Episode 13

Download Subtitles

Transcript

0:00:03 > 0:00:08# You've been found guilty of a howling showbiz crime

0:00:08 > 0:00:13# So welcome to the Slammer Where you're gonna serve your time

0:00:13 > 0:00:17# With every type of minstrel, entertainer, and artiste

0:00:17 > 0:00:21# Performing to the limit To try and get released

0:00:21 > 0:00:26# So go fetch the audience Bring them to the Slammer

0:00:26 > 0:00:31# And polish up your act With a bit of glitz and glamour

0:00:31 > 0:00:34# Your fate is in their hands So make them cheer and clamour

0:00:34 > 0:00:38# It's the only way You'll ever leave the Slammer

0:00:38 > 0:00:39# Leave the Slammer

0:00:39 > 0:00:42# It's the only way You'll ever leave the Slammer! #

0:00:44 > 0:00:48Here it is. My greatest triumph to date,

0:00:48 > 0:00:54a 32-inch plasma TV with surround sound, and built in DVD.

0:00:54 > 0:00:59smuggled in in a secret compartment in Granny's pants!

0:00:59 > 0:01:04- Where are we going to plug it in? - Oh, toilet!

0:01:04 > 0:01:09Testing, one, two, one, two, one, two. Who's the governor? Testing.

0:01:09 > 0:01:12- FEEDBACK - One...Mr Burgess.

0:01:12 > 0:01:16- Ah.- What's happening.- We appear to have a problem with the sound desk.

0:01:16 > 0:01:20The problem with the sound desk is that you two are on it!

0:01:20 > 0:01:24- At least the smoke machine's working.- That's something.

0:01:24 > 0:01:28Hang on a minute, we haven't got a smoke machine. Oh!

0:01:28 > 0:01:30EXPLOSION

0:01:30 > 0:01:32Oh, oh.

0:01:32 > 0:01:35Oh, ooh, right. Let's get on with it.

0:01:35 > 0:01:38Coming up on the Freedom Show today,

0:01:38 > 0:01:40the music of the Magnets.

0:01:40 > 0:01:44# Doo de dup, doo de dup bow. #

0:01:44 > 0:01:46The amazing Uno Lanka!

0:01:46 > 0:01:48APPLAUSE

0:01:48 > 0:01:53The mystifying magic of the Twins!

0:01:53 > 0:01:55- Hi!- No.

0:01:55 > 0:01:57APPLAUSE

0:01:57 > 0:02:00With nerves of steel,

0:02:00 > 0:02:02the lion tamer Claude Bottom.

0:02:02 > 0:02:05ROARING Agh!

0:02:05 > 0:02:07SHRIEKING

0:02:09 > 0:02:11Ooh, ooh, that's better.

0:02:11 > 0:02:14That's it, it's all OK.

0:02:14 > 0:02:17- It must have been a dodgy circuit. - Caused by a dodgy prisoner

0:02:17 > 0:02:22- plugging in his dodgy TV into the mains.- Give us a break!

0:02:22 > 0:02:25We need the TV to help pass the time.

0:02:25 > 0:02:29You don't know what it's like being cooped up with nothing to do.

0:02:29 > 0:02:33Nothing to do? You don't know you're born.

0:02:33 > 0:02:39All you do is sit around all day, I'd quite happily swap with you.

0:02:39 > 0:02:42- Now that is a brilliant idea. - Yes, thank you, sir.

0:02:42 > 0:02:45What idea?

0:02:45 > 0:02:47Your idea of swapping for the day,

0:02:47 > 0:02:52it's the sort of initiative that makes the Slammer a special place.

0:02:52 > 0:02:54- Let's do it!- That means I get to be an officer!

0:02:54 > 0:03:00- Give me that back.- Silence, prisoner. - You listen to me...- Mr Burgess,

0:03:00 > 0:03:03- Melvin's the warden now.- Attention!

0:03:03 > 0:03:06- It's gonna be amusing. - You can swap with Pete!

0:03:06 > 0:03:09Ha ha ha ha! Very good.

0:03:12 > 0:03:16And stay in that cell! This is gonna be wicked, man!

0:03:16 > 0:03:18We've been promoted!

0:03:18 > 0:03:21- What's the matter with him? - Don't know.

0:03:21 > 0:03:27- What was that for?- I get it, we're the enemy now, aren't we?

0:03:27 > 0:03:31The whole prison's gonna be out to get us, poo poo poo!

0:03:31 > 0:03:33So paranoid!

0:03:33 > 0:03:36- CROWD: Rotters!- Scum!- Dirty scum!

0:03:36 > 0:03:39Get 'em!

0:03:40 > 0:03:43- Claude!- Agh!- Can we use your cell?

0:03:43 > 0:03:46- Quickly!- If you really want to!

0:03:49 > 0:03:52ROARING

0:03:52 > 0:03:54Unlock us quickly!

0:03:54 > 0:03:59Wait a minute! These are the keys to the prison, I'm out of here!

0:03:59 > 0:04:01SCREAMS AND ROARING

0:04:08 > 0:04:12I tell you what, I'm rather getting used to this. Rather nice.

0:04:12 > 0:04:16Yeah, no staff meetings, no prisoners,

0:04:16 > 0:04:20- no interfering governor.- He can be a bit of a pain in the...

0:04:20 > 0:04:23Gimbert! Mr Burgess, get up.

0:04:23 > 0:04:25Claude Bottom the lion tamer's escaped.

0:04:25 > 0:04:28Don't worry. We'll catch that coward.

0:04:28 > 0:04:31Never mind catching him? What about the show?

0:04:31 > 0:04:35- You'll have to find another prisoner to replace him.- I have, you.

0:04:35 > 0:04:40- You want me to be in the show. - Dear oh dear.

0:04:40 > 0:04:43It can be the start of a whole new double act.

0:04:43 > 0:04:48- What double act, sir? - Better get rehearsin', lads!

0:04:51 > 0:04:53CHA CHA CHA MUSIC PLAYS

0:05:06 > 0:05:08PUNCH!

0:05:27 > 0:05:29Argh!

0:05:29 > 0:05:31PUNCH!

0:05:33 > 0:05:35BOTH: Whoa!

0:05:39 > 0:05:41Whoa!

0:05:41 > 0:05:43CRASH!

0:05:44 > 0:05:46Come on, Gimbert!

0:05:46 > 0:05:48Think, will ya!

0:05:48 > 0:05:53There must be something we can do. Is there nothing you're good at?

0:05:53 > 0:05:57What do you mean? What's your great hidden talent?!

0:05:57 > 0:06:00There is one thing I suppose. CRASH!

0:06:00 > 0:06:02In the clause, rr rr rr rr rr!

0:06:02 > 0:06:04We were there!

0:06:04 > 0:06:08- Smarten up, the governor's here. - Ah, Melvin, Pete, how we gettin' on?

0:06:08 > 0:06:12- No more prisoners escaping, I trust. - Whoo!

0:06:12 > 0:06:16- No. We're about to go and patrol the exercise yard.- Good.

0:06:16 > 0:06:20If I find anyone else missing, you will be back inside with that lion!

0:06:20 > 0:06:23Do I make myself clear?!

0:06:27 > 0:06:30This job's harder than it looks.

0:06:30 > 0:06:34We just need to show 'em who's boss. When we say jump, they jump!

0:06:34 > 0:06:36Let's try.

0:06:36 > 0:06:38You, jump!

0:06:39 > 0:06:41BOING!

0:06:41 > 0:06:44- All right!- Yeah, jump!

0:06:44 > 0:06:46Jump, jump, jump. BOING!

0:06:52 > 0:06:54- Heh heh heh!- Oh no.

0:06:54 > 0:06:57They've jumped over the wall.

0:06:57 > 0:06:59Oh, that!

0:06:59 > 0:07:02Oi, you two!

0:07:02 > 0:07:05Where they going? The chippy?

0:07:05 > 0:07:06More mushy peas!

0:07:06 > 0:07:08Oh!

0:07:08 > 0:07:11A one, two, a one, two, three, four.

0:07:11 > 0:07:13# Da da da da da da.. #

0:07:13 > 0:07:18Right, you two, get back in that cell.

0:07:18 > 0:07:20I knew this role-swapping idea was ridiculous,

0:07:20 > 0:07:24and you two, back at work, straight away.

0:07:24 > 0:07:26We were rehearsing for the show!

0:07:26 > 0:07:31I wouldn't put you two in if my hat was on fire!

0:07:31 > 0:07:36I've found this marvellous act called Howard.

0:07:36 > 0:07:38Oh dear. Never mind.

0:07:38 > 0:07:41- KLAXON BLARES - So...

0:07:41 > 0:07:44- how do I look? - ALL: Fine!

0:07:44 > 0:07:48Thank you very much, in that case, it's show time!

0:07:48 > 0:07:52Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to HM Slammer,

0:07:52 > 0:07:56where you decide which prisoner is to be released.

0:07:56 > 0:07:58Now, please welcome your host,

0:07:58 > 0:08:01keeping showbiz offenders, out of Eastenders,

0:08:01 > 0:08:04it's the Governor!

0:08:04 > 0:08:06APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:08:20 > 0:08:23- Who's the governor? - ALL: You're the governor.

0:08:23 > 0:08:29Welcome jailers, and jailbirds for a fantastic Slammer freedom show.

0:08:29 > 0:08:33We've got a double act called Little Howard and Big Howard. Whoo!

0:08:33 > 0:08:36ALL: Whoo!

0:08:36 > 0:08:40- Mysterious magic with the Twins! - ALL: Whoo!

0:08:40 > 0:08:44A very unusual balancing act called Uno Lanka.

0:08:44 > 0:08:46ALL: Whoo!

0:08:46 > 0:08:51But right now, we've got a marvellous vocal act,

0:08:51 > 0:08:55no instruments, it's all them, using their voices.

0:08:55 > 0:08:58They're the Magnets and they're serving 12 years

0:08:58 > 0:09:02- for getting stuck to the speakers at a heavy metal concert. - MILD LAUGHTER

0:09:02 > 0:09:06Thank you for that laugh. I'll give you 50p afterwards.

0:09:06 > 0:09:09OK, a pound. Jailers and jailbirds,

0:09:09 > 0:09:13give it up for the wonderful, sensational Magnets!

0:09:13 > 0:09:16APPLAUSE

0:09:21 > 0:09:24One, two, three!

0:09:24 > 0:09:26MEN BEATBOX # Why, come on. #

0:09:26 > 0:09:29OK, are you all ready to dance?

0:09:29 > 0:09:33Gonna have a dance with us? Get up on your feet! Come on!

0:09:33 > 0:09:37You know what you're doing. Bit of this, bit of this.

0:09:37 > 0:09:39Ha!

0:09:39 > 0:09:41# My baby's always dancin'

0:09:41 > 0:09:44# And that wouldn't be a bad thing

0:09:44 > 0:09:46# But I don't get no lovin'

0:09:46 > 0:09:48# But that's no lie

0:09:48 > 0:09:50# We spent the night in Frisco

0:09:50 > 0:09:52# At every kind of disco

0:09:52 > 0:09:55# From that night I kicked our love goodbye

0:09:55 > 0:10:00# Don't blame it on the sunshine Don't blame it on the moonlight

0:10:00 > 0:10:02# Don't blame it on the good times

0:10:02 > 0:10:04# Blame it on the boogie

0:10:04 > 0:10:07# Don't blame it on the sunshine

0:10:07 > 0:10:09# Don't blame it on the moonlight

0:10:09 > 0:10:11# Don't blame it on the good times Blame it on the boogie

0:10:11 > 0:10:13# That was beautiful

0:10:13 > 0:10:15# The nasty boogie bugs me

0:10:15 > 0:10:18# But somehow it has drugged me

0:10:18 > 0:10:22# Spellbound rhythm gets me On my feet

0:10:22 > 0:10:24# I've changed my life completely

0:10:24 > 0:10:26# I've seen the lightning leave me

0:10:26 > 0:10:29# My baby just can't take Her eyes off me

0:10:29 > 0:10:32# Don't blame it on the sunshine

0:10:32 > 0:10:34# Don't blame it on the moonlight

0:10:34 > 0:10:37# Don't blame it on the good times Blame it on the boogie

0:10:37 > 0:10:40# Don't blame it on the sunshine

0:10:40 > 0:10:42# Don't blame it on the moonlight

0:10:42 > 0:10:45# Don't blame it on the good times

0:10:45 > 0:10:47# Blame it on the boogie Everybody dance!

0:10:47 > 0:10:48# I just can't

0:10:48 > 0:10:49# I just can't

0:10:49 > 0:10:51# I just can't control my feet

0:10:51 > 0:10:52# I just can't

0:10:52 > 0:10:53# I just can't

0:10:53 > 0:10:55# I just can't control my feet

0:10:55 > 0:10:57# I just can't

0:10:57 > 0:10:58# I just can't

0:10:58 > 0:11:00# I just can't control my feet

0:11:00 > 0:11:00# I just can't

0:11:00 > 0:11:02# I just can't

0:11:02 > 0:11:04# I just can't control my feet

0:11:04 > 0:11:05# Sunshine

0:11:05 > 0:11:08# Don't blame it on the moonlight No, no

0:11:08 > 0:11:11# Good times Blame it on the boogie

0:11:11 > 0:11:13# Don't you blame it on the sunshine

0:11:13 > 0:11:16# Don't blame it on the moonlight

0:11:16 > 0:11:18# Don't blame it on the good times

0:11:18 > 0:11:21# Blame it on the boogie Check it out

0:11:21 > 0:11:23# Sunshine BEAT BOX NOISES

0:11:23 > 0:11:25# Moonlight BEAT BOX NOISES

0:11:25 > 0:11:27# Good times

0:11:27 > 0:11:29# Boogie BEAT BOX NOISES

0:11:29 > 0:11:30# Sunshine

0:11:30 > 0:11:33# Moonlight

0:11:33 > 0:11:35# Good times

0:11:35 > 0:11:37# Boogie, yeah, yeah, yeah

0:11:37 > 0:11:38# Sunshine

0:11:38 > 0:11:40# Don't blame it on the moonlight

0:11:40 > 0:11:44# Don't blame it on the good times Blame it on the boogie

0:11:44 > 0:11:46# Don't go blaming the sunshine

0:11:46 > 0:11:49# Don't blame it on the moonlight

0:11:49 > 0:11:51# Don't blame it on the good times

0:11:54 > 0:11:57# I said don't you blame it on the...

0:11:57 > 0:12:00# Boogie

0:12:00 > 0:12:02# Boogie

0:12:02 > 0:12:08# Boogie-e-e-e-e-e-e! #

0:12:08 > 0:12:10APPLAUSE

0:12:16 > 0:12:19Give them a round of applause, ladies and gentlemen.

0:12:19 > 0:12:22Wonderful. Wonderful.

0:12:22 > 0:12:26The Magnets. I thought they'd perform "Stuck On You"!

0:12:26 > 0:12:30- What did you think? - Six clean-cut lads far from home,

0:12:30 > 0:12:33But were they far from talented? Your view.

0:12:33 > 0:12:36- It was boogie-wicked. - Boogie-wicked?

0:12:36 > 0:12:40- Were you drawn to The Magnets? - Yes.- What did you think?

0:12:40 > 0:12:43I wish I could sing like that.

0:12:43 > 0:12:45You can. Here's the microphone. Have a go.

0:12:45 > 0:12:48- # Sunshine - Ooh!

0:12:48 > 0:12:51# Moonlight, good times Blame it on the boogie! #

0:12:51 > 0:12:54The Magnets? Yeah? Seventh member?

0:12:54 > 0:12:56- You're in.- Well, miss.

0:12:56 > 0:13:01If you'd like to sum that up for us in one word, have a go.

0:13:01 > 0:13:02Groovalicious.

0:13:02 > 0:13:04Groovalicious, sir.

0:13:04 > 0:13:08Next, what a marvellous, mystifying act we've got.

0:13:08 > 0:13:10The Twins.

0:13:10 > 0:13:16They're serving ten years because their manager was a double agent.

0:13:16 > 0:13:19Ladies and jailbirds, a great big hand

0:13:19 > 0:13:23for the mystifying wonderment of The Twins.

0:13:23 > 0:13:26APPLAUSE

0:13:26 > 0:13:30MYSTERIOUS MUSIC

0:14:37 > 0:14:39APPLAUSE

0:15:19 > 0:15:20APPLAUSE

0:15:22 > 0:15:25Oh, yes, yes! Marvellous!

0:15:25 > 0:15:27Give them a big hand there!

0:15:27 > 0:15:29Give them a round of applause. The Twins, please!

0:15:31 > 0:15:35Now, what did you think of The Twins?

0:15:35 > 0:15:38Well, magic - was it?

0:15:38 > 0:15:41Completely and utterly impossible.

0:15:41 > 0:15:45- Completely and utterly impossible? - Yeah.- You saw it before your eyes!

0:15:45 > 0:15:49- Yeah.- So it must be possible, surely!- Yeah!

0:15:49 > 0:15:53- You do the math, sir. - It's possible.- It's possible.

0:15:53 > 0:15:56I managed to make you change your mind, sir.

0:15:56 > 0:15:58- Yeah.- Jolly good, sir.

0:15:58 > 0:16:01What did you twins think of The Twins?

0:16:01 > 0:16:03- Fantastic.- Good.

0:16:03 > 0:16:06Fantastic and good? Could you do that act?

0:16:06 > 0:16:12- Nevah.- Nevah.- They said it togethah! Aren't you clevah?!

0:16:12 > 0:16:14Yeah.

0:16:14 > 0:16:17For one final word, sum that act up, son.

0:16:17 > 0:16:19Fantabby-hoobie.

0:16:19 > 0:16:24Fantabby-hoobie, sir. They're very inventive.

0:16:24 > 0:16:28Will The Twins get your vote and go free from The Slammer? Who knows?

0:16:28 > 0:16:30Another comic act now.

0:16:30 > 0:16:34A marvellous performing prisoner. Prisoners, very unusual.

0:16:34 > 0:16:37He's a stand-up comedian who's so laid-back

0:16:37 > 0:16:41he's serving 12 years for lying down on the job.

0:16:41 > 0:16:44Jailers and jailbirds, please show your appreciation

0:16:44 > 0:16:47for the Two Howards!

0:16:49 > 0:16:51Hello! My name's Howard.

0:16:51 > 0:16:55Little Howard is the only six- year-old animated stand-up comedian.

0:16:55 > 0:16:58Please welcome Little Howard!

0:17:00 > 0:17:03We're going to do a song. We usually do comedy.

0:17:03 > 0:17:07This is a very serious and beautiful song I've written about love. Ready?

0:17:08 > 0:17:10- Hello. - HE SNIFFS

0:17:10 > 0:17:13Are you going to blow your nose before we do the song?

0:17:13 > 0:17:15- We've formed a band.- We have.

0:17:15 > 0:17:19We are called Fight Of The Conkers, named after

0:17:19 > 0:17:23my favourite band, Flight Of The Conchords. And conkers.

0:17:23 > 0:17:28- Yeah.- And it is going to be funny, because Big Howard is very big

0:17:28 > 0:17:30and he has a very little guitar,

0:17:30 > 0:17:34and I am little and I have a great big bass guitar.

0:17:34 > 0:17:37- LAUGHTER - Big Howard says I'll be funnier

0:17:37 > 0:17:40than those idiots from New Zealand,

0:17:40 > 0:17:44because they are normal-sized with normal-sized guitars.

0:17:44 > 0:17:49- I didn't call The Flight Of The Conchords that.- Yes, you did...

0:17:49 > 0:17:53No, you didn't. I made a mistake.

0:17:53 > 0:17:54You did. HE SNIFFS

0:17:54 > 0:17:59- Are you going to blow your nose? - I haven't got a hanky.

0:17:59 > 0:18:04HE SNIFFS This is a beautiful song about love.

0:18:04 > 0:18:08I'm trying to get some work as a serious singer-songwriter.

0:18:08 > 0:18:10I hope Simon Cowell's watching.

0:18:10 > 0:18:12It's called Wet As This.

0:18:12 > 0:18:15MUSIC BEGINS

0:18:18 > 0:18:19LOUD SNIFF

0:18:19 > 0:18:22# It seems that every time we kiss LOUD SNIFF

0:18:22 > 0:18:26# I plunge into a sea of bliss

0:18:26 > 0:18:29# But it's not all as wet as this

0:18:29 > 0:18:31# I love you

0:18:31 > 0:18:32LOUD SNIFF

0:18:32 > 0:18:36# It seems that every single day SNIFF

0:18:36 > 0:18:40# We just get in each other's way SNIFF

0:18:40 > 0:18:44# And have to grit our teeth to say I love you

0:18:44 > 0:18:46LOUD SNIFF

0:18:46 > 0:18:50# I'd leave you now but I can't sleep

0:18:50 > 0:18:53# Without your breath upon my cheek

0:18:53 > 0:18:55# I love you... # SNIFF

0:18:57 > 0:19:02- I've got a runny nose. - I can tell you've got a runny nose!

0:19:02 > 0:19:07Does anybody have a hanky I can borrow? Thank you.

0:19:07 > 0:19:10Sorry. I know you're enjoying my song.

0:19:12 > 0:19:14PARP! AUDIENCE: Ugh!

0:19:21 > 0:19:23Um - very sorry about that.

0:19:23 > 0:19:27We'll start again. No more sniffing. OK?

0:19:27 > 0:19:30Second part of the song. Wet As This, part two.

0:19:37 > 0:19:40# It seems that every single day

0:19:40 > 0:19:44# We just get in each other's way

0:19:44 > 0:19:47# And have to grit our teeth to say A-CHOO!

0:19:58 > 0:20:00- Please carry on with the song.- Um...

0:20:00 > 0:20:04My hands are a little bit slippy.

0:20:06 > 0:20:08Very sorry, ladies and gentlemen.

0:20:08 > 0:20:11Don't do that!

0:20:11 > 0:20:14Thank you very much. We've been Howard and Howard.

0:20:20 > 0:20:23Round of applause, everybody!

0:20:25 > 0:20:29Very unusual. Very clever. What did you think?

0:20:29 > 0:20:31Your thoughts?

0:20:31 > 0:20:35Very funny and excellent. He deserved to be out.

0:20:35 > 0:20:37- He'll get your vote?- Yes.

0:20:37 > 0:20:39Who was the cutest of the two?

0:20:39 > 0:20:41They're both really ugly.

0:20:45 > 0:20:49- Fed up now. - What about a final word from you?

0:20:49 > 0:20:51- Um...- Just one word.

0:20:51 > 0:20:54- Short and sweet.- Hilarious. - Hilarious!

0:20:54 > 0:20:58Just one more performing prisoner to see.

0:20:58 > 0:21:03Please welcome the amazing skills of Uno Lanka!

0:21:12 > 0:21:14JOLLY MUSIC

0:22:07 > 0:22:09DRUM ROLL

0:22:16 > 0:22:19APPLAUSE

0:22:36 > 0:22:39APPLAUSE

0:22:43 > 0:22:45HE PLAYS FLUTE

0:22:52 > 0:22:54APPLAUSE

0:22:58 > 0:23:02Wow! How did he balance all those things?

0:23:02 > 0:23:06Bruce Forsyth plays golf. He could balance them on his chin.

0:23:06 > 0:23:07What did you think?

0:23:07 > 0:23:10He was good but The Twins were better at balancing.

0:23:10 > 0:23:14Balancing on the swords? So will The Twins get your vote?

0:23:14 > 0:23:19- Yeah.- So they've paid their debt to society? They should be free?

0:23:19 > 0:23:21Not with the swords.

0:23:21 > 0:23:24No, quite clearly a safety issue there.

0:23:24 > 0:23:27- Was that a balanced performance? - Yeah.

0:23:27 > 0:23:31The background music could have been better - 8 out of 10.

0:23:31 > 0:23:35You didn't like it? What about the flute music?

0:23:35 > 0:23:39- It was OK.- Can you play the flute? - No.- Recorder?- No.

0:23:39 > 0:23:42- Can you balance balls on your herd? - No.- Golf clubs?- No.

0:23:42 > 0:23:44Correct. You've passed all the questions.

0:23:44 > 0:23:49Would you like to sum that act up in one - one - one word, sir?

0:23:49 > 0:23:53- Spectacular.- Spectacular! There you go, sir.

0:23:53 > 0:23:58Let's see who's going to go free. Welcome the acts back.

0:23:58 > 0:24:00The Magnets. The Twins.

0:24:00 > 0:24:03The Two Howards.

0:24:03 > 0:24:07Big Howard, Little Howard and Uno Lanka!

0:24:08 > 0:24:11There they are.

0:24:11 > 0:24:16Well, my little felon fans, who is going to walk free?

0:24:16 > 0:24:22You decide with this, the all-wonderful clapometer.

0:24:22 > 0:24:24As modelled there.

0:24:24 > 0:24:27You clap and cheer, we turn it into points.

0:24:27 > 0:24:31Whoever gets the most points walks free,

0:24:31 > 0:24:35their debt to showbusiness paid. Let's start.

0:24:35 > 0:24:39- Are you ready for this? - AUDIENCE: Yes!!

0:24:39 > 0:24:46A marvellous singing group. Let's hear some noise for The Magnets!

0:24:46 > 0:24:48APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:24:56 > 0:24:59Blame it on the sunshine, blame it on the boogie.

0:24:59 > 0:25:03Let's see...

0:25:03 > 0:25:05That's a very good score.

0:25:05 > 0:25:08Now, next we had...

0:25:08 > 0:25:12a very unusual act, a balancing act,

0:25:12 > 0:25:15The Twins, with a lady called Lisa.

0:25:15 > 0:25:19Let's see what you scored with The Twins!

0:25:19 > 0:25:20APPLAUSE AND SCREAMING

0:25:28 > 0:25:33That was short but sweet but very loud, wasn't it?

0:25:33 > 0:25:34Let's see...

0:25:37 > 0:25:41That means that The Twins could be going free

0:25:41 > 0:25:44with those dangerous-looking cutlasses.

0:25:44 > 0:25:49Next we had an unusual act. He brought his little friend with him.

0:25:49 > 0:25:55Your noise, please, for Big Howard and Little Howard.

0:25:55 > 0:26:00APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:26:03 > 0:26:08Let's see what they scored. Hope he's got a hanky as well.

0:26:13 > 0:26:16Next we had an act that defied description.

0:26:16 > 0:26:19He even played the flute.

0:26:19 > 0:26:23Balancing gold clubs and balls. Ladies and gentlemen,

0:26:23 > 0:26:26jailers and jailbirds, Uno Lanka!

0:26:26 > 0:26:29APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:26:33 > 0:26:37Wonderful act. And the score...

0:26:42 > 0:26:46That means, going free, it's The Twins!

0:26:51 > 0:26:55You're free to go. Your debt to society is paid.

0:26:55 > 0:26:58The rest of you, off for supper.

0:26:58 > 0:27:04Back in the cell. Give them all a big hand, jailers and jailbirds.

0:27:08 > 0:27:11We hope you join us again soon

0:27:11 > 0:27:13for more fun, and remember,

0:27:13 > 0:27:17if you can't sing, dance or rhyme - all together -

0:27:17 > 0:27:20DON'T DO THE CRIME!

0:27:20 > 0:27:22See you soon! Bye!

0:27:22 > 0:27:25Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 2006

0:27:39 > 0:27:42Nobody told me to stop being a warden!

0:27:42 > 0:27:45So where's that song again?

0:27:45 > 0:27:47One, two, five, six, seven, eight...

0:27:47 > 0:27:51POW! POW! POW! # ..And a happy smile. #