0:00:00 > 0:00:04"Dearest Mama, what a nightmare week we've had."
0:00:04 > 0:00:07"Your mother turned up out of the blue and systematically managed
0:00:07 > 0:00:09"to dis...
0:00:09 > 0:00:12"to delight and charm the entire prison
0:00:12 > 0:00:16"and we all enjoyed a wonderful show."
0:00:16 > 0:00:17DANCE MUSIC
0:00:17 > 0:00:18# Ro-ma-mah, ro-mah-mah. #
0:00:18 > 0:00:20DANCE MUSIC
0:00:20 > 0:00:22AUDIENCE SCREAMS
0:00:22 > 0:00:25"Finally, we got rid of the old...
0:00:25 > 0:00:28"She decided to leave."
0:00:28 > 0:00:30"I've slipped on my pan pipe CD
0:00:30 > 0:00:34"and I'm resting with my feet in a bucket of warm nuts."
0:00:34 > 0:00:39"Ah, the simple pleasure of life. Finally I can relax."
0:00:40 > 0:00:41SIREN
0:00:42 > 0:00:46# You've been found guilty of a howling showbiz crime
0:00:46 > 0:00:52# So welcome to The Slammer where you're going to serve your time
0:00:52 > 0:00:56# With every type of minstrel, entertainer and artiste
0:00:56 > 0:01:00# Performing to the limit to try and get released
0:01:00 > 0:01:04# So go fetch the audience, bring them to The Slammer
0:01:04 > 0:01:10# And polish up your act, with a bit of glitz and glamour
0:01:10 > 0:01:13# Your fate is in their hands, so make them cheer and clamour
0:01:13 > 0:01:17# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer
0:01:17 > 0:01:21# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer! #
0:01:21 > 0:01:23FIREWORKS
0:01:24 > 0:01:25EXPLOSION
0:01:25 > 0:01:27SIREN
0:01:27 > 0:01:29AMBULANCE SIREN
0:01:29 > 0:01:30CRASH!
0:01:30 > 0:01:32- GRANNIES:- Ooh!
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Look at that. Oh, I say!
0:01:34 > 0:01:36THEY "OOH AND AH"
0:01:37 > 0:01:41- Gimbert, what's going on?! - It wasn't me, Uncle, honest!
0:01:41 > 0:01:45- It was my grandma. She's not a good driver, you see.- Ugh...
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Jeremy, give me a kiss!
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Suddenly everything makes sense.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Ah, sir. Allow me to present my grandmother, sir.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02This is ex-warrant officer Dolly Burgess, formerly of the Chindits.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04- Oh, uh...- Attention!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Tea to be made, on the double!
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Left, right, left, right, left, right...
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Would someone tell me what's going on here?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Here he is, bossing everybody about.
0:02:14 > 0:02:19- Oh! Nana Governor, what are you doing here?- We thought we'd come visit.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- You never write, you never call. - But I'm at work!
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Oh, there he goes showing off again.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28Now just tell me, what have you got on the show this week?
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Well, we've Granny Turismo...
0:02:32 > 0:02:33..Twist and Pulse...
0:02:33 > 0:02:34DANCE MUSIC
0:02:34 > 0:02:36..Slush...
0:02:36 > 0:02:38and Pup Choir.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40# Oh-ooh-oh-ooh-whoaaa! #
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Isn't he cute?
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- Oh.- Oh, I love him! - No, no!
0:02:45 > 0:02:48- Ew!- Oh, a beautiful boy, he is.- Yeah.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- Come on, girls. Let's go.- Bye-bye.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Yes. No, thank you.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57I tried everything, turning off the heating,
0:02:57 > 0:03:01telling them there's no more tea. They just won't go!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03WHISTLE BLOWS
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- Oh...- All right, all right. All right, calm down. Don't panic.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10- What the flaming heck's gone off in here, sir?- Oh, Frank!
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Look at the state of it.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13This is all I need.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- WOMEN:- Oh! Look at it.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19He were just the same at home, never tidied his bedroom.
0:03:19 > 0:03:24- He hasn't changed a bit.- It wasn't me!- Oh, yes.- A likely story.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27- You should be ashamed of yourself. - I had nothing to do with it!
0:03:27 > 0:03:29WHISTLE BLOWS
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Oh, what now? Excuse me, ladies. Just coming through.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Thank you, sorry. Mind your bourbons.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37HE GASPS
0:03:37 > 0:03:41- Good grief, sir!- I don't understand it, I was in here ten minutes ago.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44I put your breakfast pasty here, your ironed underpants here,
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- and the moisturiser you liked... - Yeah, enough, enough.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51We don't need to go into all that. Oh, I just need a moment to think.
0:03:51 > 0:03:56- WOMEN:- Oh! What have you done this time?- We've told him before.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Never had any respect for people's property.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00For the last time, it wasn't me!
0:04:00 > 0:04:04The only person that's been in this office...
0:04:04 > 0:04:06is him!
0:04:08 > 0:04:11I told you, Uncle, it wasn't me. Your pants. Ask anyone, ask Grandma.
0:04:11 > 0:04:17I can absolutely vouch for my grandson.
0:04:17 > 0:04:18Really?
0:04:18 > 0:04:23- See?- Mr Burgess, lock up that nephew.- Sir.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25About face, lad. Off you go.
0:04:25 > 0:04:31- Uncle!- Such a nice lad. - That's not fair.- He's lovely.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32HE CRIES
0:04:32 > 0:04:34I don't understand it, Frank.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37My nephew might have a screw loose but he's not a criminal.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Well, if not him, sir, then who?
0:04:39 > 0:04:43INAUDIBLE CHATTER
0:04:47 > 0:04:49There's only one way to find out.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Are all the cameras in place, Mr Burgess?
0:04:54 > 0:04:58All hidden and live, sir, and the door to the cell wide open.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Excellent.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12BOTH: No!
0:05:12 > 0:05:13SHE CHUCKLES
0:05:13 > 0:05:17This is what I've been waiting for. Are you ready, girls?
0:05:17 > 0:05:22THEY SHRIEK
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Look at this mess! You've done it again.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Don't come that with me, Grandma.
0:05:32 > 0:05:38- You three have been well and truly rumbled.- Ah.- Oh.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Attention?
0:05:40 > 0:05:44- That's not going to work this time, is it, Grandma?- Mr Burgess?- Ha!
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Lock these three up. They're the troublemakers.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourselves.
0:05:50 > 0:05:51ALARM SOUNDS
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Oh! How do I look?
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- Lovely.- You look lovely, darling.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Thank you very much. It's show time!
0:05:58 > 0:06:01SHOUTING AND LAUGHTER
0:06:01 > 0:06:06- ANNOUNCER:- Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to HMP Slammer,
0:06:06 > 0:06:09where you decide which prisoner is to be released.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13Now please welcome your host. He's... Hello, can I help you?
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- Um, I'm looking for the toilet. - Ah, yes.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Back the way you came, down the corridor,
0:06:19 > 0:06:21- and it's third on the left. - Thank you.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24It's The Governor!
0:06:24 > 0:06:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:39 > 0:06:43- Who's The Governor? - ALL:- You're The Governor!
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Oh, my little jailers and jailbirds, it's lovely to see you.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49And as you can see, we've got one or two, shall we say,
0:06:49 > 0:06:52slightly more mature members of the audience amongst us.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Hello to you, as well.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57We've got a great show for you, marvellous performing prisoners,
0:06:57 > 0:07:01and you will decide which one will go free at the end of the show.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04We've got marvellous acts like Twist and Pulse. Ooh!
0:07:04 > 0:07:06- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:07:06 > 0:07:08- Slosh! - AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:07:08 > 0:07:13- We've got a massive choir called Pop Choir!- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:07:13 > 0:07:15But now, in honour of all the grannies out there,
0:07:15 > 0:07:20show your appreciation for Granny Turismo!
0:07:20 > 0:07:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:32 > 0:07:34JOLLY MUSIC PLAYS
0:07:53 > 0:07:56TYRES SQUEAL
0:07:56 > 0:07:58CHEERING
0:08:10 > 0:08:15MUSIC: "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer
0:08:24 > 0:08:28THEY REV ENGINES
0:09:09 > 0:09:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:17 > 0:09:21Granny Turismo, there. But I don't know, what did you think of them?
0:09:21 > 0:09:25Were they groovy or gravy? Let's find out with Mr Burgess.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29Right then, Granny Turismo, give me your thoughts, miss.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32I think they're really weird and they should be living
0:09:32 > 0:09:33in the mad lands.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35LAUGHTER
0:09:35 > 0:09:39- Where are the mad lands exactly, miss?- On a map somewhere.
0:09:39 > 0:09:44- On a map somewhere? Just at the end of Bonkers Lane, is it?- Yeah.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48- What did you make of the act? - Um, funny and crazy.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Were they like your granny?
0:09:51 > 0:09:54No, they were completely mad because if you left them
0:09:54 > 0:09:57out on the street they would probably run over someone.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Yeah, I'd quite agree with you.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Have they done enough to go free cos they've been in a long time?
0:10:03 > 0:10:04No, I'll keep them in.
0:10:04 > 0:10:05GRUMBLING
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Oooh, they're revving up their engines. They're going!
0:10:09 > 0:10:10- Crazy!- Crazy?
0:10:10 > 0:10:13- Yes. Completely mad. - Did you enjoy it?
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Yes. Funny.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17What did you think, madam?
0:10:17 > 0:10:21It was always, like, brum brum and it sounded like they were farting.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23LAUGHTER
0:10:24 > 0:10:26No offence!
0:10:28 > 0:10:31For one final word, sum that act for me, miss?
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Ridonculous.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34What?!
0:10:34 > 0:10:36I think it's ridonculous.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Ridonculous, sir.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Well, jailers and jailbirds and naughty nanas
0:10:43 > 0:10:45and groovy grannies alike,
0:10:45 > 0:10:48another performing prisoner act for you. Twist and Pulse!
0:10:48 > 0:10:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Twist and Pulse.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17- Where's Twist?- I'm here.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19(RAPS) Every now and then I...
0:11:20 > 0:11:23I don't even rap... With their hands up.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Ever wanted something so bad, you would sell your soul?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30- Ready?- Yeah.- Go with it.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49# Saturday
0:11:49 > 0:11:50# Saturday
0:11:50 > 0:11:52# Saturday night
0:11:52 > 0:11:54# Saturday night... #
0:12:03 > 0:12:05# I've got a black BM
0:12:05 > 0:12:08# She got a white TT
0:12:08 > 0:12:09# She wanna see what's hiding
0:12:09 > 0:12:10# In my CK briefs... #
0:12:14 > 0:12:15# Oh Mickey, you're so fine
0:12:15 > 0:12:19# You're so fine you blow mind Hey, Mickey
0:12:19 > 0:12:20# Hey Mickey... #
0:13:00 > 0:13:03# Yo I'll tell you what I want What I really really want
0:13:03 > 0:13:05# So tell me what you want What you really really want
0:13:05 > 0:13:08# I want to huh, I want to huh I want to huh, I want to huh
0:13:08 > 0:13:11# I wanna really really really Wanna zigazig ah. #
0:13:20 > 0:13:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:24 > 0:13:26My word. There we are. What did you think of that?
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Let's find out right now.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Right then. Twist and Pulse,
0:13:32 > 0:13:34once described as the future of British entertainment.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Would you agree?
0:13:35 > 0:13:39I think they were really nice, cool and a bit crazy.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Did you like that in them, sir, that bit of craziness?
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Yeah, but I think they could improve it.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50At the moment, you think a bit more work, don't let them out?
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Yeah, don't let them out.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55- Have you ever thought about joining the prison service, sir?- No...
0:13:55 > 0:13:57cos I'm a kid.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- Tell us what you thought of Twist and Pulse. - They made my pulse twist
0:14:01 > 0:14:02and turn and I really love them.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04So score out of 10?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06- 11.- Marvellous.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Now, madam, what did you make of Twist and Pulse?
0:14:09 > 0:14:11- They were brilliant. - Really?- Fabulous act.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15- The sort of thing you'd pay money to see?- Definitely. Definitely.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18If they could show me a few moves as well, would be even better.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- Did you enjoy that?- Yes, the act was very robot-y and very funny.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24- Can you do that kind of dancing? - Erm...- Just show us.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28Stand up. Put your pad down. Just do us a little bit here.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31There you go. Look at that.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34- What did you think, lads? - CHEERING
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Liz, could you sum that act up for me in one word? One! Just the one.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40- Brillianto.- Brillianto, sir.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50It's time for the act that we call Solitary Confinement.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53SCREAMING
0:14:53 > 0:14:56All the screams and the wails, yes, Solitary Confinement,
0:14:56 > 0:15:00the darkest, deepest part of The Slammer where we keep the acts so terrible
0:15:00 > 0:15:03we can't let them out into the community. But if they do well,
0:15:03 > 0:15:05we let them out maybe for a little while and give them a treat.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09Today, the nice treat is a day's pass out of The Slammer.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11They can go out on the town, just for one day.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13But if they don't do well,
0:15:13 > 0:15:16they go back to the cell for a cruel and unusual punishment.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17Oh, Mr Burgess...
0:15:17 > 0:15:18HE SHOUTS
0:15:18 > 0:15:21What is today's cruel and unusual punishment?
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Today's is having their legs waxed
0:15:23 > 0:15:25whilst rehearsing the hokey cokey, sir.
0:15:25 > 0:15:31- Ooh. Who is to be the judge? A young person of discernment? - What about this young man here, sir?
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Yes, he looks discerning. Give him a round of applause, please.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Up he comes. Here we are.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37APPLAUSE
0:15:37 > 0:15:41Don't milk it. What's your name?
0:15:41 > 0:15:42- Ben.- Have you got a thumb.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Yes, you've got a thumb. That's what you need
0:15:44 > 0:15:48because it's time for Solitary Confinement. Come on.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28THEY BLOW RASPBERRIES
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Come on. Here we go.
0:16:33 > 0:16:34Here we are. Well...
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Now it's up to you young men to decide.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43Remember, thumbs up and it's a day off chokey.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Thumbs down, it's pulling hairs with the hokey cokey.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49LAUGHTER
0:16:49 > 0:16:53You've got five seconds to decide. Your time starts now.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54Oh, it's down.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58It's a down. Take 'em away. He's given them a sentence.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59Back to the cell.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01AUDIENCE BOOS
0:17:01 > 0:17:05- Go on. Nevermind threatening young people.- Start the punishment.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08WAXING NOISE
0:17:08 > 0:17:10MAN: Aagh! Aagh!
0:17:10 > 0:17:13< Uu-agh! Ugh!
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Ooh!
0:17:15 > 0:17:17< Aaaargh!
0:17:17 > 0:17:19That's what it's all about.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Give Ben a round of applause, as well.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26Well, on to our next performing prisoner act.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Put your hands together for two very clean convicts.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33It's Slosh!
0:17:33 > 0:17:35APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:17:41 > 0:17:44FAST, SLAPSTICK PIANO MUSIC PLAYS
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Paper!
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Ready? Whey-hup!
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Aaargh!
0:18:15 > 0:18:17AUDIENCE: Aw!
0:18:17 > 0:18:20APPLAUSE
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Shower!
0:18:31 > 0:18:34AUDIENCE SCREAMS
0:18:55 > 0:18:57AUDIENCE: Oh!
0:19:12 > 0:19:14AUDIENCE: Ugh!
0:19:21 > 0:19:25- My hat! My hat!- It's here.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28AUDIENCE SQUEALS
0:19:40 > 0:19:42AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Come down!
0:19:54 > 0:19:57AUDIENCE: Oh!
0:20:04 > 0:20:07AUDIENCE SCREAMS
0:20:08 > 0:20:12ROADRUNNER: Yabadee, yabadee, that's all, folks!
0:20:12 > 0:20:15APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:20:23 > 0:20:27Whatever you say about them, they were a very clean act, weren't they?
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Shall we let them out? What do you think?
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Slosh or slop?
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Truly, very, very, very weird.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40What was weird about it? It was old-fashioned entertainment.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44Well, they looked weird.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Would you like to take home some slosh?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49There you are.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53There we are, lovely. Did you enjoy the act?
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Yeah, they were stupidly entertaining.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59I'd have them to my house because they'd bring so much fun.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02- Madam.- Sir.- Did you enjoy it?- I did.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04- Should we set them free? - Set them free.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07We could do with happiness like that on the streets today.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10- We certainly could. - Did you enjoy Slosh?
0:21:10 > 0:21:13They were excellent and I'd like to see them again.
0:21:13 > 0:21:18- Sum that act up, Miss. - Flabbergasted.- Flabbergasted.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25It's the biggest choir we've ever had in The Slammer.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29Here they are, it's Pop Choir!
0:21:29 > 0:21:32APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:21:39 > 0:21:44# Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
0:21:44 > 0:21:48# Caught in a bad romance
0:21:48 > 0:21:52# Ra-ra, ah-ah-ah, roma-ro-ma-ma
0:21:52 > 0:21:54# Ga-ga, ooh, la-la
0:21:54 > 0:21:56# Want your bad romance
0:21:56 > 0:22:01# I want your horror, I want your design
0:22:01 > 0:22:03# 'Cos you're a criminal as long as you're mine
0:22:03 > 0:22:06# And I want your love
0:22:06 > 0:22:11# Love, love, love, I want your love
0:22:11 > 0:22:13# Hey!
0:22:13 > 0:22:16# I want your love and I want your revenge
0:22:16 > 0:22:19# You and me could write a bad romance
0:22:19 > 0:22:20# Oh, oh, oh, oh
0:22:20 > 0:22:23# I want your loving, all your lover's revenge
0:22:23 > 0:22:27# You and me could write a bad romance
0:22:27 > 0:22:32# Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
0:22:32 > 0:22:35# Caught in a bad romance
0:22:35 > 0:22:41# Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh, on-oh-oh
0:22:41 > 0:22:43# Caught in a bad romance
0:22:45 > 0:22:49# I want your love and I want your revenge
0:22:49 > 0:22:51# Je veux ton amour
0:22:51 > 0:22:54# I don't want to be friends
0:22:54 > 0:22:57# Want your romance
0:22:57 > 0:23:01- # Caught in a bad romance - Want your bad romance
0:23:01 > 0:23:04# I want your loving and I want your revenge
0:23:04 > 0:23:08# You and me could write a bad romance
0:23:08 > 0:23:09# Oh- oh- oh- oh
0:23:09 > 0:23:12# I want your loving, all your lover's revenge
0:23:12 > 0:23:16# You and me could write a bad romance
0:23:16 > 0:23:21# Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
0:23:21 > 0:23:23# Caught in a bad romance
0:23:23 > 0:23:29# Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
0:23:29 > 0:23:31# Caught in a bad romance
0:23:33 > 0:23:35# Ra-ra, ah-ah-ah-ah
0:23:35 > 0:23:37# Roma-ro-ma-ma
0:23:37 > 0:23:39# Ga-ga, ooh, la-la
0:23:39 > 0:23:41# Want your bad romance. #
0:23:41 > 0:23:47APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:23:47 > 0:23:52Round them up. There's hundreds of them
0:23:52 > 0:23:54But will they be going free?
0:23:54 > 0:23:58I hope so. Let's find out what you thought with Mr Burgess.
0:23:58 > 0:24:03- Pop Choir, Miss, what did you make of it?- Absolutely amazing.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Whoo!
0:24:05 > 0:24:09All right, settle down. Why was it amazing?
0:24:09 > 0:24:1424 of them singing all at once, dancing at the same time,
0:24:14 > 0:24:15it was amazing.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20- What did you think?- I thought it was brilltastically fantastical.
0:24:20 > 0:24:25- In real words, what did you think of that choir?- Amazing.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30- What about you, sir?- I thought it was very good.- Why did you like it, sir?
0:24:30 > 0:24:34- It was loud. - You like things loud, sir?- Yes.
0:24:34 > 0:24:40- SHOUTING: Do you prefer it like this, sir?- Yes.- Oh, right.
0:24:40 > 0:24:46- What about that choir? Your type of thing?- Very much so, lovely voices.
0:24:46 > 0:24:51- Shall we let them go?- Definitely. - They get your vote?- Yes.- Marvellous.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54- Sum that act up in one word, madam? - Melodious.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Thank you, Madam. Melodious.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00Brilliant, all those acts. Let's welcome them back on stage, please.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Granny Tourismo,
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Twist and Pulse,
0:25:05 > 0:25:10the brilliant clowns - Slosh, of course,
0:25:10 > 0:25:13and Pop Choir.
0:25:13 > 0:25:18Yes, you'll help decide who goes free with this Clap-o-meter.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20The more noise you make, the higher the score.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23First, in honour of all our groovy grannies,
0:25:23 > 0:25:27they were Granny Tourismo!
0:25:27 > 0:25:28APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Oh, yes. A good score.
0:25:31 > 0:25:3873.7 is actually the average of their age as well, so very good.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41Come over there, 73.7.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Next, two live wires.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46They got the place twisting and pulsing.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48They were Twist and Pulse!
0:25:48 > 0:25:50LOUD SCREAMING
0:25:54 > 0:25:59Wow! 90.4 for Twist and Pulse.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03What a score! They scorch into the lead.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07The next performing prisoners were my type of variety.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Let's hear it for Slosh!
0:26:09 > 0:26:14APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:26:14 > 0:26:18Sorry, lads, looks like you'll be back in your cell. Get wallpaper in.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22But a good score, they're a good act. 72.8.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Next the biggest act we've ever seen in terms of numbers at The Slammer.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29It was Pop Choir.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33AUDIENCE SCREAMS
0:26:33 > 0:26:39Yes! 76.7 but they haven't done enough.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43Scorching into the lead, going free, a fantastic act,
0:26:43 > 0:26:48Twist and Pulse, you're free to go. Off you go, lads.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Off you go, there they go.
0:26:50 > 0:26:55Yes, but the good news for all of you lot is it's teatime.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57What's for tea, Mr Burgess?
0:26:57 > 0:27:02Sir, I'm not going to stand here and say it's sloppy, ploppy porridge.
0:27:02 > 0:27:07- You're not?- No, I'm going to sit here and say it's sloppy, ploppy porridge.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11Take them back to their cells to their sloppy, ploppy porridge.
0:27:11 > 0:27:16Give them a big hand, Pop Choir, Slosh and Granny Tourismo.
0:27:16 > 0:27:21They go back to their cells, tucked up in bed, so take care of yourselves.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25Remember if you can't sing, dance or rhyme...
0:27:25 > 0:27:27ALL: ..Don't do the crime!
0:27:27 > 0:27:32Take care, everybody, bye-bye from The Slammer.
0:27:36 > 0:27:42# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer! #
0:27:42 > 0:27:45- We'd better let them out, sir. - Do we have to, Frank?
0:27:45 > 0:27:48I think we should, Sir.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52LAUGHTER
0:27:52 > 0:27:55- What the...?- Tea and crumpets?
0:27:57 > 0:28:00Well, seeing as we're here.
0:28:00 > 0:28:04KNUCKLES CRUNCH
0:28:04 > 0:28:07Subtitles by Red Bee Media.