0:00:02 > 0:00:05MR BURGESS: "Dear Mother, I hope you like the card I'm sending you this Christmas.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07"You can use it to prop up a wobbly table or fashion it
0:00:07 > 0:00:09"into an emergency sledge.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13"Also, we had a very special Christmas surprise today -
0:00:13 > 0:00:18"a festive Freedom Show featuring an host of mystery star guests.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20"They made the audience punch the air..."
0:00:20 > 0:00:22CHEERING "..stop and stare..."
0:00:22 > 0:00:25CHEERING "..and dance like Fred Astaire."
0:00:25 > 0:00:27CHEERING "I hate surprises."
0:00:28 > 0:00:32Right! Listen up! These are the facts.
0:00:35 > 0:00:40# You've been found guilty of a howling showbiz crime
0:00:40 > 0:00:45# So welcome to The Slammer where you're gonna serve your time
0:00:45 > 0:00:49# With every type of minstrel, entertainer and artiste
0:00:49 > 0:00:54# Performing to the limit to try and get released
0:00:54 > 0:00:58# So go and fetch the audience, bring them to The Slammer
0:00:58 > 0:01:02# And polish up your act, with a bit of glitz and glamour
0:01:02 > 0:01:07# Your fate is in their hands, so make them cheer and clamour
0:01:07 > 0:01:11# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer
0:01:11 > 0:01:16# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer! #
0:01:19 > 0:01:23December the 24th! Anyone feeling Christmassy yet?
0:01:23 > 0:01:25- No, sir.- Well, I couldn't feel more Christmassy
0:01:25 > 0:01:29if I turned into a big mince pie and poured cream on my cheeks.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Me too!
0:01:31 > 0:01:33HE LAUGHS
0:01:33 > 0:01:37Whoo! Should we open the count-down Christmas calendar?
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Here we go. Your turn to do the honours, Frank.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43I can hardly contain myself, sir, but I think I'll manage.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49HE LAUGHS
0:01:49 > 0:01:54Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Smile, Mr Burgess!
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Another Christmas memory we'll never forget.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Now, as it's Christmas Eve and all the Freedom Shows have been done for the year,
0:02:01 > 0:02:05I think, as a special treat, everyone can go home.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07ALARMS BLARE
0:02:07 > 0:02:10- Once I've dealt with that emergency admission.- Right!
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Positions, Meadows. This is an emergency code red AND white.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22- He came! I'm a magic fan!- All right, calm down, Meadows. He's a fraud.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24They all are.
0:02:25 > 0:02:30- Fake Santas?- Fantas. Yes. They were all caught in Operation White.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33We had a police crackdown on fibbing Father Christmases.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36- This lot might look cheery. ALL:- Ho, ho, ho!
0:02:36 > 0:02:38But not one of them is the real Santa.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41- ALL:- No, no, no!
0:02:41 > 0:02:43So un-Christmassy!
0:02:43 > 0:02:44BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- SANTAS LAUGH - You're right, Meadows.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50They've all been very naughty and not at all nice,
0:02:50 > 0:02:53but we can't let a few bad plums ruin the pudding.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Tomorrow's still Christmas.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- We're sorry, Governor. - Ah, you see, Mr Burgess.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02The power of Christmas goodwill...
0:03:02 > 0:03:04LAUGHTER
0:03:04 > 0:03:08- Certainly is powerful, sir.- Right! Get this lot down in the cells.
0:03:08 > 0:03:09Lock down the mince pies.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12There's no way I'm going to let a few cheeky Fantas ruin my mood!
0:03:12 > 0:03:14- ALL:- Go, go, go!
0:03:14 > 0:03:16SMASHING AND CRASHING
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Oh! My bauble!
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Mr Burgess! Meadows! Do something!
0:03:23 > 0:03:25What do you mean there's no room in The Slammer?
0:03:25 > 0:03:29The prison's full to bursting, sir. I've even had to stick one in the overflow.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- I just can't fit them all in, sir. - There's no choice, sir.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35We'll have to have an emergency Christmas Freedom Show.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38On Christmas Eve?! We're supposed to be hanging our stockings out.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- No - there's only one thing for it. Mr Burgess?- Ha!- Open that cell.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Yes, sir.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Other side, sir.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Attention, inmate! GRUNTS
0:03:50 > 0:03:53All right, Santa T Dog. It's the Governor.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- Who's the Governor?! - BOTH: YOU'RE the Governor!
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Oh, thanks very much.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- Now, get out of my office!- Right you are. Hey! Hold on a minute!- Yes?
0:04:01 > 0:04:03That's enough of your funny business.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Too late - I think you've stepped in some of my business.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- Now, that IS funny. - CYMBAL CRASHES
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Now, listen here, Dog.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12The Slammer's chock-full of fake Santas tonight,
0:04:12 > 0:04:15- and we need you to share. - Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Where would I put all me presents?
0:04:18 > 0:04:22- Ah, you bought all these to give to people for Christmas!- No.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25I bought them all for ME for Christmas!
0:04:26 > 0:04:29# On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love... #
0:04:29 > 0:04:30That's me. # Gave to me
0:04:30 > 0:04:33# Five meat pastes
0:04:33 > 0:04:36# Four meat paste logs
0:04:36 > 0:04:38# Three meat paste pies # Two meat paste cakes
0:04:38 > 0:04:40# And a meat paste dinner just for me. #
0:04:40 > 0:04:42NOT YOU!
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Well, it's not a very varied diet, I must say.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Gov, meat paste marzipan treat?
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Oh, abort! Mr Burgess, abort!
0:04:50 > 0:04:54Hang on a minute! Wait! You've not even tried the meat paste nog!
0:04:54 > 0:04:56THEY RETCH AND GROAN
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Don't worry, sir.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03- The smell of my shoe should take away the meaty stench.- Enough already!
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Oh, Meadows, get four of these acts backstage. Defrost my best suit.
0:05:09 > 0:05:13Christmas will have to wait. We are putting on a show.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Eugh.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19- ALARM BLARES - How do I look?
0:05:19 > 0:05:21- BOTH: Divine, sir. - Thank you very much.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23In that case, it's show time.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27Stop! Gov, what's up?
0:05:27 > 0:05:31- Oh, all these pesky Santas have made me hate Christmas!- No!
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Don't worry, sir. You'll soon get used to it.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Right, I'm going to make today's show so Christmassy,
0:05:36 > 0:05:38you can't help but get that tingle back.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40In fact, today, it's snow time!
0:05:43 > 0:05:45CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Oh!
0:05:47 > 0:05:51- ANNOUNCER:- Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to HMP Slammer Christmas,
0:05:51 > 0:05:55where you decide which fake Santa is to be released.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Now please welcome your host...
0:05:57 > 0:06:00He's got a broad face and a little round belly
0:06:00 > 0:06:03that shakes when he laughs, like sloppy, blobby jelly.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05..it's the Governor!
0:06:05 > 0:06:07CHEERING
0:06:19 > 0:06:22IMITATES HORSE NEIGHING
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Yo, ho, ho! Who's the Governor?
0:06:24 > 0:06:28- AUDIENCE:- You're the Governor!
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Great to see you for a Christmassy Freedom Show
0:06:30 > 0:06:32here in the Slammer, my jailers and jailbirds.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35We've got four fabulous acts, but to tell you the truth,
0:06:35 > 0:06:37I'm not feeling very Christmassy.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- AUDIENCE:- Awww.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42I think I've lost me Christmas mojo. If only I knew what a mojo was.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46But I'm hoping that our first act will cheer me up.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Now, remember, one of them is going to go free.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51You're going to decide with the Clap-o-meter a bit later.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55So, let's find out who is the first Christmas act here at the Slammer.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Officer Meadows?
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- It's the Three Ks!- Fantastic.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Well, singing for their freedom here on the Freedom Show,
0:07:04 > 0:07:08from CBBC's Wolfblood, as you've never seen or heard them before -
0:07:08 > 0:07:12all they want for Christmas is your applause - the Three Ks!
0:07:12 > 0:07:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:24 > 0:07:30# I don't want a lot for Christmas
0:07:30 > 0:07:35# There is just one thing I need
0:07:35 > 0:07:39# I don't care about the presents
0:07:39 > 0:07:42# Underneath the Christmas tree
0:07:42 > 0:07:46# I just want you for my own
0:07:46 > 0:07:51# More than you could ever know
0:07:51 > 0:07:57# Make my wish come true
0:07:57 > 0:08:04# All I want for Christmas
0:08:04 > 0:08:12# Is you, yeah
0:08:15 > 0:08:18# I don't want a lot for Christmas
0:08:18 > 0:08:21# There is just one thing I need
0:08:21 > 0:08:24# And I don't care about the presents
0:08:24 > 0:08:27# Underneath the Christmas tree
0:08:27 > 0:08:31# I don't need to hang my stocking
0:08:31 > 0:08:34# There upon the fireplace
0:08:34 > 0:08:37# Santa Claus won't make me happy
0:08:37 > 0:08:40# With a toy on Christmas day
0:08:40 > 0:08:43# I just want you for my own
0:08:43 > 0:08:47# More than you could ever know
0:08:47 > 0:08:50# Make my wish come true
0:08:50 > 0:08:53# All I want for Christmas
0:08:53 > 0:08:56# Is you
0:08:56 > 0:08:59# You, baby
0:08:59 > 0:09:03# I won't ask for much this Christmas
0:09:03 > 0:09:06# This is all I'm asking for
0:09:06 > 0:09:09# I just want to see my baby
0:09:09 > 0:09:12# Standing right outside my door
0:09:12 > 0:09:15# Cos I just want you for my own
0:09:15 > 0:09:19# More than you could ever know
0:09:19 > 0:09:22# Make my wish come true
0:09:22 > 0:09:27# All I want for Christmas
0:09:27 > 0:09:31# Is you
0:09:31 > 0:09:35# You, baby
0:09:35 > 0:09:41# All I want for Christmas is you, baby
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- # I, whoa - # All I want for Christmas
0:09:44 > 0:09:48- # Is you, baby - # Whoa
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- # All I want for Christmas - # Oooh
0:09:50 > 0:09:54# Is you, baby. #
0:09:54 > 0:09:58CHEERING
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Whoo!
0:10:02 > 0:10:06The Three Ks there. Well, will they get their Christmas wish?
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Let's find out from Mr Burgess.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Oh, the first set of fake Santas there, the Three Ks.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Miss, what did you make of them?
0:10:14 > 0:10:16I thought it was just really, really good.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20It was full of Christmas spirit and cheer, and it got everyone clapping.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Define "Christmas spirit" to me, miss.
0:10:23 > 0:10:28Happiness, enjoyment, getting everyone into the mood.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31No, these aren't ringing any bells for me at all.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33What did you think of the Three Ks, sir?
0:10:33 > 0:10:36I thought the Three Ks were a very good act.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40Their choice of song was very good for this time of year.
0:10:40 > 0:10:41Full of Christmas spirit.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45And for a final word, sum that act up for me, Christmas Pudding.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- Fantastic.- Fantastic. Ta!
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Well, that was your opinion of the Three Ks.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Perhaps they'll be going free.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- Who knows?- Uh, Gov? - Oh, what is it, Meadows?
0:10:55 > 0:10:58I've got a present here for you, to make you feel more Christmassy.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- Really? - Actually, it's for Mr Burgess.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Let him have it, guys!
0:11:02 > 0:11:04CHILDREN SHOUT
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Oh! Pack it up! Pack it up! I don't like Christmas!
0:11:07 > 0:11:12What you lot'll have for Christmas is a night in a cell here! Get off!
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Well, I must admit, that has made me feel a little bit more Christmassy,
0:11:16 > 0:11:18but I still need a bit more.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19I need a bit more.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23Maybe the next selection from our selection box will cheer me up.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Meadows, who's the next act?
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- It's Akai!- Marvellous!
0:11:28 > 0:11:32Jailers and jailbirds, do you love the 4 O'Clock Club on CBBC?
0:11:32 > 0:11:35AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Then you're going to love Akai!
0:11:37 > 0:11:39CHEERING
0:11:45 > 0:11:47# Eh, come here
0:11:47 > 0:11:50# All I want for Christmas
0:11:50 > 0:11:51# Let me talk to you for a minute
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- # All I want, all I want, want - # It's Princeton, Ray!
0:11:54 > 0:11:57# Your presence is the only present that I really wanted
0:11:57 > 0:11:59# It's priceless # Whatchu got on it?
0:11:59 > 0:12:00# Uh, comin' over?
0:12:00 > 0:12:02- # I got you something gorgeous - # Gorgeous
0:12:02 > 0:12:04# I've been saving up so I could afford it
0:12:04 > 0:12:06# I kinda overdid it
0:12:06 > 0:12:07# But I got Mistletoe wishes
0:12:07 > 0:12:09# Cocoa goddess, marshmallow kisses
0:12:09 > 0:12:12# Only thing been on my mind since Thanksgiving
0:12:12 > 0:12:14# Is getting your permission # Are you with it?
0:12:14 > 0:12:18# Kept close under the mistletoe
0:12:18 > 0:12:23# And we watched the moonlit shadow in the snow
0:12:23 > 0:12:26# And it was right then
0:12:26 > 0:12:28# The boy knew for sure
0:12:28 > 0:12:33# That I got exactly what I asked for
0:12:33 > 0:12:40# Because all I want for Christmas is my girl
0:12:40 > 0:12:45# All I want for Christmas, Christmas is my girl
0:12:45 > 0:12:50- # And I know I see angels - Angels
0:12:50 > 0:12:54- # When I look in your eyes - Eyes
0:12:54 > 0:12:59# When I wake on Christmas Day
0:12:59 > 0:13:03# You'll be my best surprise
0:13:03 > 0:13:05# Uh, uh, listen, shawty
0:13:05 > 0:13:07# It's wintertime Better button up
0:13:07 > 0:13:09# Tryin' to keep warm Everybody coupled up
0:13:09 > 0:13:12# Sittin' fireside Cocoa in the cup
0:13:12 > 0:13:14# We just hanging like the fringe on your Mukluks
0:13:14 > 0:13:17# Yeah, your presence here is a gift to me
0:13:17 > 0:13:19# Let the past be a wrap
0:13:19 > 0:13:22# Yeah, look, it's everybody already think we go together
0:13:22 > 0:13:23# That's what I'mma tell 'em
0:13:23 > 0:13:24# A'ight!
0:13:24 > 0:13:30# All I want for Christmas is my girl
0:13:30 > 0:13:34# All I want for Christmas, Christmas, is my girl
0:13:34 > 0:13:40# All I want for Christmas is my girl
0:13:40 > 0:13:44# All I want for Christmas, Christmas, is my girl. #
0:13:44 > 0:13:48CHEERING
0:13:48 > 0:13:52Whoa, Akai! Wonderful! Wow!
0:13:52 > 0:13:55You liked it, didn't you, jailers and jailbirds? Akai, yeah.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58He's going up to Scotland for New Year. They call it Hogmanay.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00- SCOTTISH ACCENT: - They call him "Akai the noo!"
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Ha-ha! Well, you liked him,
0:14:02 > 0:14:05but will he be going home in time for some Christmas turkey?
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Let's decide with Mr Burgess.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Was Akai smoothy and groovy enough for you, miss?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Yeah, I thought he was absolutely amazing.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17- You were screaming away there on the front row earlier, weren't you?- Yeah.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Yeah. GIGGLING
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Tell us what you thought, madam, about Akai.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24I loved it, and I liked how he did back flips, cos I can't even do them.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27- Would you give him a score out of 10?- 100.- 100 out of 10?!
0:14:27 > 0:14:29That's good math, that is, isn't it?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Man with antlers, final word. QUICK!
0:14:32 > 0:14:37- NOW!- FANTASTIC!- THANK YOU! Fantastic, sir.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Well, there's your views on Akai.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42Perhaps he'll be going free from the Slammer
0:14:42 > 0:14:43this special Christmas show.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46I'm still feeling a little bit un-Christmassy,
0:14:46 > 0:14:49but maybe the next act will cheer me up.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51I don't know, because they're a very strange act.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54It's the act that we call Solitary Confinement!
0:14:54 > 0:14:56HE MOANS
0:14:56 > 0:14:58DISTANT SCREAMING
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Oh, no! There's a hole in my Christmas stocking.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Yes, Solitary Confinement, where we let the acts that are too naughty,
0:15:04 > 0:15:07too horrible, really, to mix with everybody else here in the Slammer,
0:15:07 > 0:15:09but we let them perform.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12If they do well, they get a little treat.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15And today, the treat's going to be a nice bit of lace.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17- A little doily made of lace. - AUDIENCE:- Oooh.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21But if they don't do well, they get a cruel and unusual punishment.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23- Mr Burgess?- Ha!
0:15:23 > 0:15:27What is today's Christmas cruel and unusual punishment?
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Today, sir, it's being put into a Santa's sack
0:15:30 > 0:15:32and catapulted into outer space, sir.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Oooh, no-one wants to spend their Christmas hols like that, do they?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37But we do need a judge. Mr Burgess?
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Have we found somebody who looks like a suitable judge?
0:15:39 > 0:15:41What about you, miss? You look like a...young lady
0:15:41 > 0:15:45with a sensible judging head on your shoulders. Go and join the Governor.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Nice big round of applause, please, for our judge.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49CHEERING
0:15:49 > 0:15:52- Take that hat off.- Take that one off, put the wig of justice on.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56- Very good. There we are, Mr Burgess. What's your name?- Lauren.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57You're now Justice Lauren.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Hold up your thumb - you'll need that later, as we decide
0:16:00 > 0:16:03whether they're going to get a treat or be blasted into space,
0:16:03 > 0:16:07as we discover who our Solitary Confinement act...
0:16:07 > 0:16:13Well, from Splatalot!, it's Thorne, the human snowman maker!
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Come on. Here we go.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17AUDIENCE BOOS
0:16:20 > 0:16:25MUSIC: "Walking in the Air" by Celtic Woman
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Here we go!
0:16:29 > 0:16:31HE LAUGHS
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Yes, that's it!
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Lovely-jovely!
0:16:35 > 0:16:37AUDIENCE BOOS
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Oh, yes!
0:16:47 > 0:16:49CHILDREN BOO LOUDLY
0:16:51 > 0:16:53CHILDREN SQUEAL
0:17:00 > 0:17:04Come on, then! What do you think, boys and girls? Eh?
0:17:04 > 0:17:05AUDIENCE BOOS
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Poor man. Poor officer.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Someone look after poor Officer Wiggins there. Look at that.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Well done, Officer Wiggins. Well, I don't know. What of that?
0:17:14 > 0:17:16What of that? You're going to decide, though, now.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Are you ready to judge? Are you ready? OK.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Remember, you've got five seconds to decide. Get that thumb up there.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26OK, hold it level. Thumbs up - nice bit of lace.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Thumbs down - Christmas in space.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32What's it going to be? Your time starts now!
0:17:32 > 0:17:34- AUDIENCE:- Oooh.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Oh, it's down!
0:17:39 > 0:17:44Take him away. There we are. And you don't go away empty-handed either.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46You get something every person wants.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Yes, a signed picture of the Governor. And that's for you.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52And a big round of applause as well for Lauren for being our judge!
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Thank you! Merry Christmas!
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Marvellous!
0:17:56 > 0:18:02- SPACE CONTROL COMMANDER: - Five, four, three, two, one, zero.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Fire!
0:18:04 > 0:18:08Oh! Oh! Oooh!
0:18:08 > 0:18:10- He's on his way to Neptune. - Lovely, sir.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- Couldn't think of anywhere better to spend Christmas, sir.- Ha-ha!
0:18:13 > 0:18:15- Very good, Mr Burgess. Well done.- Thank you, sir.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Now, back to the Freedom Christmas Show,
0:18:17 > 0:18:19and our next performing prisoner.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21I've almost got me mojo back!
0:18:21 > 0:18:24I'm feeling quite Christmassy! Let's see if this act will do it for me.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Who is it, Meadows?
0:18:26 > 0:18:29- It's Fergus Flanagan!- Wow!
0:18:29 > 0:18:32From CBBC's Help! My Supply Teacher Is Magic,
0:18:32 > 0:18:35it's Fergus Flanagan!
0:18:35 > 0:18:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Boys and girls, are you ready to see some magic?
0:18:47 > 0:18:51- AUDIENCE:- Yeah!
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Now, this year, Santa has challenged me
0:18:54 > 0:18:59to escape from his Christmas grotto of gunge.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Now, I'm going to be chained to this table,
0:19:02 > 0:19:05and I'm going to have 30 seconds to escape.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09If I do not escape in time,
0:19:09 > 0:19:14that horrible, gooey gunge will be poured all over me.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18Now, I've also got an assistant. Nev the Bear!
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Hey! Hello! Hey! Yeah!
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Now, Nev is going to be in charge of the clock,
0:19:24 > 0:19:25which you're going to see in a second,
0:19:25 > 0:19:28which will tock down from 30 seconds.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31- Tick-tock, tick-tock!- Mr Burgess, could you assist me, please?
0:19:31 > 0:19:35- All right.- Mr Budgie. Hello, Mr Budgie!- It's BURGESS.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39- You know, Mr Budgie, kissy-kissy. - You want chaining up, lad.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41- Chain, please.- Oh, not that tight!
0:19:41 > 0:19:46- I'm frightened.- I'll say how tight!
0:19:46 > 0:19:47My favourite bit of the job.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50That gunge does not look good from here.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53- It really does not look good from here.- Right.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56As you can see, there's no way he's going anywhere.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00WHIMPERS
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- You ready, Mr Burgess? - Aye! Make sure this is secure.
0:20:07 > 0:20:08- Time - 30! - SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC
0:20:08 > 0:20:12- Take the stairs away.- Tick-tock! Tick-tock! Tick-tock!
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Tick-tock! Tick-tock! Tick-tock! Tick-tock!
0:20:14 > 0:20:16HE LAUGHS
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Magic!
0:20:21 > 0:20:23HE HUMS ALONG TO MUSIC
0:20:28 > 0:20:30NEV AND AUDIENCE COUNT DOWN
0:20:37 > 0:20:39SPLAT!
0:20:39 > 0:20:42AUDIENCE MEMBERS SQUEAL
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Uh-oh.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Merry Christmas!
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Well done, Fergus! Love you!
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Groovy!
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Now, Santa may be very magical,
0:21:02 > 0:21:04and Nev may be annoy...
0:21:04 > 0:21:05Oh!
0:21:05 > 0:21:07CHILDREN GASP AND LAUGH
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14All right, take it away.
0:21:16 > 0:21:21There we are. Well, Fergus and his little friend there, marvellous.
0:21:21 > 0:21:22Well, a magical act,
0:21:22 > 0:21:26but will he be disappearing out of The Slammer this Christmas?
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Let's find out with Mr Burgess.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Well, they say everyone's a critic.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33I thought it was absolutely spectacular.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37I liked how he got out in 30 seconds and you couldn't see him anywhere.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39But I liked how he came on and thought he'd got away with it,
0:21:39 > 0:21:41and then he got, like, splattered.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43- "He got, like, splattered."- Yeah.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Tell me all about Fergus Flanagan's act in your opinion.
0:21:46 > 0:21:50I thought his trick was outstanding. I thought it was gunge-tastic.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53I especially liked when he got slimed in the end.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56And for one final word, lady with the sparkly ears.
0:21:56 > 0:21:57- POSHLY:- Fabulous!
0:21:57 > 0:21:59POSHLY: Fabulous, sir.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Well, Fergus, will he be going free? Who knows?
0:22:02 > 0:22:04I'm feeling a bit jollier as well, a bit more Christmassy.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06- Not quite yet, though. - Uh, Governor?- Oooh!
0:22:06 > 0:22:09I've got a surprise cracker here for you and Mr Burgess.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11- AUDIENCE LAUGHS - Good heavens.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Where'd you get that from? Oh, thank you, Officer Chapman.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17I'll take that. Oooh, very good. Thank you very much.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20All right, then. Frank, ready - in three, two, one. Ready?
0:22:20 > 0:22:21- ALL:- Three! Two! One!
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Pull!
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Oh, hello. Oooh, look at that.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Oooh, it's a Christmas hat, there, boys and girls.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29- Who wants a big Christmas hat? - AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Me!
0:22:29 > 0:22:33You can have that. What else have we got, Frank? Oh, it's a big pencil.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36There you are. You can write me a nice Christmas letter.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40Oh, look, and a Christmas joke. There we are. You read it out to me.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43All right. "Where can Santa park?"
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- "Anywhere that's sleigh-and-display." - CYMBAL CRASHES
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Hey, hey! "Sleigh-and-display." Get it?
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Oh, dear, oh, dear. You take that joke. There you are.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54You know, Mr Burgess, that's almost cheered me up, it has.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57I tell you what - perhaps the final Christmas act
0:22:57 > 0:22:59will really cheer me up.
0:22:59 > 0:23:04Officer Meadows, who's our final performers on the Christmas Freedom Show?
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- It's Jedward!- Fantastic!
0:23:07 > 0:23:08Jailers and jailbirds,
0:23:08 > 0:23:13will you please welcome the two and only Jedward!
0:23:13 > 0:23:14CHEERING
0:23:23 > 0:23:26All right, guys. We want to wish you all a happy Christmas.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29- You guys excited about Christmas? AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:23:29 > 0:23:31He's John and I'm Edward, and together we are...?
0:23:31 > 0:23:33- AUDIENCE:- Jedward!
0:23:33 > 0:23:35This is Mistletoe.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37PLAYS UPBEAT INTRO
0:23:46 > 0:23:49# It's the most beautiful time of the year
0:23:49 > 0:23:52# Lights fill the streets spreading so much cheer
0:23:52 > 0:23:54# I should be playing in the winter snow
0:23:54 > 0:23:57# But I'mma be under the mistletoe
0:23:57 > 0:24:00# I don't want to miss out on the holiday
0:24:00 > 0:24:03# But I can't stop staring at your face
0:24:03 > 0:24:06# I should be playing in the winter snow
0:24:06 > 0:24:09# But I'mma be under the mistletoe
0:24:09 > 0:24:12# With you, shawty, with you
0:24:12 > 0:24:15# With you, shawty, with you
0:24:15 > 0:24:20# With you under the mistletoe
0:24:20 > 0:24:22# Eh, love, eh, love
0:24:22 > 0:24:25# The wise men followed a star
0:24:25 > 0:24:28# The way I followed my heart
0:24:29 > 0:24:32# And it led me to a miracle
0:24:32 > 0:24:34# Eh, love
0:24:34 > 0:24:37# Don't you buy me nothing
0:24:37 > 0:24:40# Cos I am feeling one thing
0:24:40 > 0:24:44# Your lips on my lips
0:24:44 > 0:24:46# It's a merry, merry Christmas
0:24:46 > 0:24:49# It's the most beautiful time of the year
0:24:49 > 0:24:52# Lights fill the streets spreading so much cheer
0:24:52 > 0:24:55# I should be playing in the winter snow
0:24:55 > 0:24:58# But I'mma be under the mistletoe
0:24:58 > 0:25:00# I don't want to miss out on the holiday
0:25:00 > 0:25:03# But I can't stop staring at your face
0:25:03 > 0:25:06# I should be playing in the winter snow
0:25:06 > 0:25:09# But I'mma be under the mistletoe
0:25:09 > 0:25:12# With you, shawty, with you
0:25:12 > 0:25:14# With you
0:25:14 > 0:25:18# Under the mistletoe. #
0:25:18 > 0:25:21CHEERING
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Give them a big cheer, there. Jedward!
0:25:28 > 0:25:31My word! Well, Jedward here in The Slammer.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33They want to be under the mistletoe.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Will they spend Christmas under the mistletoe
0:25:35 > 0:25:38or under the steely stare of Mr Burgess?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Let's find out from the man himself.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43Well, take the J, put it on the front of Edward,
0:25:43 > 0:25:44and you get Jedward.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48- You looked bored stiff throughout that.- I really enjoyed it and...
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- Could you let your face know next time?- Yeah.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Tell us about Jedward's performance.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58I thought they had great singing and the harmony was good that they sung.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Yeah? Can you tell which one is John and which one is Edward?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Um, not really. They look the same.
0:26:03 > 0:26:08For one final word, sum that act up for me, miss.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11- Awesome.- Really?- Yeah.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Oh, well. There you go. It's up to the public.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15"Awesome", sir.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Well, jailers and jailbirds, it's time to decide who's going free for Christmas.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Let's welcome them all back on the stage, please.
0:26:20 > 0:26:26Fergus Flanagan, the Three Ks, Akai and Jedward!
0:26:26 > 0:26:29- CHEERING - Whoa.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34- Only one act can go free. We'll decide now with this.- Now!
0:26:34 > 0:26:38What? What's that?! Hang on a minute. What's that?
0:26:38 > 0:26:42"Happy Christmas, Guv." Oh, isn't that wonderful?!
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Give them a big cheer. That's a lovely thing. Oh, wonderful.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Do you know, that's made me feel so Christmassy.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51I think not just one person should go free.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53I think ALL the acts should go free,
0:26:53 > 0:26:55don't you, jailers and jailbirds?
0:26:55 > 0:26:56- CHEERING - Yay!
0:26:56 > 0:26:59You're all going to go free for Christmas!
0:26:59 > 0:27:01But you know what, everybody?
0:27:01 > 0:27:04- There's only one sad thing, Mr Burgess.- What's that, sir?
0:27:04 > 0:27:07They won't be having your tea. What will they be having?
0:27:07 > 0:27:10- AUDIENCE:- Sloppy, bloppy porridge!
0:27:10 > 0:27:13- Ha-ha!- Oh, no, sir!- What?
0:27:13 > 0:27:16I'd actually ordered a proper big turkey with all the trimmings -
0:27:16 > 0:27:18chestnuts, stuffing, roast potatoes and all the veg, sir.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20What? Really?!
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Yeah, really. Chef! Stick it in the bin!
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Oh, no. Doesn't matter.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27It's still Christmas, everybody,
0:27:27 > 0:27:30so all that remains is from all of the fabulous acts here
0:27:30 > 0:27:34and everybody in The Slammer, may we wish you a...
0:27:34 > 0:27:39ALL: Very merry Christmas!
0:27:39 > 0:27:42Yay!
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Whoo!
0:27:45 > 0:27:47- Here we go. - VINYL RECORD SCRATCHES
0:27:47 > 0:27:50UPBEAT CHRISTMAS TUNE PLAYS
0:27:50 > 0:27:53CHEERING
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Merry Christmas, everybody! Bye-bye!
0:28:17 > 0:28:19ZOOM!
0:28:19 > 0:28:21Ho, ho, ho, ho!
0:28:23 > 0:28:27- Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho! - All right, Jedward.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30We've told you - you're free. Now go on - push off home.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33Go on! Back to your mother.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36ALARM BLARES