0:00:02 > 0:00:04So there I was, hard at it doing my homework, when my ma comes in.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07Ah, Roy, that doesn't look like your homework.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09But Ma, it's History homework for Hammo.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13Ah, History. Gossip's fancy cousin.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17Your assignment is to write the life story of a historical figure
0:00:17 > 0:00:18of your choice.
0:00:18 > 0:00:24BOTH: He wants every fact, every figure, every single detail.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25I don't know where to start.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28What do I know about the woman who built France
0:00:28 > 0:00:29or the man who invented hiccups?
0:00:29 > 0:00:33- Why not try writing about the person you know best?- Who's that?
0:00:33 > 0:00:36- You. We're all a part of history. - Ma was right but did I really want
0:00:36 > 0:00:38everyone knowing everything about me?
0:00:38 > 0:00:40There are some things I wish even I didn't know.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42My Da was very persuasive though.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46You know what he's like when he gets fired up about something.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Will whatever you're saying
0:00:48 > 0:00:52- mean I have to have to stop reading this paper?- No.- Do that, then.
0:00:52 > 0:00:57So, I'm writing it all down, the life and thoughts of Roy O'Brien.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Cos these are The Roy Files.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06Grown-ups are always coming out with stuff that makes no sense.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07Like this thing my Ma always says -
0:01:07 > 0:01:09it's like a catchphrase.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Da, you know what I'm talking about?
0:01:12 > 0:01:15That thing your mother always says? Pfft!
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Don't remind me!
0:01:16 > 0:01:18"I don't care if it is the weekend, Bill,
0:01:18 > 0:01:21"we all wear trousers at the dinner table here."
0:01:21 > 0:01:24No! Not that, the thing she always says to me.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Oh, right. Oh, right - you mean,
0:01:27 > 0:01:30"Mammy is so proud of her little Roy wonder.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33"She could kiss the cute off his cartoon cheeks."
0:01:33 > 0:01:34- KISSING NOISES - That one?
0:01:34 > 0:01:35No!
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Er, I don't know what you're talking about, she never says that...
0:01:38 > 0:01:39I meant the other thing.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Yeah - "Don't put your wart cream on
0:01:41 > 0:01:43"until after you get out of the bath"?
0:01:43 > 0:01:47No! "Be yourself" - that's what she always says. "Be yourself".
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Be yourself? Really?
0:01:50 > 0:01:54- She never says that to me. - But it doesn't make sense.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Because who else are you going to be?
0:01:56 > 0:01:57You can't be someone else,
0:01:57 > 0:01:59because someone else is someone else,
0:01:59 > 0:02:00and you are you, right?
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Yet, well, what I think your mother is actually getting at
0:02:03 > 0:02:07is...while you can't actually become another person,
0:02:07 > 0:02:10you...well, you shouldn't pretend to be someone you're not
0:02:10 > 0:02:13just to get other people to like you.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Oh, you mean like Becky?
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Ma, can I borrow your fake tan at the weekend?
0:02:18 > 0:02:21- And will you help me dye my hair blonde?- No way.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Oh, come on.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Look at me, I'm like a milk bottle with a crow for hair.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Forget it, Becky, if Martin doesn't like you the way you are then...
0:02:29 > 0:02:32You've been reading my diary again!
0:02:32 > 0:02:34No. No, I haven't.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36I heard you talking in your sleep on the couch.
0:02:36 > 0:02:37I mean, she's a great girl,
0:02:37 > 0:02:40but that doesn't stop her trying too hard sometimes.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44I mean, Becky is a lot of things, but cool isn't one of them!
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Thanks a lot, Da!
0:02:46 > 0:02:48She is, however, very forgiving.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Which, in my opinion, is a far better quality.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Oh, how are you, love? I didn't see you standing there.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54Yeah, right.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57And FYI, I am cool.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Yeah. Yeah, of course you are.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03It's just that I'm cool and adaptable.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05This is my big chance to join the coolest gang in school,
0:03:05 > 0:03:07and you're not going to mess it up.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Join them how?
0:03:09 > 0:03:12When I heard they were looking for a place to watch the match,
0:03:12 > 0:03:13I said I had a free house.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16But you can't stand football?
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Roy, Roy, Roy, you've so much to learn about the ways of the world.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21It doesn't matter if I don't like football.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25They're never going to know. I'll just wing it.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27- But that's so fake. - It's not fake,
0:03:27 > 0:03:29it's called being able to adapt to different situations,
0:03:29 > 0:03:30like a chameleon.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I don't know why you wanted to get in with those eejits anyway.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37Nothing wrong with making an effort for some close friends.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Football scarf. Check. Nibbles. Check.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Chocolate. Check.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Biscuits.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47I just hope these are cool enough.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50I mean, what if they prefer other, cooler ones?
0:03:50 > 0:03:54Do they even eat biscuits? Oh, this is stressful.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Hey! I think that football was offside, right?
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Come on, Ref! Get your eyes tested.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10On second thoughts, I reckon I have this down.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14I hope.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25I can't believe it. Everyone is really enjoying themselves.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28I've never seen them so excited.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Well, there's making new friends,
0:04:30 > 0:04:33and then there's letting a bunch of losers walk all over you.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Hey, Vicky, is there any more food coming? Cos we're starving.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Yes, some of us haven't eaten since brunch.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43You mean it's all gone? I only put it out a while ago.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45It's kind of embarrassing.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Oh, er...
0:04:47 > 0:04:50I'll see what I have.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51And it's...
0:04:53 > 0:04:54..Becky.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Besides, they were just using you to get to the coolest kid of all.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02So, Vicky, I hear you have a cartoon brother?
0:05:02 > 0:05:03It's Becky.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Sorry, Becky.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08I hear he's quite the entertainer, you know, we'd love to meet him.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10He's not really into parties.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13So, do you think United are going to win?
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Maybe it's a good idea it if you ask him to join us.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19The party's getting a little boring, don't you think?
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Well, no, I thought everyone was really enjoying themselves.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23It's called being polite.
0:05:23 > 0:05:24Go and get him.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28It's one of the only reasons why we're here.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Seriously?
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Hey, everyone, Vicky's cartoon brother is on the way.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34And that wasn't even the worst part.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36You're enjoying this, aren't you?
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Well, its way more fun than one of your parties!
0:05:44 > 0:05:46What's going on?
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Who are you?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Friends of a friend, Becky,
0:05:50 > 0:05:52just popped in to watch the match.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Her name's Vicky.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Get out, right now. I didn't invite any of you.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Your party was on the internet, wasn't it?
0:06:00 > 0:06:03So that means you've invited the whole world.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Get out, or I'm calling the police.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11Hey, come down. Ever hear of hospitality? Jeez!
0:06:11 > 0:06:12I'm serious.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Well, go ahead then, call the police.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16If you don't mind your folks finding out about this party.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Getting thrown out of our own house...
0:06:19 > 0:06:21That wasn't cool.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Whoa!
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Are you all right?
0:06:27 > 0:06:31- Yeah.- This is a nightmare.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Just imagine how much worse things could have been
0:06:34 > 0:06:39if you didn't have an awesome cartoon brother to save the day.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43- No-one upsets my sister. - Leave it, Roy.
0:06:43 > 0:06:44Roy?
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- I didn't know you could do that. - I was a little surprised myself.
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Roy?
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Wait, please, I don't know how that happened!
0:07:08 > 0:07:10- Argh!- Agh!
0:07:10 > 0:07:11BLENDER WHIRS
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Where are yous off to? The match hasn't even started.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26How is that happening? Ah!
0:07:28 > 0:07:31This house is full of ghosts.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34THEY LAUGH
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Not exactly your finest hour, was it?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Do you know what I always say?
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- ALL: We know! Be yourself. - Always wear your trousers to dinner.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Er, be yourself, I knew that.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Hang on, should you really be lecturing me
0:07:50 > 0:07:52about the whole being yourself thing...
0:07:52 > 0:07:53- POSH ACCENT:- ..Moira?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55ROY AND DA LAUGH
0:07:55 > 0:07:57I've no idea what you mean.
0:07:57 > 0:07:58KISSING NOISES
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- POSH ACCENT:- Here we all go. Welcome.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Oh, yes... I'm warning you.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10- Doesn't Moira have a charming little house?- Oh, ladies.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16It's amazing what can be achieved on a tight little budget nowadays.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20What are you, an interior designer?
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Ah, ladies, have you met my daughter, Rebecca?
0:08:24 > 0:08:27'Oh, Rebecca. That's simply wonderful.'
0:08:27 > 0:08:29And that was just the start of it.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32So, we'll see you here next week, again then, so?
0:08:32 > 0:08:36And maybe without interruptions from non-book club members?
0:08:36 > 0:08:40- Does she mean me?- Rebecca, don't you have homework to do?
0:08:41 > 0:08:44- Anyway...- Harriet, thanks for the opportunity.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46I won't let you down.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48You're so welcome, kisses! Mwah, mwah!
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- Bye!- Bye!
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Mwah, mwah, Oh, Olwen.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54Mwah, mwah - bye-bye!
0:08:54 > 0:08:57- Mwah, mwah!- Mwah, mwah!
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Fionola, bye! Bye-bye!
0:09:03 > 0:09:05I know exactly what you're going to say, Becky.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06You can save your breath.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Don't you mean Rebecca?
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Becky! Come back here!
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Well, this raking over the past is all very well.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- But don't you have chores to be getting on with?- Chores?
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- In here?- She's got a point, love, it is a cartoon bubble.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Oh, thanks, Bill, supportive as ever.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23- No, I'm just saying... - Well, don't just say.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- Stop picking on Da.- Me! I'm the one that's getting picked on here.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29I can't believe I wore trousers for this!
0:09:29 > 0:09:34Enough. Ah, much better. Now I can hear myself think.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Whatever that means.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38CLANKING AND GRINDING
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Oh, yeah, I nearly forgot.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48There was that time I tried to let someone else be me. Big mistake.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50THEY SCREAM
0:09:50 > 0:09:51..you ever stop screaming?
0:09:51 > 0:09:55- HE SCREAMS - What on earth is going on?
0:09:55 > 0:09:57It's all my fault, Ma.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00I made a photocopy of myself to get out of chores and homework.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02And now he wants to take over my life.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05What? No, Ma! I'm the real Roy.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07I can't believe what I'm seeing.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09I didn't know how I was going to get out of that one,
0:10:09 > 0:10:12especially when Ma started playing detective.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14OK, we're going to have a quiz.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17The O'Brien family quiz.
0:10:17 > 0:10:22- The real Roy should know all the answers.- Good idea, Ma.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Question one.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27What's my job?
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Oh, em...
0:10:30 > 0:10:35Something to do with Dr Raschid?
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Is assistant doctoring a thing?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41- No.- No.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Administrative executive manager.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Correct.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Question two.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53What age is Becky?
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Oh, um...12...
0:10:59 > 0:11:02- ..teen?- No.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04It's not polite to tell a lady's age,
0:11:04 > 0:11:08but Becky will be another year older on September 2nd.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Correct.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13What's Bill's favourite film?
0:11:13 > 0:11:17Ah, yes, well, of course, that would be the award-winning costume drama
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- Lady Harrington's Reading Gloves. - I wasn't asking you, Bill!
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Yeah, the reading gloves film.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27BECKY SNORTS WITH LAUGHTER
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Actually, it's Vital Explosion IV.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Correct.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Yes, indeed it is.
0:11:33 > 0:11:38I couldn't believe it - that fake Roy knew more about my family than I did.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40But I was forgetting something -
0:11:40 > 0:11:42mas are always way smarter than you think.
0:11:42 > 0:11:47So that's 20 correct answers for one Roy,
0:11:47 > 0:11:53and 20 incorrect answers for the other Roy.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Ha! Nailed it! In your face!
0:11:56 > 0:12:01Which tells us that you are the impostor.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03- Me!- Yes, you.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Because Roy would never rub someone's face in it like that.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- But I got all the questions right. - Exactly.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Roy never pays that much attention to his family.
0:12:13 > 0:12:18I said the real Roy SHOULD know all the answers, but I knew he wouldn't.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20'So it all worked out in the end.'
0:12:20 > 0:12:22And you know why?
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Because the other Roy was trying too hard,
0:12:24 > 0:12:27while I was just being myself.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30- Looks like somebody learnt their lesson.- Yeah.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Deffo, Ma. And it's all written down so I won't forget.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34Good lad.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Mammy is so proud of her little Roy wonder,
0:12:37 > 0:12:41she could just kiss the cute off his little cartoon cheeks.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Ah, Ma, not in front of these.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Anyway, just be yourself.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Keep to these simple rules and you'll be fine.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Relax and don't worry about what other people think of you.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57You're all right. Trust me.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59And don't try to be someone you're not,
0:12:59 > 0:13:03you'll only end up getting your house wrecked, or talking funny.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06And remember, we all have things we'd like to change about ourselves,
0:13:06 > 0:13:08but hey, nobody's perfect.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10And who wants to be perfect anyway?
0:13:10 > 0:13:14It will only make your family think you're a photocopied impostor.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19So, there you have it, sorted.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23- Bill, where are your trousers? - Sounds like my dinner is ready.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25See yous.