0:00:02 > 0:00:04"Dear Mother, as I never go on holiday,
0:00:04 > 0:00:10"I thought I'd send you this postcard from HMP Slammer.
0:00:10 > 0:00:13"One of my favourite views - solitary confinement,
0:00:13 > 0:00:15"F Block.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19"Never tire of it.
0:00:19 > 0:00:23"Anyway, on this week's Freedom Show,
0:00:23 > 0:00:26"we had the cream of the crop..." CHILDREN SCREAM
0:00:26 > 0:00:28- "..a bit of a flop..."- Stay!
0:00:28 > 0:00:32"..and was all over the shop, quite literally."
0:00:32 > 0:00:36- The show is over! Cancelled! - CHILDREN BOO
0:00:36 > 0:00:39"It all happened like this... Pay attention."
0:00:39 > 0:00:41THEME TUNE
0:00:43 > 0:00:47# You've been found guilty Of a howling showbiz crime
0:00:47 > 0:00:49# So welcome to The Slammer
0:00:49 > 0:00:52# Where you come And serve your time
0:00:52 > 0:00:56# With every type of minstrel Entertainer and artiste
0:00:56 > 0:01:00# Performing to the limit To try and get released
0:01:00 > 0:01:05# So come, fetch the audience Bring them to The Slammer
0:01:05 > 0:01:09# And polish off your act With a bit of glitz and glamour
0:01:09 > 0:01:13# Your fate is in their hands So make them cheer and clamour
0:01:13 > 0:01:18# It's the only way You'll ever leave The Slammer
0:01:18 > 0:01:22# It's the only way You'll ever leave The Slammer #
0:01:23 > 0:01:26We've got a Freedom Show on today.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28We've got Zoo Youth,
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Hull High Flyers,
0:01:31 > 0:01:34John Kimmons,
0:01:34 > 0:01:37and Valik and Valerik.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40So no, now is not a good time to answer questions
0:01:40 > 0:01:42on switching my electricity supplier!
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Besides which, I've got a lot on my plate!
0:01:45 > 0:01:49Governor! Aisle five! Baked beans! Get stuck in!
0:01:49 > 0:01:52- What?- You heard me! Bring 'em in!
0:01:52 > 0:01:56HE SHRIEKS What's all this, sir?
0:01:56 > 0:01:59This chap's behaving like he owns The Slammer.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Well, technically, I do!
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Len Bogoff, supermarket owner and proprietor.
0:02:05 > 0:02:10And from today, this entire building is our new branch of...
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- ..Slammerfields! - Slammerfields, sir?!
0:02:13 > 0:02:17- "Low quality food at high prices". - JAUNTY JINGLE
0:02:17 > 0:02:19- Shouldn't that be the other way around?- No!
0:02:19 > 0:02:22I'm going to put groceries in the Auditorium,
0:02:22 > 0:02:25a bakery in Solitary
0:02:25 > 0:02:28and this office will make a cracking delicatessen.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32- W-W-What about all the inmates? - Ahh, we're rehabilitating them
0:02:32 > 0:02:34as checkout assistants.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38You should see the speed at which a juggler can scan a tin of sweetcorn!
0:02:38 > 0:02:40But we're supposed to have a Freedom Show today.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Ahh, yes. Well, we're going to have to make an exception.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- The Freedom Show will go ahead. - HE SIGHS IN RELIEF
0:02:47 > 0:02:51BUT it will be the last one!
0:02:51 > 0:02:54DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:02:54 > 0:02:58The last Freedom Show ever? There must be something I can do!
0:02:58 > 0:03:02Yes, there is! Get cracking with these beans!
0:03:02 > 0:03:065,000 cans, aisle five, labels to the front.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10And don't eat the merchandise!
0:03:11 > 0:03:164,334, 4,335...
0:03:16 > 0:03:22"Staff announcement! Would Gimbert stop scanning his head? Thank you."
0:03:24 > 0:03:29- Four... Four, three... - HE SIGHS
0:03:29 > 0:03:32One, two...
0:03:33 > 0:03:38And what next? You'd like me to file your feet for you?
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Shower you in rose petals while I massage your little pinkies?
0:03:41 > 0:03:43You'd like that, wouldn't you?
0:03:43 > 0:03:47Why don't you get in the prison yard and give me 50 laps!
0:03:47 > 0:03:50You snivelling little moaner! Go!
0:03:50 > 0:03:53I was only looking for cat food!
0:03:53 > 0:03:55- Frank.- Oh, sir!- A word...- Yes, sir?
0:03:55 > 0:03:59At Slammerfields, we are always here to help.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03- Help, sir?- Help, Frank. That means going out of our way
0:04:03 > 0:04:06to make things easier for someone else.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Ahh, yes! Novel concept, sir.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Personally, I can't ever see it catching on, sir.
0:04:11 > 0:04:16- Well, Frank, here's the thing... It has caught on.- Oh.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20If you don't want to be cleaning out the bogs for the rest of your life,
0:04:20 > 0:04:23I suggest you wise up to it! Capeesh?
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- Excuse me, where are the prunes? - Capeesh, sir.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31- Aisle six, sir. Anything else I can help you with?- No, thanks.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34HE CHUCKLES
0:04:36 > 0:04:39No, no, please allow me to get that for you.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41CRASH, BANG
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Ha! That is damaged goods, Gimbert.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46- £500!- Sorry, Mr Len.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Sorry, Gimbert, but "sorry" isn't good enough!
0:04:50 > 0:04:56That money is coming out of your wages for the next two years!
0:04:57 > 0:05:01Why aren't you working? We can't afford to keep customers waiting!
0:05:01 > 0:05:05I can't afford to let you turn us into a shoddy rip-off merchants!
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Voted the best shoddy rip-off merchants in the high street!
0:05:09 > 0:05:12No! I won't do it! This is an entertainment prison!
0:05:12 > 0:05:15We do impressions and juggling and acrobatics!
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Not two-for-one offers on foot cream!
0:05:18 > 0:05:21- CUSTOMERS: Ooh! - No, that offer's expired!
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Well, it's your choice, Governor! If you don't, you're fired!
0:05:25 > 0:05:30So, what's it to be? Shape up or ship out!
0:05:30 > 0:05:34- Do you have a loyalty card, sir? - HE LAUGHS
0:05:34 > 0:05:38Oh, Titch, this is awful. "You're telling me!"
0:05:38 > 0:05:42Working in a supermarket freezer is bad enough, but sleeping in it...
0:05:42 > 0:05:44- Look at my PJs! - PJS CRACKLE
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Right! Two-minute break in here, gents, starting now!
0:05:48 > 0:05:53Hold on a minute! Regulations say we get an hour in a heated staffroom.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Well, regulation's changed, OK?
0:05:56 > 0:06:01And there's a spillage in the nappy aisle that needs clearing up, Frank!
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Was it you? "No, sir."
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- Out of my way! Too warm in here! - THEY SHUDDER
0:06:06 > 0:06:08DOOR CLANKS
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Dear, oh, dear. To think it's come to this.
0:06:12 > 0:06:1620 years a prison governor and here I am carrying kumquats.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18- It's a kiwi, actually, sir. - Thanks, Frank.
0:06:18 > 0:06:23That Len's such a bully! He's got me working a 26-hour shift, every day!
0:06:23 > 0:06:27He's got me greeting people! I never knew such a thing existed, sir!
0:06:27 > 0:06:31Oh, come on, everyone, what's happened to our get-up-and-go?
0:06:31 > 0:06:32It's got up and gone.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36We can't let them close The Slammer down. We can stand for this.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- I could crouch! - THEY SHUDDER
0:06:38 > 0:06:42I think I've got a plan. Gather round, listen carefully.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44THEY WHISPER
0:06:46 > 0:06:48It's the last ever Freedom Show.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- How do I look? - Past your sell-by date, sir.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Thank you very much. Well, it's opening time.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57JAUNTY JINGLE
0:06:57 > 0:07:02"Customer announcement, welcome to HMP Slammerfields,
0:07:02 > 0:07:06"the only supermarket where you can buy one and set one free!
0:07:06 > 0:07:10"Please welcome the Employee of the Month,
0:07:10 > 0:07:13"The Governor!"
0:07:13 > 0:07:15CHEERING
0:07:29 > 0:07:33- Who's The Governor? - ALL: You're The Governor!
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Hello, jailers and jailbirds!
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Or should I say "my chuckling checkout assistants"?
0:07:38 > 0:07:39"Customer announcement.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43"Double Slammer points all week on wet sauces."
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Thank you very much! We've got some wonderful acts.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- We've got the Hull High Flyers! - ALL: Ooh!
0:07:49 > 0:07:53We've got a most unusual act. He can talk in a most peculiar way,
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- it's John Kimmons.- ALL: Ooh!
0:07:56 > 0:07:59And an act, originally all the way from Russia,
0:07:59 > 0:08:02- it's Valik and Valerik.- ALL: Oooh!
0:08:02 > 0:08:04But now, jailers and jailbirds,
0:08:04 > 0:08:09they're youthful, they're in a zoo, so we call them Zoo Youth!
0:08:09 > 0:08:11CHEERING
0:08:18 > 0:08:21ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC
0:08:23 > 0:08:26CHEERING
0:08:29 > 0:08:32BREAKDANCE MUSIC
0:08:59 > 0:09:01BREAKBEAT MUSIC
0:09:03 > 0:09:05# Girl, I must...
0:09:05 > 0:09:07# Poison, poison, poison... #
0:09:11 > 0:09:14ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC
0:09:43 > 0:09:45CHEERING
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Zoo Youth there. Very athletic, very lively, wasn't it?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56But did they do enough to go free?
0:09:56 > 0:10:01Zoo Youth there. Pride of lions or pack of mandrills?
0:10:01 > 0:10:04- I thought it was really cool. - You'd like to see more of that?
0:10:04 > 0:10:07- Yes.- Released back into showbiz society?- Yes.
0:10:07 > 0:10:12- You don't think we should keep them and polish that up a bit more?- Yes!
0:10:12 > 0:10:17- You're just saying yes to everything, aren't you?- Yes.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19What do you think of Zoo Youth?
0:10:19 > 0:10:23- I think it was super awesome.- Yes?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25- Fun-awesome.- Van-awesome?
0:10:25 > 0:10:28It's a combination between fantastic and awesome!
0:10:28 > 0:10:32- Are you making up your own language, sir?- Yes!
0:10:32 > 0:10:38- Zoo "Yoot"!- What about 'em? - Bit of attitude, missy?- Yeah.
0:10:38 > 0:10:43Up you get. We've got somewhere to put people like you.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46CHEERING
0:10:48 > 0:10:51In! Stay there.
0:10:51 > 0:10:56- What about you, sir? - It was very funky and very active.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- Do your teachers like you to be funky and active?- No.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01- What do they like you to be? - Sensitive.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05Show me your sensitive side, sir. Ooh, that's sensitive.
0:11:05 > 0:11:11- I'm that moved, you can have a pear.- Thanks.- They're on special.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- Sum that act up for me, miss! - 'Swicked.- 'Swicked, sir.
0:11:14 > 0:11:19Well, jailers and jailbirds, onto our next performing prisoner act -
0:11:19 > 0:11:23Could you keep the noise down? We can't hear ourselves think!
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Sorry about that, Len. Mr Bogoff. Sorry.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30By the way, Mr Bogoff, Peter Nokio wanted to see you in his cell.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34- Something he wanted you to sign. - Does he now? Right.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38- See you later.- See you later. - Have a nice day.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Right, check out this next fabulous act.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45They're originally from Hull. Say hi to the Hull High Flyers!
0:11:45 > 0:11:47CHEERING
0:11:54 > 0:11:57MUSIC: "Like A G6" By Far East Movement (Instrumental)
0:12:37 > 0:12:39DANCE MUSIC
0:13:16 > 0:13:19LOUD CHEERING
0:13:31 > 0:13:33I hope the Hull High Flyers do go free.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36I'm sick of painting foot marks off the ceiling!
0:13:36 > 0:13:39What did you think? Mr Burgess is on checkout.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43Have they served their debt to society? Should they go free?
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Definitely. They were fliptastic.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48- What was tastic about their flipping?- It was good.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50They done loads of stunts.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54- Right. Are you interested in a free offer on broccoli?- No.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57- No, thank you.- Do you like broccoli? - No.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- What did you think, sir? - I think they high-flied me.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04- They high-flied you, sir? - Amazing. Ten out of ten.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06- Their timing was brilliant. - Very good.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Miss, what did you make of the Hull High Flyers?
0:14:08 > 0:14:11- It was magnificent.- Magnificent. PA SYSTEM DINGS
0:14:11 > 0:14:16"Staff announcement. Baby sick in aisle three. Thank you."
0:14:16 > 0:14:18I've got to go and clear that up.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- Tell us about the Hull High Flyers. - It was really cool and awesome
0:14:21 > 0:14:23with some amazing tricks.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- Do you think they've earned enough to go free?- Yes.
0:14:26 > 0:14:31They could jump over the wall any time they wanted!
0:14:31 > 0:14:34- Could you sum that act up in one word?- Ludicrous.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Ludicrous, sir! Indeed it was.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40- You! What do you want?- A chocolate delivery you need to sign for.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42- Hang on, haven't I...? - "Staff announcement.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- "Mr Bogoff to aisle one." - There we are.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48- Another one.- Another one? I can't hang around all day!
0:14:48 > 0:14:52- One more.- I've got things to do! Busy, busy, busy!
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Jailers and jailbirds, it's time for the act that we call
0:14:55 > 0:15:00- Solitary Confinement! - DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Yes. The acts that we keep locked away.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06These acts, we can't let them out into society,
0:15:06 > 0:15:09or even let them into The Slammer. Except once in a while.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11If they do well, they get a little treat.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15Today's treat is, they get to wear a diamond tiara.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16That'll be lovely.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20If they don't, it's back to their cell for an unusual punishment.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24- Mr Burgess!- Sir! - What is today's unusual punishment?
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Today, sir, it's being squeezed into a bath of sloppy, ploppy porridge
0:15:28 > 0:15:31with five sweaty sumo wrestlers, sir.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34- Ooh, dear!- ALL: Eurgh!
0:15:34 > 0:15:38We need a judge. Mr Burgess, have you chosen an individual?
0:15:38 > 0:15:42- What about this young lady? - Give her a round of applause.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45CHEERING
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- What's your name?- Elyse.
0:15:47 > 0:15:52It's time for the act that we call Solitary Confinement!
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- Come on, Elyse. - DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:15:59 > 0:16:03My name is Johnny Sizzle and I have an amazing performing sausage dog!
0:16:03 > 0:16:08Well, we have to make him! Out of sausages! Cue the music!
0:16:08 > 0:16:12- JAUNTY MUSIC - There we go. One leg!
0:16:12 > 0:16:15That's number-two leg there. Number-three leg.
0:16:15 > 0:16:20There! Lovely. Last but not least is leg number four.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22There he is. Lovely.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25There he goes. One head there for him.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29What about his tail? It's right there!
0:16:29 > 0:16:32And a couple of ears, of course, so he can listen to my commands.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Right, are you ready? He does tricks.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Stay.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Sit.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Roll over and play dead.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48And most importantly, disappear.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50HE MUNCHES GREEDILY
0:16:50 > 0:16:53- Ta-da!- Any applause?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Anything? No?
0:16:55 > 0:16:58- THEY BOO - Oh, dear.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00You have got to decide
0:17:00 > 0:17:03whether he gets a treat or the unusual punishment.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Remember, thumbs up and it's a tiara.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10Thumbs down, sloppy, ploppy porridge and sayonara.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14Your five seconds starts... now.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Oh, straight away! He's going down!
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Take him back! And she goes, as well.
0:17:20 > 0:17:25Give her a round of applause - your judge.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27GROANING
0:17:27 > 0:17:29SUMO WRESTLERS SHOUT
0:17:29 > 0:17:31CYMBAL CLANGS
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Now onto our next performing prisoner act.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38Jailers and jailbirds, it's John Kimmons!
0:17:38 > 0:17:40CHEERING
0:17:44 > 0:17:48- Hello, hello. Are you all right? - ALL: Yes!- Fantastic!
0:17:48 > 0:17:51- I'm a ventriloquist. Do you know what that is?- ALL: Yes!
0:17:51 > 0:17:54I thought I could use somebody as my...
0:17:54 > 0:17:59You would like to? Give him a round of applause. Come and join me.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02You, as well? We'll have you on this side.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05You stay there. Take your hats off for me, gentlemen.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08He looks keen. I'm quite scared of you.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10This is a little mask. We'll put it on your face.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14It goes on the frontal area of the nasal region. Are you OK?
0:18:14 > 0:18:18- Oh, yes!- Are you all right?- Yes!
0:18:18 > 0:18:24- Give everybody a wave.- Hello! Nice to see you! Hello! Hello!
0:18:24 > 0:18:27You've got the best. I'm jealous of this one.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31Look at that! Fantastic!
0:18:31 > 0:18:34This is a little wig. I'm sure nobody wants to wear this.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38- I do!- What did you say?- I said I do!
0:18:38 > 0:18:42- You want to wear that?- Yes, I do. It'll bring back so many memories!
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Good.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47That goes on there. Look at that.
0:18:47 > 0:18:52- # Memories, like the corners of my mind #- Yes.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55We've got to finish my act off. What are you going to do?
0:18:55 > 0:18:56We're going to sing a song.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59- You're singing together?- BOTH: Yes.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03I'll count to three and you can take it away.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06Ladies and gentlemen, one, two -
0:19:06 > 0:19:09# I like to move it, move it I like to move it, move it #
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- Hey?! - THEY LAUGH
0:19:12 > 0:19:17- Wait a minute. Did I count to three? - No, you didn't.- I didn't, did I?
0:19:17 > 0:19:20- I'm sorry. That's the end of the act now.- Aww!
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- I want a go.- You want a go? - I want to do a solo.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25All right.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27One, two, three.
0:19:27 > 0:19:33Yes! # I'm a little teapot Short and stout
0:19:33 > 0:19:38- # Here is my handle... #- Ahh!
0:19:38 > 0:19:42- # And here is my spout # Whoo-hoo. - Yes!
0:19:42 > 0:19:46# When the kettle's boiling Hear me shout
0:19:46 > 0:19:49# Life me up and pour
0:19:49 > 0:19:52# Me-ee-ee...
0:19:52 > 0:19:57# Meeeeeee...
0:19:57 > 0:19:59# Out #
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Hey! He did it again! Give them a round of applause!
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Weren't they great? Thank you!
0:20:05 > 0:20:07CHEERING
0:20:09 > 0:20:13There we are! He was throwing his voice.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17But should we throw him out of The Slammer? Let's find out.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Amazing voices or difficult choices?
0:20:20 > 0:20:23It was very funny and something you should laugh at.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25- Is that a direct order?- Yes.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29An unusual ventriloquist. What did you think?
0:20:29 > 0:20:32It was well funny because he made them look like monkeys.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36They did, didn't they? That's quite easy with Gimbert.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38- Do you think he did enough to go free?- Yes.
0:20:38 > 0:20:44- What about you, sir?- I thought it was really funny and, er, amazing.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47What about you, sir? Could you do a ventriloquist act?
0:20:47 > 0:20:51- Hello.- Tell us what you thought of John Kimmons.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- Very good. - Has he done enough to go free?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- I think so.- Yes.
0:20:57 > 0:20:58One final word, sir?
0:20:58 > 0:21:02- Hello, yes!- Hello, yes, sir!
0:21:02 > 0:21:06- Well, trilling till inspectors - - Right! That's it, Governor!
0:21:06 > 0:21:10I've had enough. We have a loo roll delivery coming.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14- The show is over! Cancelled! - THEY BOO
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Don't boo me! I am the owner of this supermarket!
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Not so fast, Bogoff.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Watch your language. I'm your boss.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Not any more. I have in my hand a contract,
0:21:24 > 0:21:28giving control of The Slammer back to The Governor, signed by you.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31No, no, no. That is a chocolate deliv...
0:21:31 > 0:21:35You've tricked me! I'll be speaking to my lawyers!
0:21:35 > 0:21:39Also, I've got a letter saying you won't be speaking to your lawyers,
0:21:39 > 0:21:41- signed by you.- Outrageous!
0:21:41 > 0:21:44This is not the last you'll be hearing from me!
0:21:44 > 0:21:48Oh, and a promise note saying this will be the last we hear from you.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Mr Bogoff, why don't you bog off?!
0:21:51 > 0:21:56- Bye!- Stop laughing now! - Well done, Peter.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Well, jailers and jailbirds,
0:21:59 > 0:22:01we've still got a Freedom Show to do!
0:22:01 > 0:22:04One more fabulous act before you decide who goes free.
0:22:04 > 0:22:09Let's hear it, it's Valik and Valerik!
0:22:09 > 0:22:11CHEERING
0:22:17 > 0:22:20LULLABY MUSIC "Go To Sleep"
0:22:39 > 0:22:41HE WHISTLES
0:22:42 > 0:22:45JAUNTY MUSIC
0:22:51 > 0:22:54CHEERING
0:23:42 > 0:23:44DRUM ROLL
0:23:59 > 0:24:02JAUNTY MUSIC
0:24:06 > 0:24:08CHEERING
0:24:12 > 0:24:16What did you think about it? Let's find out with Mr Burgessov.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20- Some call it entertainment. I call it getting dressed. You?- Fantastic.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23- Will they be getting your vote?- Yes.
0:24:23 > 0:24:28- Why?- Because when he tried to put the tie on, he nearly fell off.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32- And he landed it perfectly. - He landed it perfectly.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35- Did you enjoy them? - Yes, I really liked them.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38- The balance was fabulous. - Good balance.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Fancy going to sleep on a wire! Can you imagine that?
0:24:41 > 0:24:44THEY GIGGLE
0:24:44 > 0:24:47- What did you make of that act? - Stringly amazing.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49- Stringly amazing?- Yes.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Define the word "stringly".
0:24:52 > 0:24:55- Because he was on string. - Because he was on string. OK.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59- What about you, sir? - I thought it was very mimey.- Mimey!
0:24:59 > 0:25:03I thought it was amazing and I have to see it straight away.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07If you could sum it up in one facial expression, what would it be?
0:25:09 > 0:25:13- Sum that act up for me in one word. - Brilliant.- Brilliant, sir.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15We're back in action at The Slammer.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Four fantastic performing prisoner acts,
0:25:18 > 0:25:21please show your appreciation for all of them
0:25:21 > 0:25:23as they come back onto the stage!
0:25:23 > 0:25:27Zoo Youth! The Hull High Flyers!
0:25:27 > 0:25:31John Kimmons! Over there you go. There we are, folks.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35And, of course, Valik and Valerik bringing up the rear.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Only one performing prisoner act can go free.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Who's it going to be? We decide with this,
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Gimbert's all-patented Clap-o-meter.
0:25:43 > 0:25:48The more noise you make, the higher the score. The highest goes free.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52There was ten of them. Will they be going out?
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Let's hear your noise for the fantastic Zoo Youth!
0:26:00 > 0:26:04What a great score. Wow. 94.3. Wonderful.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Well, just two of these lads.
0:26:07 > 0:26:12Will they bounce out of The Slammer? Let's hear it for Hull High Flyers!
0:26:17 > 0:26:21It's close. 94.1. Ooh!
0:26:21 > 0:26:24So close. You're staying for tea.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27At the moment, in the lead it's Zoo Youth.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Let's hear it, please, for John Kimmons!
0:26:35 > 0:26:41I think he's gone in the lead by three. I've never known it so close.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Oh, he's gone into the lead.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46There's just one performing prisoner act to go.
0:26:46 > 0:26:52Jailers and jailbirds, check out please Valik and Valerik.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Ohh! Such high scores. They're in the 90s, as well.
0:27:00 > 0:27:05But just by .3, it's John Kimmons!
0:27:05 > 0:27:09- CHEERING - You're free to go.
0:27:09 > 0:27:15Jailers and jailbirds, that means the rest of them stay for tea.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Mr Burgess, what's for tea today?
0:27:18 > 0:27:21We sent Big Norris out for a takeaway.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24- What did he get?- I don't know. He hasn't come back, sir.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28- Oh, dear.- I've had to ask Chef to rustle up something.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31- What is it?- Sloppy, ploppy porridge! - Ohh! Back to the cells!
0:27:31 > 0:27:35Give a big round of applause, everybody!
0:27:35 > 0:27:39Zoo Youth... Give it to the Hull High Flyers.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42Remember, if you can't sing, dance or rhyme...
0:27:42 > 0:27:45ALL: Don't do the crime!
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Goodbye, everybody!
0:27:52 > 0:27:57# It's the only way you'll ever Leave The Slammer #
0:27:57 > 0:28:01- Nice to have The Slammer back to normal.- Absolutely, sir.
0:28:01 > 0:28:05- Bottle of pop?- Why not, sir? - There you go.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07- That's 49p.- How much?!
0:28:07 > 0:28:10Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:10 > 0:28:13E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk