0:00:02 > 0:00:04So there I was, hard at it, doing me homework, when me ma comes in.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Ah, Roy, that doesn't look like your homework.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09But, Ma, it's history homework for Hammo.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13Ah, history...gossip's fancy cousin.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Your assignment is to write the life story
0:00:15 > 0:00:18of a historical figure of your choice.
0:00:18 > 0:00:19- And I want...- He wants...
0:00:19 > 0:00:21- BOTH:- ..every fact, every figure,
0:00:21 > 0:00:24and every single detail.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25I don't know where to start.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27What do I know about the woman who built France?
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Or the man who invented hiccups?
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Why not try writing about the person you know best?
0:00:32 > 0:00:34- Who's that?- You. We're all a part of history.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Ma was right. But did I really want everybody
0:00:36 > 0:00:38knowing everything about me?
0:00:38 > 0:00:40There's some things I wish even I didn't know.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Me da was very persuasive though.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46You know what he's like when he gets riled up about something.
0:00:46 > 0:00:51- Would whatever you're saying mean I have to stop reading this paper?- No.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Do that then.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54So I'm writing it all down,
0:00:54 > 0:00:57the life and thoughts of Roy O'Brien.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Cos these are The Roy Files.
0:00:59 > 0:01:00- CROWD:- ROY!
0:01:02 > 0:01:05When you're little, life is simple.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07It's all fun and no worries. Deadly!
0:01:07 > 0:01:09SMOKE ALARM BEEPS
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Oh...
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Now...
0:01:12 > 0:01:14- Roy? - ROY GURGLES AND GIGGLES
0:01:14 > 0:01:18Roy! I take me eyes off you for two seconds...
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Roy, if I don't get this place cleared up before your ma gets home,
0:01:21 > 0:01:22I'll never hear the end of it.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26- DOORBELL RINGS - Oh, what now? COME IN! IT'S OPEN!
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Did you ever wish you were little again? I did.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33And, when you're a cartoon boy, that kind of thing can actually happen.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36- Stop!- Go, Roy! Yeah!
0:01:36 > 0:01:37- More!- Stop!
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Stop it.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Listen to me, O'Brien,
0:01:43 > 0:01:45whatever Miss Jervis might've dreamed up,
0:01:45 > 0:01:48in that happy-clappy head of hers,
0:01:48 > 0:01:51you have no place in this school, understand?
0:01:53 > 0:01:55ROY COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS
0:01:55 > 0:01:58That was the best day ever. Ask anyone.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Well, maybe not anyone.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03O'Brien, every time I think you couldn't possibly be more
0:02:03 > 0:02:06irresponsible, you prove me wrong.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Thanks, Sir. That means a lot.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11You're welcome... Erm... What? No!
0:02:11 > 0:02:12That's not a compliment.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Fun and games are all very well,
0:02:15 > 0:02:17but there's a time and a place for knuckling down.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19That place is school.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22And that time is all the time.
0:02:22 > 0:02:27Come on, Sir, even teachers need a little fun now and then.
0:02:27 > 0:02:28Not me.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Hammo says that, but I know he's got a fun side.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34I've seen him play guitar solos on me arm.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39Oh, yeah! Time to party!
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Time to kick out the jams.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Roy O'Brien! What is the meaning of this?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Chillax, bro. It's all cool.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52"Chillax...b-bro"?
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Just who do you think you are?
0:02:54 > 0:02:59I'm you, compadre. Just a little less square.
0:02:59 > 0:03:04I'm your wild side. Your fun side!
0:03:04 > 0:03:08I am Party Hammond. Yee-ha!
0:03:08 > 0:03:11HE PLAYS GUITAR
0:03:11 > 0:03:14You've got to admit, the little guy shreds!
0:03:14 > 0:03:16It's about time you realised, O'Brien,
0:03:16 > 0:03:19that life isn't all about fun and larking about.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21You need to be less reckless,
0:03:21 > 0:03:24and more...more...
0:03:24 > 0:03:26More?
0:03:26 > 0:03:29- Re-e-e...- ..laxed?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31No.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34- More re-e-e...bellious?- No.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37More re-e-e...ed?
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Responsible, O'Brien. You need to be more responsible.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42HE SIGHS
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Urgh, that's all us kids ever hear.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47And it's not just Hammo -
0:03:47 > 0:03:51all teachers like nothing more than coming up with new ways to make us...
0:03:51 > 0:03:53I don't even like saying the word.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Let's just say it begins with R
0:03:55 > 0:03:57and ends with "esponsible".
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Now, today isn't going to be your average experiment.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05In fact, some might go so far as to call it,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- an EGGsperi... - Yes, Mr Lucey's right,
0:04:07 > 0:04:09this is no ordinary experiment.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Now, the class is going to be divided into pairs
0:04:12 > 0:04:16and each given the job of looking after one of these for a week.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19SHE GASPS
0:04:19 > 0:04:21But, Miss, they're a bunch of eggs.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25So at the end of the seven days, the best parenting duo
0:04:25 > 0:04:27is going to be given a special prize.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31And now, before you even ask, yes, it is an actual prize,
0:04:31 > 0:04:34donated by the Southside People newspaper.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Of course, Becky was supportive as ever.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Ma, when Roy breaks his egg tonight, can we use it to make pancakes?
0:04:40 > 0:04:44Becky! Roy, how come they gave you such a dirty egg?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Oh, no. That's just because me and Niall
0:04:47 > 0:04:50were playing catch with it on the way home.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54What?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58What?
0:04:58 > 0:05:01You guys don't think I'm going to break him, as well, do you?
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Erm...
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Bill?
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Listen to your mother.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12HE GRUNTS
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Argh!
0:05:16 > 0:05:19DOOR SLAMS
0:05:19 > 0:05:22So, just to confirm, that was a yes on pancakes later, is it?
0:05:22 > 0:05:24I didn't see what the big deal was.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27How hard can it be to look after an egg, right?
0:05:35 > 0:05:36Ma!
0:05:36 > 0:05:38How could you do that in front of him?
0:05:38 > 0:05:40It's fine, love.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Roy? Are you OK?
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Am I OK? Am I OK?!
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Look at him, he's a nervous wreck!
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Roy, he's an egg. There's nothing wrong with him.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53It's you we should be worried about.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55I don't know, Ma,
0:05:55 > 0:05:59looks like the first stages of post-traumatic stress disorder.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00MA SIGHS
0:06:00 > 0:06:04After I look up what that means, we're taking this straight to court.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05Yeah.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08I suppose cartoon boys and responsibility aren't a good mix.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12OK...just take deep breaths...
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Tara? What're you doing here?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19- SHE SIGHS - I'm taking the egg, Roy.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23Look at you, you're cracking up. This stress isn't good for you.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26I'm not stressed. It's called being responsible.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30I wouldn't mind if it was just teachers who were always on me case.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33After all, ruining your life is what they're paid to do.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37But what's in it for me da? Besides, he's a bigger kid than I am.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41- DA YAWNS - Anyway night, Roy.- Night, Da.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47- Da?- Mm? Yeah?- This is my room.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I knew that. I knew that.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54But that doesn't stop even him getting in on the act.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Roy, come on! We trust you to wake yourself up
0:06:57 > 0:07:00and you're already running late five minutes ago.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03OK! Start the car running!
0:07:06 > 0:07:09A-A-ARGH!
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Hey, Da, you know the way you're always telling me to be
0:07:14 > 0:07:16- "more responsible"? - Yes, I do.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Yes, I do. And I won't be stopping anytime soon.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21It's called good parenting.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23You're going to have to start acting a bit more
0:07:23 > 0:07:24carefully around the house.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- What do you mean?- Well, let's just say
0:07:27 > 0:07:29that your current level is hurricane, all right?
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I'm going to need you to downgrade it, slightly, to a tropical storm.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- You want me to be like a tropical storm?- No. That... No.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is
0:07:37 > 0:07:40that you're going to have to start acting more responsibly.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43What? I'm super responsible.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45- Oh, yeah.- Urgh!
0:07:45 > 0:07:47CAR DOOR SLAMS
0:07:47 > 0:07:51One Ballyfermot, two Ballyfermot, three Ballyfermot,
0:07:51 > 0:07:53four Ballyfermot, five Ballyfermot...
0:07:53 > 0:07:55That doesn't prove anything!
0:07:55 > 0:07:57But, Da, there's one thing I don't get.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00What? Why toast always falls jammy side down?
0:08:00 > 0:08:04- There is that, but...- Why can't we tickle ourselves?- That too, but...
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Why everything doesn't just smell like the inside of a nose?
0:08:07 > 0:08:11No. It's why I have to be responsible and you don't?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Me? Not responsible?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16How could you say such a thing?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19See, what we used to do was put a bit of grease on the door handles...
0:08:19 > 0:08:20- HE WHISTLES - ..and you go...
0:08:20 > 0:08:22THEY LAUGH
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- That's not funny.- No, I know that.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27That's so not funny.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31Now, stink bombs in the staffroom, that's funny. That's a classic.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- Hee! That's not funny at all, is it?- No, that's terrible.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- That's very...- It's awful.- Mm?
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Yeah, well, that was back when I was a kid.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42- These days I'm nothing BUT responsible.- Oh, really?
0:08:42 > 0:08:43CROWD CHEERS ON TV
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Ma, can you give me a hand with my homework? It's taking me forever.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48What happened to your da helping you?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50He was useless.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54Bill, can you help her? I'm busy.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57HE SNORES
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Da, are you asleep?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Da, hello? Wake up!
0:09:04 > 0:09:07SHE SIGHS
0:09:07 > 0:09:11'Being a father is the biggest responsibility a man can have.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15'It means being there for your kids whenever they need you.'
0:09:15 > 0:09:18CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ON TV
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Boring.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36CROWD CHEERS ON TV
0:09:36 > 0:09:37HE SNORES
0:09:37 > 0:09:39'Because nothing comes before family.'
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Da, I know you're not sleeping.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51And, even with him for a da, I've still tried me best.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54What could be more responsible than having a job?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56DOGS BARK Scrappy, Fella, Ernie...
0:09:56 > 0:09:59No, don't! I'm warning you!
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Now, I'm not saying I'm the perfect employee.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Send the nozzle towards the compost.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Roy!
0:10:08 > 0:10:09You OK, Roy?
0:10:09 > 0:10:11But I am a hard worker, you've got to give me that.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13BABY CRIES
0:10:15 > 0:10:18BABY GIGGLES
0:10:20 > 0:10:23BABY CRIES Oh, no... Wait, hold on... Erm...
0:10:27 > 0:10:30BABY CRIES
0:10:32 > 0:10:34HE SIGHS
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Roy?
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Roy?
0:10:45 > 0:10:49LULLABY PLAYS
0:10:49 > 0:10:51HE SNORES
0:10:51 > 0:10:54The thing about jobs is, if you look hard enough,
0:10:54 > 0:10:56you'll eventually find something you're good at.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Let me save you some time. Stop looking.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01- You're no good at anything. - What are you talking about?
0:11:01 > 0:11:03I'm deadly at loads of things.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Boy, have you seen any birds?
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- ALL:- No!
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Do you see any birds now?
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- ALL:- No!
0:11:14 > 0:11:15I give up.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16Oh!
0:11:16 > 0:11:19'How else would I get a job as a magician's assistant?
0:11:19 > 0:11:23- 'I've got mad skills. - Yeah. Wow...
0:11:23 > 0:11:26'Getting bashed on the head, is there nothing you can't do?'
0:11:26 > 0:11:28THWACK!
0:11:28 > 0:11:30'I've got way more skills than that.'
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- Like what? - I'm inflatable too.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35And now are you going to help me blow up...
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- Boy?- No, it's Roy. Oh, never mind. - Shall I blow up...
0:11:39 > 0:11:40Boy?
0:11:40 > 0:11:42- ALL:- Yeah!
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Oh, dear!
0:11:54 > 0:11:57HE GRUNTS
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Am I supposed to be impressed?
0:11:59 > 0:12:02You've got the same skills as a balloon.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05I am so much more talented than a balloon.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Can't stop!
0:12:11 > 0:12:14A-A-A-RGH!
0:12:14 > 0:12:17HE BELCHES
0:12:20 > 0:12:23THEY SCREAM
0:12:33 > 0:12:35THEY SCREAM
0:12:35 > 0:12:39She says she's not impressed, but I know she is.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40So there you have it.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Plenty to think about when it comes to responsibility.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46But keep to these simple rules and you'll be fine.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Don't let grown-ups fool you,
0:12:48 > 0:12:52even they're not that responsible. They're just big kids pretending.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55That's why it's called acting responsible.
0:12:55 > 0:12:56Oh...
0:12:56 > 0:12:58and always take responsibility for everything you do -
0:12:58 > 0:13:01even if it gets you into trouble.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Because, one day, when everybody stops being mad at you,
0:13:04 > 0:13:08it'll be a funny story and you'll get all the credit.
0:13:08 > 0:13:09But seriously, everyone,
0:13:09 > 0:13:13it's very important that you try your best to become a sensible,
0:13:13 > 0:13:14responsible young person.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17It's the only way to get an adult's trust.
0:13:17 > 0:13:22And once you've got that, you can get away with all kinds of crazy stuff!
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Scrapbook sorted.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26I'm out of here, see yous!