00:39- HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: - I like that joke so much it made me speak in a high pitch.
1:00:39 > 1:00:40Yes!
1:00:41 > 1:00:45Hm, who is the victor?
1:00:45 > 1:00:47- It was... - DRUMROLLS
1:00:47 > 1:00:48..you.
1:00:48 > 1:00:49THEY CHEER
1:00:49 > 1:00:51Really good, Roath Park.
1:00:51 > 1:00:52THEY BOO
1:00:52 > 1:00:54Try harder next time, Marlborough.
1:00:56 > 1:01:01Whoo! Some good jokes there but I need more.
1:01:01 > 1:01:03So, see you again.
1:01:03 > 1:01:04Joke you later!