0:00:02 > 0:00:04So there I was, hard at it, doing my homework when my ma comes in.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Aw, Roy, that doesn't look like your homework.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09But Ma, it's history homework for Hammo.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13Ah, history. Gossip's fancy cousin.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17Your assignment is to write the life story of a historical figure
0:00:17 > 0:00:19- of your choice. I want...- He wants...
0:00:19 > 0:00:23BOTH: ..every fact, every figure, every single detail.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25I don't know where to start.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28What do I know about the woman who built France
0:00:28 > 0:00:30or the man who invented hiccups?
0:00:30 > 0:00:33- Why not try writing about the person you know best?- Who's that?
0:00:33 > 0:00:36- You. We're all a part of history. - Ma was right, but did I really want
0:00:36 > 0:00:38everyone knowing everything about me?
0:00:38 > 0:00:40There are some things I wish even I didn't know.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42My Da was very persuasive, though.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46You know what he's like when he gets worked up about something.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Will whatever you're saying
0:00:48 > 0:00:52- mean I have to have to stop reading this paper?- No.- Do that, then.
0:00:52 > 0:00:57So I'm writing it all down, the life and thoughts of Roy O'Brien.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Cos these are The Roy Files.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Ah! Oh!
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Did I get it? I got it!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23What a boy! Roy!
0:01:25 > 0:01:28You're a star, Roy!
0:01:30 > 0:01:35- You are such a sap, Roy.- What was that for? I was enjoying that.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37You're such a loser.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41Could a loser single-handedly win the junior skills challenge cup?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Well, you did, so yes.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46If you must know, we've won loads of other stuff, too.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50- And it's all going in the scrapbook. - Short chapter, is it?
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- Ha-ha, very funny.- Face it, Roy,
0:01:53 > 0:01:56beating you at anything is a cinch.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01- Bed head.- What?- Sucker!
0:02:04 > 0:02:06- See?- Why are you being so mean?
0:02:06 > 0:02:09It's not my fault your hair looks weird.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13Weird? What do you mean, weird? It took me two hours...
0:02:13 > 0:02:18- Hm, nice try, loser. But that is my move.- He's right, love.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20You are being a little mean.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24And don't you think trying to beat an 11-year-old to breakfast...
0:02:24 > 0:02:26It's a little childish.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34- You always take his side. - Aw, Becky, love, that's not true.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38We all have our bad hair days. Don't be taking it out on me.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42It's supposed to look like this. Argh!
0:02:42 > 0:02:47I don't know. Those two are so competitive. Where do they get it?
0:02:47 > 0:02:51- Those two? You can talk. - What's that supposed to mean?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54If I was to say snooker...
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Yeah, you're on.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00And wear a crash helmet because I'm going to crush you.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Oh, right.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06I want you to hit this cue ball into that
0:03:06 > 0:03:08pack of reds as hard as you can.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Oh, yes. Snooker.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12It means a lot to my da.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15I can tell he really wanted me to be good at it.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19And I was. Maybe too good.
0:03:20 > 0:03:25You were right. This game is brilliant.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Still, it was fun...to start with.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Great shot, son.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32You two, keep it...
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Tubbs O'Brien.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38I don't believe it. It is you.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Talk about a blast from the past.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Clive "the Tornado" Butler.
0:03:42 > 0:03:47We used to play in tournaments. Tubbs was the top dog in his class.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51In his age group. Until I came along.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53What was it, again? Oh, yeah.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Five whitewash victories in a row. To me.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Poor old Da. Never got the chance to be a winner.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02Yeah, well, I think
0:04:02 > 0:04:05you'll find my impressive collection of trophies would beg to differ.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07See that?
0:04:07 > 0:04:08Third place
0:04:08 > 0:04:11at the first Young Scientist competition, back in 19...
0:04:11 > 0:04:13HE MUMBLES
0:04:13 > 0:04:16So I guess Roy doesn't pick it up off the floor, does he?
0:04:16 > 0:04:18You see, I still do a bit of inventing in my spare time.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Don't get him started.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Yeah, I had the original idea for the, er,
0:04:22 > 0:04:25for the pump-action toothpaste dispenser. Yeah.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Cookie-dough ice cream - that was me.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29You're welcome.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31I also developed an early version of Twitter...
0:04:31 > 0:04:33using real birds.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Yeah, so your old man is a man of many talents and you, my boy,
0:04:36 > 0:04:38were lucky enough to inherit two of them.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Firstly, you got my science-y brain.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43But, Da, I nearly burnt the school down in science!
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Hey, listen, don't be interrupting with your stories, OK?
0:04:46 > 0:04:49And you also inherited my considerable snooker skills.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Are you challenging my boy to a match?
0:04:56 > 0:04:57Yes, I am.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Fine.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02We meet here next Saturday afternoon.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04First to five frames is the winner.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07The pre-match warm-up for our snooker game on Saturday afternoon
0:05:07 > 0:05:10started a little bit earlier than I expected.
0:05:10 > 0:05:135 o'clock on Monday morning, to be exact.
0:05:13 > 0:05:14Morning!
0:05:14 > 0:05:15Ow!
0:05:15 > 0:05:17What do you mean, morning?
0:05:17 > 0:05:19What time is it? What's going on?
0:05:19 > 0:05:21This, son, is your mortal enemy.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Now, I want you to spend 30 minutes every day staring into his eyes,
0:05:25 > 0:05:28visualising his defeat and destruction.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Destruction?!
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Yes, I'll explain everything while you're out running.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36That's it, come on. Legs up.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Nobody told me winning was such hard work.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41I was starting to think the losers had the right idea.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43See the thing is, son, if something is worth doing,
0:05:43 > 0:05:45it's worth doing well.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48And thorough preparation is the key.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49Thorough preparation?
0:05:49 > 0:05:52You infested the whole house with flies. That's not thorough.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55That's just disgusting.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59You see, that's the curse of operating at an elite level.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Ordinary people can't appreciate the amount of sacrifice that's
0:06:02 > 0:06:04needed to succeed.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08So, Da, you know operating at an elite level?
0:06:08 > 0:06:09I certainly do, son.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Is that what was going on when you
0:06:11 > 0:06:14and the Tornado were medieval jousting on bikes?
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Bill, what's he talking about?
0:06:16 > 0:06:21Oh, would that I could understand the imaginings of a child, my love.
0:06:21 > 0:06:22Da, we've got it on film.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Oh, right. Then yep.
0:06:25 > 0:06:26That happened.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Things were getting right out of hand,
0:06:28 > 0:06:30and by the time the big day finally arrived,
0:06:30 > 0:06:32I'd had enough.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33I hate snooker.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35What?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Why?
0:06:37 > 0:06:39It's no fun.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41He doesn't want to play any more, Bill.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Yeah, but what about the match? I mean, it's the final frame.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45Look at him.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47He's miserable.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50And he's having nightmares.
0:06:50 > 0:06:51Right.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Do you really want him doing something that makes him unhappy?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57No, no. No, of course not.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58I'm really sorry, Da.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01No, don't you apologise, son. It's all my fault.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05You sit down there and I'll sort everything out.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09So that was the end of that.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13Or it would've been, if the Tornado hadn't opened his big mouth.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14What do you mean, forfeit?
0:07:14 > 0:07:16It means it's over.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18You won.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Congratulations.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23Tubbs O'Brien. Loser and a coward!
0:07:25 > 0:07:26No-one calls my da a loser.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29OK, he might've gotten thrashed all those times with the Tornado,
0:07:29 > 0:07:31and sure,
0:07:31 > 0:07:34he's never won anything else in his life, ever.
0:07:34 > 0:07:35But that doesn't make him a loser.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39You know, some might say, son, that technically it does.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Oh. OK.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Well, no-one calls me da a coward, then.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49Don't even have the guts to take their beating like men.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Yeah!
0:07:51 > 0:07:53All right, then. Let's finish the game.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55- Roy?- I'll be back in a minute.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06CHEERING
0:08:06 > 0:08:08You did well, son.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10I was very proud of you.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11But I think that we both learned
0:08:11 > 0:08:13a very valuable lesson that day, didn't we?
0:08:13 > 0:08:18You know, there are more important things in life than games.
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Laura.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Wait a minute, you two know each other?
0:08:22 > 0:08:25When we were young, Clive asked me out.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26And you said no.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30I had my eye on someone else.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Ah, well, that's how it goes, Tornado.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34You've got snooker.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36I got the girl.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39It's all part of growing up, I suppose,
0:08:39 > 0:08:43realising that winning silly games isn't what really matters.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Well, I can't argue with that.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Ooh!
0:08:50 > 0:08:53You see, son, who needs games
0:08:53 > 0:08:56when you're married to the most beautiful snooker in the world?
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Woman! Woman! I meant woman.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03I'll tell you what, if winning gets less important as you grow up,
0:09:03 > 0:09:05somebody forgot to tell Hammo.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08I told the other schools who took part in the competition today,
0:09:08 > 0:09:13"I'd just like to say, tough, we win, you lose."
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Because he's already ancient.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- Derek, it's Eric.- Oh, it's you.
0:09:20 > 0:09:25Ready to be annihilated? Destroyed by my superior tactics?
0:09:25 > 0:09:28And he just keeps getting worse. Like when we had that school quiz.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33- Derek, good to see you.- Won't be good when you lose, though, hey?
0:09:33 > 0:09:38- Hey? Hey?- You never change, Derek. May the best team win.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43I think you'll find that's me. I'm the best team.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48I guess you've got to be team captain. Well, admit it, though.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50It went to my head a tiny bit.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52- Guacamole.- Correct. Correct.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56Let me tell you, though, being in that quiz was really exciting.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59It's a dead heat between Ballyfermot and St Cedric's.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03So, the team captains are going to have to go head to head.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08What a moment, and it was all down to me.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Roy, you can do this.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Think about how much everyone will love you if you win.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Roy, Roy, massive head, massive face.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Catchy tune. Someone can have a hit with that.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Anyway, there I was with my eyes on the prize and my head
0:10:22 > 0:10:26full of answers, but then my heart sort of had to get involved.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30You have all done really well. You should be very proud of yourselves.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32But, sir, we've got to win.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35I know it's a cliche, but it's not about the winning,
0:10:35 > 0:10:38it's about taking part.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40But the leak got in St Cedric's computer suite.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44If we win the quiz, we'll replace it like that.
0:10:44 > 0:10:50I know that, Marcus, but if we don't win, we'll make do. OK?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52They really need to win.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59You know, Brian, I never really understood what happened that day.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03Roy, you need to get this question right or St Cedric's
0:11:03 > 0:11:04have won the quiz.
0:11:04 > 0:11:11- OK.- What was the name of the first dog in space?- Erm.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16He knows this. He's seen it on TV.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Everything was in place for you to snatch the victory
0:11:18 > 0:11:21I so richly deserved.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25- The school so richly deserved. - The first dog in space...
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Harry, the space dog!
0:11:32 > 0:11:34That's wrong. It was Laika.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39Don't tell Hammo, but the truth is, I knew the answer.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43I could've won but I got it wrong on purpose.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44But it wasn't Hammo I was worried about.
0:11:44 > 0:11:49What would my team-mates think when they found out what I'd done?
0:11:49 > 0:11:51You knew the answer? Why did you get it wrong?
0:11:52 > 0:11:56- St Cedric's needed those computers. - You gave the right answer, Roy.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00Good man, Roy.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04Yeah, winning is nice and it's always good to do your best,
0:12:04 > 0:12:07but there are much more important things in life.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09More important than winning?
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Have you any idea what that quiz meant to me?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17No hard feelings.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Yes, lots of hard feelings.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24You've always been like this. Can't we forget the competitiveness?
0:12:24 > 0:12:30- We are brothers. What would Mum say? - Just you wait till Christmas.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34I'm going to destroy you at Scrabble.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Believe me, destroy him, I did,
0:12:37 > 0:12:40with an eight-letter triple-word score.
0:12:40 > 0:12:46Once he saw my "backside" on the board, he blubbed like a baby.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48ROY LAUGHS
0:12:48 > 0:12:51That was my eight-letter Scrabble word, O'Brian.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- You're so childish.- Me?
0:12:53 > 0:12:56You're the one getting all worked up about silly board games.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00For your information, it wasn't just silly board games.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04I also won the family arm-wrestling smackdown.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09See you at the Christmas rematch, Mother.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Plenty to think about when it comes to winning.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Keep to these simple rules and you'll be fine.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Winning is great but losing is a lot less work,
0:13:19 > 0:13:23so it's not a bad option, and you don't need an award to be a winner.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Look when my Da married my Ma.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28He didn't get a trophy but it did make him the winner.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32Although sometimes my Ma says she deserves a medal for being married
0:13:32 > 0:13:33to my Da.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36And finally, there are way more important things in life
0:13:36 > 0:13:39than winning, like being happy and...
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- <- Dinner! - Exactly - dinner.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46Good point, Ma. Speaking of which, see ya.