0:00:02 > 0:00:04'Dear Mum, thanks so much for sending my favourite earplugs.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06'To be honest, though, I don't really need them!
0:00:06 > 0:00:08'It's so quiet and tranquil here...'
0:00:08 > 0:00:11Come 'ere, you clown! CRASHING
0:00:11 > 0:00:12Hi, Mr Burgess!
0:00:12 > 0:00:13Do some work!
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Nice to see you, too!
0:00:15 > 0:00:19'Everyone here is so nice, and the Freedom Show has been amazing!'
0:00:20 > 0:00:22'One sent us to sleep.'
0:00:23 > 0:00:25'One was a total nightmare!'
0:00:26 > 0:00:28'But mostly it was a total dream!'
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Meadows, do some work! MOVE!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Thanks, Mr Burgess!
0:00:40 > 0:00:45# You've been found guilty of a howling showbiz crime
0:00:45 > 0:00:49# So welcome to the Slammer where you're gonna serve your time
0:00:49 > 0:00:53# With every type of minstrel, entertainer and artiste
0:00:53 > 0:00:58# Performing to the limit to try and get released
0:00:58 > 0:01:02# So go fetch the audience, bring them to the Slammer
0:01:02 > 0:01:07# And polish up your act with a bit of glitz and glamour
0:01:07 > 0:01:11# Your fate is in their hands so make them cheer and clamour
0:01:11 > 0:01:16# It's the only way you'll ever leave the Slammer
0:01:16 > 0:01:19# It's the only way you'll ever leave the Slammer! #
0:01:22 > 0:01:24They can't put him here, the man's a lunatic!
0:01:24 > 0:01:26A balloonatic, sir.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29This animal makes balloon animals out of helium so they float away.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Keeps making small children cry, sir.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34I love seeing their stupid little faces!
0:01:34 > 0:01:35Hah!
0:01:35 > 0:01:38I hate to burst your bubble...
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Oh, balloon, sir.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45I hate to burst your balloon, but you've kidded your last kid, kid.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Take him away, Mr Burgess!
0:01:47 > 0:01:49You won't be making any balloon animals in here!
0:01:49 > 0:01:50SQUEAKING AND AIR HISSES
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Oh, a rabbit!
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- You can have it if you like. - Oh, can I?!
0:01:56 > 0:01:57No.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59HE LAUGHS MANIACALLY
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Right! Solitary confinement, Frank!
0:02:02 > 0:02:04I've got you, Governor! I'll get you good for this!
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Never mind that, come on, out you go.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13All the twos, two little ducks, 22. Quack, quack.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17All the eights, two fat governors, 88.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Bingo! Yes!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Nooo!
0:02:24 > 0:02:28MANIACAL LAUGHING THE GOVERNOR'S SCREAM RISES IN PITCH
0:02:28 > 0:02:30- HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: - I suppose you find this funny?
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Not at all, sir.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36- Good! Because I'm the Governor, and I demand respect!- Yes, sir.
0:02:36 > 0:02:41Right, now, the Balloonatic is clearly more dangerous than we thought!
0:02:41 > 0:02:44The Freedom Show is tonight, how am I supposed to present it like this?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46I've got the voice of an eight-year-old girl!
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Shall I ask her if she wants it back, sir?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Why does nobody take me seriously?!
0:02:52 > 0:02:53You're absolutely right, sir.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56I shall move the balloonatic into the cell with the strongman, sir,
0:02:56 > 0:02:58with immediate effect - he won't get past him, sir.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02Right, well, see to it that you do.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05MR BURGESS SNORTS
0:03:09 > 0:03:12LAUGHING CONTINUES FROM INSIDE CELL
0:03:12 > 0:03:15I hate my job.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- Monkey! Monkey! - AIR HISSES
0:03:19 > 0:03:20Almost done!
0:03:23 > 0:03:25You can have it if you like.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Ooh-ooh-ooh! Can I?!
0:03:27 > 0:03:28No.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35What is going on in here?
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Colin, are you all right?
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Monkey's gone...
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Hello, Mother, it's me.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Teddy-kins.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51The Governor!
0:03:51 > 0:03:54What do you mean you'll call the police if I don't stop calling you?!
0:03:54 > 0:03:58Mother! Mother! Oh...
0:03:58 > 0:04:00MANIACAL LAUGHING APPROACHES
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Not again! Not you!
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Nooo!
0:04:11 > 0:04:13ALARM BLARES
0:04:13 > 0:04:15- What are you doing? - What do you think he's doing?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17He's stopping me floating away!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Some idiot let the balloonatic out!
0:04:19 > 0:04:22He's filled me up with helium!
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Don't just stand there gawping, get me down!
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Yes, sir!
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Sorry, sir, you're too full of hot air!
0:04:29 > 0:04:33The Freedom Show is in two minutes, Frank, think of something!
0:04:33 > 0:04:35There's nothing for it - we'll have to pop him.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Pop me?! Wait a minute!
0:04:37 > 0:04:39We could just burp him, like a baby.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41That might get the gas out...
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Pop me! Pop me!
0:04:42 > 0:04:43All right, sir.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Aaah!
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Oh, me bu...
0:04:54 > 0:04:55- NORMAL VOICE:- How do I look?
0:04:55 > 0:04:56- Divine, sir.- Fantastic.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58- It's divine.- Divine.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Thank you very much. In that case...
0:05:00 > 0:05:02it's show time!
0:05:04 > 0:05:07'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to HMP Slammer,
0:05:07 > 0:05:10'where you decide which prisoner is to be released.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13'Now, please welcome your host.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17'He puts the loon into balloon and the...into...
0:05:17 > 0:05:20'It's the Governor!'
0:05:20 > 0:05:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:05:36 > 0:05:37- HIGH-PITCHED:- Who's the Governor?
0:05:37 > 0:05:40AUDIENCE: You're the Governor!
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Ooh, I'm sorry, jailors and jailbirds.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45- HIGH-PITCHED:- Something a bit funny with my voice.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49- NORMAL VOICE:- I've tried sucking a lozenge but... Oh, that's better.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Oh, dear! Oh, jailors and jailbirds,
0:05:51 > 0:05:54we've got some marvellous performing prisoners for you.
0:05:54 > 0:06:00We've got a really wonderful piano act called Rockin' Raffi.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Whoo!
0:06:02 > 0:06:05I don't know why I'm doing that, I can only play the recorder.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08And we've got a magic act called Morgan and West.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Whoo!
0:06:10 > 0:06:13And if you don't clap, they'll make you all disappear.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15And we've got a very mysterious,
0:06:15 > 0:06:19strange fascinating act called Siro-A.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Whoo!
0:06:21 > 0:06:24But right now, they're a performing dog act,
0:06:24 > 0:06:25they're absolutely wonderful,
0:06:25 > 0:06:29would you please make some noise for Roncescu's Comedy Dogs?!
0:06:29 > 0:06:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:39 > 0:06:43RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYS
0:07:24 > 0:07:27DOGS BARK
0:08:45 > 0:08:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:50 > 0:08:52There we are!
0:08:52 > 0:08:56Go on, then, give him a big round of applause, jailors and jailbirds.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Wonderful! Oh...
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Well, there they are, Roncescu's Comedy Dogs.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Well, shall we "paws" for thought
0:09:05 > 0:09:09and see if they raised the "woof" with Mr Burgess?
0:09:09 > 0:09:13Well, dog acts, about as welcome in our house as a Simply Red album,
0:09:13 > 0:09:15but what did you think, sir?
0:09:15 > 0:09:17I thought the dogs did very well.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21- Were you particularly impressed that all the dogs had four legs, sir?- Yes.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Did you like Roncescu's Comedy Dogs?
0:09:23 > 0:09:26It was really entertaining, funny and cute.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30- What about you, miss? - It had lots of expression in it...
0:09:30 > 0:09:34- Oh, sir, I'm afraid the balloonatic's struck again, sir.- What do you mean?
0:09:34 > 0:09:37He's got her, sir. She sounds like an eight-year-old girl, sir.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- She is an eight-year-old girl, Frank.- Ah.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42And for one final word...
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- Miss?- Fantastic. - That'll do, thank you.
0:09:48 > 0:09:53Well, there we are, felon fans, Roncescu's Comedy Dogs.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Did they do enough to go free? We'll find out.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57I hope they go free, it costs us a fortune in dog food.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Next act to come, well, it's a marvellous performing prisoner act.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04He's only 11 years of age, jailors and jailbirds.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06He's a pianist, he's plays the piano wonderfully.
0:10:06 > 0:10:11He's serving 13 months in the Slammer for tinkling on the ivories.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Yeah, the audience didn't know where to look.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16So, jailors and jailbirds, will you please welcome
0:10:16 > 0:10:21the wonderful keyboard skills of Rockin' Raffi?
0:10:21 > 0:10:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:30 > 0:10:32# Well, it's one for the money
0:10:32 > 0:10:33# Two for the show
0:10:33 > 0:10:34# Three to get ready
0:10:34 > 0:10:36# Now, go, cat, go
0:10:36 > 0:10:39# But don't you step on my blue suede shoes
0:10:40 > 0:10:45# Well, you can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes
0:10:45 > 0:10:47# Well, you can knock me down
0:10:47 > 0:10:48# Step in my face
0:10:48 > 0:10:51# Slander my name all over the place
0:10:51 > 0:10:53# Do anything that I don't want to do
0:10:53 > 0:10:56# But uh-uh, honey, lay off of my shoes
0:10:56 > 0:10:59# But don't you step on my blue suede shoes
0:11:00 > 0:11:05# Well, you can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes
0:11:35 > 0:11:37# Well, it's one for the money
0:11:37 > 0:11:38# Two for the show
0:11:38 > 0:11:39# Three to get ready
0:11:39 > 0:11:40# Now go, go, go
0:11:40 > 0:11:45# But don't you step on my blue suede shoes
0:11:45 > 0:11:49# Well, you can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes
0:11:55 > 0:11:56# Whoo!
0:11:56 > 0:12:00# Don't step on my blue suede shoes, yeah. #
0:12:04 > 0:12:08There he goes. Wow, Rockin' Raffi, jailors and jailbirds.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Blue Suede Shoes, wonderful. I've got some red plastic flip-flops.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Well, I don't know, did you enjoy that act?
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Did he do enough to go free?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Did he hit the high notes, or was he a bit off-key?
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Let's find out with bebopper Burgess.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26Now, you, sir. Tinkling the ivories, what did you make of that?
0:12:26 > 0:12:29It was very good, brilliant and amazing.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Did you like the choice of number?
0:12:31 > 0:12:35Personally, I thought Jailhouse Rock might be
0:12:35 > 0:12:39a more appropriate tune for in here. Am I wasting that joke on you, sir?
0:12:39 > 0:12:40- Yeah.- Yes, I thought so.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44- Rockin' Raffi, did you like that act?- Yeah.- What was good about it?
0:12:44 > 0:12:48- He has fantastic fast fingers. - Fantastic fast fingers.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51The three Fs - fantastic fast fingers.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55So, sum that act up for me, sir, in one, just the one, final word.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59- Very good.- That's two, sir. - Good.- Good, good.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03Well, Rockin' Raffi, will he be rockin' out of the Slammer later?
0:13:03 > 0:13:06You will decide before me, prison appreciators.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10Now, onto the part of the Freedom Show that we call
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Solitary Confinement.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Aah! Ooh! Argh! Ooh!
0:13:16 > 0:13:19I don't like the pudding, Mummy. Yes!
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Solitary Confinement, acts that are so dreadful,
0:13:22 > 0:13:25we can't let them mix with the other people in the Slammer,
0:13:25 > 0:13:26we keep them to themselves,
0:13:26 > 0:13:29but we let them have a little perform every now and again,
0:13:29 > 0:13:32and if they do well, they get a treat, jailors and jailbirds, yes.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35And today, the treat is 50 pence.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Ooh!
0:13:37 > 0:13:39But if they don't do well, if they get the thumbs down,
0:13:39 > 0:13:43they get a cruel and unusual punishment, Mr Burgess.
0:13:43 > 0:13:44Hah!
0:13:44 > 0:13:48What is today's cruel and unusual punishment?
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Today, sir, it's being put into a sack
0:13:50 > 0:13:53and catapulted into outer space, sir.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Oh, I don't think I'd like that, would you, jailors and jailbirds?
0:13:56 > 0:14:00But we do need a judge. Mr Burgess, could you select somebody of wisdom?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Well, this young gentleman here. Sir, you look like a judge.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Let's fit you with the wig. Walk this way, sir.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Give him a round of applause, please, there we are.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15- You're the judge. Now then, Mr Judge, what's your name?- Finlay.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Judge Finlay is sitting in court.
0:14:17 > 0:14:22You're going to decide now what happens to the Solitary Confinement
0:14:22 > 0:14:28performer, because it is time for Solitary Confinement!
0:14:35 > 0:14:38MUSIC: "Nessun Dorma" by Puccini
0:14:43 > 0:14:47HE MIMES
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Thank you, thank you, get him off.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Come on, there we are. What do you think?
0:15:11 > 0:15:15Oh, dear, well, they say in space, no-one can hear you scream.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Can't hear you sing either by the sounds of it.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Well, there we are, our Solitary Confinement performer,
0:15:20 > 0:15:21I told you they were a bit dodgy,
0:15:21 > 0:15:25but it's up now to Judge Finlay, looking very distinguished there,
0:15:25 > 0:15:29to decide thumbs up or thumbs down, so get that thumb ready.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Remember, thumbs up, a few bob in their pocket.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Thumbs down, off like a rocket.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Your time starts now. Five seconds.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Is it up? Is it down?
0:15:44 > 0:15:49Oh! It's thumbs down. Take him away.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53Up into space in a sack fired from a catapult, but the good news
0:15:53 > 0:15:56is for Judge Finlay, you don't go away empty-handed.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58No, Officer Meadows has got something for you.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02Look at that, it's a signed photo of the Governor, isn't that lovely?
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Lovely, yes.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Put that on the mantelpiece, keep everybody else away from the fire.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Give Judge Finlay a round of applause, please,
0:16:08 > 0:16:10thank you very much indeed.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12- Wonderful.- Thanks for procedure.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16'Five, four, three, two, one...'
0:16:16 > 0:16:18FIRE!
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Oh, well, at least he's dressed for it.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Now, the next act is a marvellous act,
0:16:26 > 0:16:30but what will you think of the magical skills of Morgan and West?
0:16:31 > 0:16:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:40 > 0:16:44- Hello, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Rhys Morgan.- I am Robert West.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46BOTH: Together, we are Morgan and West!
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- Magicians...- Time travellers.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51..and all-round spiffing chaps and to...
0:16:53 > 0:16:54Is that an apple?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Bing.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02- This is our chance at freedom, and you are eating an apple.- Bing.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06- Is there an apple for me?- Bfff.- No.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11- This trick uses one teacup...- Bing. - ..and one sugar cube.- Bfff.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13- One imitation sugar cube.- Bfff.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16One scrunched-up ball of tissue paper for purposes
0:17:16 > 0:17:17of visibility from the back.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20- Bing.- The trick is a simple one. - Bfff.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23- To begin, I simply place the sugar cube...- Bfff.- ..ball...
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- Bfff.- ..of tissue... - Bing.- Thank you.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29..underneath the cup, snap my fingers
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- and the tissue disappears.- Bing.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34- Gosh. How clever.- Bfff.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Uh, yes, if I were to snap my fingers again,
0:17:37 > 0:17:43- then the tissue would reappear underneath the cup.- Bing.- Right.
0:17:43 > 0:17:44- I am getting good at this.- Bfff.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- I am getting the hang of this.- Bfff.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51I am trying my best.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Bfff.
0:17:57 > 0:18:02Mr West is about to go "Bfff."
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Ha-hm.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14So, if I take the tissue and put it into my pocket...
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- Bing.- ..then it will, of course, appear underneath the cup...
0:18:17 > 0:18:21- Bing.- ..whereas if I take the tissue and hold on to it nice and tightly...
0:18:21 > 0:18:25- Bfff.- ..then it also appears underneath the cup.- Bing.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Right, got it. So I take the tissue, I put it into my pocket.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- Bing.- The tissue then, of course, travels invisibly...
0:18:31 > 0:18:33- Bfff.- ..only to appear underneath...
0:18:35 > 0:18:38..underneath the cup.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Bing.
0:18:46 > 0:18:51Gosh, no idea. Um, yes, you, sir, you look willing to participate.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- Bing.- So if I take the tissue and do as follows...
0:18:55 > 0:18:58..would you say that the tissue was underneath the cup...
0:18:58 > 0:19:03- Bing.- ..or would you say that the tissue was in my pocket?- Bfff.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06- Is it in the cup?- Underneath the cup.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09I am terribly sorry, sir, but since you have suggested the tissue
0:19:09 > 0:19:12is underneath the cup, we will, of course, locate it in my pocket...
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- Bing.- ..whereas had you suggested it were to be observed in my pocket,
0:19:15 > 0:19:19- we would have found it to be, as you originally suggested, underneath the cup.- Bing.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21I have a theory, I have been thinking about this.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25I believe that this is because the tissue truly is in my pocket...
0:19:25 > 0:19:30- Bing.- ..and I believe that the tissue truly is underneath the cup. - Bing.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Which does, of course, call into question our very notion of truth.
0:19:33 > 0:19:38And also calls into question where on earth the apple comes from.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:19:43 > 0:19:45There we are, take them away.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Morgan and West, give them a big hand, jailors and jailbirds, yes.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Well, Morgan and West, did they do enough?
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Are they going west out of the Slammer? Let's find out.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56- Abracadabra, it's Mr Burgess.- Ha!
0:19:56 > 0:19:59What about Ray Mears here? What have you got to say about it?
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Right, what did you make of the act, sir?
0:20:03 > 0:20:05- I think it's the best act so far. - Right.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08So, you think that those two gentlemen are in the running
0:20:08 > 0:20:10- for release today?- Yeah.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Morgan and West, were they the best?
0:20:12 > 0:20:17- No, I actually thought they were a bit boring.- Oh, really?
0:20:17 > 0:20:21Because it didn't go anywhere and it was just about...
0:20:21 > 0:20:25They can't go anywhere, they're stuck in the Slammer.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28- Sum that act up for me in one final word, miss.- Extraordinary.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Extraordinary, sir!
0:20:30 > 0:20:34- HIGH-PITCHED:- Well, there we are. Oh, Morgan and West.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Oh, sorry about that, I...
0:20:37 > 0:20:39HE BELCHES
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- NORMAL VOICE:- Oh, I do apologise, the helium gas is repeating on me.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45Ooh, that's a bit better.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49Right, onto our final performing prison act, jailors and jailbirds.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53Put your hands together and welcome Siro-A!
0:20:53 > 0:20:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:59 > 0:21:02TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS
0:23:29 > 0:23:32CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:23:32 > 0:23:34There we are, marvellous!
0:23:34 > 0:23:37What a sensational act, brilliant. Will they be staying?
0:23:37 > 0:23:41Will they be going? Will we be saying "sayonara" to Siro-A?
0:23:41 > 0:23:44- Let's find out with Mr Burgess.- Ha!
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Siro-A. Much cop?
0:23:48 > 0:23:50- Huh?- Thank you.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55- Miss?- Well, I thought it was weird and clever
0:23:55 > 0:23:57and different from all the other acts.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00- Do you feel it was innovative and original, miss?- Yeah.
0:24:00 > 0:24:05- How would you describe that act? - Slammalicious.- Slammalicious, yes.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09- And for one final word, sum that act up for me, miss.- Confusing.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Confusing, sir.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Right, jailors and jailbirds, you've seen all the acts.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18Now, it's time to decide who goes free, their debt to society paid.
0:24:18 > 0:24:19Will you welcome them back on?
0:24:19 > 0:24:23First of all, Roncescu's Comedy Dogs, Rockin' Raffi,
0:24:23 > 0:24:28Morgan and West, Siro-A, there they are.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30Marvellous.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33There's all your performing prisoners, weren't they brilliant?
0:24:33 > 0:24:34But only one act can go free.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38The first act were sensational, you seemed to love them.
0:24:38 > 0:24:39Will they all be going free?
0:24:39 > 0:24:44Please show your woofing applause for Roncescu's Comedy Dogs!
0:24:44 > 0:24:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:50 > 0:24:55Whoa! What a great score there. Look at that, Officer Meadows, 91.4.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59That's good, that's good. OK, 91.4.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Next, we had a wonderful act, only very young,
0:25:01 > 0:25:05in fact, a few 11-year-olds in the audience, that's how old he was.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Will he be going free? It's Rockin' Raffi!
0:25:08 > 0:25:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:14 > 0:25:17What a great score! He goes into the lead with 92.8.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Well done, young man.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23Well, next, a very unusual act, sort of time travellers,
0:25:23 > 0:25:25weren't they? Will they be travelling out of the Slammer?
0:25:25 > 0:25:30Your appreciation, please, jailors and jailbirds, for Morgan and West!
0:25:30 > 0:25:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Oh, good score, but just 71.4. Don't worry, lads.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41I think you'll be staying for tea.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Well, ladies and gentlemen, jailors and jailbirds,
0:25:44 > 0:25:48will you please show your applause, your appreciation for Siro-A?!
0:25:48 > 0:25:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:56 > 0:25:58It's close.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01It's close, let's have a look, they scored 91.9,
0:26:01 > 0:26:04but that means just in the lead with 92.8,
0:26:04 > 0:26:08going free, it's Rockin' Raffi!
0:26:08 > 0:26:12He's free, take him away. Off you go. The rest of you...
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- Rockin' Raffi's going free. Mr Burgess.- Ha!
0:26:15 > 0:26:19It's always sloppy, ploppy porridge. What's for tea today?
0:26:19 > 0:26:22Well, sir, today, there's a multi choice.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24You can have the menu in envelope A or the menu in envelope B.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Which would you like, sir?
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Well, I'll decide, menu A... I'll have menu...B.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33- Menu B, sir, let's have a look.- Oh, what's it going to be?- There we go.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36- Oh, sloppy, ploppy porridge, sir. - Oh, I might have known it.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39- Hey, hang on, what's in menu A? - Sloppy, ploppy porridge, sir.
0:26:39 > 0:26:40Right, go on, get them off.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Give them a big hand there, jailors and jailbirds.
0:26:43 > 0:26:44Very good, great acts.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Wonderful. Well, there they are, that's another Freedom Show over.
0:26:49 > 0:26:54One more act reformed and returned to society, their debt paid.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Join us again soon here with all the gang at the Slammer for more fun
0:26:57 > 0:27:01and remember, if you can't sing, dance or rhyme...
0:27:01 > 0:27:03AUDIENCE: Don't do the crime!
0:27:03 > 0:27:06And we'll see you soon for more showbiz fun on the Slammer.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Bye-bye, jailors and jailbirds!
0:27:08 > 0:27:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Well, sir, another great Freedom show.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Ah, thank you, Officer Meadows,
0:27:27 > 0:27:30and the balloonatic is safely locked up in solitary confinement,
0:27:30 > 0:27:34and I think I'm finally getting rid of that helium gas.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37- Oh, much better. - STOMACH GRUMBLES
0:27:37 > 0:27:42- Ooh. Noooooooo! - AIR HISSES
0:27:47 > 0:27:51- HIGH-PITCHED:- Ahhh! Ah! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
0:27:52 > 0:27:55- What?- It's in my nose! Do something!
0:27:55 > 0:27:58Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd