I'm Not Scared

Download Subtitles

Transcript

0:00:07 > 0:00:09BANGING

0:00:09 > 0:00:13'We weren't scared. There was nothing to be scared of.

0:00:13 > 0:00:16'We were in my back garden and we had the spider hammer.'

0:00:16 > 0:00:18There's one!

0:00:20 > 0:00:22- Got it.- Told you it would work.

0:00:23 > 0:00:25The guard dog's been sick.

0:00:25 > 0:00:28That'll be all the 18 spiders he's scoffed.

0:00:28 > 0:00:33I wonder how long it would take for flies to suck up that big puddle.

0:00:33 > 0:00:35About, um... About a week?

0:00:35 > 0:00:37No. More like an hour.

0:00:37 > 0:00:39You see, flies don't have stomachs.

0:00:39 > 0:00:42It goes in one end and shoots straight out the other,

0:00:42 > 0:00:43like a jet-ski.

0:00:43 > 0:00:45WAILING

0:00:45 > 0:00:47Ah! It's a werewolf! Ah!

0:00:47 > 0:00:50- Oo-oo-oo-ooh.- It's a Dracula. - It's a Frankenstein's monster!

0:00:50 > 0:00:52It's a William!

0:00:52 > 0:00:54Evening, girls!

0:00:54 > 0:00:55Didn't scare you, did I?

0:00:55 > 0:00:58# Oh, get her, get him

0:00:58 > 0:01:00# Gettin' even ain't a sin

0:01:00 > 0:01:01# Sister Mel and brother Will

0:01:01 > 0:01:03# Make 'em take a bitter pill

0:01:03 > 0:01:05# Serve it up luke warm

0:01:05 > 0:01:09# Yes, long before the storm

0:01:09 > 0:01:11# Oh, look out world

0:01:11 > 0:01:14# Your sandwich is cool Your tea's gone cold

0:01:14 > 0:01:15# And now you're getting old

0:01:15 > 0:01:17# You know the boy with the camera

0:01:17 > 0:01:19# He's gonna scam ya

0:01:19 > 0:01:21# Harder than Stonehenge

0:01:21 > 0:01:23# It's gonna be a mighty revenge! #

0:01:25 > 0:01:27I'm gonna get you, William!

0:01:27 > 0:01:31- I'd like to see you try, Alice! - My name's Alistair!

0:01:31 > 0:01:37I'm a boy! Look, I've got toenails in my pocket to prove it.

0:01:39 > 0:01:41Ooh! What's that smell?

0:01:41 > 0:01:45Sorry. I think I might have peed on the biscuits.

0:01:46 > 0:01:49William! Do you want a quart of shortbread?

0:01:49 > 0:01:50Ahh!

0:01:52 > 0:01:54If this is well behaved, I am a teapot.

0:01:54 > 0:01:57But, Daddy, Will was trying to murder us.

0:01:57 > 0:02:00Your mother is having a personal moment with her extractor fan

0:02:00 > 0:02:02and she does not want to be disturbed!

0:02:02 > 0:02:04Eugh!

0:02:06 > 0:02:10Mum loves that extractor fan more than me.

0:02:10 > 0:02:12Bu-r-r-r-p!

0:02:16 > 0:02:18- SQUELCH - Oh, for goodness sake!

0:02:18 > 0:02:20Who left this sick here to be trodden in?

0:02:20 > 0:02:24Why is your mum in love with her extractor fan?

0:02:24 > 0:02:27- To stop the house smelling of her cooking.- Is that a good thing?

0:02:27 > 0:02:31- I thought she was a famous cook. - A famously bad one, yes.

0:02:35 > 0:02:37SIREN WAILS

0:02:37 > 0:02:41We've checked the sewage system and can't find a leak anywhere.

0:02:41 > 0:02:42But that awful smell.

0:02:42 > 0:02:47Morning! Just boiling up a few bones for my latest book -

0:02:47 > 0:02:48Smells From A Soup Kitchen.

0:02:48 > 0:02:52Fancy some curried black egg and Chihuahua chowder?

0:02:53 > 0:02:54Is THAT the smell?

0:03:00 > 0:03:02THEY ALL SCREAM

0:03:02 > 0:03:06- It's a finger monster!- It's a man-eating tiger!- It's a Dracula!

0:03:06 > 0:03:09TEARING

0:03:11 > 0:03:14THEY ALL SCREAM

0:03:14 > 0:03:17Shut up! Some of us have an important date tomorrow.

0:03:17 > 0:03:18Randy Andy!

0:03:18 > 0:03:22- Some of us are trying to get our beauty sleep.- Some of us need it(!)

0:03:22 > 0:03:23Right!

0:03:23 > 0:03:27- Who said you could have my cat? - I'm cold. He's my hot water bottle.

0:03:27 > 0:03:30- But he's mine! - Then you'll want this too!

0:03:30 > 0:03:33Oooh! No, he's your cat now, Alice!

0:03:33 > 0:03:35They've asked for it now!

0:03:38 > 0:03:41Hi, Will. Just using the stairs.

0:03:43 > 0:03:46- What are those?- Superstition.

0:03:46 > 0:03:48Will's playing rugby tomorrow.

0:03:48 > 0:03:51I'll nick the lucky pork chops, you give Mel the bird.

0:03:59 > 0:04:02MEL SCREAMS

0:04:02 > 0:04:04Alistair!

0:04:04 > 0:04:07The next person to scream is going in the soup!

0:04:15 > 0:04:18Oh, my turn in the bathroom, Alice! Ha!

0:04:18 > 0:04:22But I've been outside all night and I'm freezing cold and dirty.

0:04:22 > 0:04:26- And I'll be needing your bedroom all day today.- But I do, too!

0:04:26 > 0:04:29- I've got friends here.- And do any of you need a full length mirror

0:04:29 > 0:04:32- to prepare yourself for the hottest date of your life?- No!

0:04:32 > 0:04:36But like I keep saying, take the mirror out of my room

0:04:36 > 0:04:38and put it in yours!

0:04:38 > 0:04:41That will make your life far too easy, Alice.

0:04:41 > 0:04:44Find somewhere else to have your sad secret meeting.

0:04:44 > 0:04:46Oh, and somewhere secret might be a change.

0:04:46 > 0:04:49- HE SIGHS - Somewhere sad like in your head!

0:04:49 > 0:04:50I heard that!

0:04:52 > 0:04:54- No-one will find us in here! - DOOR OPENS

0:04:54 > 0:04:57- I'm taking Will to rugby. Want to come?- No.

0:04:57 > 0:05:00- BOTH:- No thank you, Mr Fury. - How did you know we were in here?

0:05:00 > 0:05:02Er, this...

0:05:03 > 0:05:05Oh, by the way, Alistair,

0:05:05 > 0:05:08someone stole William's lucky pork chops last night,

0:05:08 > 0:05:11so he's feeling a bit scared.

0:05:11 > 0:05:14Get rid of that for me, will you?

0:05:16 > 0:05:18What is it?

0:05:18 > 0:05:20Proof that pork chop revenge works.

0:05:20 > 0:05:24When Will gets scared before a match he projectile vomits in the car.

0:05:24 > 0:05:28So last night's revenges were good warm-ups for the main revenge.

0:05:28 > 0:05:30So, any ideas?

0:05:30 > 0:05:33How about we cut the breaks on William's bike,

0:05:33 > 0:05:36then tell him there are naked women at the bottom of a steep hill?

0:05:36 > 0:05:40So he cycles down the hill really fast and splat!

0:05:40 > 0:05:42No?

0:05:42 > 0:05:47OK. We could cut the breaks on Mel's bike and tell her

0:05:47 > 0:05:49- there are naked men...- No!

0:05:49 > 0:05:50We want to scare them.

0:05:50 > 0:05:52OK, ugly, naked people.

0:05:52 > 0:05:55Could we just forget about naked people, please?

0:05:55 > 0:05:59I saw a film once on Frankenstein's monster. That was scary.

0:05:59 > 0:06:03He was a huge beast who had scars on his face.

0:06:03 > 0:06:07And he could eat a whole sheep in one bite.

0:06:07 > 0:06:08Was he naked?

0:06:08 > 0:06:12Only for the first 20 minutes and after that he wore a cloth cap.

0:06:12 > 0:06:14Well that's all right then.

0:06:14 > 0:06:15I like the idea.

0:06:15 > 0:06:18But does anyone know how to make a monster?

0:06:18 > 0:06:21- BOTH:- No.- It's a shame Blue Peter haven't done a programme on it yet.

0:06:21 > 0:06:25Hello, children. Today we're going to show you how to make

0:06:25 > 0:06:27a fully working Frankenstein's monster.

0:06:27 > 0:06:32All you need is some used loo roll, some sticky-back plastic

0:06:32 > 0:06:35a scary mask, a set of old clothes

0:06:35 > 0:06:39and a beating heart of a blood-curdling monster!

0:06:39 > 0:06:44- I don't normally say this, Aaron, but that's brilliant!- Really?

0:06:44 > 0:06:46Greetings, revengers everywhere.

0:06:46 > 0:06:50Glorious leader here with news of a sensational new revenge.

0:07:06 > 0:07:08Ta-dah!

0:07:08 > 0:07:10Meet Eric.

0:07:10 > 0:07:12Now that's what I call scary.

0:07:12 > 0:07:15I wouldn't be scared of him not unless he came to life.

0:07:15 > 0:07:17That's the whole point. He's gonna come to life.

0:07:17 > 0:07:21He's gonna walk and talk just like Frankenstein's monster.

0:07:21 > 0:07:25- How? He's stuffed with newspaper. - I just thought of a problem.

0:07:25 > 0:07:29In the film they used lightning to bring the monster to life.

0:07:29 > 0:07:32But if you look outside now, it's not even raining.

0:07:32 > 0:07:35It could be though, couldn't it?

0:07:35 > 0:07:36Meaning what?

0:07:36 > 0:07:39Well you must have heard of a rain dance?

0:07:39 > 0:07:41BOTH: Oh no! Not dancing!

0:07:41 > 0:07:43BANJO PLAYS

0:08:02 > 0:08:05I can't go under there! It'll mean dropping my umbrella!

0:08:05 > 0:08:08Doing the under arm twirls, it's the girl's part.

0:08:08 > 0:08:10Just throw it away!

0:08:10 > 0:08:13Look, without rain there can be no lightning.

0:08:13 > 0:08:15Without lightning, there can be no revenge.

0:08:20 > 0:08:22Can you two ballerinas shut up!

0:08:22 > 0:08:25I can't hear a word my boyfriend's saying!

0:08:28 > 0:08:31Bit of a change to the schedule.

0:08:33 > 0:08:38Mel's just leaving for her date, so Ralph and Aaron have popped indoors

0:08:38 > 0:08:41to pay her back for the soaking, leaving yours truly

0:08:41 > 0:08:44to get the monster walking without lightning.

0:08:46 > 0:08:48- DOORBELL RINGS - Andy's here!

0:08:48 > 0:08:50I'm going out, everyone! Wish me luck!

0:08:52 > 0:08:54Before you go, Mel...

0:08:55 > 0:08:58THEY LAUGH, DOORBELL CONTINUES RINGING

0:09:01 > 0:09:05As you can see, fellow Revengers, I have cleverly given the monster

0:09:05 > 0:09:08remote-controlled feet.

0:09:08 > 0:09:10Aaron and Ralph have got the controls

0:09:10 > 0:09:12and are now going to edge each car forward

0:09:12 > 0:09:14so that it looks like Eric's walking.

0:09:14 > 0:09:16Look - do you want me to beep it?

0:09:16 > 0:09:20I could. It's just that it would be like that warning beep you get

0:09:20 > 0:09:21when a lorry reverses.

0:09:21 > 0:09:25Only I'd be warning people that a monster's going forwad.

0:09:25 > 0:09:27We don't want to warn anyone, Aaron.

0:09:27 > 0:09:31This revenge will only work if Mel and Will think it's a real monster

0:09:31 > 0:09:34and it takes them by surprise. Now give it a try.

0:09:34 > 0:09:36Gently.

0:09:38 > 0:09:39- CARS REV - Gently!

0:09:39 > 0:09:41CLATTERING AND BANGING

0:09:49 > 0:09:51- Whoops!- Sorry!

0:09:53 > 0:09:56'Every time it just seemed like a disaster.

0:09:56 > 0:10:02'But later that night I realised it was much, much, much, much, much

0:10:02 > 0:10:05- 'much worse than that.' - THEY GROAN

0:10:10 > 0:10:13It's been a very weird day since we crashed the monster.

0:10:13 > 0:10:18Obviously, me and the Revengers spent most of the day

0:10:18 > 0:10:21hiding from Mum. But then Dad and Will came home.

0:10:27 > 0:10:28Ah! What happened?!

0:10:28 > 0:10:31- MUMBLES:- I must have got a cold when I went out last night

0:10:31 > 0:10:34- in my underpants. - I meant to William!

0:10:36 > 0:10:41He'd broken his leg and Dad took himself off to bed feeling sick.

0:10:41 > 0:10:44Oh, poor me! I wish I felt better loved but I don't.

0:10:44 > 0:10:48You couldn't fetch me some lightly buttered farmhouse bread

0:10:48 > 0:10:51thickly sliced with a drop of that delicious Scotch broth, could you?

0:10:51 > 0:10:53TV PLAYS, MUM CLEARS HER THROAT

0:10:54 > 0:10:57You don't sound very sick.

0:10:57 > 0:10:59Oh, I am!

0:10:59 > 0:11:01I'm very, very sick!

0:11:01 > 0:11:03HE BLOWS HARD

0:11:05 > 0:11:10And then Mum went looking for the milk vandals and pulled a muscle.

0:11:11 > 0:11:13Selfish little boys!

0:11:13 > 0:11:17Your milk has ruined my hall carpet!

0:11:17 > 0:11:19It was an accident, Mummy.

0:11:19 > 0:11:22- No! Not the broken broom!- Ah! CRACKING

0:11:24 > 0:11:26My back!

0:11:26 > 0:11:30My point is that the same weird things happened to the monster.

0:11:30 > 0:11:32It broke its leg.

0:11:32 > 0:11:34Fell into sick

0:11:34 > 0:11:36and it twisted its back.

0:11:37 > 0:11:41It also got covered in milk like Mel but that was a bit different.

0:11:41 > 0:11:44But what does this all mean?!

0:11:44 > 0:11:47GROWLING

0:11:49 > 0:11:51Hello, Alice.

0:11:52 > 0:11:56- Oh, it's you.- Mum said she saw a monster in the shed tonight.

0:11:56 > 0:11:58- Did she?- You know she did.

0:11:58 > 0:12:03- That's why I've come to tell you a bedtime story.- Is it a nice one?

0:12:03 > 0:12:07It's a friendly warning story about the perils of playing with monsters.

0:12:09 > 0:12:12And I suggest all you Revengers watching at home listen too.

0:12:14 > 0:12:18Once upon a time, in this very house,

0:12:18 > 0:12:21there lived a mad scientist called Frankenstein.

0:12:21 > 0:12:22Is this a true story?

0:12:22 > 0:12:28These are his actual safety goggles that we found in the cellar.

0:12:28 > 0:12:31And this mad scientist built a monster.

0:12:31 > 0:12:33In THIS house?!

0:12:33 > 0:12:35In this very room, Alistair.

0:12:35 > 0:12:37His actual feet touched this floor.

0:12:37 > 0:12:42And they lived together as man and monster for 30 years

0:12:42 > 0:12:44till the monster died.

0:12:45 > 0:12:47Because it was like a pet to Frankenstein

0:12:47 > 0:12:49he buried the monster in the garden.

0:12:49 > 0:12:54- Our garden?- And it's said that he who brings the monster back to life

0:12:54 > 0:12:58will be strangled by the monster! And his family will suffer

0:12:58 > 0:13:01a run of really bad luck.

0:13:01 > 0:13:05But we made Eric. We didn't bring Frankenstein's monster back to life.

0:13:05 > 0:13:07You did do that rain dance.

0:13:07 > 0:13:10- You mean you think that dance might have...?- Obviously.

0:13:10 > 0:13:13And now the spirit of the monster lives on in Eric.

0:13:14 > 0:13:17You're not...scared, are you, Alice?

0:13:18 > 0:13:20N-No.

0:13:20 > 0:13:21Night, night.

0:13:22 > 0:13:26Sleep tight. (Don't let the monsters bite!)

0:13:26 > 0:13:28Oh, no! What if he does?!

0:13:28 > 0:13:31- CREAKING - Oh! Did you hear that?

0:13:31 > 0:13:34- WAILING - And that? Oh no!

0:13:34 > 0:13:37WAILING CONTINUES Alice!

0:13:37 > 0:13:40I can hear feet coming up the stairs.

0:13:40 > 0:13:42I'm not scared. Obviously it's just...

0:13:42 > 0:13:44Those were giant footsteps!

0:13:45 > 0:13:47BANGING

0:13:47 > 0:13:49It's the monster! It has to be!

0:13:49 > 0:13:53That stupid rain dance has brought its spirit back to life in Eric.

0:13:53 > 0:13:55And it's coming to get me!

0:13:55 > 0:13:57- BANGING CONTINUES - Help!

0:13:57 > 0:14:00- FRANTIC BANGING - Oh!

0:14:00 > 0:14:02I think it's stopped.

0:14:02 > 0:14:05- Oh no, it's still there. - CRASHING

0:14:05 > 0:14:08HE SCREAMS

0:14:11 > 0:14:15That's so typical of my family - nobody comes to save me!

0:14:15 > 0:14:18SOFT THUDS

0:14:22 > 0:14:24ALISTAIR SCREAMS

0:14:27 > 0:14:29PHONE RINGS

0:14:32 > 0:14:34SNORING

0:14:34 > 0:14:36PHONE CONTINUES RINGING

0:14:40 > 0:14:42PHONE RINGS AND VIBRATES, DAD SNORES

0:14:46 > 0:14:48Hello.

0:14:48 > 0:14:50'Aaaaaah!'

0:14:51 > 0:14:53Go to sleep, Alistair.

0:15:01 > 0:15:03I was hoping that daylight would bring relief

0:15:03 > 0:15:06from the night time terrors, but I was wrong.

0:15:06 > 0:15:09SCREAMING

0:15:10 > 0:15:14The run of bad luck started by me and the Revengers

0:15:14 > 0:15:16mucking about with monsters just kept coming.

0:15:16 > 0:15:19Who or what could have done this?

0:15:19 > 0:15:21It must have been Alice.

0:15:21 > 0:15:23Well it is his name.

0:15:23 > 0:15:27That's not my name! My name's Alistair! I'm a boy!

0:15:27 > 0:15:30I've got toenails in my pocket to prove it!

0:15:30 > 0:15:33Go and get your father!

0:15:36 > 0:15:38She doesn't really need me, Will.

0:15:38 > 0:15:39I'm sick.

0:15:39 > 0:15:42I've got pains in all my major organs.

0:15:46 > 0:15:48GLASS SMASHES

0:15:48 > 0:15:51- She told me to throw out the TV remote out if you didn't come.- OK.

0:15:51 > 0:15:55- But if I get pneumonia and die, it's your fault.- It can't be.

0:15:55 > 0:15:58- Everything's alway's Alistair's fault, isn't it?- Good point.

0:15:58 > 0:16:00If he hadn't been making all that noise in the tent

0:16:00 > 0:16:04I wouldn't have had to go outside in my pants and shout at him.

0:16:04 > 0:16:07HE SIGHS

0:16:11 > 0:16:14Alistair must have put those there as well!

0:16:16 > 0:16:17I didn't do it!

0:16:17 > 0:16:21Well, if none of us did it, then there's only one explanation,

0:16:21 > 0:16:23- right, Mel?- Right, William.

0:16:23 > 0:16:25It must have been...the monster!

0:16:25 > 0:16:27DRAMATIC MUSIC

0:16:30 > 0:16:33Stop, William. Please!

0:16:33 > 0:16:36Maybe we did activate the curse of Frankenstein with our rain dance.

0:16:36 > 0:16:39- Is Eric still in the shed? - Are you joking?

0:16:39 > 0:16:42Go in there? He's gonna strangle me, remember?

0:16:42 > 0:16:44Look, you want to get rid of it, yeah?

0:16:46 > 0:16:48There's only one way and it's not pretty.

0:16:51 > 0:16:53Pass that onto Ralph and Aaron, will ya?

0:16:53 > 0:16:56Tonight you need to dig up the monster's bones

0:16:56 > 0:16:59from our back garden and rebury them at the allotment.

0:16:59 > 0:17:03- Why?- Because there's a pet cemetery there. I've told you that

0:17:03 > 0:17:06- Frankenstein thought of his monster as a pet.- But it's dark there.

0:17:06 > 0:17:08Can't it be somewhere less spooky?

0:17:08 > 0:17:11I don't make up the rules, Alice. Sorry.

0:17:19 > 0:17:21So to get rid of the monster

0:17:21 > 0:17:25we've got to dig up its old bones and bury them in an allotment

0:17:25 > 0:17:27so its spirit can rest in peace for ever.

0:17:27 > 0:17:29I'm not even scared, are you?

0:17:29 > 0:17:30BOTH: No!

0:17:30 > 0:17:32- DOG HOWLS - What sort of spade is that?

0:17:32 > 0:17:37We don't have a garden. Mum grows carrots in a window box.

0:17:37 > 0:17:39SQUAWKING

0:17:41 > 0:17:43And that's a tree and that another tree.

0:17:43 > 0:17:45- And that's...- Alistair!

0:17:46 > 0:17:49I've struck bone.

0:17:52 > 0:17:56ANIMAL HOWLS

0:18:00 > 0:18:03Right, that's all the bones reburied.

0:18:03 > 0:18:07Aaron, get it covered. Ralph, keep watch for vampires.

0:18:07 > 0:18:09I'll do the prayers.

0:18:10 > 0:18:14For all the bones we relaid, someone get rid of the monster I made.

0:18:16 > 0:18:22A-A-MEN!

0:18:22 > 0:18:24Oh ye of little height, here's a tip.

0:18:24 > 0:18:27Never mess with monsters.

0:18:27 > 0:18:31Last night I thought I'd buried Frankenstein's curse for good.

0:18:31 > 0:18:36This morning I have been woken with the terrible news

0:18:36 > 0:18:39that there's been a death in the family.

0:18:39 > 0:18:42What I done to deserve this? Tell me!

0:18:42 > 0:18:47I mean, am I a bad person, Constance? Why me? Why now?

0:18:47 > 0:18:51I'm still only halfway through my soup book. It's not fair.

0:18:51 > 0:18:53Ach, maybe it's moles.

0:18:54 > 0:18:56Moles?!

0:18:56 > 0:19:00When have you ever seen a mole big enough to dig a hole...

0:19:01 > 0:19:03..that size?

0:19:04 > 0:19:09Maybe it's alien spaceships landing then or dinosaurs footprints.

0:19:09 > 0:19:11Don't mock me, William.

0:19:11 > 0:19:14That hole is so not funny.

0:19:14 > 0:19:18Well whatever made it, I bet you anything it were Alistair.

0:19:19 > 0:19:21- Alistair?!- Well it always is.

0:19:21 > 0:19:25Well if it was Alistair, he'll wish he was dead too.

0:19:25 > 0:19:27- HE YAWNS - Who's dead?

0:19:28 > 0:19:31One of Great Uncle Crawford's parrots.

0:19:31 > 0:19:33Aw! Not Long John Silver?

0:19:33 > 0:19:37He was almost as old as Great Uncle Crawford himself.

0:19:37 > 0:19:39And how are YOU feeling?

0:19:39 > 0:19:41Oh...

0:19:41 > 0:19:42What's she doing here?

0:19:42 > 0:19:46- What do you think? There's a family funeral to go to.- Oh.

0:19:46 > 0:19:49Well in that case I'm still feeling a bit poorly.

0:19:49 > 0:19:51Eh! If Dad don't have to go

0:19:51 > 0:19:54then I can't possibly go with these crutches.

0:19:54 > 0:19:58Anyway, I'm not going to waste my time saying goodbye to a parrot.

0:19:58 > 0:20:02Your Great Uncle Crawford devoted his life to his parrot sanctuary.

0:20:02 > 0:20:05Long John Silver was his companion. Show your respects.

0:20:05 > 0:20:07I can't go - I've got to find a new boyfriend.

0:20:07 > 0:20:09Can you believe it, Mum?

0:20:09 > 0:20:13Andy hasn't had the good manners to phone after I stood him up.

0:20:13 > 0:20:16Didn't you tell him you didn't open the door cos of the milk?

0:20:16 > 0:20:17No.

0:20:17 > 0:20:21Well, nice try, both of you, but you're still coming.

0:20:21 > 0:20:23- What?! - DOORBELL RINGS

0:20:23 > 0:20:27- Cup of tea in bed would be nice. - And some crumpets?

0:20:27 > 0:20:29Only if it's not too much trouble.

0:20:29 > 0:20:30And while you're up there,

0:20:30 > 0:20:35perhaps you could take him his nice bowl of strychnine noodle soup(!)

0:20:35 > 0:20:38DOORBELL RINGS

0:20:39 > 0:20:41Oh, it's you.

0:20:41 > 0:20:44Hello. You know, I've been ringing for quite some time now.

0:20:44 > 0:20:46All night, in fact.

0:20:46 > 0:20:48In fact, two nights.

0:20:48 > 0:20:51- I think your doorbell's broken. - It's fine.

0:20:51 > 0:20:54But it's a bit of a bad time at the moment.

0:20:54 > 0:20:57The family's just lost a much-loved parrot.

0:20:57 > 0:21:00Plus, I find you a little bit clingy,

0:21:00 > 0:21:03- so if you don't mind, I'm dumping you.- What?

0:21:03 > 0:21:05I brought you some... Mel? Mel!

0:21:08 > 0:21:10What?

0:21:14 > 0:21:17Well,

0:21:17 > 0:21:22I shall goodbye to you, Long John Silver - first and best.

0:21:22 > 0:21:24We had a few laughs together,

0:21:24 > 0:21:27and there wasn't much about me you didn't know.

0:21:27 > 0:21:30And sometimes, when we had our long chats,

0:21:30 > 0:21:32I'd forget that you were a bird.

0:21:32 > 0:21:36Except when you pecked on the window to try and get out.

0:21:36 > 0:21:38Or scuffled about on my newspaper.

0:21:38 > 0:21:40And the things you used to say.

0:21:40 > 0:21:45You had the biggest gob on you of any parrot I've ever known.

0:21:45 > 0:21:48Anyway...

0:21:48 > 0:21:51the whole family's come out to see you off,

0:21:51 > 0:21:54onto that great silver perch in the sky.

0:21:54 > 0:21:57DOG SNIFFS

0:21:57 > 0:22:00Did you have to bring Mr E?

0:22:00 > 0:22:03He and the parrot were friends.

0:22:03 > 0:22:05TINKLING

0:22:05 > 0:22:07Alistair, grab him!

0:22:07 > 0:22:10..Mind how you go, and no swearing.

0:22:11 > 0:22:13DOG GROWLS

0:22:13 > 0:22:16How did my old soup bones get here?!

0:22:20 > 0:22:23LAUGHTER

0:22:23 > 0:22:25I've been taken for a mug.

0:22:25 > 0:22:27THEY WAIL

0:22:27 > 0:22:28The wailing,

0:22:28 > 0:22:32the bones in the garden,

0:22:32 > 0:22:34the scratched hood,

0:22:34 > 0:22:37Frankenstein's safety goggles,

0:22:37 > 0:22:39and those heavy footsteps...

0:22:39 > 0:22:41That's the monster - it has to be.

0:22:41 > 0:22:45..was never the monster coming to get me in my bed.

0:22:45 > 0:22:47It was Mel and Will paying ME back

0:22:47 > 0:22:50for the bird on the pillow and lucky pork chop revenges.

0:22:50 > 0:22:54Right - it's time for a council of war.

0:22:56 > 0:23:00Right, let's start with the swearing in.

0:23:00 > 0:23:03I'm ruddy well going to duff them up.

0:23:03 > 0:23:05- So am ruddy I.- And ruddy me.

0:23:05 > 0:23:09Good. Let us sit on the carpet of war and discuss strategies.

0:23:09 > 0:23:12Who seeks the helmet of war?

0:23:12 > 0:23:16- We could tie bricks to their shoes and chuck 'em in the river.- Why?

0:23:16 > 0:23:18What harm have their shoes ever done us?

0:23:18 > 0:23:21I was assuming Mel and Will would still be in them.

0:23:21 > 0:23:23No, no, no.

0:23:23 > 0:23:25They tried to scare me to death,

0:23:25 > 0:23:27so we're going to scare THEM to death back.

0:23:27 > 0:23:33- How?- With the monster. It's what we should have done all along.

0:23:33 > 0:23:36Look at that, fellow Revengers.

0:23:36 > 0:23:37Is that scary or what?

0:23:37 > 0:23:40Have you got enough space under that coat

0:23:40 > 0:23:45- to hold the karaoke machine and the microphone to your mouth?- Yeah.

0:23:45 > 0:23:47Can I have some more chocolate?

0:23:47 > 0:23:51If you keep eating chocolate, you'd turn into a real monster.

0:23:51 > 0:23:55- OK, you know the signal to make your entrance?- Yep.

0:23:55 > 0:23:57I still think a turkey is a stupid choice.

0:23:57 > 0:23:59It's the only animal I can do.

0:23:59 > 0:24:01And you know your lines?

0:24:01 > 0:24:03I wrote them on his sleeve.

0:24:03 > 0:24:07I am Frankenstein's monster,

0:24:07 > 0:24:10and I am back to life for real this time,

0:24:10 > 0:24:13and I am here to eliminate Alistair Fury.

0:24:13 > 0:24:16Then you grab my neck and I fall down dead

0:24:16 > 0:24:19and they're so scared that they burst into tears

0:24:19 > 0:24:21and promise to never scare me again.

0:24:21 > 0:24:22Yeah.

0:24:32 > 0:24:34Oh, I didn't know you were in here.

0:24:34 > 0:24:37- What do you want, Alice? - Oh, nothing.

0:24:37 > 0:24:39Aaron fancies a turkey sandwich.

0:24:39 > 0:24:41You love turkey, don't you?

0:24:41 > 0:24:42I do.

0:24:42 > 0:24:44Gobble, gobble.

0:24:44 > 0:24:46Gobble, gobble, gobble.

0:24:46 > 0:24:47Gobble, gobble.

0:24:47 > 0:24:49KNOCK ON DOOR

0:24:49 > 0:24:51I wonder who that might be.

0:24:51 > 0:24:57BOTH, HALTINGLY: Answer it, Alistair, and find out.

0:25:02 > 0:25:03Aaah!

0:25:03 > 0:25:05ALISTAIR SCREAMS

0:25:07 > 0:25:09POP MUSIC PLAYS BRIEFLY

0:25:09 > 0:25:11- FEEDBACK - Oops, sorry. Wrong button.

0:25:11 > 0:25:13MONSTER ROARS

0:25:13 > 0:25:16It's Frankenstein's monster come to get me.

0:25:16 > 0:25:19I am Frankenstein's monster!

0:25:19 > 0:25:22Oh, the terrible monster...

0:25:22 > 0:25:24is wiping its feet!

0:25:24 > 0:25:27I always wipe my feet.

0:25:27 > 0:25:30I've come back to life for real this time

0:25:30 > 0:25:33and I am here to eliminate Alistair Fury.

0:25:33 > 0:25:37- Oh, no!- Oh, yes. Eliminate, eliminate.

0:25:37 > 0:25:38- Eliminate, eliminate.- Help!

0:25:38 > 0:25:40THEY CHUCKLE

0:25:40 > 0:25:44Eliminate, eliminate. Eliminate, eliminate.

0:25:44 > 0:25:47- Eliminate, eliminate...- Oh, ah!

0:25:47 > 0:25:50HE "CHOKES"

0:25:54 > 0:25:59- Bravo, bruv. Bravo(!)- You're gonna have to do better to scare us.

0:25:59 > 0:26:02You weren't even fooled a little bit?

0:26:02 > 0:26:04What do you think, Alice?

0:26:04 > 0:26:07- KNOCK AT DOOR - Oh, no more. Please!

0:26:07 > 0:26:08My nerves can't take it(!)

0:26:08 > 0:26:11DOOR CREAKS

0:26:11 > 0:26:13Eh? Isn't that...

0:26:13 > 0:26:15Great Uncle Crawford's parrot?

0:26:15 > 0:26:19I hope you're brave, cos I'm fresh from the grave.

0:26:19 > 0:26:21You mean Long John Silver?

0:26:21 > 0:26:23It can't be - he's dead.

0:26:25 > 0:26:26THEY SCREAM

0:26:26 > 0:26:28ALL SCREAM

0:26:30 > 0:26:33Oh, that scared 'em.

0:26:53 > 0:26:55# Revenge, revenge, revenge... #

0:27:01 > 0:27:04You can come out now, Great Uncle Crawford.

0:27:05 > 0:27:07Was that what you boys wanted.

0:27:07 > 0:27:08Perfect.

0:27:08 > 0:27:11It was lucky Long John Silver had an identical twin.

0:27:11 > 0:27:14Too right.

0:27:16 > 0:27:17Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd