0:00:02 > 0:00:06'Dear Mum, thanks for your letter. It was exactly what I needed.'
0:00:10 > 0:00:12'It was another amazing Freedom Show this week.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15'Some of the acts were a sight to behold.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19'Some of the acts were a sight to avoid.
0:00:19 > 0:00:22MUFFLED SINGING
0:00:22 > 0:00:26'And one act saved the show from being cancelled all because of me.'
0:00:26 > 0:00:28HE SINGS
0:00:31 > 0:00:36# You've been found guilty of a howling show-biz crime
0:00:36 > 0:00:38# So welcome to The Slammer
0:00:38 > 0:00:41# Where you're gonna serve your time
0:00:41 > 0:00:45# With every type of minstrel, entertainer and artiste
0:00:45 > 0:00:50# Performing to the limit to try and get released
0:00:50 > 0:00:53# So go fetch the audience Bring them to The Slammer
0:00:53 > 0:00:58# And polish up your act With a bit of glitz and glamour
0:00:58 > 0:01:03# Your fate is in their hands So make them cheer and clamour
0:01:03 > 0:01:06# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer
0:01:06 > 0:01:12# The Slammer! It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer! #
0:01:13 > 0:01:15- Your morning post has arrived, sir.- Ah.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Yeah, mostly junk mail, I'm afraid.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Well, there's just time to read one before today's Freedom Show.
0:01:21 > 0:01:25Ooh! "My darling teddykins..." It's an electricity bill.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27"It has come to my attention
0:01:27 > 0:01:30"that The Slammer has been using lots of electricity."
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Have we?
0:01:32 > 0:01:35- I don't think so, sir. - Nothing comes to mind, Uncle.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39No, me neither.
0:01:39 > 0:01:44"Unless The Slammer can pay this month's electricity bill
0:01:44 > 0:01:47"of £9,000...we will have no choice but to cut you off.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49"Lots of love, Pumpy Power Ltd."
0:01:49 > 0:01:51No electricity means no Freedom Show.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53What about this week's acts?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Team Extreme...
0:01:56 > 0:02:00or Mr Origami...
0:02:00 > 0:02:03or The Magnificent Geoff...
0:02:03 > 0:02:05or No Horses, Only Fools...
0:02:07 > 0:02:11Let's hope we can sort out this problem before...
0:02:11 > 0:02:16- What's up, sir? No kiss on the bottom?- They're cutting us off today!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18But they have put a little kiss at the bottom.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22- Valued customer, you see, sir. - Nice that.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23Hello, new person! Ssh.
0:02:23 > 0:02:28I'm Pete. You're an opera singer. You should apply for the Freedom Show.
0:02:28 > 0:02:33# Not any more! Singing is a bore! #
0:02:33 > 0:02:37Ohh! You've got a very powerful voice.
0:02:37 > 0:02:38Why are you so down on singing?
0:02:38 > 0:02:41# I used to be so popular
0:02:41 > 0:02:44# Now nobody young likes opera! #
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Ohh.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49That's not true. You'll see.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Things will soon brighten up.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54You don't do LIGHT opera, do you?
0:02:54 > 0:02:56# No! #
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Oh, my head!
0:02:58 > 0:03:02- CROWD JEERS - Give me a chance to speak.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05- Mr Burgess!- Shut up!- Thank you.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Now, The Slammer has had its electric cut off.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10With no power, there'll be no Freedom Show.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11What?!
0:03:11 > 0:03:15I've got an idea, Uncle. Why don't we make our own electricity?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Don't be so stupid, Gimbert. Although...I've got an idea.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23If we can't afford to PAY for electricity,
0:03:23 > 0:03:27- why don't we make our own electricity? - CHEERING
0:03:27 > 0:03:30So get thinking, everyone - as many different ways as possible
0:03:30 > 0:03:33to generate power. The audience is on the way in.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36If we can pull this off, there might still be a Freedom Show!
0:03:36 > 0:03:37CHEERING
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- Not in front of the men, sir. - Oh, yes, yes.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- So what ideas have we got, Frank? - Well, none really, sir.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Wave power, but that was a complete disaster.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51- What about the wind turbine? - Blew away, sir.- Ohh.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54So it looks like we're down to our very last idea
0:03:54 > 0:03:59to generate electricity. I give you...Gimbert power!
0:03:59 > 0:04:00- Get pedalling, lad.- Ow!
0:04:00 > 0:04:04It's working. It's working. Ah, so...
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- just in time. How do I look? - Electric, sir.- Thank you very much.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11In that case, it's show time.
0:04:11 > 0:04:16Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to HMP Slammer
0:04:16 > 0:04:19where you decide which prisoner is to be released.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Now please welcome your host.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25He's got the whole building being powered by a bike,
0:04:25 > 0:04:30so cheer and applaud and go... SQUEAK, POP, COUGH! ..if you like.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34It's the guv'nor!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- Who's the guv'nor?! - You are the guv'nor!
0:04:52 > 0:04:56We've got a few problems in The Slammer this week
0:04:56 > 0:05:00with the electricity, but we've powered Gimbert up on his bike,
0:05:00 > 0:05:03and hopefully he'll generate enough pedal-power...
0:05:03 > 0:05:05SCREAMING
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Don't worry. Don't panic! Gimbert, keep going, you fool.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12We should be all right as long as Gimbert keeps pedalling.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Let's not hang about any longer.
0:05:14 > 0:05:19We've got four fantastic performing prisoner acts - Mr Origami! Whoa!
0:05:19 > 0:05:21AUDIENCE: Woo-oo!
0:05:21 > 0:05:23We've got The Magnificent Geoff!
0:05:23 > 0:05:27- WOO-OO!- He's magnificent and he's called Geoff.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29And we've got No Horses, Only Fools.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- WOO-OO!- They're very acrobatic.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36And this first performing prisoner act is acrobatic as well.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38They do wonderful things on skates.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42They are the brilliant, the magnificent Team Extreme!
0:05:51 > 0:05:54MUSIC PLAYS
0:07:28 > 0:07:32CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Wow, go on!
0:07:36 > 0:07:39What about that? What a fantastic opening act there.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Well, what did you think? Let's get our skates on with Mr Burgess.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46Team Extreme there, death-defying skill, sir, or just showing off?
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Er, death-defying skill.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- Death-defying skill?- I think.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56- You think?- Yes.- But you're not sure. - Er, yes.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58- Are you sure of anything, sir? - Er, no.- Right.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- What did you think about Team Extreme?- I was really worried
0:08:01 > 0:08:05when he jumped off there. I thought he might muck up by accident.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09- What did you think? - Er, brill-tastic.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- And?- Um, good.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- And?- Great.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16- And?- Amazing.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19- And?- Undescribable.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20Thank you.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- And did you like them? - Yeah, it was an adrenalin rush.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27An adrenalin rush? What happens when you have an adrenalin rush?
0:08:27 > 0:08:31You sort of, um, maybe you sort of get a really scared and you...
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Show me in your face how you get with an adrenalin rush.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Sum that act up in one word, miss!
0:08:40 > 0:08:43- Fabul-astic.- Fabul-astic, sir. Interesting.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47Well, on to our next performing prisoner act,
0:08:47 > 0:08:49and what a wonderful act this is.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52It's a unique kind of act. It's an act that involves origami.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56- Oh, dear! Oh, don't worry! - SCREAMING
0:08:56 > 0:09:01Oh, don't panic, jailers and jailbirds. It's just Gimbert.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Mr Jenkins? Go and sort out Mr Gimbert, will you?
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Dear, dear. Right, sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Now, as I was saying, on to our next performing prisoner act.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Ow!
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Will he be going free? Let's find out as we welcome...
0:09:22 > 0:09:25- Mr Origami! - CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Hello.
0:09:36 > 0:09:41Let's see what we can make of the papers today.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44MUSIC: "Take On Me" by A-ha
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Let's see what we can make of the big papers.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:12:01 > 0:12:02Whoa!
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Oh, no, it's the Guardian!
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Run for your lives, run for your lives!
0:12:11 > 0:12:14And that's what I made of the papers today! Argh!
0:12:14 > 0:12:17CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:12:18 > 0:12:22There we are, come on. Give him a round of applause,
0:12:22 > 0:12:24ladies and gentlemen.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27It's time for you to make some marks down on your paper.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29What did you think of Mr Origami?
0:12:29 > 0:12:33Well, Mr Origami there. Any good or just a waste of trees?
0:12:33 > 0:12:37I thought it was really good and his facial expressions were funny.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40< Do you like that in a comedy act, miss? Good facial expressions.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- Yes, I guess.- Got any yourself?
0:12:44 > 0:12:48- What expression is that?- I don't know.- You don't know?- Shocked.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Shock. Number 47. Always a good one.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Tell us all about Mr Origami.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56I think it was good and it was a bit unbelievable
0:12:56 > 0:12:58and there wasn't a dull moment in it.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00It was weird when he made the hat, though.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03One final word. Sum that act up for me, sir.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- Funny with a twist. - Funny with a twist, sir.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Jailers and jailbirds,
0:13:14 > 0:13:17it's time for the act that we call Solitary Confinement!
0:13:17 > 0:13:20AUDIENCE: WOO!
0:13:20 > 0:13:23These are the acts whose show-biz crimes are so terrible, we have to
0:13:23 > 0:13:27keep them away from the rest of the performing prisoners here.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30What will you make of them? This week, if they get the thumbs-up,
0:13:30 > 0:13:34they'll get a treat. In their cell, they'll have a pillow on their bed.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37A real pillow! But if they get the thumbs-down,
0:13:37 > 0:13:41back to their cell for a cruel and unusual punishment. Mr Burgess.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45- Sir.- What is today's cruel and unusual punishment?
0:13:45 > 0:13:49Today, sir, it's a rough steam-clean with Dirty Vera, sir.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Ooh! All right, then.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56- We need a judge, Mr Burgess. Could you pick a wise person?- Sir.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Who'd like to judge this? You, sir.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02- Step this way up on stage. - Give him a round of applause.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04- Come over here, please, sir. - APPLAUSE
0:14:04 > 0:14:08- What is your name?- Frank. - Frank? Thank you. You decide
0:14:08 > 0:14:10thumbs up or thumbs down
0:14:10 > 0:14:14after we've seen today's Solitary Confinement!
0:14:14 > 0:14:17This way, sir.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22MUSIC PLAYS
0:14:28 > 0:14:31# Maybe I didn't treat you
0:14:35 > 0:14:38# Quite as good as I should have
0:14:41 > 0:14:46# Maybe I didn't love you
0:14:48 > 0:14:51# Quite as often as I could have
0:14:55 > 0:14:59# Little things that I should've said and done
0:15:02 > 0:15:07# I just never had the time
0:15:09 > 0:15:12# You were always on my mind
0:15:15 > 0:15:18# You were always
0:15:18 > 0:15:23# On my mind. #
0:15:25 > 0:15:30Come on. Come on, then. Get hold of them. Dear, oh, dear.
0:15:31 > 0:15:36Custard creams everywhere. I think they're crackers! Well, Frank,
0:15:36 > 0:15:38get that thumb, hold it there. Remember,
0:15:38 > 0:15:42thumbs up and it's a pillow and a sweet, sweet dream.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46Thumbs down, off to Vera for a smelly steam-clean.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50It's up to you. Five seconds. What's it going to be? Thumbs up?
0:15:50 > 0:15:51Thumbs down?
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Ohh, it's down!
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Take them off. There they go
0:15:58 > 0:16:00- to solitary confinement. - AUDIENCE BOOS
0:16:00 > 0:16:04And give Frank a round of applause as well. Well done, Frank.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Marvellous. Well, there we are.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11We're going to have to clean up these biscuits but, er...
0:16:11 > 0:16:14CLATTERING AND SCREAMING
0:16:23 > 0:16:27Oh, you should see how she makes the steam. Pwah!
0:16:37 > 0:16:39AUDIENCE SCREAMS
0:16:39 > 0:16:42It'll be all right.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45It's just the electrics. What?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48What's that, Peter? Yes. Oh, good idea, yeah.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51- SCREAMS - Don't worry, don't worry.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54The power - we're going to try something now. Unfortunately,
0:16:54 > 0:16:58we won't be seeing The Magnificent Geoff, but we're going to try
0:16:58 > 0:17:02the lung power of this gentleman and hope that he really is electric.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06He might get the power going with just the force of his voice.
0:17:06 > 0:17:11Will you please welcome the fantastically powerful lungs
0:17:11 > 0:17:15- of Frederico Forte...somewhere. - APPLAUSE
0:17:22 > 0:17:25GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS
0:17:30 > 0:17:35# Nessun dorma
0:17:35 > 0:17:41# Nessun dorma
0:17:44 > 0:17:50# Tu pure, o, Principessa
0:17:50 > 0:17:57# Nella tua fredda stanza
0:17:57 > 0:18:04# Guardi le stelle
0:18:04 > 0:18:10# Che tremano d'amore
0:18:11 > 0:18:17# E di speranza
0:18:21 > 0:18:28# Ma il mio mistero e chiuso in me
0:18:30 > 0:18:40# Il nome mio nessun sapra, no, no
0:18:40 > 0:18:48# Sulla tua bocca lo diro
0:18:48 > 0:18:56# Quando la luce
0:18:58 > 0:19:03# Vincero
0:19:04 > 0:19:08# Vincero
0:19:09 > 0:19:18# Vincero
0:19:30 > 0:19:37# Vincero! #
0:19:37 > 0:19:40CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:19:42 > 0:19:48He brought the lights back on. Give him a big cheer. Yes!
0:19:48 > 0:19:52Oh, Frederico Forte, with the sheer power of those lungs there.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Marvellous. Is he a tenor... or just worth a fiver?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Mr Burgess?
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Frederico Forte. Before he got banged up, he ran a successful hotel chain,
0:20:01 > 0:20:03but that's another story. Miss?
0:20:03 > 0:20:05I think he was really good,
0:20:05 > 0:20:11and he was amazing, magnificent, lively, interesting,
0:20:11 > 0:20:13and really good.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17- Did you enjoy that act?- Yeah. - Tell us all about it.- Um...
0:20:17 > 0:20:20it was special, it was interesting.
0:20:20 > 0:20:25I didn't think it would happen in a jail like this.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29- Jail like this? We're very cultured here.- What about you, miss?
0:20:29 > 0:20:32I think he was great and he should be free
0:20:32 > 0:20:34because he was the best so far.
0:20:34 > 0:20:38He's got a very, very strong voice and I'd give him a ten out of ten.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42- What did you think of Frederico Forte?- He was incredibly good
0:20:42 > 0:20:47- and he couldn't get any better. - Couldn't get any better? What else?
0:20:47 > 0:20:50I felt it was like unreal cos it was so good.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Right, for one final word, sum that up for me, sir.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55- Italian.- Italian, sir.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Well, there we are, and the good news is, jailers and jailbirds,
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Frederico has managed to generate enough power
0:21:01 > 0:21:04with that tremendous singing to give us electricity for hours!
0:21:04 > 0:21:07CHEERING
0:21:07 > 0:21:08We'll be able to see
0:21:08 > 0:21:11the final performing prisoner acts of The Slammer.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15Who will be going free? You'll decide after you've seen
0:21:15 > 0:21:16the tomfoolery, the fun
0:21:16 > 0:21:19and the frolics of - you've seen these before somewhere -
0:21:19 > 0:21:21No Horses, Only Fools!
0:21:21 > 0:21:23APPLAUSE
0:21:28 > 0:21:33MUSIC: THEME TUNE TO "Only Fools And Horses"
0:21:34 > 0:21:37VAN WON'T START
0:21:42 > 0:21:44MUSIC FADES OUT
0:21:47 > 0:21:49LIVELY PIANO MUSIC
0:21:54 > 0:21:55BANG!
0:22:02 > 0:22:03BEEP!
0:23:20 > 0:23:24CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:23:28 > 0:23:32Grab him there. Quick, quick, grab him!
0:23:32 > 0:23:36My word. Well, lots of horse play there, or were they just fools?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Let's find out with Mr Burgess.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42No Horses, Only Fools. What did you make of our rogue traders, miss?
0:23:42 > 0:23:47Stupid, silly, weird, stupendous and idiotic.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49That about sums it up, thank you.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51What about you, sir? Man's perspective.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53I think it was insane, mad
0:23:53 > 0:23:55and I loved it when they did loads of flips.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58- You like loads of flips, sir?- Yes.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00- Did you like them?- Yes. - What did you think of the act?
0:24:00 > 0:24:03- I thought they were hilarious.- Yeah?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- Have they done enough to go free? - Hopefully.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08And for one final word, sum that act up, miss.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- Funny.- Funny, sir.
0:24:11 > 0:24:16The electricity has lasted out so now we've got the clapometer
0:24:16 > 0:24:19which will decide who is going to go free.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Let's welcome back all the acts.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25Team Extreme, Mr Origami,
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Frederico Forte,
0:24:28 > 0:24:31and No Horses, Only Fools.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35Yes, the clapometer. The more you clap and cheer,
0:24:35 > 0:24:37the higher their score. Quite simply,
0:24:37 > 0:24:40the act with the highest score goes free.
0:24:40 > 0:24:45Please show your appreciation for Team Extreme.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Wow, a very high score, straight into the 90s.
0:24:55 > 0:24:5891.5. Back you go there, lads.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Well done indeed. Marvellous. Team Extreme.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03The next act that we saw was very unusual
0:25:03 > 0:25:06but they certainly folded things marvellously.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11Oh, look, and the Guardian's with him. It's Mr Origami!
0:25:17 > 0:25:22Yeah, it's a paper-thin score, I'm afraid. 62.3.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25I think you'll be staying for supper, lads. The next gentleman
0:25:25 > 0:25:29certainly helped us in The Slammer. He got the lights going again.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30Please show your appreciation
0:25:30 > 0:25:34for Frederico Forte.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43Oh, 92.9. He goes into the lead.
0:25:43 > 0:25:4692.9! Well, only one act,
0:25:46 > 0:25:49jailers and jailbirds, can catch him now.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53Will they be going free? They might be able to jump over the walls!
0:25:53 > 0:25:56No Horses, Only Fools.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Oh, wow.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Oh!
0:26:05 > 0:26:09Oh, they didn't quite do it. It means that the winner,
0:26:09 > 0:26:12with a score of 92.9, was Frederico Forte!
0:26:12 > 0:26:16- LOUD CHEERS - He's free to go. Off you go.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19There we go. He goes free from The Slammer.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21The only good news for the rest of you is,
0:26:21 > 0:26:24you're in time for tea. Mr Burgess,
0:26:24 > 0:26:28- I assume it's porridge again. - Well, it is, sir,
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- but Chef's done something clever. - What?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33- It's dribbly-wibbly, not sloppy-ploppy.- Really?
0:26:33 > 0:26:37- Not really, sir, it's sloppy-ploppy porridge.- Ohh! Take them back!
0:26:37 > 0:26:41Give them a big round of applause and a cheer.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Off you go.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46There they are. Well, jailers and jailbirds,
0:26:46 > 0:26:49more performing prisoners for you very soon here on The Slammer.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52Remember, if you don't make the audience scream and yell,
0:26:52 > 0:26:54we've always got room for you in a cell
0:26:54 > 0:26:58here at The Slammer. Bye-bye, jailers and jailbirds!
0:27:03 > 0:27:05# Mu-u-um! #
0:27:07 > 0:27:13# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer! #
0:27:13 > 0:27:18- TV COMMENTATOR:- 'And it's passed forward, he takes a shot...'
0:27:18 > 0:27:22- THEY SIGH - Gentlemen, shall we?- Sir.
0:27:22 > 0:27:30TOGETHER: # La-a-a-a-a-a-a! #
0:27:30 > 0:27:33- 'That really is a result.' - Well done, chaps.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd