0:00:02 > 0:00:05So there I was, hard at it doing my homework when my ma comes in.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Aw, Roy, that doesn't look like your homework.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10But Ma, it's History homework for Hammo.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Ah, History. Gossip's fancy cousin.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17Your assignment is to write the life story of a historical figure
0:00:17 > 0:00:18of your choice.
0:00:18 > 0:00:23- BOTH:- He wants every fact, every figure, every single detail.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25I don't know where to start.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28What do I know about the woman who built France
0:00:28 > 0:00:30or the man who invented hiccups?
0:00:30 > 0:00:33- Why not try writing about the person you know best?- Who's that?
0:00:33 > 0:00:36- You. We're all a part of history. - Ma was right but did I really want
0:00:36 > 0:00:38everyone knowing everything about me?
0:00:38 > 0:00:40There are some things I wish even I didn't know.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42My da was very persuasive though.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45You know what he's like when he gets worked up about something.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Will whatever you're saying mean I have to have to stop
0:00:49 > 0:00:52- reading this paper? - No.- Do that, then.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56So I'm writing it all down, the life and thoughts of Roy O'Brien.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Cos these are The Roy Files.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Ah... Ah... Ah...
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Achoo!
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- Stupid cold. - HE SNIFFS
0:01:10 > 0:01:14I know everyone always thinks they get it worse than everybody else...
0:01:14 > 0:01:16but I really do.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19I'm so full of mucus, even me thought bubbles
0:01:19 > 0:01:22are filling up with green, slimy gunge.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Cartoon colds are no joke,
0:01:24 > 0:01:26and I catch them all.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30'My da says I should just move into Dr Raschid's to save on petrol.'
0:01:30 > 0:01:31Mm-hm.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33HE TUTS, SIGHS
0:01:33 > 0:01:36So? Is there anything you can give him, doctor?
0:01:36 > 0:01:39- HE TUTS - Well, to be honest, it's the first
0:01:39 > 0:01:42time I've seen anything like this... again.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43'Fair play to the doc, though -
0:01:43 > 0:01:46'being a cartoon boy's doctor is no easy job...'
0:01:46 > 0:01:49What manner of serpent is this, wizard?
0:01:49 > 0:01:51- Stay away... - HE SNORES
0:01:51 > 0:01:53'..but he's always been there for me...'
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Hm...it's probably a cartoon response to being
0:01:56 > 0:01:59emotionally-elated. Yeah.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01'..even when things get a little weird.'
0:02:01 > 0:02:03OK, Roy, next time you're embarrassed,
0:02:03 > 0:02:05I just want you to say to yourself,
0:02:05 > 0:02:09"I'm calm and I'm still, and still I am calm."
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Over and over, all right?
0:02:11 > 0:02:14The truth is, Roy, I've really enjoyed the experience.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Being your GP has given me
0:02:16 > 0:02:19more challenges than most doctors face in a lifetime.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Most vets, too!
0:02:22 > 0:02:23HE PANTS
0:02:23 > 0:02:26OK, Roy, I just want to have a little chat with Mum and Dad,
0:02:26 > 0:02:28so if you can go out - out to the hall?
0:02:28 > 0:02:31- HE PANTS - Good boy. Good boy.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34'Old Doc Raschid, he's one smart cookie -
0:02:34 > 0:02:37'maybe even a little too smart.'
0:02:37 > 0:02:39OK, it could be one of two things.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43- Either it's oxygenating levatis aboliosis...- Wha?!- Come again?
0:02:44 > 0:02:47It's a rare gaseous condition that affects boys
0:02:47 > 0:02:52mainly in the 9-12 age group, and can only really be treated
0:02:52 > 0:02:54by spending an entire month in bed.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57No distractions, complete calm -
0:02:57 > 0:03:00no TV, no music,
0:03:00 > 0:03:02and absolutely nil by mouth.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Or it could be that Roy has...
0:03:06 > 0:03:09swallowed a bar of soap to fake sick and get off school.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11- BECKY LAUGHS - Oh, Roy.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13I'm really disappointed in you.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Erm, but...a whole bar of soap?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18BECKY SCOFFS
0:03:18 > 0:03:20So Roy, which do you think it is?
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Well... Erm...
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Still, when you've been to the doc as much as I have,
0:03:25 > 0:03:28you can't help learning a thing or two.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30And what I've learned is this -
0:03:30 > 0:03:33if you don't want to spend all your time at the doctors...
0:03:33 > 0:03:35- HE SNIFFS - ..don't get sick.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37'That means looking after yourself,
0:03:37 > 0:03:40'which starts with making sure you eat well.'
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Erm, can I have greasy chips and gravy, four cheeseburgers -
0:03:43 > 0:03:46extra oily - and, erm, can you hold the bun, please?
0:03:46 > 0:03:50'Yep, a healthy, balanced diet is a must...
0:03:50 > 0:03:52'with the occasional treat, of course.'
0:03:54 > 0:03:57- Aw, Roy.- Ah, I was wondering where that went.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Mm... still good.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05'I'm always told, when it comes to healthy eating,
0:04:05 > 0:04:08'your parents should set a good example at home.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11'But I don't know what they were telling me for -
0:04:11 > 0:04:13'my dad's the one who needs to know that.'
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Look at this - a Bill special.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17BILL GROANS, ROY GASPS
0:04:17 > 0:04:18- What is that?- Well, there's, erm...
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Oh! That's hot. You have that one.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Sausages, there's pizza.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Pizza's your favourite, Sarah.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26And that is a whole chicken.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29- All...?- Battered!- Ah-h-h!
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Now hold on a second there, son -
0:04:31 > 0:04:34I have always tried to maintain a balanced diet.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37You know what they say - "You are what you eat."
0:04:39 > 0:04:43- Anyone fancy that last battered sausage?- No, that's all yours, love.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Brilliant. Oh-ho! Look at this.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48- MAURA GROANS - Real grub.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50You are what you eat?
0:04:50 > 0:04:54Wouldn't that make you a family-size bag of pickled onion crisps?
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Fit?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58We ARE fit.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00ROY CRUNCHES, BILL BELCHES
0:05:00 > 0:05:02This family does not do unfit.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05- HE BELCHES - Manners.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07For your information, young lady,
0:05:07 > 0:05:09crisps are made from potatoes,
0:05:09 > 0:05:12which, just like pickled onions, are vegetables,
0:05:12 > 0:05:15so that's two out of your five-a-day right there.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18And you call yourself a vegetable-arian?(!)
0:05:18 > 0:05:21That meat looks a bit manky.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Becky's gone vegetarian, so I'm trying something new -
0:05:24 > 0:05:25nutloaf.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Now here, I've heard everything, and now a vampire vegetarian?
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- Meat is murder.- Your head is murder.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Roy, will you show your sister a bit of support, huh?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37HE SCOFFS
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Sure, she'll only be a vegetarian for a few days...
0:05:40 > 0:05:44at most. She'll be munching chops by the end of the week.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47- That looks lovely, Maura. - Thanks, Ma.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Come on, Ma, let the freak eat squirrel food if she wants -
0:05:51 > 0:05:53can we have some sausages instead?
0:05:53 > 0:05:56'I guess I can't blame it all on me dad, though.'
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Yeah, you can... You can really taste the, um...
0:06:00 > 0:06:01..nut.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06'The truth is, I might have a little bit of a bad attitude.'
0:06:06 > 0:06:09THEY CRUNCH LOUDLY
0:06:12 > 0:06:15"Me Becky. Me eat rabbit food."
0:06:15 > 0:06:17'And my ma does her best.'
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Spirulina and spinach smoothie.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Is that, erm...?
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Is that not the same stuff you put on your face last night?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- HE YELPS - It'll do you good.- Mind me six-pack.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31More like a 36-pack.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33- WHINES:- "More like a 36-pack."
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Here, sweetheart. I wouldn't want you to starve now, would I?
0:06:36 > 0:06:37Huh? Enjoy(!)
0:06:37 > 0:06:39'But if nature wants us to eat all that stuff,
0:06:39 > 0:06:41'why doesn't it grow on plates?
0:06:41 > 0:06:44'It's all over the ground - it's like nature already threw it away,
0:06:44 > 0:06:47'and I'm not surprised - that's what you're supposed to do
0:06:47 > 0:06:48'when food turns green.'
0:06:48 > 0:06:49I don't know why I have to suffer,
0:06:49 > 0:06:51just because you can't fit into your jeans.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53BILL GROANS
0:06:53 > 0:06:54'But I know me ma's right -
0:06:54 > 0:06:57'if we think we can just eat junk and stay healthy,
0:06:57 > 0:06:58'we must be dreaming.'
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Ooh, battered sausage.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04'That's why we all need someone to keep our feet on the ground...
0:07:04 > 0:07:06'and out hands out of the fridge.'
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Don't!
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Move away from the bacon.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12That's going to be Ma's job around here -
0:07:12 > 0:07:15keeping us on the straight and narrow.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18You make me sound like some kind of food police.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22I just make sure there's enough healthy options on the menu.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Bill is actually a huge fan of my more...
0:07:25 > 0:07:27natural dishes.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31He loves his greens, and he's very open-minded
0:07:31 > 0:07:35when it comes to trying my delicious, healthy treats.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39You don't give your father enough credit.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41When Bill puts his mind to something,
0:07:41 > 0:07:43he has the willpower of a...
0:07:45 > 0:07:47..very strong person.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49SHE GRUNTS
0:07:49 > 0:07:51I'm really proud of Bill, though.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54He hasn't eaten a single chip or a bit of chocolate
0:07:54 > 0:07:57since we started eating right.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59I wonder what his secret is.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Really is brilliant.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Great job, Ma. See you later.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07I can't tell her the truth - it would break her heart.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Thanks, son. I mean,
0:08:09 > 0:08:12your mother is a marvellous woman...
0:08:12 > 0:08:13but the one thing I dread is
0:08:13 > 0:08:16when she goes off on one of her health kicks.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18I mean, I'm all for healthy food, I am.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21I mean, but some of the stuff she serves up...
0:08:21 > 0:08:24- HE SCOFFS - I mean, I'd rather lick me own feet.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Is that your mother behind me, son?
0:08:30 > 0:08:32And is she making this face?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Nah, it's more like this.
0:08:37 > 0:08:38Really?
0:08:40 > 0:08:42It's worse than I thought.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45You might not want to see this, son.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47A word in your ear, Bill?
0:08:49 > 0:08:50Yes, my sweet?
0:08:50 > 0:08:53I might leave you to dig yourself out of that one, Da.
0:08:53 > 0:08:58Besides, I'm going to need all the space I can get for this next clip.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Getting an elastic band, Roy?
0:09:03 > 0:09:04It's a gastric band.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Aw, leave him alone.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Sinead, do YOU think I'm fat?
0:09:09 > 0:09:11No. You're more...
0:09:13 > 0:09:14Yes?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17..cuddly? Squeezy?
0:09:17 > 0:09:19'It was nice of Sinead to try and make me feel better,
0:09:19 > 0:09:21'but I was way past "cuddly".
0:09:21 > 0:09:24'This porker was blocking out the sunlight.'
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Oh, Roy, I am fat.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29HE INHALES
0:09:29 > 0:09:30SQUELCH!
0:09:31 > 0:09:33HE GRUNTS
0:09:33 > 0:09:34HE SIGHS
0:09:34 > 0:09:36I hate being fat.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38'So it was time to get in shape.'
0:09:40 > 0:09:42HE GROANS
0:09:42 > 0:09:44'And that meant healthy food
0:09:44 > 0:09:46'and plenty of exercise.'
0:09:46 > 0:09:49'And luckily, exercise can be a lot of fun,
0:09:49 > 0:09:50'as long as you don't overdo it.'
0:09:50 > 0:09:54He's out there first thing in the morning, last thing at night.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58- 172, 173...- Oh, he should give himself a rest.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00He hasn't touched his computer in days.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Is it me, or is he getting skinnier?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08'Not good.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11'But getting back to me old self was a piece of cake.'
0:10:12 > 0:10:15STOMACH GRUMBLES
0:10:15 > 0:10:17HE BELCHES
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Pardon.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Ah-ah! Just for Roy.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26LOUD WHIRRING
0:10:32 > 0:10:34There. Another breakfast like that tomorrow
0:10:34 > 0:10:37and you'll be back to your old self in no time.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38HE LAUGHS, BELCHES
0:10:38 > 0:10:41- Pardon...- Don't bother.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Yep, a piece of cake...
0:10:43 > 0:10:46and anything else I could find in the fridge.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48- KNOCKING ON DOOR MUM:- Roy, you'll be late for school.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50But I can't get out me bed.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Stop messing around!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Open the door.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57- I haven't locked it - I'm stuck. - What do you mean?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Ah, Bill, it's blocked or something.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05Will you give over? Just needs a little shove. Watch, look...
0:11:05 > 0:11:08- Mind yourself there now. - Sorry, love.
0:11:08 > 0:11:09- It's all right.- Lovely.
0:11:11 > 0:11:12Oh! Bill!
0:11:12 > 0:11:15- Go on, love.- Wait, will you? Don't shake the ladder.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17I'm not shaking it.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- What in the name of...? - What's going on?
0:11:20 > 0:11:22I don't know, maybe we can winch him down?
0:11:22 > 0:11:24He's not a piano, Bill.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26'There was only one man to turn to.'
0:11:28 > 0:11:30OK, Roy, I'm coming in.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32HE GROANS
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Hurry, Dr Raschid.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36HE GRUNTS
0:11:36 > 0:11:37HE STRAINS
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Well, what have you been up to, eh?
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Well, I think I ate too much last night.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44I think you did.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- I'm trying to get into the football team, you see.- Uh-huh?
0:11:47 > 0:11:49OK, just breath in. Just relax.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51HE GASPS LOUDLY
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Oh, all part of a normal day's work.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56You know? Flu jabs, sprained wrists,
0:11:56 > 0:12:01dislodging overstuffed 11-year-old cartoon boys from their bedrooms(!)
0:12:01 > 0:12:03What else are doctors for?(!)
0:12:03 > 0:12:05ROY GRUNTS
0:12:05 > 0:12:08- Move back.- Oh, Roy, thank goodness. - Thank God.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10- Now, do you see what's happened? - Huh?
0:12:10 > 0:12:12- AIR WHINES OUT OF ROY - All that crash dieting has
0:12:12 > 0:12:15left his metabolism low - he can't digest all his food.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16Well, will he get back to normal, doctor?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Eventually, but let this be a lesson to us all, OK?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Whether you're a human or a cartoon,
0:12:21 > 0:12:23crash dieting and binging is dangerous.
0:12:23 > 0:12:24I'm always saying that to you.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26- HE SNIFFS - Well, this cold
0:12:26 > 0:12:27isn't getting any better.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30From now on, it's healthy eating all the way.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Glad to hear it, son, because I've just the thing for you...
0:12:34 > 0:12:37..my ginger, spinach and lime smoothie.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Mm!
0:12:40 > 0:12:44Erm...thanks, Ma.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47So plenty to get your teeth into when it comes to healthy living,
0:12:47 > 0:12:50but keep to these simple rules and you'll be fine.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54..big sausages, medium-sized ones...
0:12:54 > 0:12:57even the odd chipolata to mix things up a bit(!)
0:12:57 > 0:12:59That's a kind of sausage, but the way.
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Seriously, though...
0:13:02 > 0:13:04So if you want to stay healthy and feeling good...
0:13:06 > 0:13:08..and get that fruit and veg into your gob.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11And if you do feel hungry enough to heat a horse,
0:13:11 > 0:13:13make sure it's a sugar-free, low-fat horse.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15There you go - scrapbook sorted.
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Ah!
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Hey, that's not bad.
0:13:21 > 0:13:22HE SNIFFS
0:13:22 > 0:13:24I got my sense of smell back!
0:13:24 > 0:13:27That's amazing! No more junk food for me.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- HE SNIFFS - Hold on...
0:13:30 > 0:13:32is that fish and chips?
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Maybe I'll start that healthy eating after dinner.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Wait for me, Da! See yous!