0:00:02 > 0:00:04Hi, Mum! I'm in the most tre-mazing mood today. Look!
0:00:04 > 0:00:07CAMERA PHONE SNAPS
0:00:07 > 0:00:12The Freedom Show was...totally sick!
0:00:13 > 0:00:15It took the mick...
0:00:17 > 0:00:20..and had the weirdest person pulling a trick!
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Woof! Woof! Woof!
0:00:21 > 0:00:24I've got just enough credit to tell you from the start...
0:00:24 > 0:00:27- PHONE BEEPS - Oh! Call me back! Call me back!
0:00:31 > 0:00:35# You've been found guilty of a howling showbiz crime
0:00:35 > 0:00:37# So, welcome to The Slammer
0:00:37 > 0:00:40# Where you're gonna serve your time
0:00:40 > 0:00:42# With every type of minstrel
0:00:42 > 0:00:44# Entertainer and artiste
0:00:44 > 0:00:49# Performing to the limit to try and get released
0:00:49 > 0:00:51# So, go and fetch the audience
0:00:51 > 0:00:53# Bring them to The Slammer
0:00:53 > 0:00:58# And polish up your act with a bit of glitz and glamour
0:00:58 > 0:01:00# Your fate is in their hands
0:01:00 > 0:01:02# So, make them cheer and clamour
0:01:02 > 0:01:05# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer
0:01:05 > 0:01:06# The Slammer
0:01:06 > 0:01:09# It's the only way you'll ever leave
0:01:09 > 0:01:10# The Slammer! #
0:01:13 > 0:01:17So, by numbering every sheet of lavatory paper in The Slammer,
0:01:17 > 0:01:19I have been able to track usage on a wipe-by-wipe basis.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23And I think you'll agree, the results are quite surprising, sir.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Especially after the baked-bean curry night. Very nasty.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29Mr B! This is the most boring thing ever!
0:01:29 > 0:01:32- That's very kind of you to say so, Miss Meadows.- Guv, please!
0:01:32 > 0:01:36I've been sitting here so long, my bum's turned into a fossil!
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Frank, we really should call it a day.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Which is exactly how long this has taken!
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Plus, the Freedom Show acts are ready to rehearse.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44- The Brussels sprout stir-fry...- Out!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- Out! And close the door behind you. - Right, sir.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Wipe-by-wipe basis... Ugh!
0:01:51 > 0:01:55- Excuse me, sir?- Yes, Mr Boring... I mean Burgess, what is it now?
0:01:55 > 0:01:58- I've got a private message for you, sir.- Ooh, private message?
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Yes, sir.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02- What is it?- The private message is this, sir.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07You've been Burgessed.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09B-B-B-Bad Burgess!
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Did he just...?
0:02:19 > 0:02:22I'll file these under Slop Secret!
0:02:26 > 0:02:30Oh, yes! That feels bad!
0:02:30 > 0:02:32All right, hold it, Rick!
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Frank... I was wondering how long it would take
0:02:35 > 0:02:36before you tracked me down.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40I just followed your trail of hilarious fake dog poo.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42What fake dog poo?
0:02:52 > 0:02:54How did you get in here, anyway?
0:02:54 > 0:02:57It helps to be the Senior Prison Officer's identical twin.
0:02:57 > 0:02:58Come on, Frank!
0:02:58 > 0:03:01You have the brains, and I've got the charm, the wit,
0:03:01 > 0:03:03the success, and all the Friendbook friends.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05So, that's what this is about, is it?
0:03:05 > 0:03:08You rejected my request to be a friend, Frank.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Do you know how embarrassing that is?!
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Happens to me all the time.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Exactly! And now you're going to have to pay the price.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17All right...
0:03:17 > 0:03:18£3.72 enough?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Oh, I don't want money, Frank.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22I want revenge!
0:03:28 > 0:03:30BANGING ON DOOR
0:03:30 > 0:03:32- Let me out!- So long, bruv.- Somebody!
0:03:32 > 0:03:35- Get me out of here! - Mr Burgess is going rogue.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38So, tell me, inmate,
0:03:38 > 0:03:41how come you're completely soaking wet?
0:03:41 > 0:03:43But I'm not soaking wet.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52Oh, yeah. That felt so bad, it feels good!
0:03:52 > 0:03:55B-B-B-Bad Burgess.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Mr Burgess, what are you doing?!
0:04:03 > 0:04:05I'm spreading yoghurt all over the computer.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09- Why?!- I've already done the house plants.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Don't worry, though, sir,
0:04:11 > 0:04:14I've got enough yoghurt here to do your shoes.
0:04:16 > 0:04:21FRAAAAANK!
0:04:23 > 0:04:25This...is your final warning!
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Oh, is it, sir? Oh, that's a coincidence.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30It matches all the other envelopes I've got here, sir.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32WAHEY!
0:04:32 > 0:04:33Ugh...!
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- BANGING ON DOOR - Let me out! Somebody!
0:04:37 > 0:04:40I haven't got time to fire you right now, Frank.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Aw, go on, sir, please!
0:04:43 > 0:04:46But I will, I promise, as soon as the Freedom Show's over.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49- How do I look?- Petrified, sir.
0:04:49 > 0:04:50Thank you. It's show time!
0:04:52 > 0:04:56Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to HMP Slammer, where...
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Get out of it! I'm bad boy Mr Burgess!
0:04:58 > 0:05:01And I've taken over the microphooooone!
0:05:02 > 0:05:05HE BLOWS RASPBERRIES
0:05:05 > 0:05:10Oh, yeah! And by the way, here's the Governor!
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Who's the Governor?
0:05:27 > 0:05:30ALL: You're the Governor!
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Oh, jailers and jailbirds, it's fantastic to see you
0:05:32 > 0:05:34for another Freedom Show here at The Slammer.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36And you'll decide who goes free.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40And absolutely NOBODY is going to break the code of conduct.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41Isn't that right, Frank?
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Eh?
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- Frank! Oh, pay attention, please! - Whatever!
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Now, on to the show.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Jailers and jailbirds, your first act is sensational -
0:05:51 > 0:05:53very funny, with magic.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57He uses hi-tech magic - CDs, personal computers, PCs...
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Jailers and jailbirds, it's Jordan Gomez!
0:06:07 > 0:06:10ELECTRO MUSIC PLAYS
0:06:30 > 0:06:31MUSIC SKIPS
0:06:33 > 0:06:36MERGES INTO NEW SONG
0:06:43 > 0:06:44SONG CHANGES
0:07:10 > 0:07:13FASTER TECHNO MUSIC
0:07:24 > 0:07:26ADDS DRUMS TO TECHNO SONG
0:07:28 > 0:07:30ADDS MORE DRUMS
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Jordan Gomez there, jailers and jailbirds!
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Jordan Gomez doing amazing things with CDs.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38But at the end of the day, will we have to call in the CID?
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Let's find out with Mr Burgess.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Well, then, what a feeling...
0:08:42 > 0:08:45MUSIC: "What a feeling" by Irene Cara
0:08:45 > 0:08:46# Being's believing
0:08:48 > 0:08:50# I can have it all
0:08:50 > 0:08:55# Now I'm dancing for my life... #
0:08:56 > 0:08:59- Cut, cut, cut! Mr Burgess!- What?!
0:08:59 > 0:09:03Right, this is your final, final, FINAL warning.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- Now, ask the questions nicely. - All right, all right.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09What do you make of that?
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- Banana! Banana, sir!- Not a banana! With a microphone!
0:09:13 > 0:09:17Oh, all right. If you want to be sensible. Have a banana.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Right, what do you make of that, then?
0:09:19 > 0:09:23- I like the bit where...- Yeah, you like the bit. You like the bit.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27Yeah, go on. Go on, you like the bit. Which bit? Go on, say it quick!
0:09:27 > 0:09:30- Which bit do you like? - When the thing popped out the bag.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32The thing popping out of the bag?!
0:09:32 > 0:09:36- What did you think of Jordan Gomez? - It was outstanding.
0:09:36 > 0:09:41The way he got the CDs out of his bag, and he had quick hands.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Quick hands. Very important if you're a magician, quick hands. Yes.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Right, sum that act up for me in one final... FACE! FACE!
0:09:50 > 0:09:51Sir.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Right, jailers and jailbirds, that was your views on Jordan Gomez.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58Next, a very young man from the young-offenders section of The Slammer.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02Just 12 years of age, this young man. He writes his own songs.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04He's doing 18 months in The Slammer
0:10:04 > 0:10:06for basking when he should have been busking.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Will you please welcome Ned The Kids Dylan!
0:10:18 > 0:10:20One, two, three, four!
0:10:20 > 0:10:23MUSIC: "Helpless Town" by Ned The Kids Dylan
0:10:27 > 0:10:31HE SINGS SCAT-STYLE
0:10:35 > 0:10:38# You said to your ex, "Let's go"
0:10:42 > 0:10:46# But that was 15 years ago
0:10:49 > 0:10:55# And they told me to put them down
0:10:57 > 0:10:59# In the end
0:10:59 > 0:11:03# In this helpless town
0:11:04 > 0:11:06# Helpless
0:11:06 > 0:11:10# Helpless, you broke down
0:11:10 > 0:11:11# Ow
0:11:11 > 0:11:13# Helpless
0:11:13 > 0:11:18# Helpless, you've been down... #
0:11:29 > 0:11:33Wow! Ned The Kids Dylan, just 12 years of age!
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Mr Burgess has got socks as old as that.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39What a brilliant performance. Did you enjoy it?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Let's find out with that Mr Burgess.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43# Oh, what a glorious thing to be
0:11:43 > 0:11:45# A healthy grown-up busy, busy bee. #
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- Ah, well, he was really amaz... - Bzz. What?
0:11:50 > 0:11:52- He was really good on the guitar... - Bzz.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56- Bzz. Go on, carry on. Bzz. - He was really gobsmacking.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00- What did you think of Ned? - I think he was amazing.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01I think he should be let free
0:12:01 > 0:12:04because his voice was incredible, and I loved it.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07As soon as he came on, I thought he was fantastic,
0:12:07 > 0:12:09and I knew he was going to be really good.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Seriously, for one final laugh,
0:12:11 > 0:12:13sum that act up for me in one final laugh!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16SHE LAUGHS
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Sir.
0:12:20 > 0:12:21Marvellous stuff. Remember, folks,
0:12:21 > 0:12:25we've still got two more fantastic performing prisoner acts to come.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- MIMICKING GOVERNOR: - "We've still got two more fantastic prisoner acts to come."
0:12:28 > 0:12:30- Mr Burgess?!- "Mr Burgess?!"
0:12:30 > 0:12:32- What are you doing? - "What are you doing?!"
0:12:32 > 0:12:33- Will you stop that? - "Will you stop that?!"
0:12:33 > 0:12:35- Stop repeating me! - "Stop repeating me!"
0:12:35 > 0:12:37- Frank!- "Frank!"
0:12:37 > 0:12:38- Agh!- "Agh!"
0:12:38 > 0:12:41- Right, this is absolute final, final warning, Mr Burgess!- Oh!
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Final warning! Kindly leave the stage. Go on, get off! Get off!
0:12:44 > 0:12:45I'm going, sir!
0:12:47 > 0:12:50I don't know what's come over him today, jailers and jailbirds.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Solitary confinement!
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Miss Meadows, will you please join me and help me?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- As Mr Burgess has gone completely off his nut.- Of course.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17Thank you. It's solitary confinement, and we need somebody to be the judge.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Who do you think, Miss Meadows?
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- Um...- Somebody of discernment and wisdom.- This young lady here?
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Oh, yes, give her a round of applause. She looks very wise.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29- What's your name?- Nairobi.- Nairobi. The wig of wisdom there.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Remember, if you give this act the thumbs up,
0:13:32 > 0:13:34we don't release them, but we give them a little treat.
0:13:34 > 0:13:39Today's treat is marvellous. It's Darwin's Theory of Evolution.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Oh, very deep book. Very intelligent, yes. Nice, that, isn't it?
0:13:42 > 0:13:46If they don't, they get a cruel and unusual punishment. Mr Bur...
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I mean, Miss Meadows, what is today's cruel and unusual punishment?
0:13:49 > 0:13:53- The old sack-and-porridge routine, sir.- Oh, nobody wants that.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56All right, it's time for solitary confinement,
0:13:56 > 0:13:59and the act that we call The Cheeky Singer!
0:13:59 > 0:14:02BOOING
0:14:05 > 0:14:09Hello, everybody! My name is The Cheeky Singer.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13I'm here to sing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
0:14:13 > 0:14:16like you've never heard before.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- SHE SINGS THROUGH HER THROAT: - # Twinkle, twinkle
0:14:20 > 0:14:22# Little star
0:14:22 > 0:14:27# How I wonder what you are
0:14:27 > 0:14:32# Up above the ground, so high
0:14:32 > 0:14:37# Like a diamond in the sky
0:14:37 > 0:14:39# Twinkle, twinkle
0:14:39 > 0:14:43# Little star
0:14:43 > 0:14:49# How I wonder what you are! #
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Well, there we are. I don't know...
0:14:57 > 0:15:00A bit of booing, a bit of cheering as well.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01A most unusual act there.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04I thought it was quite good, but it's not for me to decide.
0:15:04 > 0:15:05It's up to you, Justice Nairobi.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Hold that thumb up there...
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Remember, thumbs up and it's the Theory of Evolution,
0:15:10 > 0:15:12thumbs down, soaked to her skin
0:15:12 > 0:15:15in an oatmeal-based, sloppy, ploppy solution.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Your time starts now.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20What's it going to be?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Oh!
0:15:26 > 0:15:29Your act was weak and sloppy, so, for you, it's...
0:15:29 > 0:15:31ALL: Plop! Plop! Plop!
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Ploppy!
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Let her have it, both buckets! Yeah!
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Sloppy! Sloppy!
0:15:38 > 0:15:42ALL: Sloppy! Sloppy! Sloppy!
0:15:42 > 0:15:46ALL: Sloppy! Sloppy! Sloppy!
0:15:48 > 0:15:53Ha ha! That's it! Take her back to the cell! Give her a big cheer. Yeah!
0:15:56 > 0:15:58I'm sorry, Miss Meadows, I get carried away.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Thank you to our judge, please.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Take her away. Thank you, Miss Meadows!
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Oh. On with the Freedom Show, jailers and jailbirds.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Oh, I love a bit of sloppy, ploppy porridge!
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Now, this next act are very unusual.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16They wear big coats, they do amazing things.
0:16:16 > 0:16:20Will you solve the mysteries of The Magic Coats?
0:16:32 > 0:16:34LATIN MUSIC PLAYS
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Take them away! The Magic Coats!
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Well, the little fella in the middle, he's Scottish, you know.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16He's called Angus McCoatup. Ha ha!
0:19:16 > 0:19:19But...at the end of the day, will they be putting on their coats
0:19:19 > 0:19:23and getting out The Slammer? Let's find out with Mr Burgess.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Woof! Woof! Woof!
0:19:26 > 0:19:30- What's the matter, miss? Something wrong?- You're a bad dog.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Tell me about The Magic Coats.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36You couldn't really know where they got the ladders from and stuff,
0:19:36 > 0:19:39cos they... I don't know how they got them into their coats.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Sum that act up for me in one final... FACE?!
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Sir.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52- Well, just one more performing... - Hold it! Hold it, sir!- Mr Burgess?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54I've got a very important message to convey to the audience, sir.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57All right, but this better not be another example of bad behaviour.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Oh, not at all, sir. I've got the message right here, sir.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02- Hey! Hey! - I've got the message right here.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04SCREAMING
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- Stop that!- What?
0:20:10 > 0:20:13Right, you leave me no alternative
0:20:13 > 0:20:15but to make a citizen's arrest
0:20:15 > 0:20:18for interrupting one of Her Majesty's Freedom Shows...
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- SIRENS BLARE - That's him, officer.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22That's Rick Burgess.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27- They're coming.- Oh, blimey! It's the rozzers!- Go on, take him away!
0:20:27 > 0:20:29- Leave it out!- Dear, oh, dear.
0:20:31 > 0:20:32Thank goodness I'm back.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36I'm afraid we've all been victims of my evil twin brother,
0:20:36 > 0:20:37RICK Burgess, sir.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39- Oh, Mr Burgess.- Yes.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43- Marvellous. Well, it's good to have you back.- Straighten up, Meadows!
0:20:43 > 0:20:47- Oh, it's the old Burgess, the real Frank Burgess. Mr Burgess?- YES!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49- Continue with the Freedom Show! - YES, SIR!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51- Take that with you. - Right, sir.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52And what an act we've got for you.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Yes, jailers and jailbirds, a young man who's serving
0:20:55 > 0:20:59seven years for doing amazing things with Hula Hoops.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01He is the tremendous Hula Boy!
0:21:09 > 0:21:13MUSIC: "Jailhouse Rock" by Elvis Presley
0:22:01 > 0:22:04SONG: "Hound Dog"
0:23:13 > 0:23:17SONG: "The Wonder Of You"
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Wow! Wow!
0:23:58 > 0:24:01The Hula Boy! What an act! Did he make you go cock-a-hoop?!
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Did he make you want to loop the loop and go, "Woop, woop"?
0:24:03 > 0:24:06Let's find out with Mr Burgess.
0:24:06 > 0:24:07Woo-hoo-hoo!
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Right, sir, what did you make of Hula Boy?
0:24:09 > 0:24:13I really liked the bit where he made a spring at the end,
0:24:13 > 0:24:16where it went all over his body and he was waving like the sea.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17Tell us about Hula Boy, sir.
0:24:17 > 0:24:21I thought he was amazing and I think he should go through cos
0:24:21 > 0:24:24I didn't know anyone could put all those Hula Hoops on a person.
0:24:24 > 0:24:25For one final word...
0:24:25 > 0:24:29- Miss, sum it up for me, please. - Excellent.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Excellent. Yes, I'd concur with that, sir. Excellent.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Right, on to find out who's going free from The Slammer,
0:24:35 > 0:24:39with this, the Clap-o-meter, as proudly displayed by Meadows there.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42But first, let's welcome all the acts back on the stage.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Come on, Jordan Gomez!
0:24:44 > 0:24:45Ned!
0:24:45 > 0:24:47The Magic Coats!
0:24:47 > 0:24:50There you go. And, of course, we've got Hula Boy there.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Well, four sensational performing prisoner acts.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Only one act can go free. Who's it going to be?
0:24:56 > 0:24:59You know what to do, don't you, jailers and jailbirds?
0:24:59 > 0:25:02You make the noise, and the Clap-o-meter turns it into a score.
0:25:02 > 0:25:06First act up was funny, he was sensational. Did you like him enough?
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Was it Jordan Gomez?
0:25:08 > 0:25:11LOUD CHEERING
0:25:15 > 0:25:18A good score, Jordan, there. 72.3.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22On next to one of the youngest acts we've ever had in The Slammer.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25A young man who writes his own music.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Will he go on and make a big name for himself outside The Slammer?
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Let's hear it, please, for Ned The Kids Dylan!
0:25:31 > 0:25:35LOUD CHEERING
0:25:38 > 0:25:43Ned goes into the lead with 75.6. A great score there.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45We've got some brilliant acts this week, haven't we?
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Well, you certainly loved these two. Or were there three of them?
0:25:48 > 0:25:51I lost count. It was The Magic Coats!
0:25:51 > 0:25:55LOUD CHEERING
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Oh, I think you're going to be keeping those coats on
0:26:01 > 0:26:04inside The Slammer. Just 72.6. Good score.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07But that means, still in the lead, and, at the moment, walking free,
0:26:07 > 0:26:09is Ned The Kids Dylan.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11The only act that can pip him at the post
0:26:11 > 0:26:14was a sensational spinning act with those Hula Hoops.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16It was Hula Boy!
0:26:16 > 0:26:20VERY LOUD CHEERING
0:26:23 > 0:26:27Well, almost top of the shop, a sensational score! 96.8!
0:26:27 > 0:26:30It means going free is Hula Boy!
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Come on, off you go.
0:26:32 > 0:26:37Away you go. Take him away! Give him a big cheer, jailers and jailbirds!
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Yeah! He's going free.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Well, that's great news for Hula Boy.
0:26:43 > 0:26:44The news that isn't so great -
0:26:44 > 0:26:47it means the rest of you are staying with us in The Slammer,
0:26:47 > 0:26:48but you get tea, at least.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52Unfortunately, it's always sloppy, ploppy porridge, isn't it?
0:26:52 > 0:26:54- That's all we ever get, Mr Burgess. - Well, no, sir.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56There's not a scrap of it left in The Slammer anyway,
0:26:56 > 0:26:58so we're clean out.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00There's no sloppy porridge left? What are you going to do?
0:27:00 > 0:27:03We'll take all the prisoners to the cafe down the road, sir.
0:27:03 > 0:27:04What are they going to have there?
0:27:04 > 0:27:07- Sloppy, ploppy porridge. They've got gallons of it.- Oh!
0:27:07 > 0:27:10Go on, give them a big cheer and a round of applause.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Well, that's it, jailers and jailbirds.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18From Officer Meadows, Mr Burgess and me,
0:27:18 > 0:27:21your governor, see you soon on The Slammer!
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Bye, everybody! Bye!
0:27:49 > 0:27:52Number one and number two. Here we go.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54- I'm going to need more than that! - Oh, no.
0:27:54 > 0:27:55Any more than two sheets a day
0:27:55 > 0:27:57has to go through Head Office, Miss Meadows.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59- But...- Ah, in there!
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Ha!