0:00:07 > 0:00:11Hail, fellow Revengers, welcome to a tour of my wardrobe.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17This is the only pair of shoes I own and these don't count
0:00:17 > 0:00:20cos I HAVE to wear these to school.
0:00:20 > 0:00:24If you wear shoes that aren't school shoes to school,
0:00:24 > 0:00:27- Miss Bird destroys them.- Pull!
0:00:30 > 0:00:33These are desperate times for shoes.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39# Ah, get her, get him Gettin' even ain't a sin
0:00:39 > 0:00:42# Sister Mel and brother Will Make 'em take a bitter pill
0:00:42 > 0:00:45- # Serve it up lukewarm - Lukewarm
0:00:45 > 0:00:48- # Yes, the storm before the storm - Before the storm
0:00:48 > 0:00:51# Oh, look out, world His average is good
0:00:51 > 0:00:54# Your tea's gone cold and now you're getting old
0:00:54 > 0:00:58# You know, the boy with the camera He's gonna scam ya
0:00:58 > 0:01:03# Harder than Stonehenge It's gonna be a mighty revenge. #
0:01:05 > 0:01:08These are the trainers I need.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Everybody's wearing them.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12The new Robbin Hood Trainer.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15"For the urban outlaw." That's me.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19But I can't afford them because I'm poor, on account of having
0:01:19 > 0:01:22my pocket money stopped because I accidentally
0:01:22 > 0:01:24spilled something on Mum's sofa.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36My big brother and sister, on the other foot, have loads of money.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40Mel can buy herself different clothes every day just to impress
0:01:40 > 0:01:42her latest boyfriend.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Tarquin! Hellair.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Far out, man.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Och! And a broad-bricht moonlit nicht to you, Hamish!
0:01:52 > 0:01:56And William's saving up to buy a motorbike so he's got
0:01:56 > 0:02:01millions in his wardrobe next to his secret stash of motorbike magazines.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07What are you doing in my room?
0:02:07 > 0:02:11And why are you looking at my motorbike magazines?
0:02:11 > 0:02:14I thought I made it clear that they do NOT exist.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18- But they do.- No, they don't, cos Dad doesn't like motorbikes, remember?
0:02:19 > 0:02:23If you ride a motorbike, that is what a car will do to your head!
0:02:23 > 0:02:26And to your arms!
0:02:26 > 0:02:27And your eyeballs!
0:02:27 > 0:02:32Never, never, never, never, never buy a motorbike
0:02:32 > 0:02:36or I'll throw you out of the house without any sandwiches!
0:02:36 > 0:02:40I do remember that. We had smoothies for a week.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Well, remember this, if I ever find out
0:02:42 > 0:02:46that you've told Dad about me buying a motorbike, I'll...
0:02:49 > 0:02:51You can't do that with a banana.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55- I- can. Mum wants to see you downstairs.- Why?
0:02:55 > 0:02:56It's for you.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59- Is it what I think it is?- Well...
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Oh, Mum, I love you!
0:03:01 > 0:03:05I don't normally feel guilty, Alistair, but on this occasion.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10I was passing that cheap second-hand stall in the market,
0:03:10 > 0:03:12and thought you might like them.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16They're just like the Robbin Hood trainers you wanted, aren't they?
0:03:16 > 0:03:21To be honest, Alistair, I thought, "What is the point of spending £80
0:03:21 > 0:03:25- "on trainers you're only going to grow out of?"- These cost £4.99.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Why do mums always do that?
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Why do they always buy the wrong thing cos it's cheap?
0:03:31 > 0:03:33What's wrong? Don't you like them?
0:03:33 > 0:03:37- No! They're...- The nicest trainers I've ever seen in my life(!)
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Look at the shine off that plastic(!)
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Can I take them back if they don't fit?
0:03:42 > 0:03:47I KNEW you didn't like them! That is so typical of you, Alistair.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50I should be dreaming up programme ideas for the BBC,
0:03:50 > 0:03:53not rushing around trying to buy shoes.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- The BBC asked you to make a TV programme?- Not exactly.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59They want me to create a new idea for a cookery show
0:03:59 > 0:04:01and then make a 15-minute tape.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04It's only a demo but at least somebody appreciates me.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09And if you don't like what I buy you, Alistair Fury,
0:04:09 > 0:04:12then in the future, you can just buy it yourself.
0:04:12 > 0:04:17- But I can't. You stopped my pocket money, remember?- Did we?
0:04:17 > 0:04:21- Eight months ago. - But we started paying that again.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- No...- Dad! I think mum left expecting you to tell him off.- Yeah.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Right. Um...
0:04:28 > 0:04:32Alistair, when you get a present that you don't like,
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- you should make some effort to hide your disappointment.- How?
0:04:35 > 0:04:39Um...well, like smiling, like this.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Aah.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Fellow revengers, this revenge is brilliant.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54It pays back Mum for being mean
0:04:54 > 0:04:57and gets me Robbin Hood trainers at the same time.
0:04:57 > 0:05:02- Explain how it works, Aaron.- We get rid of the cheap trainers, then...
0:05:02 > 0:05:04We haven't worked out how to do that yet.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Cos we've got to make Mum think it was an accident
0:05:07 > 0:05:10- or she won't believe it. - I was going to say that.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14Sorry. You can tell them about me going barefoot
0:05:14 > 0:05:17so I cut my feet and limp and show my brilliant acting.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19- You've done it again.- Sorry.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21I'll shut up. You do it.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26I've forgotten where I was now.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Alistair's bleeding feet make Mum so guilty she buys him new trainers.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34That's not fair. I didn't get to do any of it.
0:05:34 > 0:05:35KNOCK AT DOOR
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Alistair! Oh, hi, fellas.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40There's a damsel in distress to see you!
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- Pamela.- Oh, Alistair! I'm desperate.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50You're the only one who can help me.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54It's not funny. My hamster-sitter didn't turn up.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- Oh, dear.- And I thought...
0:05:56 > 0:05:59you're always offering to do things for me,
0:05:59 > 0:06:02so YOU could look after him while I'm away.
0:06:02 > 0:06:07That means you'll have to pay me another visit to pick him up.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09- Is that a problem?- Not for me.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13I'm flying back from Riga on Sunday after the finals.
0:06:13 > 0:06:14What is it? A beauty contest?
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Chess, Alistair.
0:06:16 > 0:06:22Now, he's a very rare Russian blue hamster worth £95.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26So here's my phone number in case he gets too sad while I'm away.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30- Why are you doing that? - You just gave me your phone number.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34I hope Hammy's going to be safe with you, Alistair.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36I'll look after him with my life.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40Good. Because if he dies, I will never talk to you again.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44I will hunt you down to the four corners of the earth
0:06:44 > 0:06:48- and do the same to you.- What if he dies of flu?- Same to you.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Right. That's not very fair, though, is it?
0:06:51 > 0:06:55Suppose he catches his little leg in his little wheel,
0:06:55 > 0:06:58gets gangrene and dies of that?
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Same to you.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- You really love this hamster, don't you?- I do.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05I'm going now, Alistair. Thank you.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Thank you for coming to my house, Pamela.
0:07:11 > 0:07:16If there is a God, I bet he's got a little pink nose and whiskers.
0:07:16 > 0:07:21- How do you mean?- Well, hamsters eat shoes, don't they?
0:07:23 > 0:07:25So get chewing!
0:07:25 > 0:07:28And while you're at it, do them 'n' all.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Aren't you going to help?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Can't. I've got a side revenge planned for William.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47A-a-a-agh!
0:07:47 > 0:07:50- Who was screaming?- What's happened?
0:07:50 > 0:07:51Disaster, Mummy.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55Look what Pamela's hungry hamster's done to my trainers.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59Oh, blithering blast! I was starting to like these trainers.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01What am I going to wear on my feet now?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03I'll find you summat.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Stop interfering!
0:08:07 > 0:08:08Who's that?
0:08:08 > 0:08:12She's got a date with a new boyfriend on Saturday. A librarian.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16If that hamster's just eaten two pairs of shoes,
0:08:16 > 0:08:19then how come he's not fat?
0:08:19 > 0:08:22He was, but he was sick and shrank back down again.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- That's one elastic hamster.- Yeah.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28- You're not getting round me. - You can have these.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30- But they're pink!- They're perfect.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34- Until you can afford your own shoes, wear these.- Alice!
0:08:34 > 0:08:39Since when was a hamster clever enough to leave a note, saying,
0:08:39 > 0:08:41"Sorry I ate your motorbike magazines
0:08:41 > 0:08:43"but I'm a hamster, I don't know better.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47- "Love, Hammy the hamster. Kiss, kiss."?- Hm-hm.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Oh, hi, Dad. I didn't think you were in here.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Clearly.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57What were you going to do with these? Buy a motorbike?
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Shall I fetch a rolling pin and fruit,
0:09:00 > 0:09:04- or will you demonstrate on William's head?- Hmm.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08Oh, I see. You thought I bought these magazines to buy a motorbike!
0:09:08 > 0:09:11So far so good, fellow revengers.
0:09:11 > 0:09:16One tiny hamster had created two mighty revenges.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Now watch how easily a revenge can go wrong
0:09:19 > 0:09:21when you add two stupid parents!
0:09:21 > 0:09:23No. I bought these magazines
0:09:23 > 0:09:27because I was researching an idea that I'd had for Mum's BBC demo.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Really?!
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Go on, William.
0:09:31 > 0:09:36It's called Celia Fury Hits The Road For Drivers That Suddenly Feel
0:09:36 > 0:09:41- Peckish And Are Miles Away From A Service Station.- Mm-hm.- Basically,
0:09:41 > 0:09:45it's about cooking stuff that you find dead on the side of the road.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47You mean roadkill?
0:09:47 > 0:09:50- That's disgusting.- But is it, though?
0:09:50 > 0:09:54- Yes.- But all the best chefs use their motorbikes to find their
0:09:54 > 0:10:00ingredients, like Jamie Oliver and Two Fat Ladies and the Hairy Bikers.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Plus, it's good for the environment because you're recycling things
0:10:03 > 0:10:05- that'd normally go to waste. - Or to vultures.
0:10:05 > 0:10:10- I like it.- If you're lying, William, I'll cut your pocket money.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12- He's lying.- No, he's not!
0:10:12 > 0:10:15I think it's a great idea. And you're the little liar!
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- You go to your room, Alistair! - I'm already in it.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Yes, well, then you can
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- stay here while William and I go choose ourself a motorbike.- Yeah!
0:10:23 > 0:10:27So, can I have it when we're finished with it?
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- Oh, yes. - Aren't you going to stop them?
0:10:30 > 0:10:34William always gets what he wants. And you hate motorbikes.
0:10:34 > 0:10:39Best not to rock the boat right now. Father's Day coming up. Presents.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44I am NOT chewing wellies.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52The Evil Teacher.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Oh, please don't take my wellies, Miss Bird.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02What do you think of this bolero jacket?
0:11:02 > 0:11:07I've knitted it for a special friend of mine who's running off to Spain
0:11:07 > 0:11:10to seek his fortune as a bullfighter and taking me with him.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14And I'm recording this for my doctor revenge website
0:11:14 > 0:11:17so my parents can see where the wellies went.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21I like them, Alistair.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26- Like them?!- Love has turned me into a soft-centred caramel.- What?!
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Wear what you like.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Why does this always happen to me?
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- I didn't see that one coming. - Me neither.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38I brought all the stuff to dirty up your bare feet.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42Brown sauce for mud, ketchup for blood,
0:11:42 > 0:11:44- dog poo... - What have you got for that?
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Chocolate sauce or something?
0:11:47 > 0:11:50No, I found it on the pavement.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Ohhhhhh!
0:11:51 > 0:11:55We still need to get rid of these wellies
0:11:55 > 0:11:58so Mum thinks it was an accident.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Oh, I know! OK, it's on.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Let them go!
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Right, if anybody asks, they were snatched by aliens.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15I can't believe you got this one.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17It was the cheapest.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32Remember when I said, "Why do mums always do that?
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Why do they always buy the wrong thing because it's cheap?"
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Well, I take it all back.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41When it upsets William, it's fine!
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Hello.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- Who's this sitting in my kitchen? - Can't you see I'm reading?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Can I make a suggestion?
0:12:54 > 0:12:58If you want to be an intellectual, try reading the book
0:12:58 > 0:13:00- the right way round. - And how do you know
0:13:00 > 0:13:03- I'm not reading an Australian novel? - I don't.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07- Sorry.- Those are Granny's old glasses. She can't see a thing.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08I keep telling you, I can see fine.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Here, catch!
0:13:11 > 0:13:15You're right. Can't see a thing. < CRASH!
0:13:15 > 0:13:16Help!
0:13:19 > 0:13:22The Barefoot Urchin.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Agh! Agh!
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Agh!
0:13:27 > 0:13:29You'll never believe what's just happened.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31I've been attacked by some aliens from outer space
0:13:31 > 0:13:35who stole my wellies. I've got it on film if you want proof.
0:13:35 > 0:13:40Now I've nothing to wear on my poor bleeding feet.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Agh! Agh!
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Oooh!
0:13:52 > 0:13:56Does no-one feel any sympathy for me?
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Is this another feeble attempt to get me to buy you those trainers?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01No. But now you mention it...
0:14:01 > 0:14:05- I do need cheering up, Mummy. - Oh, now you're talking.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08I can cheer you up.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09You mean you will buy them?
0:14:09 > 0:14:14- No. I'm going to make you a lovely crow pancake.- Ugh!
0:14:14 > 0:14:18- I'm off to read in my room before she asks me to taste it.- Me too.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- Not so fast, Alistair.- Ow!
0:14:21 > 0:14:24- I can see fine!- Have a seat.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Just want to have a little chat
0:14:27 > 0:14:29about my Father's Day present.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Now, as you can see there, I've just
0:14:32 > 0:14:35drawn up a simple little chart showing how much each of you
0:14:35 > 0:14:38have spent on your mum for Mother's Day
0:14:38 > 0:14:40and how much you intend to spend on me.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Not that I'm in competition with your mother.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47I wouldn't want anything more than her. That wouldn't be fair.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50But, at the same time, I wouldn't want anything less.
0:14:50 > 0:14:57So, bearing that in mind, just how much exactly do you intend to spend?
0:14:57 > 0:15:02Remember, I am the rock around which you build your life.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05It doesn't have to be an exact figure. Just give me a ball park.
0:15:05 > 0:15:10- Is it more or less than £2.10? - Nothing.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Nothing?
0:15:12 > 0:15:17I keep telling you, I haven't had any pocket money for eight months.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21But we've been giving your pocket money to Mel and Will.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Mel and Will?!
0:15:23 > 0:15:26They said you'd wanted them to keep it for you.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29So that Alastair doesn't spend
0:15:29 > 0:15:32- all his pocket money on his silly revenges.- Oh, OK.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34There you go.
0:15:34 > 0:15:39One lovely crow pancake, served with a choice of toppings -
0:15:39 > 0:15:43sugar, maple syrup or a cheeky squeeze of squirrel.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51They've been stealing my pocket money for eight months.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53They must have had about £80.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56That's enough to buy a pair of Robbin Hood trainers.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58I've never felt as robbed!
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- So why don't you rob them back? - You can't do that.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Why? Robbin Hood did. He robbed the rich to give to the poor.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07But did he spend it on trendy trainers?
0:16:07 > 0:16:11- They didn't have trainers then. - Probably had designer sandals.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13It's brilliant - it's not robbing at all.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15I'm just taking back what's mine.
0:16:15 > 0:16:20If we find ourselves the secret hideaway, will you be my merry men?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Aye, we will.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Only if we don't have to wear tights, though.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29- Go on, try one. - How much of it is real hedgehog?
0:16:29 > 0:16:31All of it.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33- OK.- Where are you lot going?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Hello, Mr and Mrs Fury.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38We can't tell you. It's a secret.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42That'll be the shed, then. Oh, guys, er...
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Before you disappear into the forest,
0:16:44 > 0:16:48how would you like to try a freshly made hedgehog burger?
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Oh, that was spiky.
0:16:56 > 0:17:01Welcome to Shedwood Forest, home to Alistair Hoodie
0:17:01 > 0:17:04and his Revenging Men, Ralph Scarlet
0:17:04 > 0:17:08and Little Aaron. You don't have to stand on your knees.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12- Everybody knows you're not little. - OK.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- Right, everyone clear about the revenge?- Yes.
0:17:15 > 0:17:20I'll do Will while you two get my money back off Mel.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27The Melanie Felony.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Are you sure this is what we should be wearing?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32You were the one who didn't want to wear tights.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Look, the baggier the jeans, the harder we look.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37It's the urban outlaw's outfit.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39But I have to keep on holding my trousers up
0:17:39 > 0:17:43- or I'll keep showing my pants. - There they are.
0:17:48 > 0:17:53Tyler, this book I'm reading is so beautiful it makes me want to weep.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56That's what great literature will do for you.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00I've always found it works better the right way round.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04- Oh!- What if she recognises us? - In those glasses?
0:18:11 > 0:18:13So have you always wanted to be a librarian?
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Since the first day I read a book.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18And what was that?
0:18:18 > 0:18:22- Spot's Big Adventure. - I've read that! I love Spot.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24He's good, isn't he?
0:18:24 > 0:18:28So tell me, when you read it, did you think, as I did,
0:18:28 > 0:18:31that Spot resisted a canine interpretation
0:18:31 > 0:18:34and slipped into allegory? As if Eric Hill
0:18:34 > 0:18:38was using his hero as a social barometer,
0:18:38 > 0:18:41if you will, to expose the chasm
0:18:41 > 0:18:44in contemporary society between the haves and the have-nots?
0:18:46 > 0:18:48I thought he was a dog.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Let's read some more.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Stop! We're outlaws from Shedwood Forest,
0:18:55 > 0:18:58robbing from the rich and giving to the poor!
0:18:58 > 0:19:02- Oh, no! Melanie, give them your handbag!- Tyler, what are you doing?!
0:19:02 > 0:19:07- Have you seen how baggy their jeans are?- I can't see anything. ..Wah!
0:19:08 > 0:19:12My glasses! I can't see owt without my glasses!
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Oh, I can. YOU two?!
0:19:17 > 0:19:18- Run!- Tyler!
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Tyler!
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Fellow revengers, we've got £8,
0:19:45 > 0:19:50which is exactly what they took off me, and exactly how much I need
0:19:50 > 0:19:54to buy my new trainers. Luckily, we're in our secret hideaway,
0:19:54 > 0:19:57under the trees, so no one can find us.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00- Alice? > - How did he find us in here?
0:20:03 > 0:20:05- Mel and I want a word.- No-o-o!
0:20:14 > 0:20:17HE GROANS
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Are you all right?
0:20:20 > 0:20:24They forced me to eat Mum's Bowel of Owl And Raven Gravy...
0:20:24 > 0:20:26- Twit-twoo! Twit-twoo!- No!
0:20:26 > 0:20:29..but I didn't tell them where the money was.
0:20:29 > 0:20:34- It wouldn't have mattered if you did cos it's not there any more.- What!?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Howie must have eaten all the money while we were listening to you
0:20:37 > 0:20:40screaming for your mum.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43We can't give that back to Pamela tomorrow. It's dead.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47- I know.- Just have to buy another and pretend it's the same one.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49How can you buy a £95 hamster
0:20:49 > 0:20:52when you haven't had pocket money for eight months?
0:20:52 > 0:20:55And I've still got to spend at least £3 on Dad's present.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57And buy your trainers.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Why does this always happen to me?
0:20:59 > 0:21:03- You'll just have to make him a present.- No! He hates home-made.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07He won't. I made my mum a rubber band out of a piece of string once.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11- And she cried.- And after you've given it to him tomorrow,
0:21:11 > 0:21:15- we'll go round people's houses and offer to do a Bob-A-Revenge.- What?
0:21:15 > 0:21:18It's like in the olden days when Boy Scouts were helpful
0:21:18 > 0:21:21by doing a Bob-A-Job, only we're being helpful by doing revenges.
0:21:21 > 0:21:25OK, but first, we've got to get rid of the hamster.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29- How do you get rid of a dead hamster?- Simple.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36I got rid of Hammy, made Dad a present
0:21:36 > 0:21:40and told Mel and Will NOT to come looking for their money
0:21:40 > 0:21:42in the woods.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46It's absolutely beautiful.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Just what I've always wanted.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53You're going to have to go a long way to beat this, Alistair.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09And this is what, exactly?
0:22:09 > 0:22:11A pen holder.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15Yeah. A word of advice, Alistair.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19If you're going to make a present, make it something useful.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23When have you ever seen me writing? I only use pens to clean my ears.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27Sometimes, Alice, you've got to stop thinking about yourself
0:22:27 > 0:22:31and make an effort to show someone how much you love 'em.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34I thought I HAD made an effort!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37That took seven minutes to make!
0:22:37 > 0:22:39As long as that?
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Our glorious leader is back at home doing a revenge on his dad
0:22:43 > 0:22:48but will be joining Ralph and I on our Bob-A-Revenge rounds shortly.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51Thanks to Jarvis who e-mailed Too Much Of A One Thing Revenge
0:22:51 > 0:22:53for Alistair's dad.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56"Swamp him with pens so that he needs a pen holder
0:22:56 > 0:22:59"and has to grovel an apology to Alistair."
0:22:59 > 0:23:03So that's why Alistair's been calling all the pen manufacturers
0:23:03 > 0:23:06in the phone book and telling them that he's opening a new bank
0:23:06 > 0:23:10and needs thousands of free pens to give to the customers.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19Good morning, madam. Do you have any revenges that need doing?
0:23:21 > 0:23:24..85, 90, 95...
0:23:24 > 0:23:27£98! That's brilliant!
0:23:27 > 0:23:31Who'd have thought grown-ups were in such desperate need for revenges?
0:23:31 > 0:23:34- They're worse than us! - Far more petty.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37You can buy the hamster and still have some money for strawberries.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40- Strawberries? - The Strawberry Helmet Revenge?
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Because your mum made us eat dirty animals.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45- Oh, yeah!- And if we do this again next week,
0:23:45 > 0:23:48we can earn enough money to buy your trainers.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Ra-a-a-argh! >
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- Ready?- Ready.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Ra-a-argh!
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Ra-a-argh!
0:23:57 > 0:23:59You're not trying. I am.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Think of this as your chance to make it up to me, Tyler.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05The chance to prove you're not a wimpy librarian.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07I'm not! I've read this book you gave me twice!
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Are you ready to find your "inner beast"? >
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Yeah. I said, are you ready?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14- Ready! - I can't hear you!- Ready!
0:24:14 > 0:24:16And again! READY!
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Right, go get our money back, Tiger!
0:24:19 > 0:24:20ALL: Yeah!
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Ra-a-a-rgh!
0:24:23 > 0:24:28Hand over the money, scumbags! I'll string you up by your thumbs
0:24:28 > 0:24:30and leave you to swing for the crows!
0:24:36 > 0:24:39- I'll be off to buy the hamster, then.- OK.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Where's Hammy, Alistair?
0:24:48 > 0:24:51- Here. Safe and sound. - Are you sure?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Yes. I'm not lying.
0:24:53 > 0:24:58- So why has he stopped doing the trick I taught him?- What trick?
0:24:58 > 0:25:01I'm surprised he never did it for you. He's always doing it.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Whenever I hold him in my hand he pretends he's dead
0:25:04 > 0:25:08- so that I'll give his tummy a rub. - He pretends?!
0:25:08 > 0:25:10..Oh!
0:25:11 > 0:25:14I'm coming, Hammy. I'm coming!
0:25:14 > 0:25:18- So THAT'S where you've hidden our money!- I've already told you.
0:25:18 > 0:25:24- The hamster ate it.- We don't believe you. ..Hey, that's my shoebox!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Well, there's your demo, BBC.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30I hope you like the tape and that Celia Fury will be Hitting The Road
0:25:30 > 0:25:32in a prime-time slot soon.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36I'm off to find me some more delicious dead animals.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39In the meantime, remember - don't drive safely!
0:25:47 > 0:25:49THEY LAUGH
0:25:49 > 0:25:52DOORBELL RINGS
0:26:08 > 0:26:10All right, Alistair. Point taken.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12I DO need a pen holder.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18I love you. Here...
0:26:18 > 0:26:22go on and get those trainers for yourself, yeah?
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Yeah!
0:26:50 > 0:26:53How do you like my Robbin Hood trainers, Miss Bird?
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Unluckily for you, Alistair Fury,
0:26:56 > 0:26:59my matador flew off to Spain without me!
0:27:13 > 0:27:15No, no, no!