0:00:02 > 0:00:05Dear Mum, it's been a mad week here in the slammer.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08You won't believe some of the acts we had on the Freedom Show.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11See, I told you you wouldn't believe me.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Anyway, it all started with the worst morning of my whole life.
0:00:14 > 0:00:20- Whoa, you are writing words and they are coming from the sky.- Shut up.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Oh.
0:00:25 > 0:00:29# You've been found guilty of a howling showbiz crime
0:00:29 > 0:00:34# So welcome to The Slammer where you're gonna serve your time
0:00:34 > 0:00:38# With every type of minstrel, entertainer and artiste
0:00:38 > 0:00:42# Performing to the limit to try and get released
0:00:42 > 0:00:47# So go and fetch the audience bring them to The Slammer
0:00:47 > 0:00:51# And polish up your act, with a bit of glitz and glamour
0:00:51 > 0:00:55# Your fate is in their hands, so make them cheer and clamour
0:00:55 > 0:00:59# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer
0:00:59 > 0:01:04# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer! #
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Ah, Fergus! Major problem, sire.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12You're right, Frank. These begonias are 80% caterpillar.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16I'm not talking about that. Somebody has stolen my keys to D wing.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20D wing? But only acts from today's Freedom Show are in D wing.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24- I know.- Without those keys we won't be able to let them out their cells.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26- I know!- And we've got K-Slick.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28And Scales of the Unexpected.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31And Marc Oberon.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34And Big Ron and the Jigglers.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38I don't like it. I like it even less than I like Gimbert
0:01:38 > 0:01:40and that's barely measurable, sir.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44- I think somebody is trying to wreck today's Freedom Show.- Calm down.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Maybe those keys weren't stolen. Maybe you lost them.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Get looking. We'll turn this office upside down.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53How will we get the table to stick to the ceiling?
0:01:55 > 0:01:56Find the keys.
0:01:56 > 0:02:03"Dear Mr Nokio, I have kidnapped your precious puppets."
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Aaargh!
0:02:05 > 0:02:10"Unless you want them to be unstitched, seam by seam,
0:02:10 > 0:02:12"you will do exactly what I say."
0:02:12 > 0:02:17- Oh, what's this?- I don't know, open it, you fool.- I'm doing it.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Oh! Oh!
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Here, Nokio, you seen my keys, lad?
0:02:32 > 0:02:36Oh, keys...of course not, Mr Burgess. Keys! Ha-ha!
0:02:36 > 0:02:40Hm, too much sawdust in the porridge, obviously.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45Oh. "Unlock your cell door then come to Big Barry's cell."
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Oh, Big Barry, he is crazier than a dinner lady
0:02:49 > 0:02:51with batter all round her chops.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Yeah, I know that but I've got no choice.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Not if I want to be reunited with my precious puppets.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01- I am one of your precious puppets. - Yeah, but you're rubbish!
0:03:01 > 0:03:04- That's nice, innit?- Come on, ssh.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12This must be Big Barry's cell. OK.
0:03:12 > 0:03:17- Not scared.- Then why are you shaking like a wobbly leaf?
0:03:17 > 0:03:19I am scared.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23Do you like ballet?
0:03:25 > 0:03:27- Well?!- Um... Sort of.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Near enough. A lot of people say,
0:03:32 > 0:03:37"Oh, I can't stand ballet, it's boring, it's sissy, it's for girls."
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Ballet's not for girls! Do I look like a girl to you?
0:03:41 > 0:03:43No. No.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I love ballet. I got eight years in this place
0:03:46 > 0:03:50for dancing the Nutcracker with a monkey wrench.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52CRACK! CRACK!
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Do you think the Governor likes ballet?
0:03:56 > 0:04:00Do you think Burgess likes ballet?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Um...a little bit?
0:04:02 > 0:04:04No, they do not!
0:04:04 > 0:04:10There hasn't been one ballet act on in the Freedom Show in ten years.
0:04:10 > 0:04:11Think that's fair?
0:04:12 > 0:04:14No, it's not fair.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I'll tell you what's going to happen.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25I am going to get on that Freedom Show to do my ballet,
0:04:25 > 0:04:28and you...
0:04:28 > 0:04:30you are going to help me.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Uh, no. I don't want to do it.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35"I don't want to do it, nuh-huh-huh."
0:04:35 > 0:04:39That's all right. That's fair enough.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43Course, it does mean that your little furry friends...
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- ARE GOING TO GET IT!- Get off me!
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Oh, OK, I'll do it, I'll do it. Just let him go!
0:04:50 > 0:04:53That's a smart move. Now...
0:04:54 > 0:04:59if you let me down, just remember
0:04:59 > 0:05:02that I am the big cheese in here.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Uh-huh. What about him?
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Don't ever talk about him.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14Oh, still no sign of the keys and the Freedom Show audience
0:05:14 > 0:05:18are on their way in. We're going to have to cancel, Frank.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- Uncle, the cell doors are open. - What?
0:05:20 > 0:05:24I could kiss you if it wasn't so unhygienic. The show's back on!
0:05:24 > 0:05:26How did you get those doors open?
0:05:26 > 0:05:29I forgot to lock them in the first place.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39- Thank you.- Right. How do I look?
0:05:39 > 0:05:45- Devine.- Thank you very much. In that case, it's showtime!
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to HMP Slammer,
0:05:49 > 0:05:53where you decide which prisoner is to be released.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Now, please welcome your host...
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Go on then, welcome him.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Clap or something.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00APPLAUSE
0:06:00 > 0:06:02It's the Governor!
0:06:02 > 0:06:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Who's the governor?
0:06:19 > 0:06:20You're the governor!
0:06:20 > 0:06:24Oh, my little jailers and jailbirds, lovely to see you.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27What a show we've got for you here in The Slammer.
0:06:27 > 0:06:32It's called the Freedom Show cos you decide at the end which of these
0:06:32 > 0:06:36performing prisoner acts will go free, their debt to society served.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41We've got four marvellous acts. We've got Scales of the Unexpected.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Ooh!
0:06:44 > 0:06:48We've got a visual act that will stun you called Marc Oberon.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Ooh!
0:06:50 > 0:06:52And it's hard to describe it,
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- he's called Big Ron and the Jigglers.- Ooh!
0:06:55 > 0:06:59We'll kick off with a kicking act with a great big K.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02He's a rapper, he's cool, he's K-Slick!
0:07:02 > 0:07:04APPLAUSE
0:07:09 > 0:07:14Yes! Children of The Slammer, are you ready? It's K-Slick.
0:07:14 > 0:07:15CHEERING
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Ha-ha!
0:07:17 > 0:07:21# You're with K-Slick Baddest man in the Slammer
0:07:21 > 0:07:24# My lyrics and my grammar hit harder than sledgehammers
0:07:24 > 0:07:26# That's why I'm here, man The law can't take this
0:07:26 > 0:07:29# Lock me up because I'm so dangerous
0:07:29 > 0:07:32# Let me tell you somethin' And this is sincere
0:07:32 > 0:07:34# I'm badder than every single person that's in here
0:07:34 > 0:07:37# That's right, it's true, it's true, it's true
0:07:37 > 0:07:40# I'm way cooler than you and you and you
0:07:40 > 0:07:42# I won't lie Listen, I want truth
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- # Who's the baddest man in the Slammer? #- Not you!
0:07:45 > 0:07:47What? # Hey, listen, I want truth
0:07:47 > 0:07:50- # Who's the baddest man in the Slammer? #- Not you!
0:07:50 > 0:07:53No? Wait, you got it all wrong.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Are you listening to the words of the song?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Hey, don't take that.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00No, my mummy bought me that cap!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03And those are prescription shades!
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Now I've got to put on my old frames.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10Careful with the jacket. It's my big brother's.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13I've got to give it back to him. No! No...
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Ohh!
0:08:16 > 0:08:21Oh, what a disaster. This always happens when I try to act harder.
0:08:21 > 0:08:26OK, so, hey, I was lying. And my name's not K, it's Brian.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29I'm not in the Slammer for my rapping.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31I'm in here for crimes against fashion.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34They locked me up for next to nothing.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38What's wrong with having trousers that are past your belly button?
0:08:38 > 0:08:42I could be released, if you like me, go back to my job at the library,
0:08:42 > 0:08:45putting books in alphabetical order,
0:08:45 > 0:08:48according to the names of the author.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52So am I the guy you're going to vote for?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54You've got to love me, you've got to!
0:08:54 > 0:08:59- Who's the baddest man in the Slammer?- Not you!- Oh.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Come on, get in there. Give him a big hand!
0:09:03 > 0:09:05APPLAUSE
0:09:05 > 0:09:08K-Slick - he was good with his words, he didn't stammer,
0:09:08 > 0:09:13- but did he do well enough to get out of the Slammer?- Right.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Kicking off with K-Slick. Was he?
0:09:15 > 0:09:20- Yes.- Good.- I liked him because I like cool music.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22- Was that cool music?- Yeah.
0:09:22 > 0:09:27- When he got his glasses on and talked about the library?- Not that bit,
0:09:27 > 0:09:30- but the first bit. - That wasn't so cool.- No.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33- Can you rap, madam?- No. - How was the act?
0:09:33 > 0:09:36He was very good at rapping and it was quite funny.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40- Do you think he did enough to go free?- Maybe.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42- What did you think? - He was very funny
0:09:42 > 0:09:46- but he should go back to the library.- He should be released?
0:09:46 > 0:09:51- Yeah.- To the library. Get him out of here? He's no good in here?- Yeah.
0:09:51 > 0:09:52Let's have Gimbert's rap.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55My name is Gimbert and I work in the Slammer,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58I like sandwiches, especially ham...er.
0:09:58 > 0:09:59LAUGHTER
0:09:59 > 0:10:03- Rubbish.- One final word. Sum up K-Slick for me, sir.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- Terrible.- Terrible, sir.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Well, on with the show...
0:10:08 > 0:10:14If one of the acts can't perform, guess who takes their place.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- I, er... Oh, you?- Yeah.
0:10:18 > 0:10:23Will this next act go free? You will decide. A very unusual act.
0:10:23 > 0:10:28- Oh, here they come. Don't let me down.- OK.- A-hem! Little picture
0:10:28 > 0:10:30for the newspaper?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32OK, yeah.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- Say "cream cheese"!- Cream cheese!
0:10:36 > 0:10:38There we go. Oh, it's not... Oh.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Scales of the Unexpected, yeah!
0:10:47 > 0:10:49CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:10:54 > 0:10:59- We are Scales of the Unexpected. - We do literal choreography.
0:10:59 > 0:11:04- It's our favourite type of dancing. - Just act out the words in the song.
0:11:04 > 0:11:10So, if you were going to do Britney Spears, Hit Me, Baby, One More Time,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13you would go...hit me, baby,
0:11:13 > 0:11:15one more time.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17- Simple.- OK, we're going to give you
0:11:17 > 0:11:20a demonstration of... literal choreography.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23# Brian, can you handle this?
0:11:23 > 0:11:26# Little Ian, can you handle this?
0:11:26 > 0:11:30# BIG Ian, can you handle this? I don't think they can handle this
0:11:30 > 0:11:35# Oh, baby, baby How was I supposed to know
0:11:35 > 0:11:40- # How was I supposed to know - That something wasn't right here
0:11:40 > 0:11:46# Oh, baby, baby I shouldn't have let you go
0:11:46 > 0:11:48# Now you're out of sight, yeah
0:11:48 > 0:11:51# Show me how you want it to be
0:11:51 > 0:11:56# Tell me, baby Cos I need to know now, all because
0:11:56 > 0:12:01# My loneliness is killing me And I...
0:12:01 > 0:12:05- # I must confess I still believe - Still believe
0:12:05 > 0:12:08# When I'm not with you I lose my mind
0:12:08 > 0:12:11# Give me a sign
0:12:11 > 0:12:16- # Hit me, baby, one more time - Baby, one more time- One more time
0:12:16 > 0:12:19# Hit me, baby, one more time
0:12:19 > 0:12:22- # One more... # - Yeah!- Ow!- Ooh! Wow!
0:12:22 > 0:12:23# Time! #
0:12:23 > 0:12:26CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:12:26 > 0:12:31Oh, wasn't that clever, all the words, yeah?
0:12:31 > 0:12:36Will they be singing "hit the road, Jack"? and will they be going free?
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Ha-ha! Let's find out. I'll stick to the day job.
0:12:39 > 0:12:44Now, then, sir, I noticed you had a face as long as an 'orse. Why?
0:12:44 > 0:12:48- It was clever but it was a bit boring.- Why clever?
0:12:48 > 0:12:53- With all the actions along with the words.- So you only liked that bit?
0:12:53 > 0:12:56- Yeah, the singing wasn't the best. - Could they improve it?- Yes.
0:12:56 > 0:13:01- Tell me about Scales of the Unexpected.- I thought this act
0:13:01 > 0:13:05was wicked. They have good mimes and great singing voices
0:13:05 > 0:13:07and I'd them eight out of ten.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10One final word. Sum that act up.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12- Sir!- Great.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Great, sir.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18Well, jailers and jailbirds, lots of music in the show,
0:13:18 > 0:13:23but now the part of the Freedom Show that we call Solitary Confinement.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27- SCREAMING - These are the performing prisoners
0:13:27 > 0:13:30whose showbusiness crimes are so terrible
0:13:30 > 0:13:33that they have to be kept away from other people.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37We let them out once in a while to perform. If they do well,
0:13:37 > 0:13:40they don't go free but they get something nice.
0:13:40 > 0:13:45Today, the Slammer stylist will give them a lovely hairdo.
0:13:45 > 0:13:51If they don't do well, they get a cruel and unusual punishment.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55- What is it, Mr Burgess?- Today, sir, it's being strung up by the ankles
0:13:55 > 0:13:59- until they've learnt to play the clarinet, sir.- Ohh!
0:13:59 > 0:14:05But first, we need a judge. Who's going to be the judge? Mr Burgess.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- Choose a bright and intelligent young person.- This young lady.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Give her a round of applause.
0:14:12 > 0:14:17There we are. You come over here. What is your name?
0:14:17 > 0:14:21- Charnelle.- Charnelle, come over with me as we prepare for
0:14:21 > 0:14:27the part of the show that we call Solitary Confinement!
0:14:32 > 0:14:35GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS
0:14:41 > 0:14:43INAUDIBLE
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Charnelle, it's up to you now to decide.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12With that thumb, you'll have five seconds to decide.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Thumbs up, it's a shampoo and set.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Thumbs down, on your head with a clarinet.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20It's up to you, you're the judge.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23What's it going to be?
0:15:23 > 0:15:27Oh, it's thumbs down! Thank you, Charnelle.
0:15:27 > 0:15:32Round of applause. Oh, that's Solitary Confinement for you.
0:15:32 > 0:15:38- Strung upside down until he learns...- 'I don't want to do it!
0:15:38 > 0:15:43I can't do it!' JOLLY CLARINET-PLAYING
0:15:43 > 0:15:46- Marvellous.- 'Oh, I did it!'
0:15:46 > 0:15:51It worked. Give him a big hand. He can play the clarinet now.
0:15:51 > 0:15:56So prison does work. Right, onto our next performing prisoner.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- Hang on, you do the talking.- OK. Excuse me.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- For you - a good-luck present. - Thank you.
0:16:02 > 0:16:07- A panini press? Hang onto it for me, will you?- Yeah.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Ohh, useless!
0:16:10 > 0:16:11BANG!
0:16:12 > 0:16:15COUGHING AND SPLUTTERING
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Oh, you...
0:16:19 > 0:16:24It's the wonderful experience of Marc Oberon! Yeah!
0:16:24 > 0:16:27CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:16:27 > 0:16:31MUSIC PLAYS
0:17:52 > 0:17:54MUSIC STOPS AND WIND HOWLS
0:17:59 > 0:18:01MUSIC STARTS AGAIN
0:19:24 > 0:19:29Marc...Oberon.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36Give him a big round of applause, jailers and jailbirds, yes.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40Marc Oberon, there he is. Off you go. Wow! Well!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42What makes him all aglow?
0:19:42 > 0:19:47I think it's the sloppy ploppy porridge. What do you think?
0:19:47 > 0:19:50The luminous world of Marc Oberon. Sir?
0:19:50 > 0:19:53It was awesome and I liked the part
0:19:53 > 0:19:58when he had that snake around his neck. It was really cool.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- Are you a fan of snakes, sir?- Yeah.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05- Would you like to see more snake-based acts?- Yeah.- How many?
0:20:05 > 0:20:08- A thousand?- A thousand snake-based acts?
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Well, we'll try.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13Has Marc Oberon done enough to go free, madam?
0:20:13 > 0:20:17Um, I don't know. It was sort of freakish.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20What was the freakiest bit for you?
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Probably when his face came off!
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Yeah, that is a bit freaky.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26What about you, miss?
0:20:26 > 0:20:30- It was really, really good.- Why, miss?- Cos it looked like
0:20:30 > 0:20:36he was actually a real alien and he was really doing the flips.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40- And he was flying. - Do you like aliens, miss?
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- Yeah.- How much?- Er, lots.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47What did you think of Marc Oberon, Jack?
0:20:47 > 0:20:50I think it was a bit scary, strangely freaky,
0:20:50 > 0:20:52but all in all dazzling.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Dazzling, very dazzling.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58- One final word. Sum that act up. - Cool.- Cool, sir.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02Just one more performing prisoner act to see
0:21:02 > 0:21:07and this act you're going to love. It's absolutely sensational...
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Right, that's it!
0:21:10 > 0:21:16What...? Big Barry? It's Big Barry. Get him! Somebody get him!
0:21:16 > 0:21:22Mr Burgess, it's Big Barry! Get out of it!
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Oh, go on, get him. Take him away.
0:21:28 > 0:21:33Gosh! Well, he's Big Barry. Forget him. We've got a bigger act for you.
0:21:33 > 0:21:38Jailers and jailbirds, you might have noticed somebody on the stage.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42Make some noise for Big Ron and the Jigglers!
0:21:42 > 0:21:45CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:21:49 > 0:21:52MUSIC PLAYS
0:22:00 > 0:22:03# Look at what's happened to me-e
0:22:03 > 0:22:07# I can't believe it myself
0:22:08 > 0:22:12# Suddenly I'm up on top of the world
0:22:12 > 0:22:16# Should've been somebody else
0:22:18 > 0:22:21# Believe it or not I'm walking on air
0:22:21 > 0:22:26# I never thought I could be so free-ee-ee
0:22:26 > 0:22:29# Flying away on a wing and a prayer
0:22:29 > 0:22:34# Who could it be?
0:22:34 > 0:22:37# Believe it or not, it's just me-e-e
0:22:39 > 0:22:44# Who could it be-e-e-e?
0:22:44 > 0:22:49# Believe it or not, it's just me-e-e. #
0:22:57 > 0:23:02Oh, they're taking the Jigglers. Big Ron, you can stay right there.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Give him a cheer. Big Ron!
0:23:04 > 0:23:09- So what did you think?- Right, did they jiggle it for you, sir?
0:23:09 > 0:23:13Um...yes, they did. I really liked the two Jigglers.
0:23:13 > 0:23:18They were always smiling and they danced very well.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20The character Big Ron was also very good
0:23:20 > 0:23:23but I don't think he will go free
0:23:23 > 0:23:29- because he's too big to fit out the gates.- So we just keep him in here?
0:23:29 > 0:23:33I don't think you have any choice. How do you get a cell big enough?
0:23:33 > 0:23:38We've got one round the back - a special Big-Ron cell, sir.
0:23:38 > 0:23:43- Did you enjoy the act? - I really liked when Big Ron sang.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46I'd give it a six or a nine out of ten.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49A six or a nine or a ten? Mmm.
0:23:49 > 0:23:54- What do you think, sir?- It was astonishing.- In what way, sir?
0:23:54 > 0:23:59Um, right...the Jigglers were really good
0:23:59 > 0:24:05- and Big Ron was like...big...so... - LAUGHTER
0:24:05 > 0:24:07- Is that your final word, sir?- Yeah.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10This young lady here. Hello.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14I thought it was wicked and enormously big
0:24:14 > 0:24:18and I would give him an eight and a half out of ten.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20- No halves. Eight or nine?- Nine.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23One final word. Sum that act up for me.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26- Giganto-riffic.- Giganto-riffic?
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Very good, sir. Well done.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32You've seen all the acts. Time to bring them back
0:24:32 > 0:24:34and decide who's going to go free!
0:24:34 > 0:24:38Welcome back K-Slick, Scales of the Unexpected,
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Marc Oberon, Big Ron and the Jigglers.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Round of applause for them, please.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:24:45 > 0:24:50Four performing prisoner acts, very unusual ones I think you'll agree.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Only one act can go free,
0:24:52 > 0:24:55using this piece of high-tech equipment.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Not Gimbert, but the Clap-o-meter.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59The more you clap and cheer,
0:24:59 > 0:25:02the higher the score on the Clap-o-meter.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04One act will go free.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08Who's it going to be? First act - well, very, very clever.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Will he be rapping his way free from the Slammer?
0:25:11 > 0:25:16Show your appreciation, please, for K-Slick!
0:25:19 > 0:25:23Let's see what you got, K. Or is it Brian?
0:25:23 > 0:25:2675.6. Not bad. A medium sort of score.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Musical theatre, you love it or you hate it.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33Did you love or hate Scales of the Unexpected?
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Oh, you liked it.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40Oh, medium score. 74.2.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42You're staying with us, folks.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46Still in the lead, it's K-Slick after just two acts.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Jailers and jailbirds, the next act you saw
0:25:49 > 0:25:54was phenomenal. He was neon. Will he be going out of the Slammer
0:25:54 > 0:25:58or will he be lighting up for a few years to come? Marc Oberon!
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Oh, what a big score!
0:26:04 > 0:26:08He surges into the lead with a surge of electricity.
0:26:08 > 0:26:1390.5. He's in the lead. Well, only one act can catch him now,
0:26:13 > 0:26:18and what an act. Maybe not the best, but certainly the biggest act ever.
0:26:18 > 0:26:23Let's hear it for Big Ron and the Jigglers!
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Oh, it's not quite enough. 76.
0:26:27 > 0:26:32Going free with a score of 90.5, it's Marc Oberon!
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Marc, you're free to go.
0:26:34 > 0:26:39Yes, he's going free. Marc Oberon. The bad news for the rest of you,
0:26:39 > 0:26:44and for us as Big Ron is staying, is that you're staying for tea.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46What's for tea, Mr Burgess?
0:26:46 > 0:26:49- Indian tonight, sir. - Indian? What is it?
0:26:49 > 0:26:52- Sloppy ploppy porridge, sir. - That's Indian?
0:26:52 > 0:26:56- It is if you drop a Bombay duck in it, sir!- Get out of here!
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Give them a big hand, there they go.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:27:03 > 0:27:04Oh, Big Ron. Come here.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08I'll take you a special way back to the cell.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10You're far too big the other way.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13That's it from the Slammer this week.
0:27:13 > 0:27:19- If you can't sing, dance or rhyme... - You've got to do the time!
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Bye, everybody! Bye-bye! Come on, Big Ron.
0:27:30 > 0:27:35# It's the only way you'll ever leave the Slammer! #
0:27:35 > 0:27:39Oh, oxygen! Yeah!
0:27:39 > 0:27:42Safe and sound at last, eh, Peter?
0:27:42 > 0:27:46Let's have a reunion photo, you and all your puppets. Say cheese.
0:27:46 > 0:27:47Guv, that camera...!
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Oh. One for the album, eh, son?