0:00:02 > 0:00:04So there I was, hard at it, doing my homework when my ma comes in.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Ah, Roy, that doesn't look like your homework.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10But, Ma, it's history homework for Hammo.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Ah, history, gossip's fancy cousin.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Your assignment is to write the life story of a
0:00:16 > 0:00:18historical figure of your choice.
0:00:18 > 0:00:24ROY TALKS ALONG: He wants every fact, every figure and every single detail.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25I don't know where to start.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27What do I know about the woman who built France
0:00:27 > 0:00:29or the man who invented hiccups?
0:00:29 > 0:00:32- Why not try writing about the person you know best?- Who's that?
0:00:32 > 0:00:34You! We're all a part of history.
0:00:34 > 0:00:35Ma was right,
0:00:35 > 0:00:38but did I really want everybody knowing everything about me?
0:00:38 > 0:00:40There's some things I wish even I didn't know.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42My dad was very persuasive, though.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46You know what he's like when he gets wired up about something.
0:00:46 > 0:00:51- Will whatever you're saying mean I have to stop reading this paper?- No.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Do that, then.
0:00:52 > 0:00:57So I'm writing it all down - the life and thoughts of Roy O'Brien.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Cos these are The Roy Files.
0:00:59 > 0:01:00- CROWD:- Roy!
0:01:02 > 0:01:05There are two types of embarrassing situations.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07The really funny ones that happen to other people,
0:01:07 > 0:01:10especially my sister, Becky.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Becky! You forgot your early morning hug!
0:01:13 > 0:01:19Aww, a little huggy for Becky, a little...mwah! Mwah!
0:01:19 > 0:01:24Pecky for Becky, and a little nose rub just for...
0:01:24 > 0:01:26What are you doing? Stop it!
0:01:26 > 0:01:29And then there's the seriously unfunny ones,
0:01:29 > 0:01:32which are the embarrassing situations that happen to you.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Listen, you're Mammy's little angel.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36- Mwah! Mwah! - BOYS LAUGH
0:01:36 > 0:01:39- Ma, will you stop it?!- Sorry, love.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Listen, good luck at the tournament, yeah?
0:01:41 > 0:01:45- Ow! Shut it, will you?- Yeah.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49- See yous, lads!- BOYS:- See you!
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Hurry along, then... Mammy's little angel!
0:01:53 > 0:01:55THEY LAUGH
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Let's face it, mums can be embarrassing,
0:02:00 > 0:02:04but dads...well, they're in a league of their own.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Dad, we can see your underpants!
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- LAUGHTER - Hm? What?
0:02:08 > 0:02:12Ah, look at... Well, these aren't just any ordinary underpants.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14No, no, no. These are my lucky underpants.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I've had them ever since the World Cup in 1990.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20I wore them for the entire tournament. Four weeks.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22- CLASS: Eww!- What?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25And my dad is top of that league.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29Fair warning, Maura, I'd give that loo 15 minutes at least.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30Well, ten anyway.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32- Dad!- How are you, Roy?
0:02:32 > 0:02:34He doesn't even have to try.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37When it comes to being embarrassing, he's a natural.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Funny story about this air freshener, erm...
0:02:40 > 0:02:42I mistook it one time for deodorant.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Wore it to work for an entire week.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Multiple compliments, by the way.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47ROY SIZZLES
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Worse than ever! Can't stop!
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Aargh!
0:02:52 > 0:02:54FRANTIC MUSIC
0:02:56 > 0:02:58He told the air freshener story!
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Oh, you'd better get outside quick, love.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Coming through, coming through, coming through!
0:03:08 > 0:03:09Roy!
0:03:09 > 0:03:12How my ma coped with it all these years, I'll never know.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Nice apron, Dad. - Oh, thank you, love.- Suits you.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Nice, isn't it?
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- Ma, how do you put up with Dad being so embarrassing?- Embarrassing?
0:03:21 > 0:03:25Oh, Roy, Bill's a lot of things, but he's not embarrassing.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28He's creative...
0:03:28 > 0:03:31- FORCED ENGLISH ACCENT: - My dear, you s... My dear,
0:03:31 > 0:03:34you sound like a drowned sewer rat...
0:03:34 > 0:03:38strangling the English language with all your flat Ts and, er...
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- What's, what's the line? - He's a wonderful father.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45Would you put some trousers on you, for goodness' sake?
0:03:45 > 0:03:47It's my house, too, you know?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50- Hiya, Beck.- Hiya, honey.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Do you want a biccy? No?
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Maybe a hug?
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Give Daddy a hug. Come here.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Ma, all I'm seeing is an embarrassing dad.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Maybe if you looked a little harder,
0:04:06 > 0:04:08you'd see the hero I see.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13I can't walk another inch. We need to call a taxi.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Do you know what?
0:04:14 > 0:04:16- There's no need, love.- What?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- Whoever said chivalry is dead? Come on.- What?
0:04:19 > 0:04:20Whoa!
0:04:20 > 0:04:24- Bill, be careful, please. Are you all right, love?- Yep.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- Bill...- Yep?- ..we're going down!
0:04:26 > 0:04:28CRASHING
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Yeah...
0:04:33 > 0:04:34- I'll call a taxi.- Yeah.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37I should look a little harder?
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Nothing wrong with my eyesight.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41She's the one who is blinded by love.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Maybe I need a medical opinion.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Well, Roy, it's important to remember that
0:04:45 > 0:04:48feelings of embarrassment can be at their most acute
0:04:48 > 0:04:50for someone of your age.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52- They can?- Oh, yes.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56It is not uncommon for someone like you to feel that everyone is
0:04:56 > 0:04:58watching everything you do,
0:04:58 > 0:05:01even staring. But it isn't so.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03It's just a phase you're going through.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05But everyone does stare at me.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06No, Roy.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09It's called being self-conscious.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11And it's all part of growing up.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14So they're not staring when I do stuff like this?
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Or this?
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Or this?
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Dr Raschid. Dr Raschid!
0:05:26 > 0:05:29You're staring.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Oh, yeah, sorry.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36- Where was I?- Thanks, Doc, you've been a big help.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40Of course, there are some people who never get embarrassed.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44Oh, Mr Lucey, it looks like you're under some kind of spell.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50Oh, no, no, no, no. It was just...
0:05:50 > 0:05:53I was just looking at that, erm, fascinating...
0:05:53 > 0:05:57- (Cobweb).- ..cobweb up there.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58Cobweb?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01As you know, Brian, unlike others I can mention,
0:06:01 > 0:06:03I don't do embarrassment.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05How could I?
0:06:05 > 0:06:10Blessed as I am with an effortless poise and a sense of style.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11HE LAUGHS AND SNORTS
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Well, I'm meeting...
0:06:14 > 0:06:16thing now, so...
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Yeah, OK.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Everyone has gone mad.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Sadly, not everyone shares my gifts.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Mentioning no names,
0:06:28 > 0:06:31but some members of staff should be embarrassed, the way they go
0:06:31 > 0:06:33to pieces when the pressure's on.
0:06:33 > 0:06:34HE SNORTS
0:06:34 > 0:06:36All right, just be polite.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38I'll handle the formalities.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Relax!
0:06:40 > 0:06:45JAPANESE MUSIC PLAYS
0:06:49 > 0:06:52You see, my experience and breadth of knowledge prevents me
0:06:52 > 0:06:56from finding myself in embarrassing situations.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Konnichiwa, Mr Tanaka!
0:07:05 > 0:07:07(What's Derek doing?)
0:07:07 > 0:07:09(I have no idea).
0:07:09 > 0:07:12(Konnichiwa is just for the afternoon to say hello,
0:07:12 > 0:07:13(not the morning).
0:07:13 > 0:07:15(Bowing isn't a competition).
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Do something, Paul. Make it stop.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21The trick is, as long as you know what you're doing,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23you simply can't embarrass yourself.
0:07:25 > 0:07:31We welcome you to our most humble school, Mr Tanaka!
0:07:31 > 0:07:33You honour us with your presence!
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Thank you very much for the warm welcome.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43I am the one who is honoured to visit you today.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45I hope this is the beginning of a long
0:07:45 > 0:07:48and lasting relationship between our schools.
0:07:48 > 0:07:54No, no, no, no, we are honoured with your presence, Mr Tanaka!
0:07:54 > 0:07:56The honour is mine Hammond-san.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00I must insist it is we who are honoured
0:08:00 > 0:08:02- with your presence.- OK.
0:08:07 > 0:08:12Take note, Mr Lucey, first impressions are the most important.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Can you imagine going through life without ever being embarrassed?
0:08:17 > 0:08:22I can't. My life is just one big long list of embarrassing moments.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Show me.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44I used to embarrass myself at school all the time.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47That all stopped when my dad got a job there,
0:08:47 > 0:08:49then he embarrassed me all the time.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Did you know King Charles I got his head chopped off?
0:08:52 > 0:08:53History is a mad subject.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56You just don't get that many beheadings in geography.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Oh, that's a nasty-sounding business, that.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01You want to watch you don't give yourselves nightmares.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Not like the last time, Roy.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- What was the last time? - Nothing. Nothing.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10I had a stupid nightmare a few weeks ago, that's all.
0:09:10 > 0:09:15It wasn't really nothing, it was Mr Hammond dressed as a clown.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Roy!
0:09:20 > 0:09:23It doesn't matter what it was. Forget about it, it's stupid.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26It doesn't get much worse than that, right? Wrong.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29In fairness, who wouldn't want to sleep with their mummy
0:09:29 > 0:09:31for a few nights after having a nightmare like that?
0:09:33 > 0:09:36- You told them!- Sorry. I didn't mean to.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Sleeping with your mummy, are you, Roy?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Oh, priceless!
0:09:48 > 0:09:51The good news is, with a little work, you can
0:09:51 > 0:09:53get the blushing thing under control.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57You're dad's licking up to Hammo!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59How embarrassing is that?!
0:10:04 > 0:10:07It's priceless, it's priceless.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I'm calm and still
0:10:11 > 0:10:13and still and calm.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21Your dad was left hanging with a high five.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25A nice serve, Roy's dad.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28I did it! I beat the blush!
0:10:28 > 0:10:30And once you're in control,
0:10:30 > 0:10:33those embarrassing feelings can be put to good use.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Like, say, when you're out of charcoal at a barbecue.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40I think this is kind of embarrassing. What if someone sees us?
0:10:41 > 0:10:45- Brilliant.- Next. - I hear the hot dogs are good.
0:10:45 > 0:10:46Two hot dogs, please.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Oh, hot dogs, right, I'd better get the buns out.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52I'd better get the... It doesn't matter.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54No, here we go.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Three-second rule, son.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00You can't beat the classics.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- Nice one, Dad.- There you are, love. Mind yourself.
0:11:05 > 0:11:10But keeping Barbecue Bill in business was going to take more than that.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14I'm losing my glow! Quick, Dad, we need something big.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- I hoped it wouldn't come to this. - Come to what?
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- You've got to hand it to my dad. - What are you doing?
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Just when you think you've seen everything he's got to give...
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- Watch this.- ..he finds another thing.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30- How are you doing? - Wait, what's that music?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Huh! Dad.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Dancing? No!
0:11:34 > 0:11:37DISCO MUSIC PLAYS
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Oh, no!
0:11:44 > 0:11:48DISCO MUSIC PLAYS
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Dad!
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Oh, no.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Miss Jarvis.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Ah! No, no, no, no!
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Not Miss Jarvis, too.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Oh, Dad.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09I think I overdid it a bit, there.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- Are you kidding me? We are just getting started.- No, no...
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Oh, no!
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Dancing parents. Is there anything more embarrassing?
0:12:25 > 0:12:29Don't you worry, son, I heard what you said and I will not
0:12:29 > 0:12:32be embarrassing you with any of my old dancing moves again.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Thanks, Dad.
0:12:35 > 0:12:36You're welcome.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Because I've got all kinds of new dancing moves
0:12:39 > 0:12:42and they are coming your way, son.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Come on, get involved. I'll try the crab.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47You still got it, Bill.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48DISCO MUSIC PLAYS
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Oh, no!
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Becky? Tara?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Dr Raschid?
0:12:54 > 0:12:55Not Hammo! No!
0:12:55 > 0:12:57DISCO MUSIC PLAYS
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Make it stop! MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Well, there it is.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Plenty to think about when it comes to embarrassment,
0:13:04 > 0:13:07but keep to these simple rules and you will be fine.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10We all get embarrassed from time to time and that's OK.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13It is how we learn from our mistakes.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Just don't let it stop you from having fun.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Oh, if you're a blusher like me, don't worry.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21The truth is it makes us look pretty cute.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24All right, I am out of here before this gets any more embarrassing.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27SHE LAUGHS
0:13:27 > 0:13:31Now that's embarrassing!
0:13:31 > 0:13:33See, I told you it looks cute.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35See yous.