0:00:02 > 0:00:05Hey, blog fans, whoever you are! No, seriously, who are you?
0:00:05 > 0:00:06Are you my mum?
0:00:06 > 0:00:10Or maybe you're secret agents from MI5 spying on me?!
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Whichever you are, click "Like."
0:00:12 > 0:00:15I'm about to post some clips of today's Freedom Show.
0:00:15 > 0:00:16It was rocking...
0:00:17 > 0:00:18..shocking...
0:00:18 > 0:00:20and for one act, freedom came knocking!
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Ooh, and if you are MI5,
0:00:24 > 0:00:27no pressure, but I would make an amazing spy!
0:00:29 > 0:00:31See what I mean?
0:00:35 > 0:00:39# You've been found guilty of a howling showbiz crime
0:00:39 > 0:00:43# So welcome to The Slammer where you're gonna serve your time
0:00:45 > 0:00:48# With every type of minstrel, entertainer and artiste
0:00:48 > 0:00:52# Performing to the limit to try and get released
0:00:52 > 0:00:57# So go and fetch the audience, bring them to The Slammer
0:00:57 > 0:01:01# And polish up your act, with a bit of glitz and glamour
0:01:01 > 0:01:06# Your fate is in their hands, so make them cheer and clamour
0:01:06 > 0:01:10# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer
0:01:10 > 0:01:15# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer! #
0:01:18 > 0:01:20TV BLARES
0:01:22 > 0:01:26Ooh, this Antiques Hunter is scarily bad telly!
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Look at it go! What would you pay?
0:01:28 > 0:01:31THEY SCREAM
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Maybe next week we should stick to something less upsetting.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Ooh, like Zombie Apocalypse 4: Zombie Mopeds!
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Sounds great. I love anything scary, me.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42HE SCREAMS
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Ha, brilliant!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47In fact, I've chosen a monstrous finale
0:01:47 > 0:01:49for this week's Freedom Show - Monster Mayhem!
0:01:49 > 0:01:51- Ooh!- Not THE Monster Mayhem, sir?
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Yes, I can't wait!
0:01:54 > 0:01:57In that case, I shall presume you haven't seen the act, sir?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59ROARING
0:01:59 > 0:02:01SHE ROARS
0:02:01 > 0:02:03So, what do you think? Scary, or what?
0:02:05 > 0:02:07If I'm being perfectly honest...what.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09And if you're being dishonest?
0:02:09 > 0:02:13The thing is, Clarissa, I don't think your one-woman monster show...
0:02:13 > 0:02:15"Guaranteed to scare your head off!"
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Yeah, I don't think you're ready to be released into normal society yet.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Or even ABNORMAL society.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Guv, come on, give her a chance!
0:02:23 > 0:02:26No, it's fine, love. If the Governor says I'm not good enough,
0:02:26 > 0:02:28I won't let it get me down.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31I mean, I should be used to rejection by now.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33How else did I end up in here?
0:02:33 > 0:02:37- SAD VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYS - It was all going so well at first.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40I landed my dream role in Doctor Who, playing a Dalek.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43But someone swapped my plunger for a loo brush!
0:02:43 > 0:02:47Then I got a part in Lord Of The Rings as an evil oak tree...
0:02:47 > 0:02:49but they said my acting was wooden!
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Then I was in Star Trek, as a Klingon...
0:02:52 > 0:02:54but I kept dropping off!
0:02:54 > 0:02:58All right, all right, she's back in the show!
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Yeah, and you can pack that in for a start!
0:03:01 > 0:03:02But she's rubbish, sir!
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Thanks, Guv. I promise I'm going to scare the crowd stupid!
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Great! But don't call me stupid.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11I bet Clarissa wins the whole Freedom Show!
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Oh, do you now, Meadows? Perhaps you'd like to make it
0:03:13 > 0:03:14a little bit interesting?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Oh, well, I can street dance.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18No, how about a little wager?
0:03:18 > 0:03:20If Clarissa DOESN'T win the whole show,
0:03:20 > 0:03:23then you can clean out the toilets for a week.
0:03:23 > 0:03:24- Fine!- Blindfolded!
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- Fine!- With a toothpick!
0:03:26 > 0:03:28- Can I think about..? - Shake my hand!
0:03:30 > 0:03:34Right, you have to win today, otherwise I'm in it up to my elbows
0:03:34 > 0:03:35and all round my chin!
0:03:35 > 0:03:37So, show me what you've got.
0:03:37 > 0:03:42Stand back, Ms Meadows, I'm going to scare his brains out!
0:03:42 > 0:03:44TENSE MUSIC PLAYS
0:03:44 > 0:03:47SHE ROARS HE LAUGHS
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Clarissa, I've just realised something.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53You really are rubbish...
0:03:53 > 0:03:56which gives me a fabulous idea!
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Are you sure about this, Ms Meadows?
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Er...no.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06But doesn't that make things extra exciting?!
0:04:06 > 0:04:10Oh, I hear her latest rehearsal was funnier than a Yeti in a car wash.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Still, don't be too hard on yourself, Meadows.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Let me do that for you!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Oh, yes, and by the way,
0:04:17 > 0:04:21I've just requested that tonight is sloppy ploppy curry night!
0:04:21 > 0:04:24So those toilets will need a really deep clean.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Mmm, make sure you get right under the rim.
0:04:27 > 0:04:32HE HUMS
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Right, let's try the new act from the beginning.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37And, remember, think "Funny!"
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Well, I'm glad to see one smiling face!
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Yes, you look very happy, Meadows. Don't!
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Now, are you ready for a monstrously good show?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- How do I look? - BOTH:- Gruesome, sir!
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Thank you very much. In that case...
0:04:51 > 0:04:52it's Showtime!
0:04:52 > 0:04:54LIGHTNING SIZZLES
0:04:54 > 0:04:55I'm alive!
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Ooh, steady, lad!
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Down boy! Down boy! Good boy! Good boy!
0:04:59 > 0:05:03ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to HMP Slammer,
0:05:03 > 0:05:07where you decide which prisoner is to be released.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Now, what's that coming over the hill?
0:05:10 > 0:05:14It's a monster - a showbiz monster!
0:05:14 > 0:05:15It's the Governor!
0:05:15 > 0:05:19CHEERING
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Yeah! Who's the Governor?
0:05:31 > 0:05:33AUDIENCE: You're the Governor!
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Oh, my little Jailors and Jailbirds,
0:05:35 > 0:05:38great to see you for another Freedom Show,
0:05:38 > 0:05:42where you decide who's going free from The Slammer.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45We've got a very interesting group. How can I describe them?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48They make music with pipes - they're called Strokes.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51AUDIENCE OOHS
0:05:51 > 0:05:54We've got a gravity-defying act that does basketball.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56They defy the laws of gravity and, funnily enough,
0:05:56 > 0:05:58they're called Lords of Gravity.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01AUDIENCE OOHS
0:06:01 > 0:06:03And then, a very scary act called Monster Mayhem!
0:06:03 > 0:06:06AUDIENCE SQUEALS
0:06:06 > 0:06:08But right now, to get things really rocking,
0:06:08 > 0:06:09Jailers and Jailbirds,
0:06:09 > 0:06:13we've got a very, very unusual act. He does everything!
0:06:13 > 0:06:14Yes, it's Steve Rawlings!
0:06:14 > 0:06:18APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Yes, thank you!
0:06:24 > 0:06:27OK, I'd like to begin with a quick trick
0:06:27 > 0:06:30that hasn't been performed in about 60 years.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33HE GUFFAWS
0:06:33 > 0:06:37I am, in fact, talking about furniture juggling.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Hands up if you actually believe I can juggle this.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44All right. Hands up if you couldn't care less.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46LAUGHTER
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Let's tell this like it really is!
0:06:48 > 0:06:51A nice, slow, handclap. Come on. Nice and loud.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54THEY CLAP SLOWLY Now, let's go!
0:06:57 > 0:07:00AUDIENCE WHOOPS AND CHEERS
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Big finish!
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Yes! CHEERING
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Thank you.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11The whole show is, by the way, in 3-D.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14I'm going to juggle some fire now.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18Um, in the event of a fire, stay exactly where you are.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Eventually, there'll be exits everywhere!
0:07:21 > 0:07:25HE GUFFAWS LAUGHTER
0:07:25 > 0:07:29Now, you can all clearly see for yourselves it is real fire.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31No, uh...
0:07:31 > 0:07:33gng-gng-gng-gng...
0:07:33 > 0:07:36ho-ho! HE GUFFAWS
0:07:36 > 0:07:37Warm-up exercise number two...
0:07:40 > 0:07:43LAUGHTER
0:07:43 > 0:07:47Not to be done into the wind!
0:07:47 > 0:07:49For... HE GUFFAWS
0:07:49 > 0:07:52I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Well..."
0:07:52 > 0:07:54AUDIENCE GASPS
0:07:54 > 0:07:57"..he wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't..."
0:07:57 > 0:07:58Flaming idiot!
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Another three months, then, is it? Here we go.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07CHEERING
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Whee!
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Oh!
0:08:20 > 0:08:23SCREAMING Pretty good, eh?!
0:08:23 > 0:08:26HE GUFFAWS
0:08:26 > 0:08:29I know what you're thinking now.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30"How can he be so cool?"
0:08:30 > 0:08:33SCREAMING
0:08:33 > 0:08:36HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS
0:08:36 > 0:08:38LAUGHTER
0:08:38 > 0:08:39Fine!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I'm stood here, burning to death, and you're all going,
0:08:42 > 0:08:44"Oh, don't tell him - that's very funny!"
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Here we go.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Ooh-eeh!
0:08:50 > 0:08:53AUDIENCE OOHS
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Big finish!
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Yes! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:09:03 > 0:09:07Come on, let's hear it for Steve Rawlings!
0:09:07 > 0:09:09- APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Wow!
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Now listen, everybody...
0:09:11 > 0:09:15EVERYBODY - do not try that at home,
0:09:15 > 0:09:17and don't ever play with fire.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Steve Rawlings is highly-trained, of course.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Well, he certainly felt the heat,
0:09:22 > 0:09:23but will he be getting out the cooler?
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Let's find out with Mr Burgess.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29Right, Steve Rawlings, fire and juggling - any good?
0:09:29 > 0:09:34Yeah, it were very dangerous, and that's what was fantastic about it.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Steve Rawlings - the kind of act you're looking for?
0:09:36 > 0:09:38- Yeah.- Yeah? What was good about him?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41I think it was funny when he burnt the table,
0:09:41 > 0:09:44and it was unbelievable how he chucked the fire around.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47And for one final word on Steve Rawlings,
0:09:47 > 0:09:49sum that act up for me...ha!
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Tremendous!
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Tremendous, then, sir.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Well, that's what you thought of Steve Rawlings,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58my little convicted vaudevillian evaluators.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02Still lots to come on the Freedom Show, including Monster Mayhem.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05AUDIENCE OOHS
0:10:05 > 0:10:07But right now, we've got a sensational act
0:10:07 > 0:10:10hoping to win their freedom from The Slammer.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12They're musical, they're different,
0:10:12 > 0:10:14I hope you love 'em, Jailers and Jailbirds.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16They're called Strokes!
0:10:16 > 0:10:18APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:10:25 > 0:10:28THEY TAP OUT A RHYTHM
0:10:30 > 0:10:33AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG
0:10:35 > 0:10:38THEY TAP TO TUNE OF "I LIKE TO MOVE IT" BY REEL 2 REAL
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Move it!
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Move it!
0:10:58 > 0:11:03TUNE CHANGES TO THEME FROM "MISSION IMPOSSIBLE"
0:11:29 > 0:11:31THEY ALL STOP BUT ONE
0:11:31 > 0:11:34HE TAPS OUT A QUIET DRUM ROLL
0:11:42 > 0:11:44LAUGHTER
0:11:50 > 0:11:52RHYTHM STARTS TO BUILD
0:11:56 > 0:12:00TUNE BECOMES THEME FROM "ROCKY"
0:12:20 > 0:12:24APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:12:24 > 0:12:28There we are! Ohh!
0:12:28 > 0:12:29Hey, well, different Strokes!
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Strokes there - weren't they wonderful?
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Do you know, I was wondering what happened to all the pipes
0:12:34 > 0:12:37from the radiators in The Slammer. It's been freezing in here.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Ooh! But did they warm you up enough to go free?
0:12:39 > 0:12:40Let's find out with Mr Burgess.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Right!
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Strokes - entertainment, sir,
0:12:44 > 0:12:46or just blokes banging plumbing equipment about?
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- I found it entertaining. - In what way?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52They made some good tunes with the pipes and metal.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Could you pick out some of those tunes for us, sir?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57The 'Moving' thing from Madagascar.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- The 'Moving' thing from Madagascar? - I Like to Move...thing.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Even I know that, sir. I Like To Move It, Move It?
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- Yeah, that one. - Do you like to Move It, sir?
0:13:06 > 0:13:07- Not really.- Right, well, let's move on then.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09What did you think of Strokes, madam?
0:13:09 > 0:13:13I've never seen anything like it before. It was really interesting.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- Could they have improved it in anyway?- No.- No.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Right, and for one final word, sum that act up for me, sir.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21- Mind-blowing. - That's two words, sir!
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Stand up, say it with gusto, and I'll allow it.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25- HE YELLS - Mind-blowing!
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Thank you! Mind-blowing, sir!
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Well, Jailers and Jailbirds, that's what you thought of Strokes.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Will they be going free? You'll decide...
0:13:33 > 0:13:35How's that monster act of yours coming on, Meadows?
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Still as scary as a kitten on a cushion, hmmm?
0:13:38 > 0:13:43Hmm, how would you like to double our little wager, Mr B?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46TWO weeks of toothpick toilet hell, if she doesn't win.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49And who says Christmas only comes once a year?!
0:13:49 > 0:13:54Now, onto to the part of the show that we call Solitary Confinement!
0:13:54 > 0:13:59Oh, no, Mummy, don't cut my hair like that.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Yes, Solitary Confinement,
0:14:01 > 0:14:06where we let a performing prisoner - or prisoners - perform on the stage.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08We can't let them go free, because they're really too terrible.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10But we let them have a little go.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12And if they do well, they get a treat.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Today's treat is they get a bottle of ginger beer.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17- Isn't that nice, one each?- Ooh! - Nice and refreshing.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20But, if they don't do well, well...
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- they receive a cruel and unusual punishment. Mr Burgess?- Sir!
0:14:23 > 0:14:26What is today's cruel and unusual punishment?
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Today, sir, it's being chucked into a hessian sack
0:14:29 > 0:14:31and fired into outer space under my command, sir!
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Ooh, who'd like that? Not me, for starters.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37- Well, first of all, we need a judge. - Indeed, sir.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39This young lady here looks like she'd be a rather good judge.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Would you like to step onto the stage, miss?
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Round of applause for our judge for the day.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46- APPLAUSE - What is your name, please?- Renee.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48You won't walk away, Renee(?) Have you...?
0:14:48 > 0:14:51- First of all, the wig. - The wig of justice, sir.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54And the thumb of fate. Hold your thumb up.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56You'll be able to use that later - it's a good fit(!)
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Yes, all right, let's get ready now for today's
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Solitary Confinement act, and they're known as...
0:15:02 > 0:15:03Pumping Iron!
0:15:06 > 0:15:09BOOING
0:15:09 > 0:15:15Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I give you Pumping Iron,
0:15:15 > 0:15:17the world's stinkiest strongman.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Extra strong!
0:15:20 > 0:15:23The secret to his success is his diet.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27He eats nothing but rotten eggs, baked beans
0:15:27 > 0:15:30and pickled cabbage, making him...
0:15:30 > 0:15:31PFFT!
0:15:31 > 0:15:34PFFT...!
0:15:34 > 0:15:37Extra strong!
0:15:37 > 0:15:39PFFT!
0:15:39 > 0:15:41BOOING
0:15:41 > 0:15:46And for his final feat, I need a brave volunteer.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50Madam, madam, madam, come and join me. Come and join me, please.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52APPLAUSE
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Step into the chuff wagon, madam.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Pumping Iron, take her away!
0:15:57 > 0:16:01PFFT...!
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Extra strong!
0:16:08 > 0:16:10BOOING
0:16:11 > 0:16:15Dear, oh dear. I don't know, Jailers and Jailbirds...
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Phwoar! Are you all right, Jailers and Jailbirds?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Phwoar! They certainly created an atmosphere!
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Yes, Pumping Iron there.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Well, they were our Solitary Confinement act,
0:16:25 > 0:16:27but here is Renee, the judge,
0:16:27 > 0:16:30ready to decide if they're going to get something nice
0:16:30 > 0:16:31or something nasty.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35Remember, thumbs up - a nice bottle of ginger beer.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Thumbs down - the final frontier.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Are you ready, judge? Hold your thumb up. In the middle position.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44You've got five seconds to decide, up or down. What's it going to be?
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Your time starts now.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50- AUDIENCE:- Ooh...!
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- Ooh!- Make way!- It's down, it's down!
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- Off they go...- Well done, miss.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00- ..for a cruel and unusual punishment.- Hold on.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02But I think our judge did very well.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06And nobody goes away from Solitary Confinement empty-handed,
0:17:06 > 0:17:08even though they wish they had.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11You get something wonderful - it's a signed photo of your Governor.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13And you can take that away
0:17:13 > 0:17:15with a round of applause from the Jailers and Jailbirds!
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Renee, walk away!
0:17:17 > 0:17:19APPLAUSE
0:17:19 > 0:17:25Five, four, three, two, one, zero...
0:17:25 > 0:17:26Fire!
0:17:26 > 0:17:30- Ah...! - PFFT!
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Well, I've never been so glad to see an act clear the stage.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Now on to our next performing prisoner act, Jailers and Jailbirds.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Wonderful, they are.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40They're actually an act that do great things with basketballs.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Yes, they're serving six years in The Slammer
0:17:43 > 0:17:45for dribbling in court, yeah.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47All over the judge's head...
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Yes, they got six years, but will they be going free?
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Let's find out as you welcome Lords of Gravity!
0:17:53 > 0:17:56APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:18:03 > 0:18:05MUSIC PLAYS
0:18:09 > 0:18:11CHEERING
0:19:03 > 0:19:05CHEERING
0:19:13 > 0:19:15CHEERING
0:19:38 > 0:19:41APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Well, Jailers and Jailbirds, weren't they magnificent?
0:19:48 > 0:19:51The Lords of Gravity! Give them a big round of applause there!
0:19:51 > 0:19:53APPLAUSE
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Fabulous. Eh, the old slam dunk.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Will they be slam-dunking out of The Slammer
0:19:58 > 0:20:00or dunking their biscuits in The Slammer?
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Let's find out with Mr Burgess.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Lords of Gravity... I mean, some people would call that impressive.
0:20:05 > 0:20:10- I don't, obviously, but would you? - Yeah.- How impressive?
0:20:10 > 0:20:14- Very impressive.- Right.- Could you describe that act for me, sir?
0:20:14 > 0:20:18- Superhuman.- Superhuman?! - Yeah, I thought it was amazing.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20- Would you fancy having a go with that team?- I'd love to.
0:20:20 > 0:20:26- And for one final word, sum that act up for me.- Amazing.- Amazing?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- Any advance on amazing? - Exciting?- That'll do.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Exciting and amazing, sir.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35Jailers and Jailbirds, that's what you thought of Lords of Gravity.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38One more performing prisoner act to see.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Clarissa, when you came to The Slammer,
0:20:41 > 0:20:43you were the least scary monster ever.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45People laughed in your face, especially
0:20:45 > 0:20:49- when your face was inside that really bad costume of yours.- Hey!
0:20:49 > 0:20:52- No, you're right, it is bad. - But I believed in you.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55I believe that you could embrace the fail.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58I believed that you could realise what you truly were.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02That you could stand up and say, "Hey! I am a great monster.
0:21:02 > 0:21:07- "I am an entertaining monster. I am funny monster!"- Yes, yes, yes!
0:21:07 > 0:21:11Right, you're a funny, funny monster. Now, go!
0:21:11 > 0:21:16Jailers and Jailbirds, make loads of screaming noise for Monster Mayhem!
0:21:16 > 0:21:20APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Oi, oi, oi! You're not going anywhere.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Get back on there and entertain these children.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Hi, everyone.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36- AUDIENCE:- Hi!
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Let me here you roar!
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Rarrr!
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Ooh, that's scary. Are you sure you're human?
0:21:44 > 0:21:49Yes, I am Monster Mayhem, the funniest monster experience
0:21:49 > 0:21:51since Jaws went to the dentist.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55Now, first of all, we need to get all nice and monstery.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Can you do better? Come on, I want your best monster impressions.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05ROARING
0:22:05 > 0:22:09Give me your scariest monster faces! Come on, give it some gurn!
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Rarrrr! Hrrrrr!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Ooh!
0:22:14 > 0:22:17That's very good, Mr Burgess. Really scary.
0:22:19 > 0:22:20Hit it, boys!
0:22:20 > 0:22:23MUSIC: "Tiger Feet" by Mud
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Here's some of my favourite monster jokes.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Who took the giant octopus hostage?
0:22:28 > 0:22:30A gang of squid-nappers.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31LAUGHTER
0:22:31 > 0:22:33What do you call the monster with no ears?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Anything you want - he can't here you.
0:22:36 > 0:22:37LAUGHTER
0:22:37 > 0:22:39And what did the short-sighted green ogre say
0:22:39 > 0:22:41when he fell down the well?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Should've gone to Shrek-savers.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44LAUGHTER
0:22:44 > 0:22:47All right, everyone. Front row, I want to see those feet swinging.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49# All right
0:22:49 > 0:22:51# That's right, that's right That's right, that's right
0:22:51 > 0:22:53# I really love your tiger light
0:22:53 > 0:22:56# Well, that's neat, that's neat That's neat, that's neat
0:22:56 > 0:22:58# I really love your tiger feet
0:22:58 > 0:23:01# I really love your tiger feet
0:23:01 > 0:23:05# Your tiger feet All right. #
0:23:05 > 0:23:09Hey! What d'you call a diplodocus on a roller coaster?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11A BIG diplodocus!
0:23:11 > 0:23:13LAUGHTER
0:23:13 > 0:23:17I know. And what did the little boy say when he was eaten by a dinosaur?
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Hrnmhrnmhrm...
0:23:19 > 0:23:21BURP!
0:23:21 > 0:23:23LAUGHTER OK, everyone...
0:23:23 > 0:23:25# That's right, that's right That's right, that's right
0:23:25 > 0:23:28# I really love your tiger light
0:23:28 > 0:23:30# Well, that's neat, that's neat That's neat, that's neat
0:23:30 > 0:23:32# I really love your tiger feet
0:23:32 > 0:23:35# I really love your tiger feet... #
0:23:35 > 0:23:39One more time! # ..Your tiger feet
0:23:39 > 0:23:41# All right! # Whoo!
0:23:41 > 0:23:43There we are!
0:23:43 > 0:23:46APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:23:46 > 0:23:50Monster mayhem, give her a big cheer, Jailers and Jailbirds.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52- Monster Mayhem! - CHEERING
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Well, rather scary,
0:23:55 > 0:23:58but did she do enough to scare her way out of The Slammer?
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- Let's find out with Mr Burgess.- Sir!
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Well, Monster Mayhem there, miss, and was it mayhem?
0:24:04 > 0:24:06I suppose so.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09What was mayhem-ish about it?
0:24:09 > 0:24:10The singing.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13- Yeah, that really was mayhem. - Was that your kind of act, madam?
0:24:13 > 0:24:17- Yeah, it was monster-mazing. - Was she scary, though?
0:24:17 > 0:24:19She wasn't scary, but she was very funny.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Yeah, but monsters are supposed to be scary,
0:24:21 > 0:24:23- not funny.- Sum...
0:24:23 > 0:24:25that rather dreadful appalling act up.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28- Rubbish.- Rubbish, sir!
0:24:28 > 0:24:29HE CHUCKLES
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Let's welcome them all back onto the stage.
0:24:31 > 0:24:32CHEERING
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Come on. Here they are marching out.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Steve Rawlings, Strokes...
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Oh, they're all there.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Lords of Gravity.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46And Monster Mayhem bringing up the rear.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Well, Jailers and Jailbirds, you will now decide who goes free.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51You thought he was wonderful. It's Steve Rawlings!
0:24:51 > 0:24:53CHEERING
0:24:56 > 0:24:57You certainly did.
0:24:57 > 0:25:0272.1 for Steve puts him into the lead, but, there again,
0:25:02 > 0:25:04we've only seen one act so far.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Next, a very unusual act, using the piping and all the stuff.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09I think they got it from The Slammer.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11They made great music.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Will they make their way out of here? Let's hear it, please,
0:25:13 > 0:25:17- for Strokes! - CHEERING
0:25:20 > 0:25:22And we're hitting the 70s today.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24The Strokes doing well. And it's...
0:25:24 > 0:25:28Ooh, look at that! Tied in the lead. 72.1.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30It's like my Post Office savings account...
0:25:30 > 0:25:32there's nothing in it.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36Right, on now to the next performing prisoner act. They defied gravity.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Will they defy the odds and get out of here?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Let's hear your applause, Jailers and Jailbirds,
0:25:40 > 0:25:42for Lords of Gravity!
0:25:42 > 0:25:46LOUD CHEERING
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Oh, boy! Well...
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Oh, that's cleared the wax out of our earholes.
0:25:51 > 0:25:5481.9 puts them clearly into the lead,
0:25:54 > 0:25:58which means only one performing prisoner act
0:25:58 > 0:26:02can get out of here now ahead of the Lords of Gravity.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Well, let's find out now as you make noise for Monster Mayhem!
0:26:05 > 0:26:09CHEERING
0:26:10 > 0:26:14Oh, that's 58.8.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16I'm sorry to say, Monster, you're staying,
0:26:16 > 0:26:20but, do you know what, that means the winners are going free -
0:26:20 > 0:26:23with a score of 81.9, it's Lords of Gravity!
0:26:23 > 0:26:25CHEERING
0:26:25 > 0:26:30Go! Take them away! Oh, there we are.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32That's the great news for Lords of Gravity,
0:26:32 > 0:26:35but the bad news for the other performing prisoners
0:26:35 > 0:26:38is you can stay and you can have your tea at The Slammer.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40Oh, Mr Burgess.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43I don't even want to know what you're having for tea,
0:26:43 > 0:26:45- because I know what it's going to be.- Look, sir,
0:26:45 > 0:26:48to be fair, you're right. It is...sloppy, ploppy porridge.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52- But it is nouvelle cuisine sloppy, ploppy porridge.- Nouvelle cuisine?
0:26:52 > 0:26:56- What's different about that?- Well, it's the same, it's just less of it.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58- Oh, get him out of here! - Right, you lot, come on!
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Go on, then, give them a round of applause.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02APPLAUSE
0:27:02 > 0:27:06And remember...my little performing prisoner appreciators,
0:27:06 > 0:27:11if you can't sing, dance or rhyme...
0:27:11 > 0:27:14- ALL:- Don't do the crime!
0:27:14 > 0:27:16And we'll see you again for more fun here on The Slammer.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19Bye-bye, everybody. Give yourselves a big round of applause.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22APPLAUSE
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:42 > 0:27:45All right, Meadows, I'm not a complete monster.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47I don't expect you to clean the toilet with just one toothpick.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50- Ah, thanks, Mr B.- No.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52So here's a spare one - a number two!
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Ha-ha-ha.