0:00:05 > 0:00:08Many years ago, a terrible plague
0:00:08 > 0:00:10consumed the mighty kingdom of Fyredor.
0:00:12 > 0:00:16The only hope of a cure rested with one young wizard, sent out to scour
0:00:16 > 0:00:19the Earth for precious ingredients.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23After many years, he returned with an antidote.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30The king's sons, Princes Dick and Dom, were the first to be cured.
0:00:31 > 0:00:37And the last to be cured. They were banished from the kingdom, along
0:00:37 > 0:00:41with their trusty mage, Mannitol, and light-fingered servant, Lutin.
0:00:41 > 0:00:46All never to return until they had collected the ingredients to
0:00:46 > 0:00:49remake the antidote.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50And so,
0:00:50 > 0:00:52the Legend of Dick and Dom
0:00:52 > 0:00:54had begun.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00After many long days on the road, one day realising the
0:01:00 > 0:01:04map was upside down, and even more days going back the way they came,
0:01:04 > 0:01:08Princes Dick and Dom pitched camp with their valiant band.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12They awoke, refreshed and ready to breakfast like kings.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Are you sure kings eat porridge?
0:01:15 > 0:01:18- Oh, yeah. All the time.- So where do you want this cauldron?
0:01:18 > 0:01:24Good news, your princelinesses! The next item you seek on your quest.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28Great(!) What have I got to trudge around looking for this time, then?
0:01:28 > 0:01:30The pit of despair?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32The end of the Earth?
0:01:32 > 0:01:34The stench of a monkey's bum?
0:01:34 > 0:01:36You've smelt Dom's sleeping bag, then.
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Yes. Very funny.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40You're a comedy genius, aren't you?
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Yup. Watch this.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49- (MUFFLED:) - The porridge has gone up my nose!
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Save some for us!
0:01:51 > 0:01:55Hey! You're pulling my face. No! Not the face!
0:01:55 > 0:01:59Look, it's fine. I'M fine. Just leave it alone, OK?
0:01:59 > 0:02:03- Everything's fine.- Right. So, what rare and mystical thing do we need?
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Well, the new message on the scroll says
0:02:07 > 0:02:10the next item you seek is...
0:02:11 > 0:02:13..a pint of milk.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Finally, something simple!
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Brilliant! There's a whole flask of it inside that tent.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Oh, no. Um, we haven't.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23The milk elves must have pinched it.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Not the milk elves again!
0:02:25 > 0:02:29That's the third time this week. Typical! ..Mannitol, got any milk?
0:02:29 > 0:02:34No, but I could always magic this twig into a pint of milk.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38- No!- Who else round here would have any milk?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- What about cows! - Don't be ridiculous.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- Cows don't drink milk. - No, I mean we could milk a cow.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46There must be a cow round here somewhere.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Mmm. Porridge?
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Anyone?
0:02:53 > 0:02:59'And so, our gallant princes set about their task in Earnest.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03'But Earnest was deserted, so they tried the next town.'
0:03:04 > 0:03:07You've all forgotten, then?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09- Forgotten what?- What day it is.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Of course! The sale starts at Dwarf World!
0:03:13 > 0:03:14We-hey!
0:03:14 > 0:03:16We-hey!
0:03:16 > 0:03:18We-hey!
0:03:18 > 0:03:20We-hey!
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Yes, that's as may be.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26But today's also my birthday.
0:03:26 > 0:03:31I never ask for much, but all I hope is that my only friends in the whole
0:03:31 > 0:03:33land maybe spare me a thought.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36And buy me a massive present.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- I mean, you really think we'd forget something like that?- Yes.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- Er...- Oh, look, look, look, look what I got you.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45See, Mannitol's got you a card.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- The ink's still wet.- And I got you this present. Look, a belt.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Well, it's from us all, really.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Isn't that YOUR belt?
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Not good enough. It's my birthday!
0:03:57 > 0:04:01OK, look, we weren't going to tell you, but we've got you
0:04:01 > 0:04:05a lovely surprise and we're going to give it to you...later.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Good! What?
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Oh, look. The town gate!
0:04:14 > 0:04:18Hello. I'm t' gatekeeper. How can I help you?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Can you open the gate?
0:04:21 > 0:04:25Yes, I can. I'm very good at that. That's why I'm town gatekeeper.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27No, no, no. We'd like to stay here.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31- Stay there, then! - No, what he means...
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Hello. Can I help? I'm Tom, the innkeeper.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38Yes, it's the gatekeeper. He's a bit, er...
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- He's...- What? Thick?
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- Yes.- No, not exactly thick... - No, I AM thick!
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Oh, yes. He IS...thick. And so am I!
0:04:47 > 0:04:51We're all thick here! Welcome to Thick.
0:05:04 > 0:05:09Everybody here is thick and proud of it. My father was thick.
0:05:09 > 0:05:10HIS father was thick.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14And HIS father was...was...
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- Thick?- Ginger. AND thick.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18So what brings you here, then?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Well, we're after a pint of a milk.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23GASPS AND SCREAMS
0:05:23 > 0:05:26You ought not to be saying things like that round here.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28What? Milk?!
0:05:28 > 0:05:30GASPS AND SCREAMS
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Let me tell you.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36It's a tragic tale. Thick used to be such a prosperous town.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39We were famous for two things - being thick and having great milk.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43We had rolling hills, lush green p...
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Oh... P-P-P...
0:05:45 > 0:05:46- Parents? - No. P...
0:05:46 > 0:05:49- Porcupines? - No. P...
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Pastures! And cows - hundreds of beautiful cows.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54About a year ago, all that changed.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Something started happening to the cows.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00They started to go m...m...
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Mental?
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- No. M-M-M...- Morris dancing?
0:06:04 > 0:06:09No. Missing, missing! One by one, all of our cows disappeared.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Luckily the witch doctor who lives on the hill - thank heavens
0:06:12 > 0:06:15for him - he'd only just moved here, but he spotted it.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Said we'd angered the milk gods. We were so thick we didn't even
0:06:18 > 0:06:22know there WERE any milk gods! But it was too late. Thick had run dry.
0:06:22 > 0:06:27- The schools have no milk, the babies have no b...b...b...- Beards?
0:06:27 > 0:06:31Bottles. And it was a lucky man who could lay his hands on a yoghurt.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34It's a terrible thing. The whole town's suffering.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37The only person who has any milk is the good witch doctor.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39But he has to make that by magic.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43Right, then. This is my inn. This is my wife and this is my son.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46- Hello.- Hello. - You all right? I'm Prince Dick.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- I'm Prince Dom.- Tom?- Dom.- Tom?
0:06:49 > 0:06:51- What?- Dom.- What?
0:06:51 > 0:06:55- Eh? - And these are our trusty servants.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57- ALL:- All right.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- So what brings you to Thick? - We're looking for some milk.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03GASPS AND SCREAMS AND GLASS SMASHES
0:07:03 > 0:07:07- Sorry.- You won't find milk for a thousand miles in any direction.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Perhaps we'd better stay HERE tonight...?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Well, stay there, then.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15In.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22- Right, one milkshake?- That's mine.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25There's no milk. So, just the shake.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Ah! Yeah!
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Ah!
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Here's your cheese and biscuits. Obviously, no cheese.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Oh, and we've run out of biscuits. SNORING
0:07:34 > 0:07:38What a great birthday I'M having(!)
0:07:38 > 0:07:43At least I've got my surprise to look forward to. Can't wait!
0:07:43 > 0:07:44We'll come back to that later.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Now, listen, we need to think of a plan.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50If we're gonna continue this quest and get back home,
0:07:50 > 0:07:52we need to think of a way to...
0:07:52 > 0:07:54make milk.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05- Why don't we milk a dog? - Don't be so stupid!
0:08:05 > 0:08:07We can do better than that!
0:08:11 > 0:08:15Like mother always said, "You can milk anything with nipples."
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- Are you sure it's even a girl dog? - DOG WHINES
0:08:21 > 0:08:23It'll be fine!
0:08:26 > 0:08:28DOG YELPS
0:08:28 > 0:08:30DICK SCREAMS
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Stupid dog!
0:08:32 > 0:08:36So that's one plan down - what else have we come up with?
0:08:36 > 0:08:39This is the milk spell of King Semi of Skimmedon.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43It is passed down from one wizard to the next.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- How did YOU get it, then? - And is it going to work?
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Shh! You must never question the ancient art of wizardry.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52It's about 50-50, then.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57What is that strange man doing, Mummy?
0:08:57 > 0:09:00He's going to turn that bucket of manure into milk and save us
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- with his heroic magic.- Get in!
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Honda...Masala...
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Vectra...
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Harpic!
0:09:15 > 0:09:16FLY BUZZES
0:09:16 > 0:09:18HE SNIFFS THEN RETCHES
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Oh...!
0:09:25 > 0:09:27So, basically, it's like a rain dance,
0:09:27 > 0:09:29but instead of water, we get milk.
0:09:29 > 0:09:30I feel like a proper idiot.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33- Somebody call?- Not you.- Oh.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38- Go on, then.- Right, just follow me. - Right.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40DOM GRUNTS AND DICK REPEATS
0:10:02 > 0:10:05THEY SCAT
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Milky! Milky!
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- So you think that'll work, then? - THUNDER CRACKS
0:10:30 > 0:10:31- Of course. - HEAVENLY CHOIR SINGS
0:10:36 > 0:10:37- Milk!- Yeah!
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Milk!
0:10:38 > 0:10:41CROW CAWS
0:10:43 > 0:10:44- Not milk! - DOM RETCHES
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Definitely not milk!
0:10:48 > 0:10:49Not milk!
0:10:49 > 0:10:53This better not be my birthday surprise.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55This is beneath the dignity of a talented wizard.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Well, YOU shouldn't have any problems, should you?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59We're running out of ideas.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01We never had any ideas.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- Put it on. Put it on!- Come on.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08What's the one thing that'll attract cows back to a town? Bulls!
0:11:08 > 0:11:10And this is one handsome bull!
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Now, run around these fields and you'll have cows following you back
0:11:15 > 0:11:18- before you can say...- Moo?- Moo.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20- (MUFFLED:)- I suppose it is rather an adventure.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Shut up.
0:11:22 > 0:11:23See you later! It'll be fine!
0:11:25 > 0:11:29And so Lutin and Mannitol set out to find and entice
0:11:29 > 0:11:31back the missing cows of Thick...
0:11:33 > 0:11:36..helped on by some of the local children.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38CHILDREN SHOUT
0:11:41 > 0:11:45- Milk-divining sticks?- Yep.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Got them for thruppence on Ye-bay. They're the latest thing.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51You've heard of water-divining sticks that find water?
0:11:51 > 0:11:53These are milk-divining sticks to find milk.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55And you didn't think to mention these before the others dressed up
0:11:55 > 0:11:57and made idiots of themselves?!
0:11:57 > 0:11:59No.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00All right, let's give them a go.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05WHOOSHING
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Oh.
0:12:06 > 0:12:07- WHOOSHING - Ooh.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- WHOOSHING - Ooh!
0:12:10 > 0:12:12ZAPPING
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Ah...!
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Doesn't seem to be... Ah!
0:12:17 > 0:12:19THEY SCREAM
0:12:28 > 0:12:30We must be near a cow soon.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33I wonder where we are.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34TINKLING Wait.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36I can hear running water!
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Yes, my apologies. I was desperate.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42Oh! They'd better get me TWO birthday presents for this.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45And a huge cake...made of gold. RUSTLING
0:12:45 > 0:12:49- Did you hear that?- Eh? It's probably just your dodgy hip.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52I told you, I know a doctor - he'll do you a great deal.
0:12:52 > 0:12:53RUSTLING
0:12:53 > 0:12:55There it is again. I think someone's coming.
0:12:55 > 0:13:00Hello? Who's there? I know magic!
0:13:00 > 0:13:02- Ooh!- Oh!
0:13:07 > 0:13:11I've got grazes all over my body!
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Really? I haven't got a scratch on me!
0:13:13 > 0:13:18Oh, hang on a minute - there's a speed control after all.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21They don't work anyway! There's no milk anywhere!
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- Don't get angry. - Well, don't do that.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25- What, this?- Yes. Don't do that!
0:13:25 > 0:13:28One more time, I'm telling you, one more time!
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Right!
0:13:31 > 0:13:32CRASH!
0:13:36 > 0:13:38I'm better now.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Anyway, where in this evil milk-forgotten land are we?
0:13:42 > 0:13:43Oh!
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Oh.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Oh.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49BOTH: Oh...!
0:13:52 > 0:13:54DOOR CREAKS
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Ah! You must be Dick and Dom.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59How did you know that?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01I am the witch doctor.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02I know everything.
0:14:02 > 0:14:03- Ooh...- Pah! Right(!)
0:14:03 > 0:14:09You are princes. You are on a quest. YOU don't like walnuts.
0:14:09 > 0:14:14- YOU haven't changed your pants for six days.- Now I believe you.
0:14:14 > 0:14:19So, you must come in. To find the milk that you seek, follow me.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23Yes, master, my milky, witchy man.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Yes, come, come, come.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28EVIL LAUGH
0:14:28 > 0:14:31DOOR CREAKS
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Michael here was just leaving.
0:14:34 > 0:14:38There you go, Michael - the milk for your poor, sick children.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42Oh, thank you, kind witch doctor!
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- Thank you.- I ask for no thanks,
0:14:45 > 0:14:49save a small donation to the milk gods, of course.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Yes, of course, good doctor.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05That will make the milk gods very angry!
0:15:15 > 0:15:16Arrivan...
0:15:18 > 0:15:20HE CLICKS HIS TONGUE Eduit...
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Eboombah.
0:15:37 > 0:15:38EVIL LAUGH
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Ah!
0:15:44 > 0:15:49EVIL LAUGH
0:15:49 > 0:15:54I am so lucky I can help the people of this unfortunate barren kingdom.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58Those poor cows.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Nobody knows what happened to them, OK?
0:16:00 > 0:16:02MOOING
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Hang on a minute! Was that a...?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Chicken, yes. With a sore throat.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10Oh. So, oh, great witch doctor,
0:16:10 > 0:16:12can we have a pint of milk?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Of course, my poor, tired travellers!
0:16:14 > 0:16:18I shall go and cast the milk enchantment,
0:16:18 > 0:16:24using dark, secret, terrible magic no man should ever set his eyes upon.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26- Can we watch?- No.- Can I watch?- No.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30- I think we best just leave him to it.- Yes, listen to your sister.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41We-hey! Squirt it, baby! MOOING
0:16:41 > 0:16:45Give it to me! Big sausages! Fill me up with milk! I love it!
0:16:45 > 0:16:47BUCKET CRASHES Ooh, my foot! Ah, come on!
0:16:47 > 0:16:49MOOING
0:16:49 > 0:16:51BUCKET CRASHES
0:16:54 > 0:16:57The dark art is complete.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01- Here is your milk.- Brilliant. Right, let's get out of here.- Wait!
0:17:01 > 0:17:02MOOING
0:17:02 > 0:17:04I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry, but...
0:17:04 > 0:17:08- haven't you just got a cow?- There are no cows. It is made by magic.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Yeah, cow-shaped magic!
0:17:10 > 0:17:12It comes from my special apparatus.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- Which is actually a cow!- There are no cows here! Certain people
0:17:15 > 0:17:17ought to be very careful.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21Certain people are interfering in things they know nothing about.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24- Certain people might get hurt. - Sounds terrible.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28- Who are these people? We should tell them.- I think he means us.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31We should take that milk and get out of here. We've completed our quest.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33No! Your quest is finished!
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- No!- Don't!- Whoopsie!
0:17:36 > 0:17:39The only thing you'll get from me now
0:17:39 > 0:17:41is the other stuff that comes out of a cow!
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Whatever you think you've seen here today, forget it!
0:17:44 > 0:17:47That's not what the people of Thick will say when they find out!
0:17:47 > 0:17:50The people of Thick are thick! They think clouds are fat sheep
0:17:50 > 0:17:53that can fly in the sky! Nobody will believe you.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56You're dealing with something you don't understand.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Get out of Thick! Get out of this kingdom and never come back!
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Argh!
0:18:04 > 0:18:05Oh...
0:18:05 > 0:18:09So, it's pretty obvious who's got all the cows, then?
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Yeah! ..Oh, it's him, isn't it?
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Yeah. That guy gives me the hoobies anyway.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18- He's nothing more than a freaky... - Freaky.- ..messed-up...- Messed-up.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21..cow-killing, utter, utter...
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Still here? SCREAMING
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Lutin, where are we?
0:18:30 > 0:18:33It smells dank and musty.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35That's me again.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38I wish you'd stop doing that! Hello!
0:18:38 > 0:18:42Is this my birthday surprise? Help!
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Come, come, Lutin. What's the worst that could happen?
0:18:45 > 0:18:48DOOR CREAKS SPOOKILY
0:18:48 > 0:18:50FOOTSTEPS
0:18:55 > 0:18:59So, what exactly happened a year ago?
0:18:59 > 0:19:01- All the cows went missing.- Aha!
0:19:01 > 0:19:04And what else happened a year ago?
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Eh...the witch doctor arrived.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11Ah! So, what does this tell us?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13I've got it! >
0:19:13 > 0:19:14The witch doctor's actually a cow!
0:19:14 > 0:19:17No, the witch doctor's a thief!
0:19:17 > 0:19:20He's captured your cows and is selling you back your milk!
0:19:20 > 0:19:24That's pretty clever! No, no - bad, bad. Evil, naughty witch doctor.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27But how can he sell us our milk when we haven't got any?
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Argh! You're all so thick!
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Thank you! Thank you!
0:19:31 > 0:19:35It's no good. They've all got brains the size of a peanut.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37I find that comment deeply offensive!
0:19:37 > 0:19:41Look, this is hopeless. Come on. Let's get out of here.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Thank you, kind thickos. We'll leave and carry on our quest.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Have you seen our companions, by the way, Mannitol, Lutin?
0:19:47 > 0:19:51- Last seen dressed as a bull, should have been here hours ago.- Oh, no.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53But my boy here did find these
0:19:53 > 0:19:56up on the moors.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00Said there'd been a struggle. But no sign of your friends.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01You know what this means!
0:20:01 > 0:20:03They've been...kidnapped!
0:20:03 > 0:20:06# DUM-DUM-DUM! #
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- Hang on a minute.- Hmm?
0:20:08 > 0:20:09A kid's a goat, isn't it?
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Oh, yeah! You know what this means!
0:20:12 > 0:20:14They've been...bull-napped!
0:20:14 > 0:20:19# DUM-DUM-DUM! #
0:20:19 > 0:20:21It's got to be the witch doctor.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23He's taken their cows and now our friends.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26We must go back there and rescue them. But we need...
0:20:26 > 0:20:28a disguise.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30CREAKING
0:20:46 > 0:20:49These are the worst disguises ever.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51They're the best I could do. And they were cheap.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Yeah, but no-one's going to fall for this!
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Evening, ladies.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Well, no-one that's not thick anyway.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Where would an evil witch doctor hide a load of cows?
0:21:02 > 0:21:04How about the cow barn?
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Nah.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07How about...the cow barn?
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Yeah.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16- Is it safe?- I can't tell.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20- You CAN tell me, I'm your brother. - No, I can't tell, it's a bit dark.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25WHINNYING AND MOOING
0:21:25 > 0:21:26WHINNYING AND MOOING
0:21:26 > 0:21:28- Knew it! - Impressive cows, aren't they?
0:21:28 > 0:21:32- Yeah, they are. Why are you speaking like that, Dom?- It wasn't me.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35So, you couldn't resist it, huh? Needed your precious milk.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38Well, now you've found it. Lots of it.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41My little milk factory, OK?
0:21:41 > 0:21:45There's only a dozen cows. What have you done with the rest?
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- I'm feeding them.- Oh, at least you're treating them nicely.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50I'm feeding them...
0:21:50 > 0:21:52to Daisy.
0:21:52 > 0:21:53MOOING
0:21:57 > 0:22:00LOUD MOOING
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Oh!
0:22:02 > 0:22:03LOUD MOOING
0:22:03 > 0:22:04- BOTH:- Blimey!
0:22:04 > 0:22:06This is where the cows have been going,
0:22:06 > 0:22:09my little princes - to feed Daisy,
0:22:09 > 0:22:11my monster cow. LOUD MOOING
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Soon there will be no other cows left,
0:22:13 > 0:22:16and all the milk will be mine! EVIL LAUGH
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Those thickos will pay for their stupidity.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21And nobody's going to stop me,
0:22:21 > 0:22:24especially not two snivelling little cowards like you!
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Actually, we are witch inspectors.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31Yes, throw down your weapons and remove your horny hat.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33I think it's a bit late for that.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35You know what, you're right.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38No-one's going to stop you. Jolly good. Well done. Good plan.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41So we'll just turn round and...
0:22:41 > 0:22:44I think not. You know too much.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47It's time for you and Daisy to get better acquainted, OK?
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- I've a different meal planned for her today.- Muesli?
0:22:50 > 0:22:54No! You-sli.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Ha-ha! "You-sli"!
0:22:56 > 0:22:57LOUD MOOING
0:22:57 > 0:23:01LOUD MOOING
0:23:01 > 0:23:03- <- Hello?
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- Mannitol! - Thank heavens!
0:23:05 > 0:23:09- Lutin!- Worst birthday ever!
0:23:09 > 0:23:10LOUD MOOING
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Enjoy your final moments, OK?
0:23:13 > 0:23:16You two will be next.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Farewell, valiant princes!
0:23:18 > 0:23:21HE GIBBERS SPELL
0:23:22 > 0:23:24EVIL LAUGH
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Now you cannot escape! LOUD MOOING
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Please do something.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Help! Help!
0:23:32 > 0:23:34ALL: It's going to eat us!
0:23:34 > 0:23:39SCREAMING
0:23:39 > 0:23:41EVIL LAUGH
0:23:44 > 0:23:47- MANNITOL:- It's going to eat us!
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Argh...!
0:23:49 > 0:23:52- DICK:- I know. Let's milk them!
0:23:52 > 0:23:54What? Mannitol and Lutin?
0:23:54 > 0:23:55No, the big udders.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Help! Help!
0:24:01 > 0:24:03- All right, Daisy? - LOUD MOOING
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Ah...!
0:24:05 > 0:24:07No, no good, nothing.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09LOUD MOOING
0:24:09 > 0:24:10Oh! Hang on a minute.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12I think it's working.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19LOUD MOOING
0:24:35 > 0:24:36LOUD MOOING
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Argh!
0:24:44 > 0:24:46My milk! Argh!
0:24:46 > 0:24:50- Tom?- Huh?- What's that?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Well, it can't be!
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Milk?!
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Oh!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04My precious milk!
0:25:04 > 0:25:05Argh!
0:25:05 > 0:25:08And, Daisy, what have they done to you?
0:25:08 > 0:25:12Why am standing here talking to myself?
0:25:12 > 0:25:13I must flee!
0:25:17 > 0:25:20Ah! I did it!
0:25:20 > 0:25:22- WE did it!- Whatever.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26Our friends are safe, and Daisy is...
0:25:26 > 0:25:27HIGH-PITCHED MOO
0:25:27 > 0:25:31- ..condensed milk. - MOO THEN NEIGHING
0:25:31 > 0:25:34- It's the witch doctor.- Yes! Come on!
0:25:35 > 0:25:37He's getting away!
0:25:43 > 0:25:48- Oh, Tom, you big thick idiot!- Now, now, come on, don't flatter me.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- So what happened?- Well, after you'd gone, we saw all the milk running
0:25:52 > 0:25:56down from here and we started to put two and...two together.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58My cows! There are my cows!
0:25:58 > 0:26:02We know our cows had been stolen, we knew about the barn.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05We knew about the on and off switch for the force field.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07We knew about you.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11- And you stopped the witch doctor getting away!- What?
0:26:11 > 0:26:14The witch doctor. You did stop him?
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- You stopped the witch doctor getting away?- Why would I do that?
0:26:17 > 0:26:19I've just helped him onto his horse.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23He's a good bloke, that witch doctor. It's nothing to do with him.
0:26:23 > 0:26:27So, how do you think the cows got into the barn?!
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Well, just one of those things, I suppose.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Strange things happen in the country. You're not from round here.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40Right, there you go. What you came for. One pint of fresh milk.
0:26:40 > 0:26:44You know what? I never thought I'd be so pleased to see a pint of milk.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46- Eh, Dick?- What?
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Oh, sorry.
0:26:50 > 0:26:51There you go.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57MOOING
0:27:00 > 0:27:03CHEERING
0:27:05 > 0:27:07A-hem! >
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Oh! What a day it's been.
0:27:11 > 0:27:12< Today.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15This special day...
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Oh, yes!
0:27:18 > 0:27:23- It's time for your big surprise. - With fresh cream.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Oh!
0:27:25 > 0:27:28- Ooh! Very fresh.- Happy birthday!
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Actually, it's a bit weird.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34It seems like only yesterday that you celebrated your last birthday.
0:27:34 > 0:27:35Yeah.
0:27:35 > 0:27:40Hang on a minute. It WAS yesterday. And the day before and the...
0:27:40 > 0:27:42- She's done it again! - That cost us a month's savings!
0:27:42 > 0:27:46Fear not, princes. Lutin may think she's had the last laugh,
0:27:46 > 0:27:49but I know something that'll wipe the smile off her face.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52Look, someone's taken rather a fancy to her.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54MOOING THEN LAUGHTER
0:27:57 > 0:28:02And so, the town of Thick at last had tea with milk.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Lutin's birthday was a runaway success.
0:28:05 > 0:28:10And Princes Dick and Dom were one step closer to home.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12THUNDER OF HOOVES AND LOUD MOOING
0:28:21 > 0:28:24Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:24 > 0:28:27E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk