0:00:02 > 0:00:05'Dear Mum. Thank you for the fairy cakes, they really are delicious.'
0:00:08 > 0:00:09SOBBING
0:00:09 > 0:00:12'So light, moist and tasty. Yum-yum.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15'Anyway, we had a great show today...'
0:00:16 > 0:00:19- # Ahhh... # - CHEERING
0:00:19 > 0:00:22'..even though The Governor hadn't been himself this week.'
0:00:25 > 0:00:29- WHOOSHING AND CRASHING - Ai ai ai ai ai ai! Oh!
0:00:29 > 0:00:32KLAXON WAILS
0:00:33 > 0:00:38# You've been found guilty of a howling show-biz crime
0:00:38 > 0:00:43# So welcome to The Slammer where you're gonna serve your time
0:00:43 > 0:00:46# With every type of minstrel entertainer and artiste
0:00:46 > 0:00:51# Performing to the limit to try and get released
0:00:51 > 0:00:56# So go and fetch the audience Bring them to The Slammer
0:00:56 > 0:01:00# And polish up your act with a bit of glitz and glamour
0:01:00 > 0:01:04# Your fate is in their hands So make them cheer and clamour
0:01:04 > 0:01:08# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer
0:01:08 > 0:01:14# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer! #
0:01:14 > 0:01:18- Ah, Mr Burgess.- Sir.- There you are. The audience are on their way in.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20This week's Freedom Show's going to be brilliant!
0:01:20 > 0:01:22- Is it really, sir.- Honest, yes.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24We've got jugglers...
0:01:25 > 0:01:27- Pick 'em up, pick 'em up! - Never mind about that!
0:01:27 > 0:01:30We've got an incredible somersaulting Chihuahua!
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Come on, somersault!
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Vermin, sir.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Oh. Ah, but we've got our incredible acrobats, ooh!
0:01:39 > 0:01:40Stay on your feet, lad.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44Never mind, never mind. We've got, er...our strong man.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47- It's too heavy.- No backbone, sir.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49I don't believe it. You lot are rubbish!
0:01:49 > 0:01:53- ENTERTAINERS SOB - You're an embarrassment to entertainment!
0:01:53 > 0:01:55They're lifeless, sir. The spark's gone, sir.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Yeah, well, cry me a river, Mr Burgess.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Yeah. I'm not having it. Get me the Ministry of Show Biz.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03We need an expert to sort this lot out.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Get me Alec Baldwig.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Sir!
0:02:10 > 0:02:12I know he said you were rubbish, but he didn't mean it.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13"Oh yes, he did!"
0:02:13 > 0:02:14Shut it, you!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16He meant it in a nice way.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18"How does that woik?"
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Shhh! Have another try, I'm sure it's just nerves.
0:02:20 > 0:02:25- DRUM ROLL - Put those juggling clubs down!
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Got your attention, have I?
0:02:29 > 0:02:31You lot are pathetic!
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Call yourselves performers? You're a disgrace!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Well, who are you?
0:02:37 > 0:02:39I am your ticket out of here, sunshine.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42I'm Sunday night at the London Palladium.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45I'm eight o'clock, BBC One, Saturday night.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I'm 50 performances at Caesars Palace.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51That's Las Vegas, for your information!
0:02:51 > 0:02:52That's who I am!
0:02:52 > 0:02:54"Well, I have never hoid of you!"
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Well, maybe you've been in here too long, you Muppet!
0:02:57 > 0:03:02- HE LAUGHS - Out there, I am your biggest threat.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05I'm something you should be very afraid of,
0:03:05 > 0:03:08because I am an...
0:03:10 > 0:03:12TAP-DANCE MUSIC
0:03:12 > 0:03:13DRUM ROLL
0:03:13 > 0:03:15CYMBAL CRASH
0:03:18 > 0:03:19HE LAUGHS
0:03:19 > 0:03:20SMASH!
0:03:20 > 0:03:23So...want my help or not?
0:03:23 > 0:03:25SCREAMING
0:03:25 > 0:03:29That's more like it! I knew Alec Baldwig would do the trick!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Anything for you, my son!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33You know, this man was the most talented student
0:03:33 > 0:03:36I've ever had! He was the finest Riverdancer
0:03:36 > 0:03:38to come out of the Wirral!
0:03:38 > 0:03:40- The where, sir?- The Wirral!
0:03:40 > 0:03:41Oh, get you!
0:03:41 > 0:03:43"Do it! Do Riverdance!"
0:03:43 > 0:03:44I haven't got any music!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Well, it's been a long time!
0:03:46 > 0:03:49- "Ah, well, forget it, then!" - All right, hit it!
0:03:49 > 0:03:51IRISH FOLK MUSIC
0:03:57 > 0:03:59MUSIC STOPS
0:03:59 > 0:04:01- Where am I? - You're in The Slammer, sir.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04- What?- You're The Governor! - It's all coming back to me now!
0:04:04 > 0:04:07But it seemed just then as if I was a superstar!
0:04:07 > 0:04:11You were! Or rather, you could have been.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Well, I'm not having that!
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Why should I stay in here, looking after his bunch of lowlife losers,
0:04:16 > 0:04:19when I could be Lord of the Riverdance?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21IRISH FOLK MUSIC
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- Ah!- What about the Freedom Show, sir?- Forget that.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31All I want to do is dance, dance, dance!
0:04:31 > 0:04:33IRISH FOLK MUSIC
0:04:35 > 0:04:41Oi! If you're serious about this, you'll need some representation!
0:04:41 > 0:04:43That is brilliant, that is, eh?
0:04:43 > 0:04:44That's just marvellous, eh?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Who'll do the Freedom Show now?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49KLAXON WAILS All right.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- How do I look? - "Like you always do..."
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Shut up! In that case, it's show time!
0:04:57 > 0:05:02- OVER PA: - 'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to HMP Slammer,
0:05:02 > 0:05:05'where you decide which prisoner is to be released!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07'Now, please welcome your host...
0:05:07 > 0:05:08'For this evening's performance,
0:05:08 > 0:05:12'the part of Ted Governor will be played by Frank Burgess.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16'It's Mr Burgess!'
0:05:16 > 0:05:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Who's the senior prison officer?
0:05:33 > 0:05:35- SCATTERED: - You're the senior prison officer!
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Thank you, and don't forget it. Right, now, unaccustomed as I am
0:05:39 > 0:05:43to presenting show-biz entertainment,
0:05:43 > 0:05:46I'm not devoid of all wit and repartee in that department.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47So if you'll indulge me,
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I'd like to start with a few of my comedy stylings,
0:05:50 > 0:05:53a little bit of observational comedy for you.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever noticed...
0:05:56 > 0:05:57have you ever noticed...
0:05:57 > 0:06:00that when you're banging the prisoners up at night,
0:06:00 > 0:06:03the lock to cell three always sticks a bit?
0:06:03 > 0:06:04SCATTERED CHUCKLING
0:06:06 > 0:06:09HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Thank you very much.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Right! What a fantastic bill we've got for you tonight.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14On the bill, we have the wonderful Tracy Jones!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- AUDIENCE:- Woo!
0:06:17 > 0:06:19We have improvisational stuff -
0:06:19 > 0:06:21that means making it up as you go along -
0:06:21 > 0:06:23with the Showstoppers!
0:06:23 > 0:06:25- AUDIENCE:- Woo!
0:06:25 > 0:06:29And a bit of fancy footwork from Germaine Delbosq.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31- AUDIENCE:- Woo!
0:06:31 > 0:06:34But the first act up on the parade square this evening,
0:06:34 > 0:06:37ladies and gentlemen, is a very unique act.
0:06:37 > 0:06:43So please give a warm welcome for Sasha The Human Frog! Thank you!
0:06:43 > 0:06:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:53 > 0:07:00MUSIC: "Theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey"
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Woo!
0:07:19 > 0:07:21GASPS
0:07:39 > 0:07:41GASPS
0:07:46 > 0:07:49CHEERING
0:07:49 > 0:07:52DRUM ROLL
0:07:54 > 0:07:57GASPS
0:08:01 > 0:08:04GASPS
0:08:14 > 0:08:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:22 > 0:08:24DRUM ROLL
0:08:31 > 0:08:32GASPS
0:08:32 > 0:08:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:41 > 0:08:43DRUM ROLL
0:08:47 > 0:08:50GASPS
0:08:54 > 0:08:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Well.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Sasha The Human Frog there. But what did you think?
0:09:05 > 0:09:09Will he be hoppin' free over the wall at the end of the show?
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Let's have a word with Mr Burge... Oh, that's me.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13LAUGHTER
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Right. Now then, Miss. Twisty enough?
0:09:16 > 0:09:20It was disgusting, but cool as well and it was really awesome.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23And I didn't think he would be able to get that far round,
0:09:23 > 0:09:26I've never seen that before!
0:09:26 > 0:09:30- What did you think of that? - It was really awkward.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34When he was about to do the full turn, it made me shiver.
0:09:34 > 0:09:35- Shiver?- Yeah.- Like...whoa?!
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Like he would break his bone, cos no human can do that.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41- Well, he did!- It was just odd.
0:09:41 > 0:09:47- Sir?- I thought it was... amazing and very disgusting.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51- What did you think of the froggie act?- It was fantastic.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Fantastic? What especially did you like about it?
0:09:53 > 0:09:56- Their clothes.- The clothes?- Yeah.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00All the turning around, unnatural things, the best thing was...?
0:10:00 > 0:10:01- The clothes.- Clothes?- Yeah.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04- Sum that act up for me in one word, sir.- Incredible!
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Incredible... Oh, it's me, isn't it? Incredible, sir.
0:10:11 > 0:10:12It's totally sold out!
0:10:12 > 0:10:16I've added two more shows tonight and seven on Thursday
0:10:16 > 0:10:19and Live In Studio Five is looking good!
0:10:19 > 0:10:23- Ha-ha! Are you all right? - Yes, fine, totally.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25- BELL RINGS - How do I look?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27A bit sweaty.
0:10:29 > 0:10:34So, the next act up, please give a big warm HMP Slammer welcome
0:10:34 > 0:10:39for the aerial acrobatics of Miss Tracy Jones!
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Thank you! CHEERING
0:10:48 > 0:10:51MUSIC STARTS
0:11:04 > 0:11:07CHEERING
0:11:13 > 0:11:16CHEERING
0:11:20 > 0:11:23CHEERING
0:11:26 > 0:11:28CHEERING
0:11:37 > 0:11:40CHEERING
0:11:45 > 0:11:47CHEERING
0:11:57 > 0:12:00CHEERING
0:12:05 > 0:12:08CHEERING
0:12:12 > 0:12:14CHEERING
0:12:25 > 0:12:27CHEERING
0:12:42 > 0:12:46CHEERING
0:12:52 > 0:12:55MUSIC STOPS, CHEERING
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Well, Tracy Jones there defying the laws of gravity,
0:13:04 > 0:13:08but can she defy the laws of this slammer to get out of here?
0:13:08 > 0:13:11That'll be up to you. Mr Bur...? Oh, it's me again!
0:13:11 > 0:13:13CHILDREN GIGGLE Right, yes, get down 'ere.
0:13:13 > 0:13:18- Now then, young sir?- Well, I thought it was absolutely phenomenal
0:13:18 > 0:13:23- and she was brave to climb up there. - What do you say about Tracy Jones?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- I thought it was incredible and really entertaining...- Yeah?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28..and I'm not sure how she did it,
0:13:28 > 0:13:32cos she must've got really dizzy and she was really flexible.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35- What about you, miss? - It was absolutely mind-blowing.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37I had tingles up my spine!
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Should she be allowed out or should she stay?
0:13:40 > 0:13:44Allowed out, cos she was the most incredible thing I've ever seen!
0:13:44 > 0:13:48- She was so flexible and amazing! - Sir? You could call that act
0:13:48 > 0:13:52amazing, spectacular, marvellous, splendiferous, out of this world!
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Sum it up in one final word that isn't one of those.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59- Um...- Good enough, sir, thank you. LAUGHTER
0:13:59 > 0:14:03- That was amazing! - Yes, it was amazing!
0:14:03 > 0:14:07- Who's the governor?- You're not, not any more! You're on in an hour.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11- RINGTONE: # I've got rhythm! # - Hello? Yes, this is he!
0:14:15 > 0:14:18I don't know what you'll think of the next act,
0:14:18 > 0:14:20because it's time for... Solitary Confinement.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS, WOMAN SCREAMS
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Yes! It's the part of the show where we bring a prisoner
0:14:26 > 0:14:29who is so entertainingly awful, we must keep him locked away
0:14:29 > 0:14:32on his own in a cell away from the rest of the prisoners.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36Now, if they perform well, and you judge him to have done so,
0:14:36 > 0:14:39he gets to go back to a normal cell
0:14:39 > 0:14:42with scratchy blankets and a nice, clean potty!
0:14:42 > 0:14:44CHILDREN GASP THEN LAUGH However...
0:14:44 > 0:14:47if he doesn't perform so well, and gets the thumbs down,
0:14:47 > 0:14:51then it's a cruel and unusual punishment, which this week is...
0:14:53 > 0:14:57Oh, dear. Yes, can't say too much about that, but it involves this.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59LAUGHTER
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Very strange. So...
0:15:01 > 0:15:05to carry on, we need a judge and juror from the audience!
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Who'd like to come up here and have a go?
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Right, you miss, step right up, please.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Look sharp! Up on the stage, thank you!
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- CHEERING Thank you. What's your name?- Katie.
0:15:15 > 0:15:20Right, bring on today's Solitary Confinement act, which is...
0:15:20 > 0:15:24- What do you want?- (Slight change!) - Give it 'ere! Get off!
0:15:24 > 0:15:29Right, there's a last-minute change. Bring out the act that is...
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Flat-Pack Monkey! Bring 'im on!
0:15:35 > 0:15:37CHEERING
0:15:37 > 0:15:41MUSIC: "If I Didn't Care" by The Ink Spots
0:15:52 > 0:15:55CHEERING
0:16:01 > 0:16:03GIGGLING
0:16:38 > 0:16:40END-OF-ROUND MUSIC PLAYS
0:16:40 > 0:16:43APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:16:45 > 0:16:49Now then, miss, you've got to judge that horrific piece of entertainment.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Now, remember, thumbs up, it's a nice, clean potty.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Thumbs down and it's something grotty.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59So, put your thumb out like that in the middle.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02You've got five seconds starting now!
0:17:02 > 0:17:05DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Thumbs down! Take him away, back to the cell! Something grotty.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13- Take that with you!- I'm back!
0:17:13 > 0:17:15CHEERING
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- And who's the governor? - CHILDREN: You're the governor!
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- Oh, Frank, it's great to be back! - All right! Not now, sir.- Oh!
0:17:22 > 0:17:23Lovely. How's the show going?
0:17:23 > 0:17:27- Very well, sir. ..Sorry, would you like to...? Thank you.- Marvellous!
0:17:27 > 0:17:31- What's the next act up? - It's The Showstoppers, sir.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33- Yey! - CHEERING
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Hello, everybody, we are The Showstoppers
0:17:42 > 0:17:45and we make up musicals from scratch!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48We take your ideas and we make songs out of them.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52What we'd like to do first for you is the opening of a musical.
0:17:52 > 0:17:57So somewhere a musical would begin, like a place where people may meet.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01- Yes?- A forest.- In a forest! Fantastic! Absolutely brilliant!
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Can you think of the title of this musical set in a forest?
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Or should we make it The Forest? What were you going to say?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10- Brown Forest.- The Brown Forest! - LAUGHTER
0:18:10 > 0:18:13We give to you the beginning of the musical The Brown Forest.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15PIANO PLAYING
0:18:15 > 0:18:20- # Trees! Lots of trees! - Squawk! Squawk! Squawk! Squawk!
0:18:20 > 0:18:26# Fall to your knees and pray to the trees!
0:18:26 > 0:18:32ALL: # Trees! Lots of trees!
0:18:32 > 0:18:40# Fall to your knees and pray to the trees! #
0:18:40 > 0:18:43MUSIC STOPS, CHEERING
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Thank you very much! We'd like to do a different song,
0:18:47 > 0:18:51maybe one in the style of something you might hear on the radio.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Or maybe a style of music? What about you?
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- Pop?- Pop! What would we like this to be about?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58- Right at the back, you?- Fish!
0:18:58 > 0:19:00A pop song about fish.
0:19:00 > 0:19:01OK.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06# There is nothing better
0:19:06 > 0:19:09# On your plate
0:19:09 > 0:19:13# Than some fish for your tea
0:19:15 > 0:19:17# Fishy fishy fishy fishy
0:19:17 > 0:19:19# Won't you be upon my dishy
0:19:19 > 0:19:21# For, fishy fishy
0:19:21 > 0:19:23# I love you
0:19:23 > 0:19:27# Aaaaaaaah
0:19:27 > 0:19:29# Oh, my fishy. #
0:19:29 > 0:19:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:32 > 0:19:36OK, we actually have time for one more. So we'll do one more song.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37What would you like?
0:19:37 > 0:19:39- Jazz?- A jazz song!
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Ooh! And what would you like, flower girl?
0:19:42 > 0:19:46A jazz song about cheese. OK.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53# There's nothing better in the world than cheese
0:19:53 > 0:19:55# Everybody loves
0:19:55 > 0:19:57# Everybody loves Everybody loves
0:19:57 > 0:19:59# Everybody loves cheese
0:19:59 > 0:20:00# Give me, give me
0:20:00 > 0:20:03# Gimme gimme gimme gimme
0:20:03 > 0:20:05# Oh-ho
0:20:05 > 0:20:09# Give me some cheese. #
0:20:09 > 0:20:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Well done. Give them a big hand. The Showstoppers, boys and girls.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23I stopped the show once.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Well, I didn't stop it, but I slowed it up a bit.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29What did you think of that musical act?
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Were they unsung? Mr Burgess?
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Right, was that improvisation
0:20:33 > 0:20:35or were they just making it up as they go along?
0:20:35 > 0:20:40It was incredible cos they just made it as they go along,
0:20:40 > 0:20:41any song you said.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43What did you think of them?
0:20:43 > 0:20:49I thought they were OK and on tune and they made a song each time,
0:20:49 > 0:20:51nothing stopped them. They were good.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53- Do you think they should go free? - Yes.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55- Yes, you do. OK.- Now, young lady,
0:20:55 > 0:20:59I'd like you to sum up that act of improvisation in one word, please.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02- Gobsmacking.- Gobsmacking, sir!
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Well, will The Showstoppers be singing like little free jailbirds
0:21:05 > 0:21:08at the end of The Slammer? Who knows...
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Only one more performing prisoner to see
0:21:10 > 0:21:13and you will really appreciate this, felon fans.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Please show that appreciation for...
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Germaine Delbosq!
0:21:17 > 0:21:20CHEERING
0:21:20 > 0:21:24HEAVY METAL GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS
0:21:54 > 0:21:56CHEERING
0:22:06 > 0:22:08CHEERING
0:22:16 > 0:22:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:30 > 0:22:32CHEERING
0:22:37 > 0:22:39CHEERING
0:22:47 > 0:22:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:49 > 0:22:52ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC PLAYS
0:23:00 > 0:23:01HEAVY METAL GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS
0:23:04 > 0:23:05CHEERING
0:23:11 > 0:23:14CHEERING
0:23:22 > 0:23:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:40 > 0:23:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:56 > 0:23:58LOUD CHEERING AND SCREAMS
0:24:07 > 0:24:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Well, there we are. Marvellous, wonderful.
0:24:13 > 0:24:18Well...on a motorbike and flames and... What she hot stuff?
0:24:18 > 0:24:19What did you think, Mr Burgess?
0:24:19 > 0:24:23I'd heard they were making a motorcycle test starter,
0:24:23 > 0:24:24but that's ridiculous.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28- What do you think?- Really good and brave. The fire was amazing.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30What did you think of that act?
0:24:30 > 0:24:33I thought it was very funny and clever
0:24:33 > 0:24:37how she managed to hold all of the objects up in one go.
0:24:37 > 0:24:38What about you, Miss?
0:24:38 > 0:24:41It was very impressive when she flipped the fire.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44I was so scared that it would fall on her.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47I would never have the confidence to do that.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50What did you think of Germaine Delbosq?
0:24:50 > 0:24:52I think she's amazing, but crazy,
0:24:52 > 0:24:55doing it with flames and her feet.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Yeah. Can you do that on your bike?
0:24:57 > 0:25:01- No.- I wouldn't try it either, if I were you. Not a good idea!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03One final word to sum that act up, Miss.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Brilliantastic!
0:25:05 > 0:25:06Brilliantastic, sir.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10Well, my little time-serving turn tabulators,
0:25:10 > 0:25:12what did you think of those acts?
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Four marvellous acts. Give them all a big hand. They were great.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18But only one can go free from The Slammer.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Who's it to be? Let's welcome them back
0:25:20 > 0:25:22as we get ready for the clapometer.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23Sasha The Human Frog,
0:25:23 > 0:25:24Tracy Jones,
0:25:24 > 0:25:26The Showstoppers
0:25:26 > 0:25:28and let's hear it for Germaine Delbosq!
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Here they are.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33They were sensational, colourful, wonderful,
0:25:33 > 0:25:36but will they go free? Who was first? He was sensational.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39He turned around, he turned our stomach. He was brilliant.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Will he be hopping over the fence?
0:25:41 > 0:25:42It's Sasha The Human Frog!
0:25:42 > 0:25:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:50 > 0:25:5181.6. Not bad.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Could be going free. He's blowing you a kiss there.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Merci beaucoup, Sasha.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59But next act up was marvellous. She was high up there on a rope.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Will she climb the rope to freedom?
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Let's hear it for Tracy Jones!
0:26:04 > 0:26:07SCREAMS AND APPLAUSE
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Oh, lots of noise! Oh!
0:26:10 > 0:26:1185.2!
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Let's have a look at that - 85.2.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17That means that she's in the lead. Yes, 85.2.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Our next performing prisoners -
0:26:19 > 0:26:22there were quite a few of them, they were certainly in harmony.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Will they win your vote? Will they go Top Of The Pops?
0:26:25 > 0:26:27It's The Showstoppers!
0:26:27 > 0:26:30VERY LOUD SCREAMING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Oh! With a sensational 90, they go into the lead!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Showstoppers!
0:26:38 > 0:26:40Only one act now can beat The Showstoppers.
0:26:40 > 0:26:41Will they be going free
0:26:41 > 0:26:44and not having sloppy, ploppy porridge for tea?
0:26:44 > 0:26:48Who knows... Let's hear it, please, for Germaine Delbosq!
0:26:48 > 0:26:52LOUD SCREAMING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:53 > 0:26:55It's going...
0:26:56 > 0:26:58It's close. It's very close.
0:26:58 > 0:26:5988.9, but going free,
0:26:59 > 0:27:00it's The Showstoppers!
0:27:00 > 0:27:04- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Take them away. They're free.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07The rest of them, they go back to the cells.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10They go free, they go back for tea.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Here at The Slammer we always have a yummy tea.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14What's for tea today, Mr Burgess?
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Japanese favourite today, sir.
0:27:16 > 0:27:17Sloppy, ploppy porridge.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20- That's not Japanese.- It is if you drop a dead fish in it, sir.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24Take them away. Give them a big hand. They were brilliant.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Back to the cells, though, they go.
0:27:26 > 0:27:27Well, there they are.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31We've had great fun in The Slammer
0:27:31 > 0:27:34and if you don't make the audience clap, scream and yell,
0:27:34 > 0:27:37there's always room in a cell, here at The Slammer!
0:27:37 > 0:27:39See you soon, folks. Bye.
0:27:39 > 0:27:40Bye, everybody!
0:27:40 > 0:27:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:50 > 0:27:52# It's the only way
0:27:52 > 0:27:54# You'll ever The Slammer! #
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Ah, lovely, Frank.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59This is ridiculous!
0:27:59 > 0:28:02Don't you know what you're throwing away?
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Fame, fortune!
0:28:04 > 0:28:07That Live From Studio Five gig came through, by the way.
0:28:07 > 0:28:11I don't care. I don't need showbiz! I'm happy here.
0:28:14 > 0:28:15No, I'm not doing it.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18No.
0:28:18 > 0:28:19I've made me mind up.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Oh! Now that's not fair!
0:28:23 > 0:28:26E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk