0:00:05 > 0:00:06Many years ago,
0:00:06 > 0:00:10a terrible plague consumed the mighty kingdom of Fyredor.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12SQUELCH!
0:00:12 > 0:00:16The only hope of a cure rested with one young wizard, sent out to scour
0:00:16 > 0:00:19the Earth for precious ingredients.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23- After many years, he returned with an antidote.- Bleurgh!
0:00:23 > 0:00:26THEY RETCH
0:00:26 > 0:00:30The king's sons, Princes Dick and Dom were the first to be cured.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34THEY GASP And the last to be cured.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36They were banished from the kingdom,
0:00:36 > 0:00:38along with their trusty mage, Mannitol,
0:00:38 > 0:00:42and light-fingered servant, Lutin.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46All never to return until they had collected the ingredients
0:00:46 > 0:00:49to re-make the antidote.
0:00:49 > 0:00:54And so, the Legend Of Dick And Dom had begun.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00Princes Dick and Dom and their band of adventurous travellers
0:01:00 > 0:01:05were taking a well-earned rest. Well, they were taking a rest at any rate.
0:01:05 > 0:01:09Prince Dom was making one of his world-famous ice cream sundaes,
0:01:09 > 0:01:13even though it was Monday, and all was well in Bottom World.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17Just one more hundred and thousand.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22- PLONK! - Perfect.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25And now for the piece de resistance...
0:01:25 > 0:01:27the chocolate!
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Hang on a minute!
0:01:30 > 0:01:34Where's all my chocolate? I had enough in here for 99 99s!
0:01:36 > 0:01:38- No idea, mate.- I haven't seen it.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Look, a dancing mole!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Look! That's not fair, I was saving that!
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- Saving what?- The chocolate!
0:01:44 > 0:01:45What chocolate?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47This chocolate!
0:01:47 > 0:01:48Who put that there? Mannitol?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50That was for my ice cream!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52What ice cream?
0:01:52 > 0:01:55- This... - There's no ice cream there, Dom.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58He's clearly gone mad.
0:01:58 > 0:02:03- I think all this fresh air's got to him.- My sundae has been ruined!
0:02:03 > 0:02:04It's Monday, Dom.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06I do think we should press on.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08We have a potion to make!
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Yes, what's next on the list? MANNITOL CLEARS THROAT
0:02:14 > 0:02:18"The song of a swamp monster."
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- Oh! That sounds brilliant.- Yaaah!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24No. It sounds more like that.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Are you all right, Prince Dom?
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Much better now, thanks.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31So where are we going to find the song of a swamp monster?
0:02:31 > 0:02:34How about in a swamp?!
0:02:34 > 0:02:38I could always magic us straight there!
0:02:38 > 0:02:43- ALL: No, you couldn't. - You've done that before, remember?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46THEY SCREAM
0:02:46 > 0:02:49That was not a funfair!
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- I had fun.- We'll walk.
0:02:54 > 0:02:59It says here that swamp monsters only live in
0:02:59 > 0:03:03the stinkiest, squelchiest swamps in Worcestershire Sauceshire.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06According to the guide book, the closest one to us is
0:03:06 > 0:03:08the Swamp of Painful Doom.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10The Swamp of Painful Doom?
0:03:10 > 0:03:13That doesn't sound great. Anywhere nicer?
0:03:13 > 0:03:18Em... Ooh, Swamp of Lovely Christmas Presents.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Brilliant, we'll go there.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Which is 80,000 miles in that direction.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- Ah.- Swamp of Painful Doom it is then.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31It probably sounds worse than it is.
0:03:31 > 0:03:32Swamp of Painful Doom...
0:03:32 > 0:03:34That rings a bell.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39I thought so. "Swamp of Painful Doom. Home to
0:03:39 > 0:03:42"the ginormous Ruby of the Swamp."
0:03:42 > 0:03:44That could come in handy.
0:03:44 > 0:03:50And so our intrepid band sought the swamp of painful doom.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53They soon realised that to find the smelly swamp
0:03:53 > 0:03:55all they had to do was follow their nose.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59After getting briefly sidetracked by the village of Pig Fart...
0:03:59 > 0:04:02OINK! PARP! ..they finally arrived at their goal.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06- Well, I think we've found our swamp. - BUBBLING
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- How can you tell?- I'm sinking!
0:04:08 > 0:04:10GERMAN ACCENT: Vot are you sinking about?
0:04:11 > 0:04:13PARP!
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- Oh! Sheesh!- Hey, look.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18It's a tavern.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20We should get inside.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24- I could murder a turnip juice. - You coming, Lutin?
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Nah! Just gonna do a bit of sightseeing.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- PARP! - Eugh!
0:04:29 > 0:04:32CROW CAWS, FLIES BUZZ
0:04:32 > 0:04:37- Eugh!- Right, you've seen the sights. Now are you coming?- In a minute.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39You know me, a glutton for a bit of fresh air.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42PARP! SHE RETCHES
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Where are we, anyway?
0:05:19 > 0:05:23- What do they call this village, good sir?- Bog Off.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26- All right, I was just trying to find out where we are.- Bog Off!
0:05:26 > 0:05:30- There he goes again, the naughty peasant!- No, you're in Bog Off.- What?
0:05:30 > 0:05:33This village is called Bog Off cos it's just off the bog, you see?
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Oh, right.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40HE HUMS A TUNE
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Let's go next door. Maybe they'll know where the swamp monster is.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47So, you be looking for a swamp monster?
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Yes, and you be very annoying.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- Swampy! Swampy, they call him! - What?
0:05:52 > 0:05:55They call the swamp monster Swampy.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58- Why?- Because he lives in the swamp.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00- Oh, right.- Does anybody know where Swampy is?
0:06:00 > 0:06:04- Old Moss does.- Good, if you could just go and get him for us.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08No, that's me. I am Old Moss. Hello.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11- That'll explain the beard. - So can you tell us about Swampy?
0:06:11 > 0:06:15You'll be buying something then?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18What do you recommend?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Try this.
0:06:20 > 0:06:25- What is it?- Bog Off special. It's called a U-Bend.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29HE SLURPS
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- BURP! - So why do they call it a...? Ow!
0:06:32 > 0:06:36- That's why. Here's your free one.- Oh, we get a free one!
0:06:36 > 0:06:39- Oh, yes.- Why's that? - Because it's happy hour!
0:06:39 > 0:06:43HE WOLF-WHISTLES, DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:06:48 > 0:06:49Ha-ha!
0:06:49 > 0:06:54BURP! Surprisingly minty... Oooh!
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Do you have anything else?
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Try this. It's called He-Bend.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- Ooh!- Not bad.- And again.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10No, it's my turn!
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Aaah!
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Right, now about this Swampy...
0:07:17 > 0:07:19We need to get him to sing for us.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23Oh, yes, the fabled song of the swamp monster!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Once heard, never forgotten!
0:07:31 > 0:07:33THEY LAUGH
0:07:34 > 0:07:36You've heard it then?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Oh, yes. Astonishing, it was.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Well, more like startling. Kind of like folk music,
0:07:41 > 0:07:44except not as bad.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46What's folk music?
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- PLAYS A CHORD, SINGS A NOTE - Hippy!
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Does this swamp monster sing a lot?
0:07:52 > 0:07:53Used to, all the time.
0:07:53 > 0:07:58Tourists would flock in, place was buzzing. We was rushed off our feet.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Of course, all this was a long time ago.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08And then what happened?
0:08:08 > 0:08:11He just stopped singing.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Reckon something upset him. He just didn't want to do it no more.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18That's funny cos when I get upset, I want to sing about it.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- HE SINGS A NOTE - When you sing about it, I get upset.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26OK, we need to go and find the swamp monster, find out what's making him
0:08:26 > 0:08:29unhappy and cheer him up, then he'll start singing again.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32No! No! It's too dangerous!
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Stay here and buy more drinks!
0:08:36 > 0:08:38And that's not dangerous?
0:08:38 > 0:08:42It's less dangerous than taking the secret path to Swampy's lair.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44There's a secret path to Swampy?
0:08:44 > 0:08:49Yes! But I dare not speak of it, for it is dangerous and dire.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Listen, we can handle ourselves, old man.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56SPLASH! Help! I'm stuck in this pickling tub!
0:08:56 > 0:08:59I will not tell you how to get to Swampy. It's too risky.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01In fact, just to be on the safe side, I'll tell you
0:09:01 > 0:09:04exactly how not to get to Swampy's lair,
0:09:04 > 0:09:07in case you wander there by accident.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- You might want to take this down. - CLICKS FINGERS
0:09:11 > 0:09:14No! Quill, quill! I want a quill!
0:09:16 > 0:09:18You were saying...
0:09:18 > 0:09:21This is what you must avoid doing in order to get to Swampy's lair!
0:09:21 > 0:09:23- Only a madman... - HE WHISTLES
0:09:23 > 0:09:26..would take the winding path past the Mushy River,
0:09:26 > 0:09:29the last resting place of dear old one-legged Ted.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Under no circumstances
0:09:31 > 0:09:34must you turn left at the leprous toadstools...
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- HE SPITS - ..right at the exploding scarecrows,
0:09:37 > 0:09:40and then carry straight on across the greasy meadow.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44All you have to avoid doing is taking the red path that leads
0:09:44 > 0:09:47you directly to Swampy's lair. You can't not miss it.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51But if you do, there's a sign you can read and... Oh, here we are...
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Thanks. You've been a great deal of no help whatsoever. Oi!
0:09:54 > 0:09:58- Wake up, we're leaving. - HE MUMBLES
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Right... No, no! You wait here.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07And think of a way to catch a song once we've cheered up Swampy.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Yeah, that should be right up your street.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12You're a magician, so you should just stay here.
0:10:12 > 0:10:18- We'll be safer that way too.- Yeah. - Fine, I'll stay here with Lutin.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Lutin?
0:10:21 > 0:10:27Right, here we are, the edge of the Swamp of Painful Doom.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29And the ruby is...
0:10:29 > 0:10:33here. "X marks the spot."
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Oh, how difficult can it be?
0:10:36 > 0:10:40Bum cakes! SHE SIGHS
0:10:40 > 0:10:44Oh, well, as long as I avoid the poisonous frogs, I suppose.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47LOUD CROAKING
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Double bum cakes.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Hang on, Old Moss said not to take
0:10:54 > 0:10:56the winding path over the mushy river.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Hey, look, it's one legged Ted!
0:10:59 > 0:11:03Now remember, these instructions are on how NOT to get there,
0:11:03 > 0:11:06so basically, just do the opposite of what ever I say.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- That's going to be tricky. - You usually manage it(!)
0:11:09 > 0:11:10FROGS CROAK
0:11:10 > 0:11:15OK, it says here to NOT take the winding path.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17So we DO take the winding path?
0:11:17 > 0:11:19- Yes.- You mean no?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Just follow me.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28What are you doing?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30You said follow me. So I didn't.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32- Let me put it another way. - CRUNCH!
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Oh, right, yeah!
0:11:41 > 0:11:44OK, just keep quiet.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- Oi, oi!- Shut up! What are you doing?
0:11:47 > 0:11:48You said keep quiet!
0:11:48 > 0:11:51No, I didn't mean... Never mind. Just behave.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55- But you said do the opposite of whatever you said.- That stops now.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Does that mean it does end now, or I do the opposite?
0:11:58 > 0:12:03Look, just stay here, all right?
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- Aaaargh!- Aaaargh!
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- Aaargh!- Aaargh!
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- What's going on?- It's Swampy. We've found him!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Aaargh!
0:12:21 > 0:12:24SWAMPY GROWLS
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Don't annoy him!
0:12:26 > 0:12:29- You were screaming.- He started it! SWAMPY SOBS
0:12:29 > 0:12:32We're meant to be making him happy, not cry!
0:12:32 > 0:12:34We don't want to hurt you, do we?
0:12:34 > 0:12:35No, we don't want to hurt you.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38We just want to be your friends, don't we, Prince Dom?
0:12:38 > 0:12:41I wouldn't go that far.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51- What?- I think he wants you to put your hand inside.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53There could be anything in there.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55- We've got to make him happy. - I'll send him a card.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58- Don't be such a big baby. Put your hand inside.- You do it!
0:12:58 > 0:13:00- My hands won't fit.- Yes, they...
0:13:00 > 0:13:05Stop arguing. Just put your hand inside. Nothing's going to hurt you.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Apart from snakes. No, the bag is too small for snakes.
0:13:07 > 0:13:13- Scorpions, maybe. But not snakes. - Will you just shut up?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16I can feel something. Lots of little hard things.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18- Like a bag of teeth?- Aagh!
0:13:18 > 0:13:21- What is it?- O.- What's wrong?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23No, it's an O. It's the letter O.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25- Eh?- No, O.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29- I think he wants to play Scrabble! - Yeah, yeah!
0:13:29 > 0:13:33I've got to come up with something to catch the swamp monster's song
0:13:33 > 0:13:36You're a singer, Moonbeam. How do you normally catch your songs?
0:13:36 > 0:13:41I don't. No-one ever wants to hear them again, so there's no point.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Brilliant(!) You've been a lot of help.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47Thank you(!) Oh, it's down to me. I'm going to have to magic
0:13:47 > 0:13:50something up to catch the song. Yes, that would show 'em!
0:13:50 > 0:13:55Yeah! Go for it, Mannitol. Meddle with some other-worldly mysteries!
0:13:55 > 0:13:59Trumpet, crumpet, like it, lump it!
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- Bah, humbugs!- Is that it?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Now I know why they left you here.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Hang on.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15- I'm gonna get it in a minute. - Whatever, man. Knock yourself out.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Seriously, you should consider knocking yourself out.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27SWAMPY GROWLS
0:14:32 > 0:14:36Whatever you do, don't eat the custard creams.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40Well, apart from the refreshments, this isn't too bad, really, is it?
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Thank you. I was expecting a swamp monster
0:14:43 > 0:14:45would be much more scary than this.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48(All we have to do is to try and get him to sing.)
0:14:48 > 0:14:52I tell you what, if we start, he might join in.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54- BOTH:- One, two, three, four...
0:14:54 > 0:14:56# She was a cheerful... #
0:14:56 > 0:14:59- SWAMPY WAILS - I don't think he likes it.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02We're playing Scrabble with him. That should make him happy.
0:15:02 > 0:15:08I think it'll take a little bit more than that. I think he's lonely.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10- How can you tell? - Oh, just little things.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14And he's crying through his trousers.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17At least I think he's crying.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19He's certainly leaking, anyway.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21I don't see what he's got to be upset about.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23I mean, thanks to you, he's thrashing us.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27- I've come up with some brilliant words.- "Ant" is not a brilliant word.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30- Well, it's next to a triple word score.- Shh!
0:15:30 > 0:15:32He's having another go.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36"Girl...friend".
0:15:36 > 0:15:39"Girlfriend"! You know what this means?
0:15:39 > 0:15:43He's used up all his tiles and gets 50 bonus points, the slimy swine!
0:15:43 > 0:15:47No. Idiot! It means he's trying to tell us something.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49He's lonely because he wants a girlfriend.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52And if he's not lonely, he'll sing his song.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- FEET THUD ON GROUND - Yeah! Yeah!- Brilliant!
0:15:55 > 0:15:57There's just one thing - where are we going to
0:15:57 > 0:16:02find a girlfriend for someone as hideously ugly as Swampy over there?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05SWAMPY WAILS
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Do you think he understood that?
0:16:10 > 0:16:14"Beware the poisonous frogs."
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Hm...
0:16:16 > 0:16:19LOUD CROAKING
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Wah.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- SHE GROANS - Oh, bum cakes!
0:16:36 > 0:16:40# They say life is full of roses
0:16:40 > 0:16:43# One long delicious romp
0:16:43 > 0:16:46# But they've never smelt the stink
0:16:46 > 0:16:49# Of that dirty Bog Off swamp
0:16:49 > 0:16:53# It smells like dirty eggs
0:16:53 > 0:16:56# Nestled in a bucket of poo
0:16:56 > 0:16:59# Or an old lady
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- # With a dead cat in her shoe... # - CLANG! THUD!
0:17:07 > 0:17:09- Humbug? - BURP!
0:17:09 > 0:17:14And now, for my next song, I would like to sing...
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Mannitol! Great news! We've found the swamp monster!
0:17:16 > 0:17:19- Thank heavens.- Brilliant, isn't it!?
0:17:19 > 0:17:24- You got here before Moonbeam sang again.- Not cool, man. Way not cool.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Swampy's not singing because he's lonely. So to make him sing again...
0:17:27 > 0:17:29We need to get him a girlfriend.
0:17:29 > 0:17:34And I know how. We just need to think of a way to catch the song.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38Yeah. (Catch the song, catch the song...)
0:17:39 > 0:17:41- Humbug? - BURP!
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Brilliant! It's a jar full of belches!
0:17:46 > 0:17:48'Brilliant! It's a jar full of belches!'
0:17:48 > 0:17:51No, stupid! Don't you understand?
0:17:51 > 0:17:53It's a magic sound-repeating jar!
0:17:53 > 0:17:57We can use this to catch the swamp monster's song.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Mannitol, how did you create this?
0:17:59 > 0:18:04Well, I knew we needed something to catch the song in, so I used my
0:18:04 > 0:18:08extensive magical powers and years of experience and came up with this
0:18:08 > 0:18:12masterpiece of thaumaturgical design. Ha-ha!
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- It was a complete fluke, really, wasn't it?- Yes.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18So, we've got the jar, all we need is the song.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21What is your big idea, Dom?
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Ha-ha-ha!
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Listen to this...
0:18:34 > 0:18:38- Great, that's everything sorted. - I'm not sure about this, Dom.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Nonsense! Swampy's about to meet the love of his life -
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- you!- In a dating competition?!
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Yeah. Swampy's written out all of these questions. You just have to
0:18:47 > 0:18:50answer them nicely, then he'll want you to be his girlfriend.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52And then he'll be happy,
0:18:52 > 0:18:56happy enough to sing a song, then you catch the song in that jar.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58- Got it.- Brilliant.- How do you know he'll pick me?
0:18:58 > 0:19:02Ah, because you're the only one in the competition.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04We can't lose. Now go and get ready.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- I am ready. - Well, go and get more ready.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14Oi! I heard there was going to be a dating competition.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16- HE WOLF-WHISTLES - That's right.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20- I've got a couple of people here who want to enter.- They can't!
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Why not? They're the two most beautiful girls in the village.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25- Kylie. - BURP!
0:19:28 > 0:19:32- And Kate.- Blimey! Where did you find her?
0:19:32 > 0:19:36- That's my daughter. Kate Moss.- These are the two most beautiful girls?!
0:19:36 > 0:19:40They're the only two girls and they want boyfriends.
0:19:40 > 0:19:44So if you're having a competition, I want them to be in it.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Kate's taken quite a shine to you.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50She's always wanted to be a princess. Quite a looker, in't she?
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Yes. Lovely beard.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Dom, which one do you think? Blonde or blue?
0:19:54 > 0:19:59- Phwoar! Who's this?- That's Kylie.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Well, hello. BURP!
0:20:01 > 0:20:04- Eurgh! Blimey!- That's what I said.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Who are these two? Why are they here?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08They're here for the dating competition.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10HE WOLF-WHISTLES
0:20:10 > 0:20:12You said that I was the only girl in the
0:20:12 > 0:20:16competition so I'd win it. With these two girls, I don't stand a chance.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19- I know. Old Moss insisted.- Why don't we use Lutin? She's a real girl.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- I haven't seen her since we got here.- Yeah.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25I bet wherever she is she's having a fantastic time.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27FROG CROAKS
0:20:27 > 0:20:31It has to be you. It's just going to be more complicated than we thought.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33We've just got to find a way to guarantee
0:20:33 > 0:20:37- that Swampy will choose you so we can get the song in the jar.- How?
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- Right...- Ah-ha.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Let's just say that we have to find a way to
0:20:45 > 0:20:48make sure you are exactly the kind of girl that Swampy will go for -
0:20:48 > 0:20:50a lady swamp monster.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53I don't look anything like a lady swamp monster.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56- I don't!- All right, you don't. Not at the moment you don't.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58- Grab him!- Aah!
0:21:00 > 0:21:02HE GROANS
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Are we done yet?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Nearly. Just a little bit of...
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- Get off!- Now a little bit of slime.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Aw!
0:21:17 > 0:21:19HE WAILS
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Perfect! You're even starting to sound like him.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Your hands...in there.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29- Good, and the finishing touch. - SPLAT!
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Let's get cleaned up. Not you.
0:21:35 > 0:21:36- Aaaaagh! - THUD!
0:21:36 > 0:21:40SHE GROANS
0:21:45 > 0:21:47SHE GASPS
0:21:47 > 0:21:51X marks the spot! This must be it!
0:21:51 > 0:21:56The legendary Ruby of the Swamp must be close!
0:21:56 > 0:22:01Come to me, my beauty!
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- GROWLING - Oh!
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Sorry! Didn't mean to disturb you.
0:22:15 > 0:22:20There's obviously a mix up. I was just looking for a ruby.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23A beautiful...ruby.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Oh. You're the Ruby of the Swamp!
0:22:28 > 0:22:31Oh, bum cakes!
0:22:31 > 0:22:33- GROWLING - Oh!
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Today, we're holding a dating competition
0:22:36 > 0:22:40where we're trying to find a girlfriend for Swampy.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43SWAMPY GROWLS EXCITEDLY
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Of course you do. But don't worry, we've got a bevy
0:22:46 > 0:22:51of beauties all lined up. And they're desperate to meet you.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53- Well, they're desperate, anyway. - SWAMPY GROWLS
0:22:53 > 0:22:57Not before your lunch. I've got a load of questions here from Swampy
0:22:57 > 0:23:00and the one who answers them in his favourite way will be the winner.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Right, let's get on with it!
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Question one. If you could cook Swampy a meal, what would it be?
0:23:07 > 0:23:11Er...pink blancmange!
0:23:12 > 0:23:14BURP!
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- A bucket of snot.- Dick!
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Question two. If you could take Swampy anywhere, where would it be?
0:23:23 > 0:23:27Romantica country - land of rose petals.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29(Oh, that's good.)
0:23:29 > 0:23:32BURP!
0:23:32 > 0:23:36- The vet.- Look, that wasn't very nice. - SWAMPY WAILS
0:23:36 > 0:23:37He's never going to pick you.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40I don't want him to pick me. I'm sick of this. I look ridiculous!
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Be a team player, all right? We need that song in the jar.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47I've one question left. Try and get it right.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49Question three -
0:23:49 > 0:23:54if you could buy Swampy a present, anything at all, what would it be?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56A bunch of flowers.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59BURP!
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Some breath mints.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03THUD! Argh!
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Argh!
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Hey! Now you're speaking his language!
0:24:07 > 0:24:09- THUD! Argh!- Argh!
0:24:09 > 0:24:12- THUD! Argh!- Argh!
0:24:13 > 0:24:15- Argh!- Argh!
0:24:15 > 0:24:18- THUD! - Argh!- Argh!
0:24:18 > 0:24:20- THUD! Argh!- Argh! Argh!
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Argh, argh?
0:24:32 > 0:24:35- What's he doing? Why's he doing it!? - SWAMPY SINGS
0:24:35 > 0:24:39He's singing you his song! You've made him a happy swamp monster!
0:24:39 > 0:24:41He's very loud, isn't he?
0:24:41 > 0:24:43You could hear that 500 miles away!
0:24:43 > 0:24:44Quick! Get the jar!
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Sorted!
0:24:57 > 0:24:59- GROWLING - Argh!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03SHE SCREAMS
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Hey, what happened to all girls together?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09GROWLING
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Got to make myself look fierce!
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- Rrrrargh! - SHE SOBS
0:25:15 > 0:25:18SWAMPY'S SONG ECHOES
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Hey, I'm good.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Hey, come back, you coward!
0:25:34 > 0:25:38- Groovy man, groovy!- Well, that's another ingredient in the bag!
0:25:38 > 0:25:41- The jar.- You know what I mean.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43SWAMPY'S SINGING ESCAPES FROM JAR
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Right, let's get out of here.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51I, for one, have had enough of smelling this foul swamp.
0:25:51 > 0:25:52Come on, Dom. We can go now.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56He won't let me go! He can't resist my feminine charms!
0:25:56 > 0:25:59- I didn't see that one coming. - What are we going to do now?
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Tell you what, we'll all go home,
0:26:01 > 0:26:05- have a good night's sleep and sort this out in the morning.- Don't dare!
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- Why? Are you scared he might snore? - No, that's not what I'm scared of!
0:26:08 > 0:26:11He's not going to let you go without a fight, mate.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14- There's only one thing for it.- Right. - We'll leave you.- You can't do that!
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- Why not?- Why not?!
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Why not?!
0:26:19 > 0:26:21WHY NOT!?
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- Aarrgh! Rrrr! - RUMBLING
0:26:24 > 0:26:27He's getting really angry this time!
0:26:27 > 0:26:30I don't think that's all him!
0:26:34 > 0:26:38SWEEPING ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS
0:26:45 > 0:26:47SQUELCH!
0:26:47 > 0:26:51- I love a happy ending. - Happy ending?!
0:26:51 > 0:26:54SWAMPY GROWLS HAPPILY
0:26:54 > 0:26:56You nearly left me here!
0:26:56 > 0:27:00- You dressed me up as a girl and as a swamp monster!- Yeah, but...
0:27:00 > 0:27:02Argh!
0:27:02 > 0:27:04SWAMPY LAUGHS
0:27:07 > 0:27:11SWAMPY HUMS A JOLLY SONG
0:27:12 > 0:27:14Thank you, Princes Dick and Dom.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Now you've got old Swampy singing, business will be booming again.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19One for the road?
0:27:19 > 0:27:22You'll be welcome back here any time.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26- Where are we, anyway?- ALL: Bog Off!
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Charming(!)
0:27:30 > 0:27:32- Oh! - THEY LAUGH
0:27:33 > 0:27:38And thus was music restored once more to the Swamp of Painful Doom,
0:27:38 > 0:27:41thanks to the tireless efforts of our heroes,
0:27:41 > 0:27:44who were learning that there was nothing they could not achieve
0:27:44 > 0:27:47if they just put their heads together.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51I didn't mean it literally!
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:59 > 0:28:01E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk