0:00:07 > 0:00:09You got a D minus?!
0:00:09 > 0:00:11I just can't believe it, Will.
0:00:11 > 0:00:17Perfect. Will's finally gone off the rails and at exactly the right time.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Yeaaaahhhhh!
0:00:49 > 0:00:52You were supposed to be the future of this family, our best hope.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55My designated Number One Son.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59Right well this is the Number One Son charter which states that you,
0:00:59 > 0:01:03William Fury, in return for my designating you Number One Son,
0:01:03 > 0:01:07thereby guaranteeing, that 1) you always get the most expensive
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Christmas present every year,
0:01:09 > 0:01:122) you never have to take the bins out ever again,
0:01:12 > 0:01:173) get £5 in cash every Saturday, do promise to become
0:01:17 > 0:01:20the next Richard Branson and Alan Sugar rolled into one,
0:01:20 > 0:01:24allowing me to retire at the age of 50, at the latest,
0:01:24 > 0:01:27after which you shall keep both myself and your mum
0:01:27 > 0:01:30in the manner to which we so desperately want
0:01:30 > 0:01:32to become accustomed. Deal?
0:01:32 > 0:01:35I've just had the school on the phone.
0:01:35 > 0:01:41They said William's daydreaming, moody, handing in shoddy homework.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45They wanted to know about problems at home.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49Yes, well, let's not open that can of worms.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Actually, no, yes, let's, why don't we?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Would you mind telling me exactly
0:01:54 > 0:01:57why you are wearing a wetsuit in the kitchen?
0:01:57 > 0:02:01I'm road testing all the sports equipment sold at the leisure centre.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05Oh. So not just another excuse to skive off work, then?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Not at all, it's very taxing, actually.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17Well, you have seemed a bit distant lately.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21It's ever since you started working in that new TV programme.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Maybe if you more time at home
0:02:23 > 0:02:26and less swapping bad advice with your showbiz chums.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28This is nothing to do with my job, Sean!
0:02:28 > 0:02:31He doesn't need his nappy changing any more!
0:02:31 > 0:02:33You need to pull your socks up!
0:02:33 > 0:02:38- One slacker in this family is quite enough.- Oi!
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Oh, you meant Alistair. That's OK, then.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Tres bien, Tommy, bon travail, Bridget, magnifique Megan.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51Atrocious, Alistair. Why can't you be brilliant like your brother?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- We're having a test after break. - FLIES BUZZ
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Why don't I just give you
0:02:55 > 0:02:57a blank sheet of paper now
0:02:57 > 0:03:01with 'D minus' on it and you can fill in the usual rubbish later!
0:03:01 > 0:03:06What exactly does go on inside that empty little head of yours?
0:03:10 > 0:03:11ALISTAIR LAUGHS
0:03:11 > 0:03:15Will, I just bumped into one of your mates, is it true, you got D minus?
0:03:15 > 0:03:20- Hiya.- One word from you and I will squish you like a frog!
0:03:28 > 0:03:31It's his French test.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34I don't believe it! A plus.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45I'm so proud of you, Alistair.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47An A plus in French!
0:03:47 > 0:03:52- C'est remarquable, eh, Dad? - Would you listen to that!
0:03:52 > 0:03:55You could be President of France one day!
0:03:55 > 0:03:56But only if you keep practising.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59You could be our new best hope for the future.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Are we talking a new Number One Son, Dad?
0:04:01 > 0:04:06Could be. Someone's got to look after me when I'm middle-aged.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Fellow Revengers, this is it.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13I've never have a better chance to take my rightful place
0:04:13 > 0:04:16as the family's Number One Son!
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Oh, please! Is everybody stupid?
0:04:19 > 0:04:22We all know the little rat hates French.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26- If he got A plus, it's cos he cheated.- Sacred Blue!
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Melanie est le bonkers in le head!
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Le mouse grande!
0:04:40 > 0:04:41SCREAMING
0:04:41 > 0:04:46Silence! Silence! Asseyez-vous!
0:04:46 > 0:04:53Asseyez-vous, mademoiselle. Bridget! Asseyez-vous!
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Sorry, le false alarm.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03Before we get on with establishing me as Number One Son,
0:05:03 > 0:05:07Mel definitely requires immediate revenge for calling me a rat...
0:05:07 > 0:05:09We all know the little rat hates French.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11..and trying to get me into trouble.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15We think that in celebration of your magnifique achievement in the test,
0:05:15 > 0:05:18French-based revenge would be appropriate.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22We've got a short list of two. First, snail earrings.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35URGH!
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Garlic feet! We get hold of all Mel's shoes
0:05:39 > 0:05:43and stick garlic in them. She'll stink and she won't know why!
0:05:43 > 0:05:47We have a winner! The perfect level green revenge.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Fellow Revengers, to make us more efficient,
0:05:50 > 0:05:53we brought in a colour-coding system for our revenges,
0:05:53 > 0:05:55that is both clear and simple.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Is it the right way up?
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Garlic feet revenge is at least a level blue.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07What are you talking about! Level green is higher than level blue.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Only on Thursdays. Let's make it a level purple -
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- higher than green and blue. - Where did purple come from?
0:06:13 > 0:06:17- Purple's just below black. - No black's just above grey.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Why don't we name them after types of cars instead?
0:06:23 > 0:06:27'Good evening and welcome to "Ask The Not Quite An Expert"
0:06:27 > 0:06:31'where our panel will prove that a little knowledge is dangerous.'
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Can you smell garlic?
0:06:33 > 0:06:39- No!- Je swiss tray looking forward to la seeing Mum on la telly.
0:06:39 > 0:06:44Keep up the French and who knows what honours I might bestow on you.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51'Our first caller tonight has a question for Tara.'
0:06:51 > 0:06:53'That's 'Doctor' Tara.'
0:06:53 > 0:06:58'My 11 year old is driving me round the bend. What do you suggest I do?'
0:06:58 > 0:07:01'This is a common problem and there are lots of answers.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05'But whichever one you decide to go with, the most important thing
0:07:05 > 0:07:07'is to never lose your temper.'
0:07:07 > 0:07:11'As it says in my book, "Raising Kids The Dr Tara Way",
0:07:11 > 0:07:13'shouting at your children
0:07:13 > 0:07:16is the last resort of a failed parent. Wouldn't you agree, Celia?'
0:07:16 > 0:07:24Oh, absolutely, Tara, I never ever shout at my children.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Did my mother really say she never shouts?
0:07:27 > 0:07:30ALISTAIR! ALISTAIR!
0:07:30 > 0:07:32ALISTAIR!
0:07:32 > 0:07:33ALISTAIR!
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Now it's time to proceed with my quest
0:07:40 > 0:07:43to completely replace Will as Number One Son.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Behold.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47Blender splender!
0:07:47 > 0:07:50A definite Rolls Royce of a revenge.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11- What are you doing, Alis?- Just making Mum a delicious smoothie,
0:08:11 > 0:08:16just another step on the way to me becoming Number One Son around here.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Thanks for the idea, you little rat boy!
0:08:19 > 0:08:24Oh, no! I was going to do that for Mum, you total rotter!
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Argh! What have you done?
0:08:40 > 0:08:46- I put a note on the blender saying it was broken!- Have it!
0:08:46 > 0:08:48What is wrong with you?
0:08:48 > 0:08:52Ohh. We have to do something about this, Sean.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54I'm going to ask 'Dr' Tara to come around
0:08:54 > 0:08:56and find out what is wrong with you.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59I think your brother's permanently lost it.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02I'm going to have to rewrite the Number One Son charter.
0:09:02 > 0:09:07You're my best hope for early retirement now, Number One Son!
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Yes! This is the greatest day in the history of the universe!
0:09:11 > 0:09:13At long last, I've made it!
0:09:13 > 0:09:18Most expensive Christmas pressie, no more taking the rubbish out
0:09:18 > 0:09:19and a fiver every Saturday!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25There's that smell of garlic again.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29It's getting stronger.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- Dad, this is Phil. - Nice to meet you.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37PHIL SNEEZES
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- Sorry about that, my nose is blocked.- Not any more.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44PHIL COUGHS
0:09:44 > 0:09:46HE STARTS CHOKING
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Need...fresh...air!
0:09:49 > 0:09:54- Where did you find him?- I went to the school nurse because people kept
0:09:54 > 0:09:58saying I smell, which I don't, and he was there coughing up a lung.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02It was so romantic. I love the way he's ill all the time -
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- brings out the mothering instinct in me.- Aww.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07I'll just wash my hands.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Mel, can I have your advice?
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Is it about the fact that you fancy 'Dr' Tara like mad
0:10:15 > 0:10:17and don't know how to act when she comes over?
0:10:17 > 0:10:19How did you know I fancy her?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Apart from you virtually licking the TV screen
0:10:21 > 0:10:24when she's on, you have the attention span of a worm
0:10:24 > 0:10:27and you're moodier than Dad at the end of a bank holiday.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30It's how I feel when I get a new boyfriend.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34- Can you smell garlic?- I'm getting sick of people asking me that!
0:10:44 > 0:10:48- Wow, Dad, you look great!- In French. You can't practice too much
0:10:48 > 0:10:50if you're to be President of France.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55Er, wow! Mon Dad, vous look magnificent!
0:10:55 > 0:11:00Just brilliant! It's Saturday, and you know what that means.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05- Oui.- That's right, it is your very first Saturday fiver,
0:11:05 > 0:11:08so spend it wisely.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12- Shhhhhh!- Oh, sorry.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Is 'Dr' Tara still with him?
0:11:14 > 0:11:19Oh, Yes. You can't rush an almost-professional.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20And what do you see here?
0:11:20 > 0:11:23- The moon.- And this one?
0:11:23 > 0:11:26The stars.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29I think it's pretty clear what's wrong with you, young man.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Is it?
0:11:32 > 0:11:34He's got Middle Child Syndrome.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38Yes! In your face. Who's the daddy, who's the daddy?
0:11:38 > 0:11:41What's Middle Child Syndrome?
0:11:41 > 0:11:44It's when the middle child feels unloved because
0:11:44 > 0:11:47attention is focused on the youngest family member.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51It's all here in my book. As you'll see in chapter three,
0:11:51 > 0:11:55if Will is lavished with love and affection, then he'll soon
0:11:55 > 0:12:00- be back to his usual genius self. - It's all my fault!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02I've neglected you, son!
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Well, no more!
0:12:07 > 0:12:12There you go, welcome back, true Number One Son!
0:12:12 > 0:12:13Mon Dad! Ici not le fair!
0:12:13 > 0:12:18I'm sorry, Alistair, but I was hasty in turning my back on Will.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22Your French is impressive, but it might be just a flash in the pan.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26Will has got the true, strong, academic record
0:12:26 > 0:12:29and you heard what 'Dr' Tara said,
0:12:29 > 0:12:33a bit of care and attention, he'll be back to his old self!
0:12:33 > 0:12:35I'm to blame, too.
0:12:35 > 0:12:40No, no, no, as you'll see in chapter six, there's only one person
0:12:40 > 0:12:42responsible for this situation. Alistair!
0:12:45 > 0:12:47If the youngest sibling
0:12:47 > 0:12:51hadn't come along, then Will wouldn't be the middle child.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Now I'm being blamed for being born!
0:12:53 > 0:12:57Oh, William, you poor little brother!
0:12:57 > 0:13:02Stop! I'm the one neglected and unloved all these years! Me!
0:13:02 > 0:13:06It's OK. That's the typical reaction of the over-pampered baby.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09From now on, Alistair will be the middle child
0:13:09 > 0:13:12and Will the baby. Alistair will be fine
0:13:12 > 0:13:16as soon as he's adjusted to being lower down the pecking order.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Lower!? You can't get any lower than me.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22The dog's treated better than me and he wees on the floor!
0:13:22 > 0:13:25In fact, I'm so low the dog wees on me!
0:13:25 > 0:13:30Don't worry, I'm going to stick around to help you through this.
0:13:30 > 0:13:36This would make the perfect case study for next weeks programme.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39You want to talk about us, on your show?
0:13:39 > 0:13:43As professional broadcasters, we have a duty to the viewer
0:13:43 > 0:13:45to be upfront about our own problems. Don't you?
0:13:47 > 0:13:49I suppose.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Do not fear fellow Revengers,
0:13:52 > 0:13:56tomorrow I will be revenged on 'Dr' Tara!!
0:13:58 > 0:14:02Sean. Do you have to wear that today? It is Sunday!
0:14:02 > 0:14:06You know me, I don't slack off just cos it's the weekend.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Excuse me, Sean, would you mind moving your car on the road
0:14:14 > 0:14:16and parking mine on the drive?
0:14:16 > 0:14:20I don't want to risk passing prams flicking mud onto Bunty
0:14:20 > 0:14:23or any heavy seeds falling from a tree and dimpling her paintwork.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- You call your car Bunty? - It was my mother's name.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30- Come in.- Thank you.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49You'll have to do better than that, Alistair!
0:14:50 > 0:14:55- Curses!- Will is going to be fine as long as you lavish him
0:14:55 > 0:14:57with lots of attention.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01But I'm afraid your real problem might be Alistair.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Now I'm going to show you some pictures of what
0:15:03 > 0:15:08he could look like when he's 40 unless we keep a close eye on him.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13- Oh!- I know, it's shocking, isn't it?
0:15:13 > 0:15:17- I'll say!- Oh, I'm sorry, they're my safari holiday snaps.
0:15:17 > 0:15:18Here we go.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23CELIA GASPS
0:15:23 > 0:15:25What's this at the bottom of the picture?
0:15:25 > 0:15:28That's his prison number.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31You've every right to be shocked this time, cos prison
0:15:31 > 0:15:34is a real possibility for Alistair at the moment.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37Am I really that bad as a parent?
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Not bad as such, just a bit neglectful,
0:15:40 > 0:15:45but then not everyone could be as intuitive about children as I am.
0:15:45 > 0:15:50Chin up, Celia, 'Dr' Tara's here to teach you how to parent properly.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02Melanie, have you had a shower today?
0:16:02 > 0:16:06- Yes. - Could you have another one?
0:16:06 > 0:16:09If I find out this had anything to do with you...
0:16:09 > 0:16:14Excuse me, Melanie, hygiene is a personal problem.
0:16:14 > 0:16:19Now in order to take as much pressure off Will as possible,
0:16:19 > 0:16:22I've drawn up a rota of the household chores.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24The washing up, taking out the bins,
0:16:24 > 0:16:28cleaning out the cat litter tray etc, etc, etc. So...
0:16:28 > 0:16:32Monday, Alistair.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Tuesday, Alistair.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Wednesday, Alistair.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Thursday, Alistair.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Friday, Alistair.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45- Saturday, Alistair and Sunday, - EVERYONE: Alistair!
0:16:45 > 0:16:47- Yes.- So I do everything?
0:16:47 > 0:16:50Don't take it personally. This is a Tough Love Programme
0:16:50 > 0:16:54designed to help you find your proper place in the family.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04LAUGHTER ON TV
0:17:08 > 0:17:14OK, I've cleaned the toilets, cleaned all the downstairs windows,
0:17:14 > 0:17:18scrubbed the oven, vacuumed the carpets. I need to rest.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Ahhh, ahhh!
0:17:22 > 0:17:24OK, you've seen what's happened there.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27- What do think you need to do next? - ALISTAIR GROANS
0:17:27 > 0:17:31- Send Will to his room? - Wrong, wrong, wrong!
0:17:31 > 0:17:34You must pay more attention if you want to be a better parent.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38If you'd read my book properly, you'd realise that Will punching
0:17:38 > 0:17:43Alistair is a cry for attention. You need to answer that cry.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- Well done, Will?- Good, Sean.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52- Celia?- Stop aggravating your brother, Alistair!
0:17:52 > 0:17:58No! Read chapter seven. Beware the anger tone.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03Shouting is the last resort of the totally failed parent.
0:18:03 > 0:18:08Tell him to sit on the bottom step and reflect on what he did.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10What she just said.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13I've just been punched!
0:18:13 > 0:18:17What happens if he throws me under a bus, I get grounded for a year?
0:18:23 > 0:18:26I need a hug.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Of course you do.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33We have got to revenge 'Dr' Tara!
0:18:33 > 0:18:36She's all the bad bits of my family rolled into one!
0:18:36 > 0:18:40I don't care if we call it Ferrari revenge, Rolls Royce revenge
0:18:40 > 0:18:43- or a black revenge with pink spots! - We've tried!
0:18:43 > 0:18:46She's as indestructible as a dalek!
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Amateurs!
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Maybe we've met our match.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05No! Even daleks have a weak spot!
0:19:05 > 0:19:07There's got to be something! See ya.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09See ya.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14CAR: Oi, step away from the car! Oi, step away from the car!
0:19:14 > 0:19:19No, no, no! You're far too close to her with that sticky lolly!
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Move away, please!
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Yes, fellow Revengers!
0:19:30 > 0:19:34Your glorious leader has discovered 'Dr' Tara's weakness!
0:19:34 > 0:19:37And she will pay the price for her meddling as soon as Will
0:19:37 > 0:19:41gets what's coming to him for that dead leg!
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Oh, have you come to help me?
0:19:49 > 0:19:54Don't be ridiculous, Number One Sons don't touch rubbish, remember?
0:19:54 > 0:19:57What's happened to the cool-looking photo of me on my bedside table.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09- Oh, so that's what Tara was doing in your room.- Tara was in my room?
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Yeah, when I walked past, she was talking saying,
0:20:12 > 0:20:15"Wow! This is where Will sleeps.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19"What a grown-up, lovely-smelling, manly room!"
0:20:19 > 0:20:24- She said I was manly and grown up? - And handsome, intelligent and suede.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- You mean suave.- Do I? Oh, yeah.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Then she slipped the photo into her jacket pocket.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32She must really fancy you!
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Your boyfriend's here.
0:21:02 > 0:21:03Well, tell him to come in!
0:21:08 > 0:21:09Whoa!
0:21:09 > 0:21:13You look amazing! What's happened to your sinuses?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15The doctor reckons I must have been exposed
0:21:15 > 0:21:18to a strong smell and it's blown away the blockage.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Don't know what it was, but I feel great.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22HE INHALES
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Phwoar! What is that stink?
0:21:24 > 0:21:27HE SNIFFS
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Whoa!
0:21:29 > 0:21:33My mates told me you stunk like a garlic factory and they were right.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36I might have been Ill Phil, but you're Smelly Melly.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39I can't go out with you, I've got my image to think of.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41You can't dump me!
0:21:41 > 0:21:45Look, if my sinuses flare up again, I'll give you a ring.
0:21:47 > 0:21:48Result!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Hello, Melanie.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16I hate this house!
0:22:16 > 0:22:21Just smell me! If you spent less time on your precious career
0:22:21 > 0:22:26and more time cleaning this place, I wouldn't smell
0:22:26 > 0:22:31like a French dustbin right now! Look at this! Filth!
0:22:31 > 0:22:35Some of us have rather too much work to do, Melanie,
0:22:35 > 0:22:38than flit around with a feather duster.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42Oh, you mustn't tell Tara. No, you can't.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45I can't have her ruining my career on that show next week.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Have you got any idea how much pressure I'm under?
0:22:48 > 0:22:54I think you should see this, Celia, a rather suggestive text from Will.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56She must really fancy you!
0:22:58 > 0:23:01What sort of boy have I raised?
0:23:01 > 0:23:07William! You get yourself in here right now!!
0:23:07 > 0:23:11- Yeah? - What do you mean by sending this!
0:23:11 > 0:23:14What are you trying to do to me?
0:23:14 > 0:23:15TARA TUTS
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Shouting is the last resort of a failed parent.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22No wonder poor Will is so confused.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Last resort?
0:23:25 > 0:23:27LAST RESORT?!
0:23:27 > 0:23:32Well, here I am, why can't I stop shouting now, so-called 'Dr' Tara?
0:23:32 > 0:23:36Hmmmm? Why can't I stop shouting now?
0:23:40 > 0:23:42FENCE DOOR OPENS
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Yes?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46We're Alistair's friends.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50We just wanted to say sorry for trying to squirt you.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- We didn't want to do it, Alistair made us.- I thought as much.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57- He displays classic signs of being a manipulator.- This is for you.
0:23:57 > 0:24:02Only don't let Alistair see it, he'll be mad at us.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04I'll put it in my car.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07That'll be best.
0:24:24 > 0:24:29Now, Alistair, your mother is having a lie down for a couple of days
0:24:29 > 0:24:32so I shall use that time to teach you how to behave properly.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Every time you're a good little boy,
0:24:38 > 0:24:41your rocket will move closer to the moon.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45But if you're a bad little boy, the rocket will plummet back to Earth.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47You mean crash and kill everyone on board?
0:24:47 > 0:24:51You really are a disturbed little boy, aren't you?
0:24:51 > 0:24:52Me? Disturbed?
0:24:52 > 0:24:54She calls her car Bunty!
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Alistair, the rocket going up...
0:24:56 > 0:24:58CAR ALARM 'Oi, step away from the car!
0:24:58 > 0:25:03- 'Oi, step away from the car.' - Mummy's coming, baby!- YES!
0:25:06 > 0:25:09'Oi, step away from the car!'
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Oh, no! My beautiful Bunty!
0:25:12 > 0:25:14The moths are eating your seats.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Oh dear, how could that have happened?
0:25:18 > 0:25:22It was you, you revolting little boy!
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Why, I could...
0:25:24 > 0:25:25Tut, tut, Tara.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29Isn't shouting the last resort of a failed child expert?
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Arghh!
0:25:35 > 0:25:40Well, little brothers, that has to be one of the best revenges ever.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44Not only has 'Dr' Tara had to leave because she's a total failure,
0:25:44 > 0:25:48Will's crying in the garden shed because he found out
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Tara didn't actually fancy him!
0:25:50 > 0:25:54And I am back in with a chance to become Number One Son!
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Well, I've seen a full report of what you did
0:26:03 > 0:26:06to 'Dr' Tara, Alistair...
0:26:08 > 0:26:10..and I've only got one thing to say to you.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
0:26:17 > 0:26:22Don't you see? This means I'm not a complete failure as a parent,
0:26:22 > 0:26:28- you are such a horror you can make anyone shout at you!- Thanks.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34- What on earth have you come as now? - I've tested the men's stuff,
0:26:34 > 0:26:38so I'm starting on the women's. It's that or go back to work.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43Anyway, myself and your father have been talking about
0:26:43 > 0:26:47how we can reward you for getting rid of 'Dr' Tara.
0:26:47 > 0:26:52We've decided to give you something you obviously really, really want.
0:26:57 > 0:27:02- Say it!- Well, now we know how much you love speaking French,
0:27:02 > 0:27:06we've booked you extra French lessons with Miss Bird!
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:28 > 0:27:31E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
0:27:31 > 0:27:33I know you cheated in the test, Alistair,
0:27:33 > 0:27:36there's no way you could have got an A plus.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Now fate has given me the chance to pay you back.
0:27:39 > 0:27:44You will sing Frere Jacques 1,000 times, standing on your head! Begin!
0:27:44 > 0:27:49# Frere Jacques, frere Jacques... #