0:00:08 > 0:00:10Attention, fellow revengers.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13A terrible injustice has befallen your leader.
0:00:13 > 0:00:14For the first time ever,
0:00:14 > 0:00:19Miss Bird has organised a school trip to the House Of Horrors.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22I think it's so we can meet some of her family.
0:00:22 > 0:00:27But I'm going to get some brilliant ideas for future revenges.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30Or I would - if I was allowed to go.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35# Get her, get him
0:00:35 > 0:00:37# Getting even ain't a sin
0:00:37 > 0:00:41# Sister Mel and brother Will Make 'em take a bitter pill
0:00:41 > 0:00:43# Serve it up lukewarm
0:00:43 > 0:00:46# Yeah, the storm before the storm
0:00:46 > 0:00:50# Oh, look out world Your sandwich is curled
0:00:50 > 0:00:53# Your tea's gone cold and now you're gettin' old
0:00:53 > 0:00:56# You know the boy with the camera He's gonna scam ya
0:00:56 > 0:00:58# Harder than Stonehenge
0:00:58 > 0:01:02# It's gonna be a mighty revenge. #
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Why am I the most lonely,
0:01:05 > 0:01:08left-out-of-everything person in the world?
0:01:08 > 0:01:12Because my lazy, horrible, couldn't-care-less parents
0:01:12 > 0:01:16were too busy to sign the school trip consent form.
0:01:25 > 0:01:26HORN BLARES
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Take what you want. Just leave the TV.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Mum, can you sign my consent form for the school trip?
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Oh, go away!
0:01:35 > 0:01:37- But Mum!- But nothing, Alistair.
0:01:37 > 0:01:42Perhaps this will teach you to be a little more organised next time.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44But Mum, you HAVE to sign it.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47This will be the best school trip ever.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50- I'll sign it. Pass me it. - I would - if I hadn't lost it.
0:01:50 > 0:01:55Don't worry, all you have to do is get up, turn on the computer,
0:01:55 > 0:01:58type another, print that and sign it.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59HE SNORES
0:01:59 > 0:02:01HORN BLARES
0:02:01 > 0:02:05If I get more excited about the House Of Horrors, I'll explode.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Me too. There's skeletons, ghosts, torture chambers...
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Will you shut up? I can't go, remember.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15For you, this home is like the House Of Horrors,
0:02:15 > 0:02:17cos the people in it torture your mind.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21Yeah, but Doctor Revenge has got a plan to pay them all back.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23We'll call it...
0:02:23 > 0:02:27"Operation Make The Furies Forget Granny's Birthday."
0:02:45 > 0:02:48HE LAUGHS AT THE TV
0:02:56 > 0:03:00KEY TONES BEEP
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Oh, Mum. Hello?
0:03:10 > 0:03:14- Well?- Well, hello.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16- Aren't you going to say it?- What?
0:03:16 > 0:03:20- Oh, you have an animal on your head. - It's a wig!
0:03:20 > 0:03:24And I'll have you know, it was made specially for me
0:03:24 > 0:03:28by the 27th best wig-maker in the whole of London.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30It really shows.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33What do you need a wig for? You have your own hair.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Wouldn't you just believe it,
0:03:35 > 0:03:40the strain of looking glamorous for my surprise birthday party
0:03:40 > 0:03:42made all my hair fall out.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46And, anyway, I think it takes years off me.
0:03:46 > 0:03:51Yeah, surprise birthday party. It's certainly a surprise. A BIG surprise.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Excuse me for one minute.
0:03:53 > 0:03:58How did this happen? I wrote myself reminders. I put it in my diary.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01I made sure we wouldn't forget. I was organised.
0:04:01 > 0:04:06We should've written reminders to remind us of the reminders.
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Shut up, Sean!
0:04:07 > 0:04:10We have to put together a party in three seconds flat.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Now, everybody think.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20- We could slip out the back door and wait till she's asleep.- No!
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Don't be hasty, Sean. This has its merits.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25HE FARTS
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Oh dear.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31HE FARTS AGAIN
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Oh, this is a nice way to spend your birthday.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38Sitting alone with a very smelly dog for company.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41HE FARTS AGAIN
0:04:41 > 0:04:44I'm a professional celebrity chef. I can do this.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47I'm a professional chef. I can do this.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50I can make a delicious birthday feast from one rotten egg,
0:04:50 > 0:04:53some mouldy cheese and a kipper.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Right, which do you think mum will prefer?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58William's baby teeth or an egg cup?
0:04:58 > 0:04:59EGG CUP SMASHES
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Baby teeth it is, then.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Oh, this is impossible!
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Hi, is Granny here yet? I want to wish her happy birthday.
0:05:07 > 0:05:12- It would be awful if she thought I'd forgotten.- You! You did this!
0:05:12 > 0:05:17- Did what, Mummy? - What's going on in here?
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Where's my surprise party?
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Err, just putting the finishing touches to it now, Mum.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Do you want Alistair to give you a foot rub, Granny?
0:05:29 > 0:05:30Oh no!
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Oh, about time!
0:05:34 > 0:05:38And make sure that you get in between the toes.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40That's where the skin is REALLY flaky.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57That was not nice.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Still, once I've given Granny my special present
0:06:00 > 0:06:05I won't have to touch her flaky feet ever again.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09THEY ALL CHEER
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Here's the birthday girl now.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- Did you enjoy the treat? - Yes, thank you.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15My bunions needed a good scraping.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18By the way, Granny, I got you a present.
0:06:26 > 0:06:27What is it?
0:06:27 > 0:06:31It's ever so useful for slicing and dicing bunions.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35Oh, thank you, Alistair.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39I bet you can't wait to see all the amazing presents
0:06:39 > 0:06:41everyone else has bought you.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43- Well?- Well...
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Well, um, it's been very busy at work lately so I haven't...
0:06:47 > 0:06:50You haven't got me any presents, have you?
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Of course we have. Haven't we?
0:06:52 > 0:06:54- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:06:54 > 0:07:01So, Will, why don't you give Granny your present first?
0:07:01 > 0:07:03- Um...- Don't be shy.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Erm...
0:07:10 > 0:07:13It's just a picture of me.
0:07:13 > 0:07:19Oh, what I've always wanted. A picture of Will with his top off.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22I've got what it takes to be a top model.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26A modelling agency scout spotted Will in the frozen food aisle.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Now he thinks he's the most gorgeous boy on the planet.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32If you ask me, the only thing Will could model
0:07:32 > 0:07:36is hats for people with extra-big heads, like him.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39OK, so I've got a photo. What else?
0:07:39 > 0:07:41What else? Err, what, well, what...
0:07:41 > 0:07:44You'll never guess what I've got for you, Mum.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Why would I guess? Give it to me.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50- Are you sure you don't want to guess? - No.- OK.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Oh, here!
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Is it something to sit on, Sean?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Oh no, don't tell me.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02- It's a log.- NOW it's a log, but not for much longer,
0:08:02 > 0:08:05because I'm gonna...carve you a bust.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07- A bust?- Yeah.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09- You mean like a statue of my head? - Exactly.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- What d'you know about sculpting? - What's to know?
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Just need wood and tools. Be ready by dinner.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19Which brings us to Celia. When is my birthday dinner?
0:08:19 > 0:08:21POTS AND PANS CRASH
0:08:21 > 0:08:22MUM SHRIEKS
0:08:22 > 0:08:26- Another couple of minutes. - Granny, I know what I'll get you.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- A funky new hairstyle.- Be careful.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Let me explain revenges.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Mel's never wanted to be a hairdresser.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36She never even mentioned hairdressing until last week.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40You know I said careers are only for ugly girls, Mummy?
0:08:40 > 0:08:44I've decided what I want to do with my life. Become a hairdresser.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Now, why on earth would you want to do that?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49No real reason.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50I know of a reason.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57Rob the Bob.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08Dinner's ready!
0:09:10 > 0:09:15I think you'll really enjoy tonight's birthday meal, Granny.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Why? Did someone else cook it?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- Do we have any plasters? - What have you done?- Here.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- There's nothing wrong with you. - There is.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26I've been attacked by a chisel.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29- I said you don't know about sculpting.- I do.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31It's chisels I'm not familiar with.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33William, shirt on at the dinner table.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36I can't. My fake tan's still wet.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Everyone knows models aren't milk-bottle white.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Or Jaffa Cake orange. Argh!
0:09:41 > 0:09:45In honour of Granny Constance's 70th birthday,
0:09:45 > 0:09:50tonight's meal will be ostrich meat, pomegranates, carrots in brine
0:09:50 > 0:09:54all 70 years old, just like Granny.
0:09:55 > 0:10:00Mum, why does specially-prepared food for Granny's birthday
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- look like week-old leftovers from the fridge?- Ssshh!
0:10:03 > 0:10:09I know that, apart from Alistair, you all forgot my birthday.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Luckily, there's a way you can make it up to me.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15- Do you want Alistair to rub your feet again?- No.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17To commemorate my birthday,
0:10:17 > 0:10:21I've asked the people at Blue Rinse Magazine to come and take my photo.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23And they agreed, just like that?
0:10:23 > 0:10:27Well, I did say you'd write an article to go with the photo.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30What? You promised MY precious time?
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Well I'm sorry, Constance, it can't be done.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- I have my own work to do. - They're a national magazine.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39And the article is about
0:10:39 > 0:10:44- how you became the domestic goddess you are today.- Well...
0:10:44 > 0:10:49- What is work when compared to family?- It's all settled then.
0:10:49 > 0:10:55- Happy birthday, Mum.- I want you all to be in the photo with me.
0:10:55 > 0:11:02- Everyone except Alistair.- Why? - I want this photo to be special.
0:11:02 > 0:11:07- You look like a street urchin.- Mum, tell her I should be in the photo.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Granny's right. If this photo is going to appear next to my article
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- it has to be perfect. - Dad, this isn't fair!
0:11:14 > 0:11:19Sorry, Alistair. It's your granny's photo. Whatever she wants.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23- What's wrong with the way I look? - Too scruffy.- That's being nice.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- I blame that T-shirt. - What's wrong with my T-shirt?
0:11:27 > 0:11:33- Need you ask!- But, Granny, you've got to let me in the photo. PLEASE!
0:11:33 > 0:11:37Left out of the school trip and the family photo!
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Come on, Alistair. Who wants to be in a granny mag anyway?
0:11:40 > 0:11:42That's not the point.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45I'm sick of being left out of everything
0:11:45 > 0:11:49- just because my family hate me. - He's right. This means revenge war.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Yeah, we'll knock them down one by one,
0:11:52 > 0:11:56- till the only person left standing is Alistair.- I know...
0:11:56 > 0:11:59If they think you're too scruffy for a photo,
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- what if we made them look even worse?- You mean,
0:12:02 > 0:12:07make them look so manky they'll never want to have their photo taken again?
0:12:07 > 0:12:08Genius!
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Let "Operation Make Them Look Like the Addams Family" begin!
0:12:12 > 0:12:16Ow! Celia, help!
0:12:16 > 0:12:21What is it now, Sean? Can't you see I'm trying to write my article?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24But this time I'm badly injured. It was the hammer's fault.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28- There's nothing wrong with you. - There is. Look!
0:12:28 > 0:12:30It's a splinter, clear as day.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33If it's not visible to the naked eye, it won't kill you.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35I'm not anticipating a problem
0:12:35 > 0:12:38writing the first part of my article -
0:12:38 > 0:12:42"How I Triumphed Over Adversity More Than Nigella Lawson Ever Did"
0:12:42 > 0:12:45but I can't write with all this noise, so, please, get out!
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- Sure you can't see a splinter?- Out!
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- Granny, I've been thinking about your new hairstyle.- So have I.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05I want to see your work
0:13:05 > 0:13:08before I set you loose on what little hair I've left.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11I'm only a Saturday girl. All I do is sweep the floor.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Then I'm not letting you near my hair.
0:13:14 > 0:13:20- What if I cut Will's?- Err, hello? Top models don't have bad hair, duh!
0:13:20 > 0:13:24- I'll have to practice on the dog. - You can't do that. That's cruel.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Practice on Alistair.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29If you can make his hair less scruffy
0:13:29 > 0:13:31and get him out of that awful T-shirt,
0:13:31 > 0:13:35then maybe we'll let him in the photo.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- Time for your haircut, Alice.- What?
0:13:38 > 0:13:41NOOOOOOOO!
0:13:41 > 0:13:45Now you've got to tell me if this temperature's all right.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Aargh, too cold! Too cold!
0:13:48 > 0:13:50What's that you're saying? Just right?
0:13:50 > 0:13:54- Too cold!- Sorry, can't hear you over the shower.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00- Well, it could have been worse.- How?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02They could have killed you.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04There's only one thing that can cheer me up.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Revenge!
0:14:07 > 0:14:12Operation "Make the Furies look like the Addams Family, Part 1".
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Damaging Dad's bust will really stress him out.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19No-one'll want him in the photo cos he'll be all sweaty and red.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21- Are you sure this'll work? - Trust me.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Dad really wants this bust to look great for Granny.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30Let's see how his masterpiece looks after these wood-munching beetles
0:14:30 > 0:14:32have filled their little bellies.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37Oueee!
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Fudgenuts.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Hmmm. Pretty interesting.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47RUSTLING
0:14:52 > 0:14:55And while we're at it, they can munch his wooden head!
0:14:55 > 0:14:56What the...?
0:15:00 > 0:15:01No!
0:15:06 > 0:15:09HE SCREAMS
0:15:11 > 0:15:12MUFFLED: Oh, no.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Constance, quickly. I need help.
0:15:15 > 0:15:20I can't remember how I made the leap from mediocre TV chef
0:15:20 > 0:15:22to domestic goddess.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26- I can't remember that bit either. - Oh! It's a disaster.
0:15:26 > 0:15:27Funny, that.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29DOOR SLAMS
0:15:29 > 0:15:30Mum!
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Mum, mum.
0:15:32 > 0:15:37- Right, which side do you think looks the best?- William, please!
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Would you put some clothes on?
0:15:39 > 0:15:44Wait a minute. This side, or...
0:15:44 > 0:15:46that side?
0:15:47 > 0:15:48Neither!
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Now please would you both leave me alone so I can write this article?
0:15:52 > 0:15:56Right. But can I have some money to buy some teeth brightener?
0:15:56 > 0:15:58DAD SOBS
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- Oh... - SOBBING: My poor thumb!
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- Problems?- Don't worry, Mum. Your bust is coming along nicely.
0:16:04 > 0:16:09- It's just my fingers that're in trouble.- Right, come on.- Ow!
0:16:16 > 0:16:17Thanks.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20This thumb...
0:16:26 > 0:16:28There. Now you won't need to come back, will you?
0:16:28 > 0:16:30No.
0:16:32 > 0:16:37Operation "Make the Furies look like the Addams Family, Part 2".
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Will's fake tan.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Tangerine Glow.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46Weird.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48I think blue's more his colour.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00HE SIGHS
0:17:04 > 0:17:06RUSTLING
0:17:06 > 0:17:09RUSTLING GETS LOUDER
0:17:22 > 0:17:24- Celia...- Out. - But Celia...- Out!
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Bits of my mum's face keep disappearing.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29- Bits of her wooden face, that is. - Who cares, Sean?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32The important thing is, I'm on a roll.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35All the time I was struggling with what to write - then it struck me.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Make it up!
0:17:37 > 0:17:39- When did you cook for Kylie Minogue?- 1998.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42She was a fan of my water vole with peas.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43Who'd have thought?
0:17:43 > 0:17:47Look out, Nigella Lawson. Celia Fury is on your tail!
0:17:47 > 0:17:48SCREAMING
0:17:48 > 0:17:52- < Look what he's done to me! - William?
0:17:56 > 0:17:57OK, fellow Revengers.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Target number three - Mel.
0:18:00 > 0:18:05Her crime? Giving an innocent little brother a terrible haircut.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06Her punishment?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Put itching powder in her pants?
0:18:08 > 0:18:12I'm not going anywhere near Mel's undercrackers. Any volunteers?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15What else have we got?
0:18:15 > 0:18:19We could put baby oil in her bed so she keeps sliding out in the night.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23We can do to her what she did to you.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27Didn't you say the House of Horrors had a set of stocks?
0:18:32 > 0:18:36Arrgh, scrape those bunions hard, Alistair!
0:18:37 > 0:18:39- Granny, it's me.- Oh!
0:18:40 > 0:18:44- So it is.- I've got something really special to show you.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Ta-da!
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Robert says that just because I can't cut hair
0:18:49 > 0:18:51doesn't mean I can't be a hairdresser.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55I'll create unique pieces of art for people to wear on their head
0:18:55 > 0:18:57to complement their hair.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58It's certainly unique.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- So will you wear it in your photo? - Certainly not!
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Almost finished!
0:19:03 > 0:19:06Come on, Celia! Just one more paragraph to go.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08You can do it!
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Celia, unlock the door.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12- I'm dying.- You're not dying, Sean.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16- Mummy, will you wear my new hair art in the photo?- Don't be silly.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17Well, someone needs to!
0:19:17 > 0:19:20I have to impress Robert or he'll find a new girlfriend...
0:19:24 > 0:19:25..Saturday girl.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29I'll wear it if you let me in the house.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Look, I only have one more paragraph to finish.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Will everyone PLEASE leave me alone?
0:19:33 > 0:19:37- Hi, everyone! - Oh, for goodness' sake.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39- Mum, can I ask something?- No.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Shoo!
0:19:41 > 0:19:44It's important. Miss Bird's taking the class on a trip tomorrow.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48We really need adult chaperones to come too. Will you come?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Please?
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Alistair, I am in the middle of fictionalising my entire career.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57I don't have time for your silly little school trip.
0:19:57 > 0:20:02- I'll go if you let me in, Alistair. - But Mum, you'd really enjoy it.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07Who wouldn't enjoy a trip to the newly-opened House of Hairdressing?
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Did you say House of Hairdressing?
0:20:09 > 0:20:13- Oh! Hi, Mel. I didn't know you were there.- I could chaperone your class.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15I couldn't ask you to do that.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19I should mention, Nicky Clarke's going there tomorrow
0:20:19 > 0:20:22to give a talk on how to be a top hairdresser.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24What? Then I'm definitely going.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Robert'll be so impressed if I meet Nicky Clarke.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31Really? Oh, you're the best sister a boy could ever have!
0:20:31 > 0:20:33< Alis! You are dead meat!
0:20:33 > 0:20:34Uh-oh...
0:20:47 > 0:20:50That's it! I've done it!
0:20:50 > 0:20:52I've finished!
0:21:20 > 0:21:24I can't believe it's finally here - the great day.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27By the time the photographer gets here this afternoon,
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Mum will be exhausted from rewriting her article,
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Dad will be stressed out
0:21:32 > 0:21:36from wood-munching beetles destroying his masterpiece,
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Will will still be blue,
0:21:38 > 0:21:41and Mel will have the haircut of all haircuts.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46And don't think I've forgotten to take care of Granny... Ha!
0:21:46 > 0:21:50And they said I was scruffy... Say "Hard cheese," Furies!
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Celia? Celia!
0:21:55 > 0:22:00- Stop shouting, Sean! What are you looking for?- My camera.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03I need proof I'm not going mad. Mum's bust - it IS disappearing.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07OK, let's just calm down now, shall we?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Half the problem with this family
0:22:09 > 0:22:12is that everyone gets so het up all the time.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Take a leaf out of my book.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Here I am, perfectly calm, perfectly organised,
0:22:17 > 0:22:20my article finished in plenty of time...
0:22:24 > 0:22:25Where's my article?
0:22:27 > 0:22:29- WHIMPERING:- Where is it?
0:22:32 > 0:22:35CHILLING SCREAM
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Are you sure this is the House of Hairdressing?
0:22:37 > 0:22:41- It's what the sign says. - If you'll just put this on...
0:22:41 > 0:22:44A blindfold? How stupid do you think I am?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Aaron, tell her.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51- We're caught. She's too clever for us.- OK, Mel.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Ralph and I were supposed to bring you here
0:22:53 > 0:22:56so you could appear on a hairdressing programme for TV.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Your mum's producer organised it.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Nicky Clarke's in there with your friends and family,
0:23:02 > 0:23:04and was gonna give you a fabulous haircut,
0:23:04 > 0:23:07then whip off the blindfold - THE surprise look.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10It could be transmitted around the country.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14But if you don't want to put the blindfold on, we totally understand.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18It's all our fault, blowing the whole thing.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Do you mean Nicky Clarke's in there?
0:23:25 > 0:23:27BANG
0:23:27 > 0:23:32Operation "Make the Furies look like the Addams Family, Part 4."
0:23:32 > 0:23:34I'm so excited.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Rob'll definitely notice me when I tell him about this.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40It's such an honour getting your hair cut by an expert.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Maybe I could show Nicky Clarke some of my hair art.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46I wonder what my new hair's going to look like.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49It'll be cutting edge.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Surprise!
0:23:55 > 0:23:56MEL SHRIEKS
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Safety scissors don't even cut paper!
0:23:59 > 0:24:02In the House of Horrors, everyone can hear you scream...
0:24:02 > 0:24:03but no-one cares.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06No. Alis, please, NO!
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Alis, no!
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Stop! No!
0:24:16 > 0:24:18SHE SCREAMS
0:24:26 > 0:24:33- WEARILY:- ..then I lived happily ever after as a domestic goddess.
0:24:33 > 0:24:34The end.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41DOORBELL RINGS
0:24:45 > 0:24:49Constance! Blue Rinse magazine, photographer.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53Constance? I don't look like a 70-year-old woman.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Oh. Sorry.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59My mistake. Come in. I'll get everyone together.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10- Looking for something, Granny? - I've lost my wig!
0:25:10 > 0:25:12I can't have my photo taken without my wig.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14- That's terrible.- Have you seen it?
0:25:23 > 0:25:27No-one'd want to be bald in a special family photo, would they?
0:25:28 > 0:25:30I guess you could the whole thing off,
0:25:30 > 0:25:34but that would give everyone a really big laugh.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Show me that.
0:25:51 > 0:25:52Young man!
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Why aren't you in the photo?
0:25:57 > 0:26:01A smart, handsome boy like you would balance out...them.
0:26:03 > 0:26:04Brilliant, no problem!
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Say cheese.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18What a disaster.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20I need something to cheer me up.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23Sean, may I have my birthday present?
0:26:23 > 0:26:25- Oh, well...- Now, Sean.
0:26:26 > 0:26:27All right.
0:26:35 > 0:26:36Here.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41Is that all I get for my birthday? An ear?
0:26:43 > 0:26:46It's a good ear. Mum, don't...
0:26:46 > 0:26:47LOUD THUD
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Take it easy, Mum. It's... It's a work in progress!
0:27:11 > 0:27:14The first thing a Revenger learns,
0:27:14 > 0:27:17after successfully taking revenge on your entire family,
0:27:17 > 0:27:21have a safe, secure hiding place to sneak off to.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24LOUD CRASH
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Stupid beetles!
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd