0:00:05 > 0:00:08Many years ago, a terrible plague consumed
0:00:08 > 0:00:12the mighty kingdom of Fyredor.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14The only hope of a cure rested with one young wizard,
0:00:14 > 0:00:19sent out to scour the Earth for precious ingredients.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23After many years, he returned with an antidote.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25- Ugh!- Oghh...
0:00:25 > 0:00:29The king's sons, princes Dick and Dom, were the first to be cured...
0:00:30 > 0:00:34- SMASH! - ..and the last to be cured.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36They were banished from the kingdom,
0:00:36 > 0:00:38along with their trusty mage Mannitol,
0:00:38 > 0:00:44and light-fingered servant Lutin. All never to return until they had
0:00:44 > 0:00:49collected the ingredients to re-make the antidote.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52And so, the Legend of Dick and Dom...
0:00:52 > 0:00:54had begun.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Our brave band of adventurers arrived at the entrance
0:00:58 > 0:01:02to a forbidden lair. Inside lay the next item on their quest -
0:01:02 > 0:01:03a dragon's clack.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05A dragon's what?!
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Clack. It's the dangly bit...
0:01:08 > 0:01:10THEY GIGGLE
0:01:10 > 0:01:12..at the back of the dragons' throat!
0:01:12 > 0:01:16Behind the five rows of razor-sharp teeth.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19But fear not, I have a spell to protect you all.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22And is this spell going to work?
0:01:22 > 0:01:26- Absolutely.- So we're not going to get horribly burned or anything?
0:01:26 > 0:01:28I am offended at the very suggestion.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31OK. Let's do it.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35I don't see what all the fuss is about.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39I mean, many brave men get a few scorch marks.
0:01:39 > 0:01:44Yes, but those men get burnt by...the dragon.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47And not by their own sticky wizard.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49It was just one little mistake.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Er, hello?
0:01:51 > 0:01:53It was just two little mistakes.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Yes, you set us both on fire.
0:01:56 > 0:02:01And then you turn the dragon and his flappy clack...
0:02:01 > 0:02:06- into a prune! - Look, I got hurt too, you know!
0:02:06 > 0:02:09The spell rebounded and hit me on the head.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Yes, that is a rather strangely-shaped scar.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18- I mean it looks like... - A big bum!- ..a big bum.
0:02:18 > 0:02:19All right, all right...
0:02:19 > 0:02:22so I suppose there were a couple of minor issues with the spell.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Minor?!
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Minor? Look at me!
0:02:26 > 0:02:28You didn't get burnt!
0:02:28 > 0:02:32No, but my entire body's vanished!
0:02:32 > 0:02:38- Big deal!- I'm just a head! How am I going to get home?- Roll. Ha-ha-ha!
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Ha ha(!)
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Mannitol, you can get my body back, yeah?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Absolutely.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Probably. Working on it.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51I do know a very, very good spell.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55- No!- No...!- No more magic. No more spells.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Mannitol, you are the worst wizard ever!
0:02:58 > 0:03:01I'm just going through a bad patch.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02I'm a professional.
0:03:02 > 0:03:07- I was sent to a very reputable wizard school.- Did you arrive?
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Yes, course.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10I just, I...
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Oh, who am I kidding?
0:03:12 > 0:03:15I suppose I should be honest with you all.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17The truth is...
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- The truth is... I never finished school.- What?!
0:03:21 > 0:03:24The thing is, I agreed with the headmaster
0:03:24 > 0:03:27that I wasn't best suited to learning in a school environment.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31ROCKETS WAIL, EXPLOSIONS BOOM
0:03:32 > 0:03:34This explains so much - the inexperience,
0:03:34 > 0:03:36the incompetence, the beard...
0:03:36 > 0:03:38I gained experience on the job!
0:03:38 > 0:03:40- Believe me, you did not. - Right, that's it.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44- Mannitol! You are going back to school.- Oh!
0:03:44 > 0:03:48And with that bombshell, our heroes journeyed for many miles
0:03:48 > 0:03:50to the north of Bottom World.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54Eventually Princes Dick and Dom, their disgraced mage Mannitol,
0:03:54 > 0:03:57and the bodiless Lutin arrived at their destination.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Well, there it is - Bottom World School of Wizardry!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03This castle has seen countless generations
0:04:03 > 0:04:05of talented young wizards...
0:04:05 > 0:04:06And you.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- It's weird. Have we been here before?- Don't think so.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12I've got this deja vu feeling.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13A castle where young wizards go?
0:04:13 > 0:04:17In the middle of nowhere? Have I read this before or something?
0:04:17 > 0:04:19MUSIC: Harry Potter Theme
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Doesn't ring any bells. It'd make a great story though, huh?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26- I look stupid. - No you don't, you look lovely.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Look, we'll pick you up at the end of term, OK?
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Be a good wizard. And don't upset any teachers.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Go on, off to the headmaster!
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Oh, come on, he'll be fine. We just have to forget about him.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Anyway, we need to find another dragon's clack. On with our quest!
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Can't we just go in and check on him?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57All right, if it makes you feel better, come on.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00LUTIN: Er, hello?
0:05:02 > 0:05:05- When do I get my body back? - Is that all you can think about?
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Mannitol's just had to go back to school!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Can't we just leave her here?
0:05:10 > 0:05:13There must be a nurse - they can grow her body back or something.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- Do I even get a say in this? - It'll be fine.
0:05:15 > 0:05:20We'll just say you're a pupil who's had an accident. Or you could be...
0:05:20 > 0:05:22- the head teacher!- Head teacher!
0:05:22 > 0:05:26Ohh! When I get my legs back I am going to kick you two...
0:05:34 > 0:05:37I am the headmaster...
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Professor Whitebeard. Fondant fancy?
0:05:42 > 0:05:44You seem very...
0:05:44 > 0:05:46kind, for a headmaster.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Yes, I believe students should be treated with respect.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54I pride myself on my calm manners,
0:05:54 > 0:05:58quiet voice and superbly-fashioned beard.
0:05:58 > 0:06:03In fact, I haven't lost my temper now, for...
0:06:03 > 0:06:07..40 years! Please, do take a seat.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11So, you have returned to complete your studies.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15Strange, I don't remember you. Were you here before I joined?
0:06:15 > 0:06:19It was a long time ago now.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Ah. Before the great fire?
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Yes. Around that time.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- And what is your name?- I am Mannitol.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32The scar! So - the legend is true!
0:06:32 > 0:06:37They said that one day he would return...
0:06:37 > 0:06:39the Worst Wizard!
0:06:40 > 0:06:42No-no-no, you've got the wrong person.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44I am not that bad.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46But you bear the markings of...
0:06:46 > 0:06:48the Worst Wizard!
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Do you mind not calling me that?
0:06:52 > 0:06:53Of course. Whatever you say...
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Worst Wizard.
0:06:56 > 0:07:01Now, classes commence in ten minutes, we need to get you ready. Cupcake?
0:07:05 > 0:07:08I must leave you now, unfortunately,
0:07:08 > 0:07:10I'm expecting two new members of staff.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14But Nurse Hope in here will help you get de-loused.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Actually, I'd rather not... No...!
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Argh...argh! No, no, no!
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- Aaaah! - NURSE: Heh-heh-heh!
0:07:23 > 0:07:26There's the nurses' room. We'll drop off Lutin,
0:07:26 > 0:07:27and go and check on Mannitol.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Quickly though - we've got to get a dragon's clack.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- I was wondering when I was going to get to meet you both!- Eh?
0:07:33 > 0:07:35I am Professor Whitebeard.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Mint thin?
0:07:37 > 0:07:39It's a great honour to meet you.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43- Oh, thank you!- What's going on? - It is you, yes?
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- Dick, sometimes I think you forget that we're royalty.- Oh!
0:07:46 > 0:07:50You're right, it is us indeed. It is we. We are us. We are we.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Ah, Nurse Hope, you are just in time
0:07:54 > 0:07:56to meet our two newest members of staff.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00This is Mr Marcus Mystical Marvoloso and Professor Putrid.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02I hope you've both washed yer hands.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05I can't stand grubbiness.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07SHE SPITS
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Look, I think there's been some kind of mix-up...
0:08:11 > 0:08:14I'm so glad you've both arrived today! You'll be here tonight
0:08:14 > 0:08:19for the presentation of the prize dragon's clack.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23- Brilliant, I'm glad we made it in time!- Lovely to meet you!
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Now, which of you exactly is Mr Marvoloso,
0:08:28 > 0:08:30and which is Professor Putrid?
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- I am Mar...- No, I'm Marv...
0:08:32 > 0:08:34THEY ARGUE
0:08:34 > 0:08:35HE CLEARS THROAT
0:08:35 > 0:08:37I am Mr Marvoloso!
0:08:37 > 0:08:40And I suppose that makes me Professor Putrid.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Wonderful! Professor Putrid is our new teacher,
0:08:43 > 0:08:46and the world's leading authority on the supernatural.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Oh, yes, yes, I am! Supernatural, you know, a bit like...
0:08:50 > 0:08:53grapes! You know they're super. And they're natural.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Mr Marvoloso on the other hand...
0:08:55 > 0:08:57- That's me!- ..is our new caretaker.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Just in time as well,
0:08:59 > 0:09:02the headmaster's toilet's getting a bit stinky.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06- Too much sticky froggy pudding! - Heh-heh-heh!
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Great. Oh, look, we found this outside.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Looks like one of your littl'uns has got a little bit littler.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Another one that needs a body growin' back.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19That happens all the time in this place. Heh-heh-heh!
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Wonderful woman, the children adore her.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28- Now, you mentioned something earlier about a dragon's clack?- Ah, yes...
0:09:28 > 0:09:30A truly wondrous artefact,
0:09:30 > 0:09:34much prized for its use in spells and potions.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Obviously we keep this as a trophy -
0:09:37 > 0:09:39we'd never actually allow it to go into a potion!
0:09:39 > 0:09:41- No!- No...
0:09:41 > 0:09:44THEY CHUCKLE
0:09:44 > 0:09:47THEY LAUGH RAUCOUSLY
0:09:47 > 0:09:51- No, of course not.- Ridiculous idea.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Yes. Now, Professor, if you're ready, I'll take you to your new classroom.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59And maybe later we can enjoy a glass of fuzzleberry brandy together.
0:09:59 > 0:10:04Caretaker...? The toilet's that way. And your mop's over there.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08Oh, right, it's a magic mop, that cleans by itself?
0:10:08 > 0:10:11What on earth's he talking about?
0:10:17 > 0:10:18HE SIGHS
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Psst!
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Look! Careful of the wet floor. I made it all nice and shiny!
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Very nice. What about the clack?
0:10:29 > 0:10:32I'll break in to the cabinet after clearing the drains.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34There's a festering ball of sausage meat
0:10:34 > 0:10:36and I have to pull out the backlog.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39You think that's disgusting. I've got to go and teach Year 11.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41DOM LAUGHS
0:10:41 > 0:10:43- You, a teacher?! - I could be a teacher.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46What, you think you're responsible enough
0:10:46 > 0:10:48to be a role model for the nation's children?
0:10:53 > 0:10:54Yeah.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- So you're really going to do school again?- Yes.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01And I'm going to do it properly this time.
0:11:01 > 0:11:07Yes, if I put in the effort, I will succeed with determination
0:11:07 > 0:11:09and help from the best teachers in the kingdom.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16- Good morning, class. - Oh, dear.- I'm your teacher.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20- Oh, deary, deary me. - My name's Professor Dick.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22- I thought we were getting Professor Putrid.- Ah, yes.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25But you can call me Professor Putrid.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28So, who's going to tell me what I'm teaching today then?
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- Please. - You're here to tell us about toasts.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37You mean ghosts, you idiot! THEY LAUGH
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Now, we don't laugh at other people!
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Who's the old geezer at the front?
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Ha-ha-ha! Sorry.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- What are you doing here? - I'm your teacher.- No, you're not.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49- You don't understand! - I don't understand?!
0:11:49 > 0:11:51You had to come and mess it up.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53- I'm trying to learn! - Whatever you think I'm doing,
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- I promise you I'm acting in your best interests...- This is not...
0:11:57 > 0:11:59THEY GASP
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Oh, no, no, no!
0:12:01 > 0:12:05I'm not the Worst Wizard. No, no, um... I got this scar by, um...
0:12:05 > 0:12:08fighting a dragon. Before I turned him into a prune.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- He really is the Worst Wizard! - Stop saying that, please!
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- What, "Worst Wizard"? - I'm warning you!
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Calm down. Why don't we all compare ear wax or something?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Worst Wizard! Worst Wizard!
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Worst Wizard! Worst Wizard...
0:12:22 > 0:12:25No, I'm not the Worst Wizard! Right, I'll prove it to you,
0:12:25 > 0:12:29I'm not the Worst Wizard, when I turn your hair into...
0:12:29 > 0:12:32THEY LAUGH
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Worst Wizard! Worst Wizard! Worst Wizard!
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- I'm not listening! La-la-la... - Worst Wizard!
0:12:39 > 0:12:40Worst Wizard! Worst...
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Professor Putrid, what is going on?
0:12:43 > 0:12:47- Is that Jessica Reynolds?!- There's no need to worry, Headteacher,
0:12:47 > 0:12:49everything is under control...
0:12:49 > 0:12:51THEY LAUGH
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Mostly under control.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57Yes, yes, carry on then, Professor.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Right. Where were we?
0:13:04 > 0:13:07KEYS JANGLE
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- Ah, caretaker! - Oh, how are you, headmaster?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Not bad, not bad. Pickled egg?
0:13:15 > 0:13:20- Actually, between you and me, I very nearly lost my temper just then.- Oh.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24For the first time in 40 years! 40 years!
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Which would take something truly awful for that to happen.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31There was something I wanted to ask you though...
0:13:31 > 0:13:33- That Professor Putrid...- Yeah?
0:13:33 > 0:13:37Do you think he really is a trained teacher?
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Oh, yes. Absolute professional.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- DISTANT GLASS SMASHING DICK:- Stupid child!
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Great sense of humour.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47- SMASHING CONTINUES DICK:- Right!
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Very modern teaching methods.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52CHILDREN SCREAM
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Yes, well, I suppose I am a little out of touch,
0:13:54 > 0:13:56I really should stop worrying.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59I see you're an admirer of our trophy cabinet.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02What? No no, not at all!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Well, a bit. It's very...secure.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10Let's get this clack out for tonight's presentation, shall we?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Now... I could give it to you for safekeeping.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- Y-Y-Yes, you could.- But I won't.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18No sense in taking any risks.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Best take it to my study. Yes.
0:14:20 > 0:14:26Oh, and there's some cream and sick needs cleaning up in classroom eight.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28- If you don't mind.- Why would I mind?
0:14:28 > 0:14:30I love cream and sick!
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Still want to be a teacher, then?
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Let's just take that clack and get out of here!
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Oh, no, no...
0:14:39 > 0:14:42You shouldn't actually do that!
0:14:42 > 0:14:46- Why, cos you've just polished it? - No. Cos it's not in there.- Oh?
0:14:46 > 0:14:47Ahhh...
0:14:47 > 0:14:51MAN: I'm sure the headmaster's office is down here somewhere.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57One moment, please.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Is the headmaster's study nearby?
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Yeah, yeah, it's that way.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07Oh, thank you! I'm Professor Putrid, I'm the new teacher.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11And I'm Mr Marvoloso the new caretaker.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Oh, well, did I...
0:15:13 > 0:15:16- Did I say that way?- Yes.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18- I meant that way.- Oh!
0:15:18 > 0:15:19PROFESSOR PUTRID LAUGHS
0:15:19 > 0:15:21He's muddled!
0:15:21 > 0:15:25THEY CHAT AND LAUGH
0:15:25 > 0:15:26I know. Goodbye.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29KEYS JANGLE, BANGING ON DOOR
0:15:29 > 0:15:31We need to find that clack before we're rumbled.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34The headmaster's taken it to his study.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37I haven't got a key for it. If only we knew someone that could break in,
0:15:37 > 0:15:41someone shady, somebody sneaky, someone...
0:15:42 > 0:15:43Ah!
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Look. I understand that it's important, but I just can't do it.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50So you're not going to break into the headmaster's study
0:15:50 > 0:15:52because you think it's wrong?!
0:15:52 > 0:15:55No...! I can't break into the master's study
0:15:55 > 0:15:58because I've got the body of a traffy wambap!
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- FLAPPING - Ughh!
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Whoa...
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Mm-hm. Look, as soon as Nurse Quack grows my body back,
0:16:07 > 0:16:11- I'll break into that study and get the clack for you, OK?- Cheers, Lutin.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15This is Mr Marvoloso who will be helping me this afternoon
0:16:15 > 0:16:18with our physical exercise class...
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- Huh?- Physical exercise class.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Oh, yes, yes, that's right. Physical exercise. Um...
0:16:26 > 0:16:29What do we do?
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Do you have broomsticks?
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- No. Er...- A mop?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- Teacher?- Where?!
0:16:38 > 0:16:40- Oh, me! Yes? - Professor Whitebeard
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- said you should take us on a 20-mile run.- Did he, now?
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Right... Er... No.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Tell you what. Let's try something different.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Has anyone heard of the Bottom World game "booglies"? No?
0:16:51 > 0:16:55You take it in turns in pairs to shout "booglies",
0:16:55 > 0:16:57getting louder each time. So...
0:16:57 > 0:17:01You go with her, he'll go with her...
0:17:01 > 0:17:06CHILDREN SHOUT
0:17:09 > 0:17:10BOOGLIES!
0:17:10 > 0:17:11Ohhh!
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Wha... Wha...
0:17:14 > 0:17:18What in the heavens is happening with those new teachers? Oh!
0:17:19 > 0:17:20Oh!
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Owww...!
0:17:22 > 0:17:26Must...stay calm.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Must...stay calm. Stay calm.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33NURSE SPITS
0:17:58 > 0:18:02Now, where's that clack?
0:18:03 > 0:18:07And so we come to the most important part
0:18:07 > 0:18:10- of the first day at wizarding school.- Dinner?
0:18:10 > 0:18:13No, no... The new wizards' test.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15To determine the smartest of you,
0:18:15 > 0:18:17to be awarded the dragon's clack this evening!
0:18:17 > 0:18:19You have one hour.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28The answers to the test, Professor?
0:18:30 > 0:18:34I-I don't know them! I-I'm sorry! You see I'm not really a t...
0:18:34 > 0:18:37On this scroll. The answers to the test.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41So that the students can mark each other's papers.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Of course!
0:19:06 > 0:19:08- Hey, how did it go?- Brilliant.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10I've given Mannitol all the answers.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Excellent, well if Lutin can't steal the clack,
0:19:12 > 0:19:15then Mannitol should win it tonight.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17- Either way, we're out of here! - Who's out of here?
0:19:17 > 0:19:21Er, he is. Yeah, I mean, if he mops the floors that badly again.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22I mean, look at it.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Look at that. Filthy.
0:19:24 > 0:19:29Could I have a word with you both in my study? Now.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Here we are, do come in, do come in.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Take a seat. Now...
0:19:39 > 0:19:40Party ring?
0:19:44 > 0:19:46I need to talk to you about your certificates.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48A most curious matter.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51I checked your names with the Registry of Magic and, er...
0:19:51 > 0:19:53you don't appear to have any records.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58How... How odd.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00I'm sure it is a silly mix-up,
0:20:00 > 0:20:03but if you could bring me your certificates I'd be grateful.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Unless for some reason...
0:20:06 > 0:20:08..you don't have certificates?
0:20:16 > 0:20:18THEY CHUCKLE
0:20:18 > 0:20:21THEY LAUGH RAUCOUSLY
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Of course we've got our certificates!
0:20:32 > 0:20:34They're up...in our bedrooms.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Oh, good, what a relief.
0:20:36 > 0:20:41My apologies, it has been a most unusually trying day.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Although I didn't lose my temper! Not for 40 years!
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- BOOGLIES!- Aaaargh!
0:20:47 > 0:20:53Yes, yes... A most ingenious game, it appears to have quite taken off. Yes.
0:20:53 > 0:20:59- These qualities of patience that I have...- Can I have another biscuit?
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Qualities that over the years have found me...
0:21:02 > 0:21:04- Can I have another?- If you must.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07- What does this do? - That is a most precious artefact.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11- I must respectfully ask that you leave it alone.- Does the head move?
0:21:11 > 0:21:15No, no, it does not, please do not touch it.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17As I was saying, I have qualities...
0:21:17 > 0:21:20- BOOGLIES!- Please don't! - Can I have another biscuit?
0:21:20 > 0:21:25I DID ASK... I did ask that you leave that alone...
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Don't try and mend it, I am most concerned...
0:21:28 > 0:21:32- Can I have another biscuit?- No...! - BOOGLIES!- Right! Enough!
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Cease this nonsense!
0:21:34 > 0:21:38These childish, immature, petty displays!
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Pull yourselves together for goodness sake!
0:21:41 > 0:21:45How old are you? I've never seen such pathetic members of staff
0:21:45 > 0:21:48in all my life!
0:21:55 > 0:21:59I'll just, er... Flip this back a few years.
0:22:01 > 0:22:0640 years! 40 years...
0:22:06 > 0:22:13You annoying, silly little flipping flip chart!
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Right, you two.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23I'm taking this to the presentation ceremony.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Meet me there, WITH your certificates!
0:22:28 > 0:22:29DOOR SLAMS
0:22:30 > 0:22:33BOTH: Oooooh!
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Hang on a minute, he's got the clack.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40Right. Mannitol has to come first in that test before we're fired.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Oh, and tell Lutin not to bother breaking in now.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Roger that.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51NARRATOR: Dick and Dom's time was running out -
0:22:51 > 0:22:53down the road, and into the next kingdom.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57How long until the headmaster discovered they were impostors?
0:22:57 > 0:23:01Their only hope was for Mannitol to come top of the class
0:23:01 > 0:23:04and win the dragon's clack.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- Where did you get these? - Headmaster's wall.
0:23:07 > 0:23:08Do you think he'll notice?
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Yes.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Yes... HE TAPS ON GLASS
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Ohh...
0:23:15 > 0:23:16Yes, thank you, thank you.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19As your first day at new wizards' school draws to a close,
0:23:19 > 0:23:22I hope you're settling in with few problems.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24- BOOGLIES!- Shhh!
0:23:26 > 0:23:31Yes... It is now time to reveal the results of our new wizards' test.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33To make the presentation, it is,
0:23:33 > 0:23:37unfortunately, traditional to call upon the services
0:23:37 > 0:23:40of our newest teacher, Professor Putrid.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42APPLAUSE
0:23:44 > 0:23:46The winning pupil will receive
0:23:46 > 0:23:49this trophy, the coveted dragon's clack!
0:23:51 > 0:23:53- Professor?- Ahh...
0:23:55 > 0:23:56And the winner...
0:23:56 > 0:23:58of the dragon's clack is...
0:24:01 > 0:24:03- Lizette Harper?- Who?
0:24:03 > 0:24:07APPLAUSE
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Mannitol! What happened?
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Dick gave you all the answers!
0:24:11 > 0:24:13- What answers?- On the scroll!
0:24:13 > 0:24:16The scroll he dropped in the exam!
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Oh! I thought he was giving me a spare piece of paper!
0:24:19 > 0:24:21I made notes on the back of it.
0:24:21 > 0:24:26Oh, brilliant. Once again you've completely messed everything up.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Mannitol, you are useless!
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Stop! That's them!
0:24:30 > 0:24:35- They kidnapped us and took our jobs! - Gentlemen!
0:24:35 > 0:24:37I'm disappointed in you both.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Nurse Hope, take them to the dungeons immediately...
0:24:40 > 0:24:41Stop right there!
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Mannitol, what are you doing?
0:24:43 > 0:24:46- This is no time for a pupil to interrupt here.- I'm not a pupil.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49I'm with them. And so is she.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51These are not a disgrace.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54They are good and noble men.
0:24:54 > 0:24:55They are princes.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57And all they are trying to do
0:24:57 > 0:25:01is save a pox-ridden kingdom from disaster.
0:25:01 > 0:25:06- And I keep messing it up by being an incompetent fool.- Thanks, Mannitol.
0:25:07 > 0:25:11- And you're not incompetent.- Huh?
0:25:11 > 0:25:13A little bit, a little bit.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16But if they wanted to rescue a helpless kingdom,
0:25:16 > 0:25:18why didn't they merely ask me for the clack?
0:25:18 > 0:25:22- That's a good point.- Yes, why didn't you just ask him for it?
0:25:22 > 0:25:23It's too late for that now!
0:25:23 > 0:25:27I say we should vaporise them both, this very second!
0:25:27 > 0:25:28Stop!
0:25:28 > 0:25:32Now anyone who raises so much as a hand to them,
0:25:32 > 0:25:35- I will turn into cold custard! - Ooh...
0:25:35 > 0:25:38You saw what I did to that girl. Hm?
0:25:38 > 0:25:42Well, I'll do exactly the same but with marshmallows on the top.
0:25:42 > 0:25:48Now we're going to walk out of here, with the dragon's clack.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52Headmaster? Do you want me to deal with this?
0:25:52 > 0:25:53Let them pass.
0:25:53 > 0:25:59Good magic may conquer evil, but it is no match for bad magic.
0:25:59 > 0:26:05- And that man is very, very bad at magic.- Thank you.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08And so the legend came true.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10The return of the Worst Wizard.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12THEY ALL GASP
0:26:12 > 0:26:15I'm not listening.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18What now?
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Run!
0:26:22 > 0:26:26NARRATOR: Our brave band of heroes were not so brave and ran.
0:26:26 > 0:26:31That's right, they legged it, the big jessies.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35As fast as they could, leaving the castle very, very far behind.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41I think, I think we've lost them.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44I don't think they actually chased us.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46- What a day.- Tell me about it.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48I just want to forget about it all.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52Not... Not all of it.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Mannitol. Thanks for what you did in there for us.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00- Yeah, cheers, Mannitol. - I take it all back.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03So you don't think I'm bad at magic, then?
0:27:03 > 0:27:07Oh, no, no, no. We know you're bad at magic, but...
0:27:07 > 0:27:11- even that can be useful sometimes. - Right, well, thank you, I suppose.
0:27:11 > 0:27:16Right, one dragon's clack.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26One step closer.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28I hope Mum and Dad are grateful for this!
0:27:28 > 0:27:31It's just glad everything's back to normal!
0:27:33 > 0:27:37- Oh...bumcakes.- Oh, no, no, fear not.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39I know a magic spell...
0:27:39 > 0:27:41ALL: Noooooo!
0:27:52 > 0:27:55Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:55 > 0:27:58E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk