0:00:04 > 0:00:08# You've been found guilty Of a bad showbiz style
0:00:08 > 0:00:12# So welcome to the summer Where you've gotta serve your time
0:00:12 > 0:00:17# With every type of entertainer And artiste
0:00:17 > 0:00:19# Performing to the limit
0:00:19 > 0:00:21# To buy out their release
0:00:21 > 0:00:26# So go fetch the audience Bring them to The Slammer
0:00:26 > 0:00:31# And polish up your act With a bit of glitz and glamour
0:00:31 > 0:00:33# Your fate is in their hands
0:00:33 > 0:00:34# So make them cheer and holler
0:00:35 > 0:00:38# It's the only way You'll ever leave The Slammer
0:00:38 > 0:00:42# It's the only way You'll ever leave The Slammer! #
0:00:45 > 0:00:49So his legs dropped off and his mother got 15 years.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55Now, we've a couple of new inmates who arrived in B Wing overnight.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Stevie Sausage - fire-eater.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Serving six months for burping at an old lady.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Bernie Walters -
0:01:04 > 0:01:08the incredible memory man. Forgot to turn up at the theatre.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12Got three years for that, the dopey twit.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15However, they're not the only new arrivals at HM Slammer this week.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19Meet your new warden, Jeremy Gimbert.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Now, I know what you're thinking,
0:01:21 > 0:01:24but he's got a lot of experience...at selling ice cream.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28But I'm sure you'll all make him feel very welcome!
0:01:28 > 0:01:32Well, as you all know, today is freedom show day.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35This afternoon, our visiting audience will decide
0:01:35 > 0:01:36which prisoner will be released.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Mr Burgess, if you'll show our new recruit what's what,
0:01:39 > 0:01:43the rest of you let everyone know which lucky prisoners
0:01:43 > 0:01:46I have chosen to perform for their freedom. Including...
0:01:46 > 0:01:50- this man. - HE TOOTS A TUNE
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Now, that's entertainment.
0:01:52 > 0:01:57I myself have a very important appointment, now in fact
0:01:57 > 0:01:59with...this sandwich.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00Dismissed.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04I can't believe it. We've not been chosen.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07That last one promised us a slot on this week's freedom show
0:02:07 > 0:02:08and now he's retired.
0:02:08 > 0:02:13The first chance we've had to perform for early release for three years!
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Unlucky, that. What is wrong with him?
0:02:15 > 0:02:18It's brought on his asthma. GULPS
0:02:18 > 0:02:22It's his birthday tomorrow and I swore I'd take him to a theme park.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25You'll be OK, Pete. Look at me - I got 10 years
0:02:25 > 0:02:28for getting stage fright at the Royal Variety performance.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32I've got no chance of getting out and I'm still smiling.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35It's not me I'm worried about - it's little Titch. He's devastated.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Ooh, get me outta here! Ooh! Ooh!
0:02:38 > 0:02:41- No, come here.- Lemme out! Lemme out!
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Ugh! Get me out! Oh!
0:02:43 > 0:02:46- Aagh!- What are we gonna do, Melvin?
0:02:46 > 0:02:49- I don't think he can take it in here any longer.- OK, OK.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Titch, I'll get you a spot on the freedom show.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55We'll tell the new warden the promise you were made.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58I'll sort it out. Just breathe!
0:02:58 > 0:03:01TITCH GASPS
0:03:01 > 0:03:06Oh, yes - you've got to keep a close eye on this lot at all times.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Stilt walkers, strong women,
0:03:09 > 0:03:12stand-up comics - we've got them all in here.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15In here's the best place for them. Iona.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19You're in this evening's show, I suggest you go get ready, girl.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23No plate-spinning in the corridor, Percival.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- CRASH! - Clean it up.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30Right, in this cell we've got a couple of long-serving inmates.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Prisoners O'Doom and Nocchio -
0:03:33 > 0:03:38song and dance man and so-called puppeteer.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40All right, on your feet!
0:03:40 > 0:03:45I would like to introduce you to our new prison warden - Mr Gimbert.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Mr Gimbert, prisoners Melvin O'Doom and Peter Nocchio.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52- And Titch.- And...Titch.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- How do you do? - You'll see a lot of these two.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59- Three.- They will be in here for a very long time.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Aaah!
0:04:01 > 0:04:05- Mr Burgess tells me you're a dancer, Melvin.- That's right. Shall we?
0:04:05 > 0:04:08WALTZ MUSIC PLAYS
0:04:11 > 0:04:14JAZZY CHARLESTON MUSIC PLAYS
0:04:15 > 0:04:19If you are quite finished, Mr Gimbert,
0:04:19 > 0:04:21I suggest we move on!
0:04:21 > 0:04:23- As for you two...- Three.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27..behave yourselves, otherwise I will have you sewing sequins
0:04:27 > 0:04:31into a trapeze artiste's leotard for the rest of your stretch.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39That new warden seems OK. I'm sure I can get him to put you in the show.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Yip-pee!
0:04:43 > 0:04:45A word to the wise, Mr Gimbert -
0:04:45 > 0:04:48I wouldn't recommend that sort of thing with the prisoners,
0:04:48 > 0:04:51otherwise, they will take liberties.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Like that!
0:04:53 > 0:04:57You see what Melvin O'Doom did to you?
0:04:57 > 0:05:01I tell you - O'Doom is not to be trusted.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Nor his little friend, either.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Oh dear, oh dear.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10- Are you all right? - What do you do?
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Oh, I'm...an impressionist.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17- Yeah, I impersonate prison wardens. - Really? Are you any good?
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Do you want to see? I'll show you. Pass me your cap.
0:05:21 > 0:05:22Brilliant.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25I'll need your jacket and your tie.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- Shoes, of course.- Of course.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30- And trousers.- There you go.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34You've got your keys in there, obviously and your handcuffs.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36- Yeah.- There.- OK.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Right, so...
0:05:38 > 0:05:42I am a prison warden.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45You've been wonderful. Goodnight.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Yes. Marvellous, officer.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Yes. No. Sorry about that.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05Goodbye. ..Not been the best of starts, has it, son?
0:06:05 > 0:06:10You've been on the job one day and let a notorious comedian escape.
0:06:10 > 0:06:15The police have found her hiding in the Chuckle Brothers' garage.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19One more cock-up and you're out. Nephew or no flipping nephew!
0:06:19 > 0:06:21- And get your cap off in my office. - CRASH!
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Mr Burgess, get him out of here!
0:06:24 > 0:06:28Go on, get the acts ready for the show. Go, go, go! Oh, dear.
0:06:28 > 0:06:33Oh, play something soothing, Perkins.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37HE PLAYS SOOTHING MUSIC
0:06:37 > 0:06:41- How did it go with that new warden? - He says I'm not to be trusted.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45He threatened to throw me in the naughty chorus.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48# Very, very naughty We're so naughty
0:06:48 > 0:06:50# Very naughty! #
0:06:50 > 0:06:54- Do you know anything about sticking a sign on his back?- No, why?
0:06:54 > 0:06:58- Something's up.- Do you know about this, Titch?- Oh, nothing at all.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Are you sure?
0:07:01 > 0:07:05- We're never going to get into the freedom show!- It's OK.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09I've got one more trick up my sleeve.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Come on, sunshine. Get a shift on.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15It's almost showtime. Yee-ha!
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Are you all right, Mr Gimbert?
0:07:17 > 0:07:21- It's all right. I just want to introduce you to Yuri.- How are you?
0:07:21 > 0:07:25- What sort of entertainer are you?- He bends metal by rubbing it.- Yes.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28I really can. See this spoon?
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Look at it. I say, "bend" to it. Bend!
0:07:31 > 0:07:34There - it's going. Look.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36It's coming off.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39- That's fantastic.- Power of the mind.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43- Can you do it again? - Do you have anything metal?- Oh...
0:07:43 > 0:07:45How about one of your keys?
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Try...that one.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51This one? It's a very thick key, but I'll try.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Here we go. Bend, bend...
0:07:54 > 0:07:56There, look at it.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Look.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00That's incredible.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03- TANNOY:- This is your governor speaking
0:08:03 > 0:08:08All the prisoners for this week's freedom show are now required.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10'I thank you.'
0:08:10 > 0:08:13SIREN BLARES
0:08:13 > 0:08:16'The children are in the building.'
0:08:18 > 0:08:21'The children are in the building.'
0:08:21 > 0:08:23'30 seconds to show time.'
0:08:23 > 0:08:28- Oh, I'm going to get the sack!- This act's all ready to go if you want.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- '20 seconds.'- All right. Come on.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Well, Burgess - how do I look? Be brutal.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Divine, sir.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Thank you very much. It's showtime!
0:08:49 > 0:08:53Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to HM Slammer
0:08:53 > 0:08:57where you will decide which prisoner is to be released.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00So, please welcome your host -
0:09:00 > 0:09:04he's the governor. It's...the governor!
0:09:04 > 0:09:06CHEERING
0:09:17 > 0:09:19O-O-O-Oh, yeah!
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- Who's the governor? - ALL: YOU are the governor!
0:09:22 > 0:09:27Wow, what an audience. We've got some fabulous performing prisoners.
0:09:27 > 0:09:33We've got from A Wing, Michel Lauzier Horn-o-Phone.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35ALL: Wooo!
0:09:35 > 0:09:39We've got an exotic act - a contortionist named Iona.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Woo!
0:09:41 > 0:09:45She can lick the back of her own head.
0:09:45 > 0:09:50- We've got Wayne French, the marvellous escapologist.- Woo!
0:09:51 > 0:09:54And the acrobatic Acromaniacs!
0:09:54 > 0:09:55ALL: Woo!
0:09:55 > 0:09:59It's always hard to be the first cab off the rank,
0:09:59 > 0:10:03but here at The Slammer, you'll be deciding which of our acts
0:10:03 > 0:10:04walks to freedom tonight.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Please welcome our first performing prisoner -
0:10:07 > 0:10:10It's Michel Lauzier Horn-o-Phone!
0:10:10 > 0:10:14- CHEERING - Come on!
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Hello! This is my own musical invention.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22It looks good, huh?
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Now, let's hear it - see how it sounds.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27First I'll play Boccherini.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30HE TOOTS TUNE
0:10:30 > 0:10:32AUDIENCE GIGGLE
0:10:59 > 0:11:02HE PLAYS: "Frere Jacques"
0:11:02 > 0:11:04This I can play!
0:11:04 > 0:11:06CHEERING
0:11:08 > 0:11:12Back to classical - from Vivaldi, The Four Seasons.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14My favourite is Springtime.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17PLAYS: "Spring" by Vivaldi
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Here's the hard part.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35PLAYS: "Old Macdonald Had A Farm"
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Oh, that was a fifth season from Vivaldi! OK.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44Here's a pop tune called "Popcorn."
0:11:44 > 0:11:48PLAYS: "Popcorn"
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Classical again - Mozart.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01PLAYS: "Ronda alla Turca" by Mozart
0:12:15 > 0:12:18HE PLAYS FANFARE
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Hey! CHEERING
0:12:27 > 0:12:31Michel Lauzier, Let's hear it for his Horn-o-Phone!
0:12:31 > 0:12:33CHEERING
0:12:33 > 0:12:35You liked him.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Well, remember - you could be voting for him
0:12:38 > 0:12:43to walk free from The Slammer tonight.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46- What did our audience think? Mr Burgess?- Right, young man.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50- What have you got written down? - "Very good and talented. Quite funny
0:12:50 > 0:12:54- "and very clever. It was a great invention."- What about you?
0:12:54 > 0:12:59I thought he was really cool and funny. I think he's a star.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- What about you, sir?- I thought he was very clever for making it
0:13:03 > 0:13:07and even though he made mistakes, he was really funny.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11Yes, there is a bit of polish to add to his act. We'll sort that out.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13You liked the Horn-o-Phone, yeah?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15ALL: Ye-e-e-e-es!
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Only one of the performing prisoners is going to walk free today
0:13:19 > 0:13:22and you're going to decide who it is.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Now, onto our second act. From B Block,
0:13:25 > 0:13:29the mysterious, the exotic...it's the considerable contortions
0:13:29 > 0:13:31of Iona!
0:13:31 > 0:13:34CHEERING
0:13:43 > 0:13:46MUSIC: "Happiness" by Orson
0:13:57 > 0:14:01# Do I really need a reason?
0:14:02 > 0:14:05# Is it really such a big deal?
0:14:07 > 0:14:11# It just seems like the right situation
0:14:13 > 0:14:16# To say how I really feel
0:14:19 > 0:14:21# I love the way that you look at me
0:14:23 > 0:14:25# Cos I can't stop looking at you
0:14:27 > 0:14:28# Ooh!
0:14:28 > 0:14:32# And the sweetest thing that you do for me
0:14:33 > 0:14:37# Besides the little things that you do
0:14:39 > 0:14:43# Well, if the world don't feel like turning
0:14:43 > 0:14:46# And the sun just wants to hide
0:14:46 > 0:14:49# All the stars come out to remind me
0:14:49 > 0:14:53# With the universe by my side Because... #
0:14:53 > 0:14:55AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:14:55 > 0:14:58# All that happens is happiness
0:14:58 > 0:15:02# Happiness when I'm with you
0:15:02 > 0:15:08# All that happens is happiness
0:15:08 > 0:15:11# Happiness... #
0:15:11 > 0:15:14GUITAR PLAYS
0:15:20 > 0:15:24# We ain't got a whole lot of money
0:15:26 > 0:15:28# How about a five star Happy Meal?
0:15:29 > 0:15:33# Girl, every day with you is just like a party
0:15:35 > 0:15:39# There's nothing left of me for you to steal
0:15:39 > 0:15:42# That's right
0:15:42 > 0:15:45# And when the winter wind is blowin'
0:15:45 > 0:15:48# I feel you blowin' kisses in my ear
0:15:48 > 0:15:51# And when you think that you're just talkin'
0:15:51 > 0:15:54# You know, it's singin' that I hear Because...
0:15:54 > 0:16:01# All that happens is happiness
0:16:01 > 0:16:04# Happiness when I'm with you
0:16:04 > 0:16:10# All that happens is happiness
0:16:10 > 0:16:13# Happiness... #
0:16:13 > 0:16:15AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:16:22 > 0:16:27Ladies and gentlemen, please, let's hear it for Iona!
0:16:27 > 0:16:30LOUD CHEERING
0:16:30 > 0:16:32And remember, whatever you do,
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- don't try that at home! - LAUGHTER
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Mr Burgess, over to you.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40It was freaky, good freaky, really freaky.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Just...freaky.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46So, summing up, then, son, freaky.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50- Freaky freaky.- Young Arthur, tell us all about Iona.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52I thought she was fantastic.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56- Why do you think I couldn't do it? - Um...
0:16:56 > 0:16:57because...
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Um...
0:17:00 > 0:17:05If you look at her then look at you, there's a big difference.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08LAUGHTER
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- For a final word on that act. Madam?- Fantastic.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15- There you go, sir. - A variety of opinions about Iona.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Now, two more performing prisoners to see
0:17:18 > 0:17:22and you'll decide which one walks free from The Slammer.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- Are you enjoying yourselves? - AUDIENCE: Yes!
0:17:25 > 0:17:30Why? What you doing? On to our third performing prisoner.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34We have for you an escapologist from C wing...
0:17:34 > 0:17:36What's that?
0:17:39 > 0:17:41The escapologist...
0:17:41 > 0:17:44can't come because he can't get out of his cell.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47So with no expense at all,
0:17:47 > 0:17:51would you please welcome Pete and Titch.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- CHEERING - This had better be good.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Hello, everybody. I'm Pete. This is little Titch.
0:18:00 > 0:18:05"Hello, everybody. I'm Pete. This is little Titch." Nah-nah-nah-nah!
0:18:05 > 0:18:09Oh, little Titch, you're not going to be naughty.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11No, I'm not going to be naughty.
0:18:11 > 0:18:16- You're not going to be rude.- I'm not going to be rude.- Promise?- Promise.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20TITCH CHUCKLES All right, let's get started.
0:18:20 > 0:18:26- Ladies and gentlemen, I went to the zoo...- Oh, I'm going to be sick.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30- What do you make of that, you gang of poo-heads?- Oh!
0:18:30 > 0:18:34You said you wouldn't be rude. You said poo-heads.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Poo-heads is rude. We say nincompoops.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Nincompoops...is rubbish...
0:18:41 > 0:18:42you poo-head.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Oh! We've got to do the song now.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Oh, no! Not the song! Whatever you do, don't sing!
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Music, please.
0:18:51 > 0:18:56- I'd go anywhere to get out of this. It's terrible. - MUSIC PLAYS
0:18:56 > 0:19:00# Anywhere, I will find you Don't care where
0:19:00 > 0:19:04# Look behind you, I'll be there Following you around... #
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Oh, no! Oh, no!
0:19:06 > 0:19:09# Rain or shine, you won't shake me
0:19:09 > 0:19:12# I don't mind where you take me
0:19:12 > 0:19:16# I'll be there Following you around... #
0:19:16 > 0:19:17I'm gonna hide.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19# Hey, listen, don't you know?
0:19:19 > 0:19:23- # Hiding does no good... # - That's what HE thinks!
0:19:23 > 0:19:29# Wherever you may go I'll be in the neighbourhood
0:19:29 > 0:19:32# If you fly, I will follow
0:19:32 > 0:19:35# I don't care about tomorrow
0:19:35 > 0:19:38# Long as I'm following you around... #
0:19:38 > 0:19:41It's terrible! It's awful. I'm sorry, kids.
0:19:41 > 0:19:46- Just get off.- Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.- Thank you.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50Ladies and gentlemen, Pete and Titch.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52CHEERING
0:19:52 > 0:19:56It's time to go over to Mr Burgess. Mr Burgess?
0:19:56 > 0:19:59I thought it was atrocious. What did you think?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02It was quite funny but also a bit stupid.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06Yes. I would agree with you on the "bit stupid" bit.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Thank you, Mr Burgess. ..Did you like them?
0:20:10 > 0:20:16- Yeah, but if he joined the X Factor I think he'll get chucked out.- Get off.
0:20:16 > 0:20:21- What about you, sir?- I think... he had a great voice.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24A great voice? Are you deaf, sunshine?!
0:20:24 > 0:20:27One final word to sum up this rubbish.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29- Thumbs up.- Thumbs up?
0:20:29 > 0:20:32I'll leave it with you, sir.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36One more performing prisoner to see. I should say prisoners,
0:20:36 > 0:20:40because we now have four fabulously talented inmates.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44You're going to decide which one of these acts
0:20:44 > 0:20:48are going to walk free from The Slammer tonight.
0:20:48 > 0:20:52- DRUM ROLL - Will it be the incredible acrobatics
0:20:52 > 0:20:55of the Acromaniacs?!
0:20:55 > 0:20:57AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:21:02 > 0:21:05JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYS
0:23:11 > 0:23:12LOUD RASPBERRY
0:23:12 > 0:23:14CHEERING
0:23:46 > 0:23:48LOUD CHEERING
0:24:22 > 0:24:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Mr Burgess, over to you.
0:24:33 > 0:24:39- What have you got to say about it, young lady?- It was really great.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42And I liked the bit when the man farted.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45When he did a trump, you mean, madam.
0:24:45 > 0:24:51- Have you enjoyed the performing prisoners on The Slammer?- ALL: YES!
0:24:51 > 0:24:55Let's welcome them back. We had Monsieur Horn-o-Phone,
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Iona the contortionist,
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Pete and Titch...
0:25:01 > 0:25:05..and the wonderful Acromaniacs. Give them a big hand.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Right...
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Only one act of these performing prisoners
0:25:11 > 0:25:14can walk free from The Slammer.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18It's up to you to decide with the aid of the clap-o-meter.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Round of applause for the clap-o-meter.
0:25:21 > 0:25:22Come on, bring it on.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26There it is. This is The Slammer's very own invention -
0:25:26 > 0:25:31the clap-o-meter - which will decide which of our performing prisoners
0:25:31 > 0:25:34will walk free. You will decide.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38Remember, everybody, it depends on how loud YOU clap.
0:25:38 > 0:25:43Let's hear it first of all for Michel Lauzier and his horn-o-phone.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Well, let's have a look at the clap-o-meter.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54The score...99.9.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58Good score. You liked the horn-o-phone.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02Next act up - Iona the contortionist!
0:26:02 > 0:26:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Let's see the computer's thinking.
0:26:12 > 0:26:1495.4.
0:26:14 > 0:26:19So, still on the lead on the horn-o-phone with Michel.
0:26:19 > 0:26:24Now we have act three, please, give it up, ladies and gentlemen
0:26:24 > 0:26:26for Pete and Titch.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Pete and Titch score...53.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41Oh, disappointing. Ladies and gentlemen,
0:26:41 > 0:26:46will you please make some noise for the fabulous Acromaniacs!
0:26:46 > 0:26:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:10 > 0:27:14The score for the Acromaniacs on the clap-o-meter was...
0:27:14 > 0:27:16125.5.
0:27:19 > 0:27:24The winners of The Slammer are the Acromaniacs, who go free.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27They take the walk to freedom.
0:27:27 > 0:27:32Mr Burgess, take the others back to their cells. A round of applause.
0:27:32 > 0:27:38Acromaniacs, you're free to leave The Slammer. Let's hear it for them.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40They're free.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Thank you.
0:27:42 > 0:27:48More soon from The Slammer. Bye-bye, everybody. Bye-bye!
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd - 2006
0:27:53 > 0:27:55E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk