0:00:07 > 0:00:11Here, fellow Revengers. They say that I'm crazy like a frog.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14RIBBIT! But I'm not.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17They say my Revenges are proof that I'm crazy,
0:00:17 > 0:00:21that no-one sane would paint a false door on a wall.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23So when their big brother ran to the loo,
0:00:23 > 0:00:26he met with an unfortunate accident.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31- Ow!- Aaargh! - Only a fool would put green tea
0:00:31 > 0:00:35- into their sister's shampoo bottle. - Are you crazy, Alistair?!
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Look what you've done to your brother and sister!
0:00:38 > 0:00:40This time, you've gone too far.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Public humiliation's the only way to stop you.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46- We're telling everyone what you did! - Starting with Miss Bird!
0:00:48 > 0:00:49And after her...Pamela!
0:00:49 > 0:00:53Not Pamela! No! She's going to Ralph's birthday party with me.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57# Oh, get her, get him Getting even ain't a sin
0:00:57 > 0:01:00# Sister Mel and brother Will Make them take a bitter pill
0:01:00 > 0:01:03- # Serve it up lukewarm - Lukewarm
0:01:03 > 0:01:06- # It's the storm before the storm - The storm
0:01:06 > 0:01:10# Oh, look out world Your sandwich is cool
0:01:10 > 0:01:13# Your tea's gone cold And now you're getting old
0:01:13 > 0:01:16# You know the boy with the camera He's gonna scam ya
0:01:16 > 0:01:19# Harder than Stonehenge It's gonna be a right revenge! #
0:01:23 > 0:01:28That is why I'm spending my lunch time here, in Miss Bird's classroom,
0:01:28 > 0:01:31to try and stop them saying nasty things about me.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34No sign of the traitors yet. DOOR OPENS
0:01:34 > 0:01:38- Hang on!- It comes as no surprise, Melanie, dear.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Crazy is as crazy does. Such a shame
0:01:41 > 0:01:44that Alistair is not like you, William.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47When you were at this school you were always so clever.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51- "Were", Miss Bird?- Are! Still are.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Oh, William, you tease me!
0:01:54 > 0:01:58So, we're agreed then, next week I shall hand over my class
0:01:58 > 0:02:02to you for the inaugural Miss Bird Old Pupil's Lecture.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05- And you don't care what we talk about?- You can talk about anything,
0:02:05 > 0:02:08so long as I get a free lesson and you do all the work.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11So if we were to bring slides in of...
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Alistair naked in the bath, you'd be happy with that?
0:02:14 > 0:02:19Delighted. I think an element of humiliation through humour
0:02:19 > 0:02:21is always essential on these occasions.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24- KNOCKING - Come!
0:02:24 > 0:02:28'Oh, no! It's the lovely Pamela Whitby.'
0:02:28 > 0:02:31- May I have a word? - What is it, Pamela?
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Well, Miss, Alistair Fury copied my English test last week.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Oh!
0:02:37 > 0:02:41I know. That's why I deliberately put in mistakes,
0:02:41 > 0:02:44so that his wickedness would not be rewarded.
0:02:44 > 0:02:49- That's why I did so badly! - Alistair Fury!
0:02:49 > 0:02:53How many times have I told you about spying with that webcam?
0:02:53 > 0:02:59You may spend the rest of the lunch-break in the Dog House.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03More tea?
0:03:16 > 0:03:17SLURP!
0:03:17 > 0:03:22Mum, can I talk to you about a very delicate and personal matter?
0:03:24 > 0:03:29If you were Pamela and had been told I was "crazy like a frog"...?
0:03:29 > 0:03:32You looked like a frog when you were born, Alistair.
0:03:33 > 0:03:38It's just a saying. If you were her and had been told that,
0:03:38 > 0:03:41would you go out with me to Ralph's party?
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Right. Thanks(!) RIBBIT!
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Scaring the children, again, Celia?
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- Oh, I'm fed up.- Well, whatever it is
0:03:53 > 0:03:57the answer's not at the bottom of a bowl of sherry trifle.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Oooh! I think I've got a tapeworm. I'm starving!
0:04:01 > 0:04:06Oh, don't bother reading it. It's another publisher's rejection.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Nobody wants my latest book.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- I said you should have quit while you were ahead.- You did not!
0:04:12 > 0:04:16You had already done The Art Of Roasting and The Art Of Boiling
0:04:16 > 0:04:18The Art Of Frying, The Art Of Grilling,
0:04:18 > 0:04:21The Art Of Microwaving, and The Art Of Washing-Up.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25Nobody was ever going to want The Art Of Wiping Down Kitchen Surfaces.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Thanks(!)
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Mm!
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Look, I got you a present.
0:04:35 > 0:04:40You didn't buy it. They're giving them away free at the garage!
0:04:40 > 0:04:42It's the thought that counts. And the thought was
0:04:42 > 0:04:46that I could hypnotise you into believing you're Nigella Lawson.
0:04:46 > 0:04:52Oh...you mean improve my cooking and become a successful TV chef?
0:04:52 > 0:04:53I didn't say that.
0:04:53 > 0:04:58Besides, it's simply not possible to improve on Tortoise Tail Pie.
0:04:58 > 0:05:03- You didn't like it?- It tasted like chewing on Mr E's dog blanket.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07OK. If you think you're so perfect, I've got a present for you.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10I'm going to hypnotise you into not sleeping
0:05:10 > 0:05:13when there's housework to be done!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- You think I'm lazy? - You're hibernating!
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Is it possible to get a tapeworm with hollow legs?
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Can you, eh...
0:05:25 > 0:05:27pass the trifle, please, Mum?
0:05:28 > 0:05:30GLASS SHATTERS
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- Alistair! I was looking for you. - Hi...
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- Hi.- Are you all right?- Yeah.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41I don't know what you're saying.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Anyway, I've just coming to give you this.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47It's from my dad.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Shall I read it?
0:05:53 > 0:05:57"Dear Alistair, you copying my daughter's English test
0:05:57 > 0:06:00"has caused her much distress through lost marks.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03"Pamela is very precious to me.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05"If I have to keep you away from her,
0:06:05 > 0:06:09"by calling the police or infecting you with smallpox, I will.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11"Best wishes, Dr Whitby."
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Wh-Wh-Wh...? You...
0:06:14 > 0:06:18Alistair, stop! This whole speech thing is just not working.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21It's exactly like your brother and sister said -
0:06:21 > 0:06:26you are crazy like a frog and I'm finding it just a little bit scary.
0:06:26 > 0:06:31So I won't be going with you to Ralph's party. I'm sorry.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35It's cos I look like a frog, isn't it?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42OK, Sean.
0:06:42 > 0:06:47You cannot resist...
0:06:47 > 0:06:50the Romanian Stare.
0:06:50 > 0:06:55You will stop hanging around in that pan
0:06:55 > 0:06:59like a lump of meat and be busy instead.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Are you listening to me?
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Look into my eyes and...
0:07:12 > 0:07:16Which end are the eyes in?
0:07:19 > 0:07:23- EASTERN BLOC ACCENT:- You cannot resist the Romanian Stare, Celia!
0:07:23 > 0:07:27You will become a better cook.
0:07:27 > 0:07:32You will become a better cook!
0:07:35 > 0:07:38This is all Will and Mel's fault.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42They've turned Pamela against me just cos of a broken nose and green hair.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45I heard Miss Bird's started an annual lecture for old pupils,
0:07:45 > 0:07:49just so that they can make fun of you in front of the whole class!
0:07:49 > 0:07:53With pictures of you naked in the bath. By the way, you can relax...
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Mum's found that banana cake I like.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Oh, that's a whole weight off my mind(!)
0:07:58 > 0:08:01It'll be my best birthday party ever!
0:08:01 > 0:08:05- Better than last year? - What was wrong with last year?
0:08:05 > 0:08:09Your dad said he was booking David Blaine, but we got your dad instead.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12He was very good as Ming The Marvellous.
0:08:12 > 0:08:17Anyway, this year he's hired the best hypnotist in the world.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19You don't believe me, do you?
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Look, if Mel and Will are going to tell everyone you're crazy,
0:08:23 > 0:08:26you've just got to tell everyone you're not!
0:08:26 > 0:08:29I've already tried that, but people say,
0:08:29 > 0:08:33- "You're saying that cos you're crazy!"- That's what to do, then.
0:08:33 > 0:08:38- What?- If nobody believes you, because they all think you're crazy,
0:08:38 > 0:08:41cos Mel and Will told them so, you have to make Mel and Will crazy.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Then nobody will believe Mel and Will,
0:08:44 > 0:08:46including the bit about you being crazy.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- So folk won't think I'm crazy? - I think so.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51KNOCKING
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- Hello? Who's in there? - It's Mr Labinjo!
0:08:54 > 0:08:57It's Mr Labinjo!
0:08:57 > 0:09:00If I could come out I would, but I'm...currified!
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- THEY LAUGH - What was that?
0:09:02 > 0:09:06- FEMALE VOICE:- How dare you listening to my windypops!
0:09:06 > 0:09:11- Go away!- I wasn't, Miss Bird. Honestly, I wasn't.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15OK, so Aaron's in charge of this Revenge,
0:09:15 > 0:09:19cos he's the only one who understands what we're planning.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23I hope this is going to work, Aaron, I'm a busy man with a party to plan.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26All we're going to do is send Mel and Will crazy
0:09:26 > 0:09:30so that people won't believe them when they say bad things about Al.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34- WATER SPLASHES - Look! She's running the bath now!
0:09:38 > 0:09:42- OK, Alistair. Take it away! - HE HUMS FANFARE
0:09:42 > 0:09:46Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together
0:09:46 > 0:09:50for the revenge-meister himself - it's Dr Revenge!
0:09:50 > 0:09:54THEY CHEER Fellow Revengers,
0:09:54 > 0:09:59watching at home on Revenge Cam, we are gathered today to take part in...
0:09:59 > 0:10:05Operation Make Mel And Will Crazy So No-One Will Believe A Word They Say,
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Especially When They Give Their Stupid Lecture To The Class.
0:10:09 > 0:10:14Part one, the disappearing bath. Director, Aaron Pryce.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17WATER SPLASHES
0:10:19 > 0:10:23Hello, Mr Fury. We just need the loo.
0:10:23 > 0:10:28Or rather, Ralph does and he was scared of going on his own.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37I like this wallpaper very much.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40TOILET FLUSHES
0:10:40 > 0:10:43We are just going to go...
0:11:00 > 0:11:02I just need the loo again, Mr Fury.
0:11:04 > 0:11:09It's nothing to cry about, Mr Fury. Ralph's always had a weak bladder.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12GURGLING
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- I haven't blinked in eight minutes. - That's impressive.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19DOOR OPENS
0:11:24 > 0:11:25What?
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Something weird's going on.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39Have you just taken the plug out of my bath?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41No. I've been asleep.
0:11:43 > 0:11:48I think... I think I may have hypnotised myself.
0:11:54 > 0:11:59- Are you up to something?- No. It's just me reading a book.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- Oops!- Hm.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Have it!
0:12:13 > 0:12:17Operation Make Mel And Will Crazy Like A Frog.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21Part two, the disappearing cat. Director - Aaron Pryce!
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Forget the tapeworm, I've got tape-snake.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33MIAOW!
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Tasty!
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- It's not working. - It's been a complete waste of time.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52- I could've been at home feeling my presents.- I haven't finished yet.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55I'll hit them with the Three Signs Of Craziness routine.
0:12:55 > 0:13:00You know, the first sign is meeting a man in a wig.
0:13:00 > 0:13:06Hello! And the second sign is being spoken to by a man with two heads.
0:13:06 > 0:13:12- And the third sign is discovering you've got hairy palms.- Eurgh!
0:13:12 > 0:13:14I've got a better idea!
0:13:17 > 0:13:19- Hypnotism?- Yep.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22We'll bend their minds into doing whatever we tell them to.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24- Does it work?- Of course it does.
0:13:24 > 0:13:29As you would have known if you'd been watching the webcam earlier.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32And that's all there is to it, fellow Revengers.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36Once you've fixed them with the Romanian Stare,
0:13:36 > 0:13:38you can make them to do anything you want!
0:13:38 > 0:13:42To prove it, here are a few of victims I hypnotised earlier.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Good dog! WOOF!
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Good cat! MIAOW!
0:13:48 > 0:13:52Operation Make Mel And Will Crazy Like A Frog.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56Part three, the hypnotism. Director, Alistair Fury.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59HOWLING
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Oh, Melanie!
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Oh, William!
0:14:18 > 0:14:22You cannot resist the Romanian Stare!
0:14:24 > 0:14:27PHONE RINGS
0:14:33 > 0:14:35- Huh?- The deed is done!
0:14:35 > 0:14:40- What time is it?- Both hypnotised and both in my power!
0:14:40 > 0:14:42And both as crazy as a frog?
0:14:42 > 0:14:46Actually, in the excitement of the moment I sort of forgot to do that.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48So what did you do, then?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50I couldn't resist it.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51I made them my slaves!
0:15:02 > 0:15:07Oh, trust you to hypnotise yourself sleepier than you already were.
0:15:07 > 0:15:13- Is it late or something?- It's only 3 o'clock in the afternoon.- Oh.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16- DISTANT HUM - What's that noise?- Vacuuming.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20- Is it?- Melanie's been cleaning Alistair's bedroom all day.- What!?
0:15:20 > 0:15:26Excuse me. Alistair's freshly ironed underpants coming through.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34PARTY HORN TOOTS
0:15:36 > 0:15:39That's too near so...
0:15:39 > 0:15:41you'll have to move away, Alistair.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49And that's as close as you can get.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56I was actually hoping, if I promised to be good,
0:15:56 > 0:15:59I could watch the hypnotist with you.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02No, Alistair. Dad thinks you're a bad influence.
0:16:02 > 0:16:07I've to keep at least two metres away from you at all times.
0:16:07 > 0:16:12Useless! I've just found out why they're giving this book away free.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16The page on how to bring someone out of a trance is missing.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21I knew that would be too easy.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24OK, Sean, open your eyes.
0:16:24 > 0:16:29Can you hear me? We're going to try the Romanian Stare.
0:16:30 > 0:16:36- EASTERN BLOC ACCENT:- You cannot resist the Romanian Stare!
0:16:38 > 0:16:42- Oh, that's scary.- Concentrate, Sean!
0:16:42 > 0:16:47I want you to imagine yourself as a lively animal,
0:16:47 > 0:16:52- full of vim and vigour. - Like a dear little dormouse?
0:16:52 > 0:16:54I can do that, Celia.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- Watch.- SQUEAKING: - Ooh, can I have some cheese?
0:16:57 > 0:17:00You're not taking this seriously, Sean.
0:17:00 > 0:17:06- I order you to become a cheetah or a dog.- Like Mr E?
0:17:06 > 0:17:10- MIAOW! - No. No, not like Mr E.
0:17:10 > 0:17:15- Like a greyhound. - Right, got you, a greyhound.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- Yes!- A fast greyhound? - Yes!- Who's really tired?- No!
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- After a really long race?- No! - Hey-up! Bring me some rabbits.
0:17:22 > 0:17:28Sean, stop impersonating animals that go to sleep!
0:17:28 > 0:17:30What about a hedgehog?
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Is a hedgehog lively?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Not if it's sleeping!
0:17:34 > 0:17:36- SQUEAKING:- Ooh, I'm a sleepy hedgehog,
0:17:36 > 0:17:41all tired after dodging cars on the motorway.
0:17:41 > 0:17:47- How's the slaves?- I don't know why I didn't think of it before.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49It's the best Revenge I've ever done!
0:17:49 > 0:17:51This morning,
0:17:51 > 0:17:56I made William polish each of my cornflakes individually.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Have you seen Alistair's trainers?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04They are by the back door.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08- What's he doing?- He's just been de-spidering Alistair's bedroom.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13You do the left, I'll do the right.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20PHONE RINGS
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Yes. Hello, Master. Just cleaning your trainers now.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28You'd like us to do what to Miss Bird?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Treat her to a chimpanzee's tea party?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Bye, slaves. Got to go!
0:18:32 > 0:18:35CHEERING
0:18:37 > 0:18:42You can stop giving Alistair a big round of applause now!
0:18:44 > 0:18:47I'm not sure I want to do this, Reverend Ming.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51It's the Heavenly Hypnotist. Nobody's spotted it's me yet.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- Alastair! Alistair...- You'll make me do stupid things to embarrass me.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58- Dad wouldn't do that!- I am not Dad.
0:18:58 > 0:19:04- I am the Heavenly Hypnotist! - ALL:- Hypnotise! Hypnotise!
0:19:04 > 0:19:07AUDIENCE STOP CHANTING
0:19:07 > 0:19:11You cannot resist the Romanian Stare.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15You cannot resist the Romanian Stare.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24Well, this is an unexpected surprise.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28Everything's ready for your old pupils' lecture, I trust?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31I'm so looking forward to it.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36I don't mean to pry, Melanie, dear, but is everything OK?
0:19:36 > 0:19:40William has not eaten one of my delicious buns.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43I could not resist the Romanian Stare!
0:19:43 > 0:19:48And you, Mel, you haven't touched that tea. It must be stone cold.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51That's just the way I like it, Miss Bird.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02Come along, William. Time to spend all our pocket money
0:20:02 > 0:20:04on 300 bags of sweets for Alistair.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Result!
0:20:07 > 0:20:11Right! Who wants to give him something else to do?
0:20:11 > 0:20:13You're a tree frog!
0:20:13 > 0:20:16RIBBIT! LAUGHTER
0:20:17 > 0:20:20You're a tree frog who's scared of...
0:20:20 > 0:20:24- RIBBIT! - ..flowers! Flowers!- Aargh!
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Give the girl you love a kiss!
0:20:27 > 0:20:31Pamela Whitby's the girl that I love!
0:20:31 > 0:20:34I knew he'd say that. It's not funny!
0:20:34 > 0:20:36CHILDREN LAUGH, CHATTER
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Alistair! Alistair!
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Come here!
0:20:40 > 0:20:42- Alistair!- Pamela!
0:20:42 > 0:20:46- Alistair, I order you to stop! - HE SNAPS HIS FINGERS
0:20:46 > 0:20:49What's wrong with my fingers? Don't worry,
0:20:49 > 0:20:52everything's under control! Alistair, wake up!
0:20:52 > 0:20:56- Oh, give me the flowers. Get back! - Aargh! Aargh!
0:21:08 > 0:21:11So are you certain nothing happened to me
0:21:11 > 0:21:14- while I was hypnotised?- Mm...nothing.
0:21:14 > 0:21:18Dad got you to recite your alphabet backwards. Tame stuff.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22- So nothing stupid or embarrassing in front of Pamela?- No, no!
0:21:22 > 0:21:26Absolutely not. So, are you planning to keep Will and Mel
0:21:26 > 0:21:30- as slaves forever?- Why? - We thought we could borrow them.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34I can't take them out of their trance cos that page is missing
0:21:34 > 0:21:38from the book. Yes! You should have seen them this morning.
0:21:38 > 0:21:43It's like I'm suddenly the oldest in the family! They do anything I say!
0:21:43 > 0:21:48- That piece of bacon. Did it come from a pig?- Yes.- Show me a pig.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52WILL SNORTS
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Melanie! My bathwater needs testing!
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Too cold. Run it again. SNORTING
0:22:05 > 0:22:09Melanie...pour it over your head!
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Now what do you say?
0:22:16 > 0:22:20- Thank you for putting up with me, Master.- Think yourself lucky. Go!
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Itch! William! Big toe.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33Now warm the loo seat. I might need it in a minute!
0:22:33 > 0:22:37If it's that easy why don't you just hypnotise Miss Bird
0:22:37 > 0:22:41- to pay her back for putting you in the kennel?- That's what we're doing.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45- How's that going to work then? - Well, it starts here
0:22:45 > 0:22:48when she comes in, and opens the door
0:22:48 > 0:22:53which tweaks the string and makes the nut basket swing in the cubicle.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57And that's what puts her to sleep. And at the same time,
0:22:57 > 0:23:00this other piece of string starts the message
0:23:00 > 0:23:04on the waterproofed tape recorder hidden in the cistern.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08- Clever! And that says? - "Look deeply into the nut basket.
0:23:08 > 0:23:13"From now on, every man you see outside the window of your classroom
0:23:13 > 0:23:17"will be Tom Cruise. You'll hop out the window to get him!"
0:23:17 > 0:23:20KNOCKING
0:23:20 > 0:23:25- Is that you, Miss Bird? - WOMAN'S VOICE:- Sorry, Mr Labinjo!
0:23:25 > 0:23:29- Currified again!- Would you like me to fetch the nurse, Miss Bird?
0:23:29 > 0:23:34No! You're shredding my nerves with your constant interruptions!
0:23:34 > 0:23:39- You're just making the problem worse.- Oh! I'm so sorry!
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Oh, Miss Bird! I thought you were...currified.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49What on earth do you mean, Mr Labinjo?
0:23:49 > 0:23:53- Are you still listening, you naughty man?- Who's in there?
0:23:53 > 0:23:57Is that you, Alistair Fury?
0:23:57 > 0:24:00No, it's Mr Quinnell. Football coach, Miss Bird.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Just give me a moment while I pump up my balls.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08- Come on!- Hi-yah!
0:24:12 > 0:24:16FAINT RECORDING PLAYS
0:24:18 > 0:24:22- Alistair Fury? - 'Look deeply into the nut basket.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26'From now on, every man you see outside the window of your classroom
0:24:26 > 0:24:28'will be Tom Cruise. You will...'
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Hop out the window to get him.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33The turning point for us
0:24:33 > 0:24:38was when Mel poured the water over her head, cos that broke the trance.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- Although we didn't tell Alistair, did we?- No.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44That would have spoiled the fun. LAUGHTER
0:24:44 > 0:24:47- We did tell Miss Bird, though. - We didn't want her thinking
0:24:47 > 0:24:50it was our idea to pour cold tea over her head.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53She was out to get even with Alistair.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57But what she didn't know is what Alistair had planned for her.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01- No. I shan't be watching Tom Cruise films again in a hurry!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03LAUGHTER
0:25:03 > 0:25:07- And it was your idea for us to tell this story?- Oh, yes.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10It's not just you who loves revenge, Alistair!
0:25:10 > 0:25:13OK, so back to the best bit of the story.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16The next morning, Alistair proved he WAS crazy like a frog,
0:25:16 > 0:25:20when a bunch of flowers kick-started his trance.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24- Has anyone seen Mr E?- Not since he was chased by that Chihuahua.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Aargh!
0:25:27 > 0:25:31- 'And he thought he was a tree frog!' - RIBBIT! RIBBIT!
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Aaargh!
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- What is it?- Aargh!
0:25:36 > 0:25:38- Wake up, Sean! - MIXERS WHIRR
0:25:44 > 0:25:48SEAN!
0:25:49 > 0:25:52SEAN!
0:25:52 > 0:25:54- Mrs Fury?- Yes?
0:25:54 > 0:25:58- Is this your cat?- Yes.
0:25:58 > 0:26:03Only it just bit the postman and cocked its leg on my trousers!
0:26:03 > 0:26:05- Cocked its leg? - WOOF!
0:26:05 > 0:26:10Anyway, I've had a call from a Dr Tony Whitby. Is Alistair around?
0:26:10 > 0:26:13He's out walking the dog.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16Flowers! Aargh! Flowers!
0:26:19 > 0:26:22It's Pamela Whitby, the girl that I love!
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Oh, for goodness sake, Alistair! Don't you ever give up?
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Pamela!
0:26:28 > 0:26:31You cannot resist the Romanian Stare!
0:26:31 > 0:26:34You cannot resist the Romanian Stare!
0:26:34 > 0:26:38- You can't do that. - You cannot resist...!
0:26:38 > 0:26:42Look into my eyes, Pamela, and go to sleep!
0:26:42 > 0:26:45- Now I'll tell her to love me back. - Before you do -
0:26:45 > 0:26:49- Pamela, you are an owl!- Twit-twoo! - You've made her fly away!
0:26:49 > 0:26:54- Don't you think she looks like an owl?- Twit-twoo!
0:26:54 > 0:26:57I've found him.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01Now, why would a dog be sitting in a tree?
0:27:01 > 0:27:04- Because he thinks he's a cat.- Well...
0:27:04 > 0:27:06isn't one of us going to have to get him?
0:27:11 > 0:27:14WOOF!
0:27:14 > 0:27:19- Twit-twoo!- Ribbet-ribbet, I'm a tree frog! Ribbet-ribbet!
0:27:21 > 0:27:24- Ribbet-ribbet!- Twit-twoo!
0:27:31 > 0:27:33THEY LAUGH
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Right. Let's finish on some photos.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43- Who wants to see Alistair's, em... - ALL: Yeah!
0:27:46 > 0:27:50Right. Two can play at that game.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53There's a photo in here of Mel kissing a smelly camel,
0:27:53 > 0:27:56and one of William with his pants down,
0:27:56 > 0:27:59showing mum a spot on his botty.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03They're both going on the website!