0:00:05 > 0:00:08Many years ago, a terrible plague
0:00:08 > 0:00:12consumed the mighty kingdom of Fyredor.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14The only hope of a cure rested with one young wizard,
0:00:14 > 0:00:19sent out to scour the Earth for precious ingredients.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23After many years, he returned with an antidote.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26THEY COUGH
0:00:26 > 0:00:31The king's sons, princes Dick and Dom, were the first to be cured...
0:00:31 > 0:00:34and the last to be cured.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36They were banished from the kingdom,
0:00:36 > 0:00:38along with their trusty mage Mannitol,
0:00:38 > 0:00:42and light-fingered servant Lutin.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46All never to return until they had collected the ingredients
0:00:46 > 0:00:49to re-make the antidote.
0:00:49 > 0:00:54And so, the Legend of Dick and Dom had begun.
0:00:56 > 0:00:57After many weeks on the road,
0:00:57 > 0:00:59and a few minutes off the road for a wee wee,
0:00:59 > 0:01:04our heroes arrived in the legendary Kingdom of Kong,
0:01:04 > 0:01:06There, they gazed upon the next ingredient
0:01:06 > 0:01:09that they needed to complete their quest.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11There it is. The King of Kong's conker.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13The King of Kong's conker tree.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21The tree produces only one conker every 50 years.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24It is a vital ingredient for our potion.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Nobody's guarding it. let's grab it and get out of here!
0:01:27 > 0:01:30No! The King of Kong's conker is cursed.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Only a member of the royal family can safely touch it.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37But fear not, I have produced a magnificent plan.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Princes Dick and Dom, to get the conker...
0:01:40 > 0:01:43You shall marry the king's daughters!
0:01:43 > 0:01:46- Why didn't you tell us about this? - Everything has been arranged.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50I've sent your details to the King, he was most impressed.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54- Did you send the right ones?- You have an audience, in five minutes.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55- Stop!- Just grab the conker.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57- Come on, it's only a tree.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04Stop!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07You don't know anything about magic!
0:02:07 > 0:02:10It's never stopped you! what's the worst that can happen?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Arrrrghhhh!
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- What's happened to them? - The worst. They've turned to stone.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Oh, I tried to warn them.
0:02:21 > 0:02:27Oh, the fools. The stupid, stupid, fools. The stupid, stupid, stupid...
0:02:27 > 0:02:31- Er, we can still hear, you know! - Oh, really? Sorry.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35- I suppose we probably shouldn't have done that?- No, you shouldn't.
0:02:35 > 0:02:40Only a touch from the King himself can lift the curse.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43And if he sees you, he'll know you'd tried to steal from him.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47What are we going to do?! He's expecting them now!
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- We have to step into their shoes. - How will that help?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Pretend to be them!
0:02:52 > 0:02:54And what about us?
0:02:54 > 0:02:56You'd make a lovely paperweight.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Shut up.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03FANFARE PLAYS
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Silence for the King!
0:03:08 > 0:03:11RUMBLING
0:03:11 > 0:03:14THUD, DICK AND DOM SCREAM
0:03:14 > 0:03:17I am the King of Kong. Conqueror of all,
0:03:17 > 0:03:21and ruler of this kingdom, and lover of a good joke.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23- Name yourselves.- I am Prince Dick.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26And I'm Prince Dom.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28You don't sound anything like I'd imagined.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32They sound different to how I'd imagined! Oof!
0:03:32 > 0:03:34- What's in your bags? - Oh, nothing.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38- We like to travel light. - You're here to marry my daughters?
0:03:38 > 0:03:43Yes! To marry into the family of such a mighty ruler and conker...
0:03:43 > 0:03:47er, conqueror, would be a great honour, your majesty.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51(Next time I come up with a plan like this, hit me.)
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Let's have a closer look at you. Off with your hoods.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Prince Dom, I can see that you're a fine young man.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05Just one look at that sporting moustache of yours.
0:04:05 > 0:04:10Prince Dick, it says here that you are 16?
0:04:10 > 0:04:14Yes, time has not been kind on me facially, your majesty.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16I have a gland problem,
0:04:16 > 0:04:19but I assure you that behind this beard...
0:04:19 > 0:04:25- Is some dried up egg.- Behind this beard is a very fit young man.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28HACKING COUGH
0:04:28 > 0:04:30And you, Prince Dom.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33It says here that you are a warrior,
0:04:33 > 0:04:38and can render a man unconscious using only your teeth.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42- Yes, I can. - I like you, Prince Dom.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45You're weird, but then so am I.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56HE LAUGHS
0:04:56 > 0:05:00- Let us prepare for the wedding! Take their bags to their chambers!- Ahem!
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Get the king to touch us so we turn back!
0:05:03 > 0:05:08Speaking of which, would you like to touch our bags, your majesty?
0:05:08 > 0:05:12- What? - They're made of the finest leather.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Erm... Made from...
0:05:14 > 0:05:18- Giant weasels?- Giant we...weasels.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20I have never seen a giant weasel!
0:05:20 > 0:05:24That's because they've all been used to make the bags.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27They really do feel quite something else.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31Well, then I should like to have a feel of 'em, of a giant, erm...
0:05:31 > 0:05:34The wedding chapel is nearly prepared, sir.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Of course, I may feel your bags later.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Go and prepare yourselves.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40I shall have these sent to your room.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Yes, that was weasily done. "Weasily done"! Hahaha!
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Laugh! Or I'll chop off your ears! COURT LAUGHS
0:05:50 > 0:05:51Footman!
0:05:53 > 0:05:54Yes, sire?
0:05:54 > 0:05:57I should like to hang pictures
0:05:57 > 0:06:01of Princes Dick and Dom on my castle walls.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Send to their unfortunate kingdom for their portraits,
0:06:04 > 0:06:09- have them disinfected and brought to me immediately.- As you wish, sire.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13That's bad news! If he sees our real pictures we're in trouble!
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Not that we're in any trouble already.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17That went rather well.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Were we in the same room?
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Considering we both nearly had our ears cut off...
0:06:22 > 0:06:26Well, I think we're on track for a rather splendid wedding.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28I've never been married before.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Should I wear flowers? Or maybe a wedding hat?
0:06:30 > 0:06:34Or a wedding hat with flowers in it? Hm?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37This is all your fault! You arranged this whole wedding.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Well, you told us to dress up like Dick and Dom!
0:06:40 > 0:06:43And what was your plan? Dress up like two fairies?
0:06:43 > 0:06:46No. Although, I did briefly consider that one, too.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Look, this arguing is getting us nowhere.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51We must marry in to the family, or no conker.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54If we can't get it, we can't make the potion.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56And if we can't make it, the people of Fyredor
0:06:56 > 0:07:00will never be cured of their plague! What's worse? Hm?
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Going through with a tiny, tiny little marriage,
0:07:03 > 0:07:10or let an entire kingdom of people suffer an awful, awful illness?
0:07:11 > 0:07:12Right, right come back here.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Come here. Come on!
0:07:14 > 0:07:18- Yes, you're going through with it. - SHE SOBS
0:07:18 > 0:07:25Sit down. Right, now, which princess do you fancy?
0:07:25 > 0:07:30- Neither of them!- No, look, look, Princess Minny or Princess Maxine.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34I can't marry Minny, can I? Not if she's going to take my surname.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35What's your surname?
0:07:35 > 0:07:38- Mumm.- Minny...Mumm.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- Mm.- Oh, dear. Yes, right...
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Well, OK, I shall marry Princess Minny.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45What's your surname?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47- Churr-Railway.- Oh...!
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Minny Churr-Railway.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Ah-ha, a fine name.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- And you shall marry Princess Maxine. - BELL TOLLS
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Oh, there we go, there's our call.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59The happy occasion, come on.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02- How do I look?- Old. How do I look?
0:08:02 > 0:08:06Er... Scared.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Oh! Ah, bags...
0:08:10 > 0:08:14- Be very careful with these, they are fragile.- Ow!
0:08:17 > 0:08:21- Ooof! Ow! - SCREAMING
0:08:21 > 0:08:23- SHE SCREAMS - Down here!
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Down here! Oi, down here!
0:08:26 > 0:08:30Yeah, you! Treat us with a bit more respect next time!
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Like that wizard told you, we're delicate!
0:08:32 > 0:08:35SHE SCREAMS
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Well, Princes Dick and Dom,
0:08:43 > 0:08:46are you ready to take my daughter's hands?
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Only if they've washed them first.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52That's brilliant! That's very funny, you shall make a worthy son-in-law.
0:08:52 > 0:08:57But if you mock my family again, I shall stir-fry your tongue!
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Prince Dom. My daughter, Maxine.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08HEAVENLY CHOIR SINGS
0:09:11 > 0:09:15And for you, Prince Dick, my daughter, Minny.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18CHOIR CONTINUES SINGING
0:09:20 > 0:09:22- Why do they call you that? - SHE BURPS LOUDLY
0:09:22 > 0:09:27Now, priest, begin the marriage ceremony. And make it funny!
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Ah...erm...
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- HIS VOICE FALTERS: - We are...
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- we are, gathered here today... - That's not funny, I want jokes!
0:09:35 > 0:09:37This is a formal ceremony, your majesty.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- I want jokes!- Yes, your majesty.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44- THE PRIEST CLEARS HIS THROAT - Er, knock knock,
0:09:44 > 0:09:47guess who's gathered here today?
0:09:47 > 0:09:50- It's us! - HE LAUGHS
0:09:50 > 0:09:56- Hello? Hello? Anybody around? - Hey, Dom, check this out.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00- HE IMPERSONATES THE KING: - "Yes, it is I, the King. Enter."
0:10:00 > 0:10:04This is nice. Your majesty, your majesty, the castle's deserted,
0:10:04 > 0:10:10- I've been looking everywhere. Your majesty?- I am under the bed!
0:10:10 > 0:10:14- Oh, why?- I like it here. I like the smell of the floor.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- Bow down to me!- Oh, yes, sir, yes...
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Now, what do you want?
0:10:19 > 0:10:22I've brought the portraits of princes Dick and Dom.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25You wanted them taken to the chapel immediately.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28- HIGH VOICE: - No, we didn't!- Who's that?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30It's me. The Queen.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Oh, your majesty. Well, where are you?
0:10:33 > 0:10:38I'm also under the bed. I like the smell of the King.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Bow down to me, too.
0:10:40 > 0:10:41And curtsey.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43And touch your nose with your tongue.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46This is the right castle, yes? For the King of Kong?
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Oh, no, I'm not the King of Kong. I'm the King of PONG.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51That's why I love his smell.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53You want the other castle.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Go out the door, turn right, then keep walking for 100 miles.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59No, 200. You'll know it when you get there.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02- Just before the roundabout. - Oh, typical(!)
0:11:02 > 0:11:03All right then, thanks. Bye.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09No, no, no. Priest, cut to the funny bit.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12There really is no funny bit, your majesty.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Or I will remove your legs!
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Except that funny bit.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18No, actually, skip to the end.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20I've grown impatient.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Princes Dick and Dom shall be married into my family,
0:11:23 > 0:11:27so that they can share in our prosperity.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29(And his conker tree.)
0:11:29 > 0:11:32One more minute and it'll be done.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34"Any just cause," No, no, no.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36"Do you take this... Blah, blah, blah,"
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Yes, here we are.
0:11:38 > 0:11:43Now, I officially and formally declare you
0:11:43 > 0:11:45- man and... - DOOR OPENS
0:11:45 > 0:11:48It is us!
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Bit early for the entertainment.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53We have returned!
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Can it be true?!
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Princes Dick and Dom, this here is Rick and Ron.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- Dick.- Rick.- Dom.- Ron.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- Dick.- Ron. Rick.- Dom.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Is that your dad?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10No, I just have a gland problem.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13So what brings you two to the kingdom?
0:12:13 > 0:12:17We're here to marry the King's daughters. You?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Your majesty! You promised US your daughters hands in marriage!
0:12:20 > 0:12:25And we find them here with this... squeaky man and this old codger.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28I've just got an old face.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31And what have you two done that's so flippin' special, then?!
0:12:31 > 0:12:34We were captured by orks, we battled out through a hail
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- of poison-tipped arrows. - Ha! Is that it?
0:12:37 > 0:12:41No. Then we swam the oceans of the world, and fought off a hoard
0:12:41 > 0:12:44of ten thousand lions using only a spoon.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- Yeah, fair enough. - Hold tight.
0:12:46 > 0:12:53It is true, I did promise Princes Rick and Ron my daughters' hands.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56And the rest of them. Laugh.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58THEY LAUGH INSINCERELY
0:12:58 > 0:13:00LAUGHING GROWS LOUDER
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Yes, but I feared that they were dead.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Now this put's us in a difficult situation
0:13:06 > 0:13:09and there is only one solution.
0:13:09 > 0:13:15You shall all have to compete to see who are the most worthy men.
0:13:15 > 0:13:21The victors shall marry my daughters. DAUGHTERS GIGGLE
0:13:21 > 0:13:27Suitors, prepare yourselves for the three tests of men.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Great(!)
0:13:30 > 0:13:34Test number one! The strength of man!
0:13:34 > 0:13:38Up in the frozen North, they toss cabers.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Down 'ere,
0:13:40 > 0:13:42I toss jesters.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45It's about all they're good for.
0:13:45 > 0:13:50All that juggling and gurning, it just ain't funny.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54Youse two will each toss a jester.
0:13:54 > 0:13:59The man that tosses the jester furthest will be the winner
0:13:59 > 0:14:02- of the challenge.- This isn't funny!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04What do you know about funny?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07A bell on a cap? That's funny?!
0:14:07 > 0:14:10First contender! Prince Rick!
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Commence!
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Brother Rick, focus! Do not be intimidated by your opponent!
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Yeah, I really wouldn't worry about that.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21HE SCREAMS
0:14:21 > 0:14:24- SMACK! - Oof!
0:14:28 > 0:14:32- This wasn't in the job description. - Distance - 3,000 palms.
0:14:32 > 0:14:33Excellent!
0:14:33 > 0:14:37Get in, bruv, nice one.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- What a sight!- Sorry, these shorts are rather skimpy.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43I meant his throw. It's was huge!
0:14:43 > 0:14:46I hope you've got something special planned!
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Yes. I am going to use one of my most powerful spells!
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- No!- Cheetah... Pitta...
0:14:52 > 0:14:55- Sinitta... Audi! - WHOOSH!
0:14:55 > 0:14:58I have enchanted my legs to move faster than a cheetah's.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00- Great!- Oh, dear...
0:15:00 > 0:15:03I think I've got the spell mixed up, somewhat.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Second contender! Prince Dick!
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Oh, they are going quickly!
0:15:08 > 0:15:09Only the wrong way!
0:15:09 > 0:15:12HE SCREAMS
0:15:12 > 0:15:15WHOOSH!
0:15:16 > 0:15:19THUD!
0:15:19 > 0:15:21FANFARE PLAYS
0:15:21 > 0:15:24The winners - Princes Rick and Ron!
0:15:24 > 0:15:27THEY LAUGH HEARTILY
0:15:27 > 0:15:28BOTH: Oof!
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Best of three?
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Test number two!
0:15:32 > 0:15:34The courage of man.
0:15:36 > 0:15:42Right, inside this dungeon is a 50 foot, man-eating Gruntlebeast
0:15:42 > 0:15:44from the fiery pit of Fargon...
0:15:44 > 0:15:47It reminds me of my old woman, the first queen.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49THEY LAUGH That ain't a joke!
0:15:49 > 0:15:52To succeed at the second challenge,
0:15:52 > 0:15:56you must bring me the jewel that hangs around the neck of the beast.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00If you fail, then we know that you have no guts.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Literally!
0:16:02 > 0:16:07Laugh! Or I feed you to the hamsters! THEY LAUGH
0:16:07 > 0:16:09First contender, Prince Ron!
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Commence!
0:16:13 > 0:16:15You cannot compete with Prince Ron.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19He has beaten every horrid beast in Bottom World.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23Well, Prince Dom here is rather brilliant at, erm...
0:16:23 > 0:16:26skipping.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37CREATURE GROWLS, PRINCE RON ROARS
0:16:37 > 0:16:41PRINCE RON GRUNTS IN STRUGGLE, THEN FALLS SILENT
0:16:41 > 0:16:44CREATURE ROARS
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Just, before I, er, slay the man-eating beast...
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Maybe they should go first?
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Yeah, we went first last time, cowards!
0:16:54 > 0:16:56It does seem a fair point.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59New contender - Prince Dom!
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- Will you be all right? - Yeah. Piece of cake.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13CREATURE GROWLS THEN ROARS
0:17:14 > 0:17:17WHISTLING, CREATURE GRUNTS INQUISITIVELY
0:17:17 > 0:17:20RATTLING, POPPING, SICKENING THUD
0:17:20 > 0:17:23CREATURE GARGLES
0:17:28 > 0:17:31MANNITOL APPLAUDS
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Mission complete.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40The winners are Princes Dick and Dom!
0:17:41 > 0:17:43THE KING: The score is one point each.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46THE KING: Prepare, now, for the final test of man.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50All right, stop it, stop it! Well done!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52How did you defeat the beast?
0:17:52 > 0:17:56Well, I was never in any danger. It's a man-eater, innit?
0:17:56 > 0:17:59THEY LAUGH
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Dick, Dom, it's us!
0:18:04 > 0:18:06We're down here! Under the bed!
0:18:09 > 0:18:11We've brought you some water. Here.
0:18:11 > 0:18:12Stop!
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- That's not my mouth!- Sorry...
0:18:15 > 0:18:17That's meant to be very good for you, though!
0:18:17 > 0:18:21- You any closer to getting us out of here?- It's a draw with Rick and Ron.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25- One round each, one to go. - Yes! I knew you could do it!
0:18:25 > 0:18:27- No, you didn't.- Shh!
0:18:27 > 0:18:29The final starts in five minutes.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31If we win, we get married this afternoon,
0:18:31 > 0:18:34- we can steal his conker tonight. - I'm pleased about the conker,
0:18:34 > 0:18:38that is fantastic news, just astounding(!)
0:18:38 > 0:18:41WHAT ABOUT US?! When are you going to get the king
0:18:41 > 0:18:45- to turn us back to normal? - I'm sick of being made of stone!
0:18:45 > 0:18:47- I miss all my soft bits! - Come on, then.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54Ah! SHE SCREAMS
0:18:54 > 0:18:56We always talk to the bags.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57Makes them more relaxed.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01- What are you on about? I thought you were taking us to the King?
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Shh! Or I chuck you in the quarry! SHE SCREAMS
0:19:05 > 0:19:08FANFARE PLAYS
0:19:11 > 0:19:13MUFFLED NOTE
0:19:13 > 0:19:17- Your majesty, may we have a moment? - Oof...!
0:19:17 > 0:19:23We never got the chance to feel how soft and luxurious these bags are.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Oh, the bags, of course, the bags. Yes, let me have a feel.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- Come to daddy! - Oh, yes, please, come on!
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Did those bags just talk?
0:19:30 > 0:19:34They're...very fresh...weasels.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Test number three is ready, your majesty.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41Aha! Yes, yes. Show me after.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45Test number three, to decide the winner! The mirth of man!
0:19:45 > 0:19:49As you know, I am a man with a great sense of humour.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Your task today will be to make me laugh.
0:19:53 > 0:19:58Entertain me. Those that succeed will be the victors.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02My sweet king, I regret that we have an announcement to make.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04You've left your sense of humour at home?
0:20:04 > 0:20:08Unfortunately, Princes Dick and Dom have been cheating.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12Our cousin's daughter here overheard the princes in their chambers
0:20:12 > 0:20:17- discussing plans with strangers. - Maybe even assassins.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19What(?)
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Is this true, Princes Dick and Dom? Have you been cheating?
0:20:23 > 0:20:28Answer me, or I'll have you both turned into jam!
0:20:28 > 0:20:32Well, we... We...
0:20:33 > 0:20:36We were preparing for the third test, King!
0:20:36 > 0:20:40We were preparing our...
0:20:43 > 0:20:46- ..secret act. - And what is your secret act?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Erm...
0:20:48 > 0:20:50We can...
0:20:51 > 0:20:54We can...
0:20:54 > 0:20:56- We can throw our voices!- What?
0:20:56 > 0:20:59It's us! Princes Dick and Dom!
0:20:59 > 0:21:02We're in front of you, but see how our voices come from over here?
0:21:02 > 0:21:05- See how we still move our mouths. - THE KING LAUGHS
0:21:05 > 0:21:08# La, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la! #
0:21:09 > 0:21:13# Dum, de, dum De, dum, deeeee, dum! #
0:21:13 > 0:21:16DICK AND DOM BOTH SING: # Boogie, woogie! Shalalala! #
0:21:17 > 0:21:19# Heads, shoulders Knees and nipples
0:21:19 > 0:21:21# Knees and nipples! #
0:21:21 > 0:21:23# Heads, elbows, necks and bums
0:21:23 > 0:21:25# necks and bums...! #
0:21:26 > 0:21:32Ah, wonderful, that's wonderful, and it explains everything!
0:21:32 > 0:21:34You have truly entertained me!
0:21:34 > 0:21:39You have won the test and you shall be married into my family!
0:21:39 > 0:21:46Princes Rick and Ron, shame on you for suspecting these noble princes!
0:21:46 > 0:21:53As a punishment, you shall be married to two potted plants!
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- What? Potted plants...?- Oh, gutted!
0:21:57 > 0:21:59To the chapel!
0:22:05 > 0:22:07We are gathered here today...
0:22:07 > 0:22:12because it would be silly to be gathered here last night...(!)
0:22:12 > 0:22:17- HE LAUGHS - I've had time to put in some jokes!
0:22:19 > 0:22:24Marriage is not something to be taken lightly...
0:22:24 > 0:22:27especially if your partner's eaten all the pies!
0:22:27 > 0:22:30That's not funny. Cut to the end bit!
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Or I shall behead you!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Do you...Prince Dominic Smith...
0:22:37 > 0:22:42and you... Prince Richard Furlong Um-Bongo
0:22:42 > 0:22:47Samsonite Pashmina Marigold Smith...?
0:22:47 > 0:22:50..take these women, Minny and Maxie of Kong,
0:22:50 > 0:22:52to be your lawful wedded wives?
0:22:52 > 0:22:56With every ounce of my conk... I mean, heart.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Oh, yes, I do.
0:22:58 > 0:23:04And do you, Minny and Max Kong, take these princes,
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Dick and Dom or Dom and Dick, to be your lawfully wedded husbands?
0:23:07 > 0:23:10No! We don't! We want to marry them!
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Now come, come, Minny, these are honourable princes.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16No, they're not!
0:23:16 > 0:23:18That one's well shifty looking.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20And that one's about 90.
0:23:20 > 0:23:26Look I have a gland pr...! Oh, who am I kidding? She's right.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29We want to marry them. They're well fit.
0:23:29 > 0:23:34- And if you don't let us, we'll cry and kick up a fuss.- Yes!
0:23:34 > 0:23:36If you think I'll give in to that childish...
0:23:36 > 0:23:39threatening... THE PRINCESSES SHOUT AND SOB
0:23:39 > 0:23:44Look, I'm really sorry about this, but they won't change their minds,
0:23:44 > 0:23:47they're the same with Christmas presents. If I can do anything...
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Well, there is one thing...
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Erm... That really big conker?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58You want the conker?
0:23:58 > 0:24:01The King's conker? You want the King of Kong's conker
0:24:01 > 0:24:05- from the King's conker tree? - Hm...yep.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08Well, this has been a massive inconvenience for you.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Oh, massive!
0:24:10 > 0:24:12And you have had to come a long way to the kingdom.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15Miles. And we have spent a fortune on food.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Don't push it. I concur.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20You shall have the conker.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Thank you, your majesty!
0:24:24 > 0:24:27What else?
0:24:27 > 0:24:32Well, you never did have a feel of our...
0:24:32 > 0:24:34bags!
0:24:40 > 0:24:42They're gone!
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Sorry about this. Those rubbish collectors are very diligent.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51But don't worry, I'm the King!
0:24:51 > 0:24:54If it's too late, I'll get a few weasels,
0:24:54 > 0:24:57knock you up a couple of new bags. HE LAUGHS
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Even softer this time.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03- It's slightly more complicated than that!- Mm!
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Oh, look! Over there, in the distance!
0:25:06 > 0:25:09I only hope we make it in time, Lutin!
0:25:09 > 0:25:11I mean, Prince Dom.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16What's that crackling noise? Oh no,
0:25:16 > 0:25:18I think we're...
0:25:18 > 0:25:20I think we're on fire! Heeeelp!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Park here.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Damn! Never a parking space when you want one!
0:25:32 > 0:25:34You'll have to go round the block.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42Get out of it! I may be King, but I shall do this myself.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48- WHOOSH! - Hee, hee!
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- WHOOSH! - Ow...!
0:25:51 > 0:25:53There's your bags! I'm afraid the leather
0:25:53 > 0:25:57- might not be so soft any more. - Oh..!- Did that bag just move?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59I said those weasels were fresh!
0:25:59 > 0:26:02We should let you get back to the wedding, your majesty.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04- We should really go now.- Yeah.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06It has been an honour.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Here is your conker.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12No, not really, that's a lump of donkey's poo!
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- Eurgh!- Laugh, laugh! THEY LAUGH
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Here is the real conker.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Now, keep it well.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33Goodbye, Princes Dick and Dom.
0:26:33 > 0:26:34DICK AND DOM: Goodbye! >
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Throwing your voices again!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38It's very clever.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Here's to a happy ending!
0:26:41 > 0:26:44This yours, mate? Gonna have to give you a ticket.
0:26:44 > 0:26:49Do you want me to cut your nipples off?! Eh?! Oi! Come 'ere! Come 'ere!
0:26:49 > 0:26:52'And so, our brave adventurers
0:26:52 > 0:26:55'had the King's conker from the kingdom of Kong.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58'And the real Princes Dick and Dom were turned back
0:26:58 > 0:27:00'to flesh and bones again.
0:27:00 > 0:27:05'And nails, and hair, and - eurgh! - squishy stuff.'
0:27:05 > 0:27:09- Everything back to normal?- I'm going to write a letter of complaint
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- to that rubbish collector! - Yep, sounds like normal to me.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15My toes still feel like stone, I can't feel my foot!
0:27:15 > 0:27:18- That's my foot, you twonk! - Oh. Thank goodness for that.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21A glorious day. A triumph...
0:27:21 > 0:27:25in the championships, a miserable marriage averted.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27And we're one step further
0:27:27 > 0:27:30on our quest.
0:27:37 > 0:27:41Come on, let's get out of here. I don't fancy our chances much
0:27:41 > 0:27:43- when that King works out he's been diddled.- Excuse me!
0:27:43 > 0:27:48Look, I can't... I've had the worst day ever.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51Will somebody please just tell me,
0:27:51 > 0:27:54Where is the castle of Kong?
0:27:54 > 0:27:55ALL: That way!
0:27:55 > 0:27:59Right, that way... Right...!
0:28:07 > 0:28:10Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
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