0:00:04 > 0:00:07Congratulations on taking the first step to becoming
0:00:07 > 0:00:09a world-class showbiz prison governor!
0:00:09 > 0:00:12With my easy-to-follow exercises,
0:00:12 > 0:00:14you'll soon be every bit as competent as I am
0:00:14 > 0:00:16or your money back.
0:00:16 > 0:00:20You won't get your money back cos I've spent it all on sweets.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21How do I turn this off?
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Is that...? I'll try that.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26PRISON ALARM
0:00:26 > 0:00:29# You've been found guilty
0:00:29 > 0:00:32# Of a howling showbiz crime
0:00:32 > 0:00:34# So welcome to The Slammer
0:00:34 > 0:00:36# Where you're gonna serve your time
0:00:36 > 0:00:41# With every type of minstrel Entertainer and artiste
0:00:41 > 0:00:43# Performing to the limit
0:00:43 > 0:00:45# To try and get released
0:00:45 > 0:00:47# So go fetch the audience
0:00:47 > 0:00:49# Bring them to The Slammer
0:00:49 > 0:00:51# And polish up your act
0:00:51 > 0:00:54# With a bit of glitz and glamour
0:00:54 > 0:00:55# Your fate is in their hands
0:00:55 > 0:00:58- #- Oh, how smashing! - So make them cheer and clamour
0:00:58 > 0:01:01# It's the only way you'll ever leave
0:01:01 > 0:01:03# The Slammer, leave The Slammer
0:01:03 > 0:01:06# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer! #
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Oh, hello there!
0:01:14 > 0:01:18And welcome to my exclusive new training course -
0:01:18 > 0:01:20So You Want To Be The Governor?
0:01:20 > 0:01:23And do you? Of course you do!
0:01:23 > 0:01:24Who wouldn't?!
0:01:24 > 0:01:27I mean, just look at what this job has to offer!
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Is that right?
0:01:31 > 0:01:32What do you mean a bit wooden?
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Must go now, Mumsy. Yes, this prison won't govern itself.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Yeah, yeah. Adieu.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40# D-I-S-C-O
0:01:41 > 0:01:44# D-I-S-C-O! #
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Whoo!
0:01:46 > 0:01:49# He's my little rubber ducky and I love him so! #
0:01:49 > 0:01:51I tell ya, there's nothing like a bath -
0:01:51 > 0:01:55perfect relaxation for a busy young professional like myself.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Scrub-a-dub-dub, prison officers!
0:01:57 > 0:02:01And remember, I'll be checking in every corner.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- Four in a row, sir. There you go, I win again.- Oh!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07You've really got the hang of this, haven't you, Frank?
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Well, that's 502 to me and, uh...
0:02:09 > 0:02:11None to you, sir.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Out you come.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Yes! Yeeeees!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18At last!
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Must be nearly biccy time.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23CLOCK CHIMES
0:02:27 > 0:02:28Is that it?
0:02:29 > 0:02:30Yeah.
0:02:30 > 0:02:35THEY LAUGH DEVILISHLY
0:02:35 > 0:02:38- Can you smell sausage rolls, Frank? - Yes, sir, I can.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42Oh, no! Gov's got disco fever!
0:02:42 > 0:02:43Not again!
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Today I'm going to show you all of the skills you need to be
0:02:48 > 0:02:52a good governor, including stunning footage from my amazing career.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54- MUFFLED LAUGH - Yeah!
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Make no mistake, this job requires both mental
0:02:57 > 0:03:02and physical perfection - so let's start with the physical.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03Get that out of the way.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05And with a little Hollywood magic,
0:03:05 > 0:03:09it's time to change into something more appropriate.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13- Pardon?- 'Quiet, pl...!'
0:03:15 > 0:03:16I know what you're thinking -
0:03:16 > 0:03:18how did he get into that?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Well, plenty of practice and a half a pound of butter.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25But if you want to beat the rest, you've got to look your best.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Which brings me to Rule Number 1 for being a successful governor -
0:03:28 > 0:03:30always dress to impress!
0:03:40 > 0:03:43# And you're always there
0:03:43 > 0:03:45# To lend a hand
0:03:45 > 0:03:50# In everything I do
0:03:50 > 0:03:54# It's the wonder
0:03:54 > 0:04:00# The wonder of you! #
0:04:07 > 0:04:11# Beating... #
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Face the fear.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18And embrace the unknown.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20We're here.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22We're here.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24We're here with no fear.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26The fear, the fear.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30The fear. The fear of the unknown!
0:04:41 > 0:04:44# Aaaaah
0:04:44 > 0:04:46# It's the way I'm feeling
0:04:46 > 0:04:52# I just can't deny
0:04:52 > 0:04:55# But I've got to let it go
0:04:56 > 0:05:00# We fell in love in a hopeless place
0:05:00 > 0:05:04# We fell in love in a hopeless place
0:05:04 > 0:05:07# We fell in love in a hopeless place
0:05:07 > 0:05:13# We fell in love in a hopeless place. #
0:05:13 > 0:05:14'Action.'
0:05:14 > 0:05:18Rule Number Two if you want to be the Governor - learn how to juggle.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20One ball, two hands.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25A bit trickier - one ball, one hand.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Trickier still - one ball, no hands.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31Oh.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Haven't quite got the hang of that.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35But there is a surprising amount of juggling involved
0:05:35 > 0:05:36in being the Governor -
0:05:36 > 0:05:39juggling paperwork, juggling workloads, and...
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Juggling.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Here we go, a little juggle.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55LAUGHTER
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Ta-dah!
0:06:02 > 0:06:03Whoa!
0:06:13 > 0:06:14Ho!
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Hip, hip, hip!
0:06:29 > 0:06:33Jailers and jailbirds, don't ever try anything like that.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Remember, they're highly trained athletes.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43# Dragonfly out in the sun
0:06:43 > 0:06:46# You know what I mean Don't you know
0:06:46 > 0:06:50# Butterflies all havin' fun
0:06:50 > 0:06:52# You know what I mean
0:06:52 > 0:06:56# Sleep in peace when day is done
0:06:56 > 0:06:58# That's what I mean
0:06:58 > 0:07:02# And this old world is a new world
0:07:02 > 0:07:04# And a bold world
0:07:04 > 0:07:07# For me
0:07:09 > 0:07:13# For me. #
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Come on! Keep going! Go for the burn! Go for the burn!
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Only another three seconds to go.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25Two... one...
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Yes! A new personal record -
0:07:28 > 0:07:30ten seconds without fainting.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Who's the Governor? I'm the Governor!
0:07:33 > 0:07:34And if you want to be the Governor,
0:07:34 > 0:07:37you'd better get on your bike and start pedalling,
0:07:37 > 0:07:39you've got a lot to keep up with!
0:07:41 > 0:07:44ELECTRONIC MUSIC
0:08:53 > 0:08:57DISCO MUSIC
0:09:17 > 0:09:19And like all of the acts that come on The Slammer,
0:09:19 > 0:09:22don't try it at home - these are professionals.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30It's good to vary your exercise regime. I like to follow
0:09:30 > 0:09:34a healthy session on the exercise bike with a spot of weight training.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Wait...
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Wait...
0:09:40 > 0:09:41Wait...
0:09:41 > 0:09:43I'm getting good at this.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Wait!
0:09:45 > 0:09:49Weight training helps build tremendous strength of character.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Rule Number Four...
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Wait, wait...
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Rule Number Four if you want to be the Governor -
0:09:55 > 0:09:58you'll need a strong character to deal with all the other
0:09:58 > 0:10:03strong characters you'll find in this place.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Well, I think I'll file these under Slop Secret.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Eow! That feels bad!
0:10:15 > 0:10:17All right, hold it, Rick.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Frank, I was wondering how long it would take
0:10:19 > 0:10:21before you tracked me down.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25I just followed your hilarious trail of fake dog poo.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26What fake dog poo?
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Buag!
0:10:33 > 0:10:34Ack!
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Oh, it's Mumford & Sons!
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Hang on, I thought Mumford & Sons were a lot younger than that.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44They are. You're not Mumford & Sons.
0:10:44 > 0:10:45We were promised Mumford & Sons!
0:10:45 > 0:10:48No! No, no, no. We're not Mumford & Sons.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50We're Mumble and Son.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Well, why are you called that?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54HE MUMBLES
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- HE LAUGHS - Exactly!
0:10:56 > 0:10:58- You wanted to see us, sir?- Yes, Frank. Lock the prison down.- Eh?
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Is someone trying to escape?
0:11:00 > 0:11:03No, my sister's sending my nephew here for work experience.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04He's the naughtiest kid I've ever met.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Hello, Uncle Governor!
0:11:06 > 0:11:09HE SCREAMS
0:11:09 > 0:11:12ALARM
0:11:12 > 0:11:15It's a little bit over the top, isn't it, sir?
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Thanks for cleaning my desk, Officer Ted.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21- Officer Ted?!- Has he got a problem? He repeats everything.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23I've never heard anything like it.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25I've never heard anything like it!
0:11:25 > 0:11:26He's on work experience.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Work experience?!
0:11:28 > 0:11:30See what I mean?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Ahem.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36So I think you can see how I keep myself in peak physical
0:11:36 > 0:11:38and spiritual and mental condition.
0:11:41 > 0:11:46Now, allow me to introduce you to the jewel in my exercise regime.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50I call this...Plop-sersize!
0:11:50 > 0:11:54Simply take two fresh, steaming buckets of gorgeous,
0:11:54 > 0:11:56sloppy, ploppy porridge.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59And take the strain thus.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01So, it's...
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Sloppy! Ploppy!
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Sloppy! Ploppy!
0:12:06 > 0:12:10Sloppy! Ploppy!
0:12:10 > 0:12:12And the great thing about working in The Slammer is,
0:12:12 > 0:12:16there's always plenty of sloppy, ploppy porridge to go around.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19I can't get enough of it. I'm going to have me some right now!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21I love it! I love it!
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Your act was weak and sloppy, so for you, it's...
0:12:25 > 0:12:28AUDIENCE: Plop, plop, plop, plop!
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Yes! How many buckets? Yeah, both buckets.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Come on! Yes!
0:12:32 > 0:12:34ALL: Sloppy! Ploppy!
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Sloppy! Ploppy!
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Sloppy! Ploppy!
0:12:38 > 0:12:43# All by myself
0:12:43 > 0:12:45# Any more
0:12:46 > 0:12:51# All by myself
0:12:51 > 0:12:54# Don't want to live
0:12:54 > 0:12:59# All by myself
0:12:59 > 0:13:01# Any more
0:13:02 > 0:13:07# All by myself... #
0:13:07 > 0:13:10ALL: Sloppy! Ploppy!
0:13:10 > 0:13:12There's nothing like a bit of sloppy, ploppy porridge
0:13:12 > 0:13:15in a Freedom Show to get you going.
0:13:15 > 0:13:16I love it!
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Ploppy, sloppy...
0:13:20 > 0:13:24But as I said before, being the Governor requires both physical
0:13:24 > 0:13:28and mental skills, so it's time to show you my mental side.
0:13:28 > 0:13:29Over to you, Ted.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35'Lights, cam...'
0:13:35 > 0:13:36Thanks, Ted.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Rule Number Five if you want to be the Governor -
0:13:39 > 0:13:42learn how to make difficult decisions.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Which prisoners get to star in this weeks' Freedom Show?
0:13:45 > 0:13:48How much sloppy ploppy porridge should I order in?
0:13:48 > 0:13:52Should I have ginger snaps or chocolate digestives
0:13:52 > 0:13:54with my mid-morning cuppa?
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Trick question. I have both.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00As Governor, I have developed some highly sophisticated
0:14:00 > 0:14:04techniques for making difficult choices.
0:14:06 > 0:14:07Keep practising,
0:14:07 > 0:14:11and soon everyone will be seen as a calm head in a crisis,
0:14:11 > 0:14:15which is handy in a job like this with so many crisises-es.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Crisees. Crisuses.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19With one crisis after another.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Well, I might as well check the acts for the Freedom Show.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Well, have a look at the poster, I'm busy at the moment.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Yeah(!)
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Would you look at that, sir?!
0:14:32 > 0:14:34- What is it?- Graffiti, sir.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- I think it's supposed to be you. - How can you tell?
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Well, the give away, sir...
0:14:40 > 0:14:42- Oh, this is terrible, Frank! - It certainly is, sir,
0:14:42 > 0:14:44they've missed out one of your chins.
0:14:44 > 0:14:45Hold it, sir! Hold it, hold it.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48A very important message to convey to the audience, sir.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Well, all right, but this had better not be
0:14:50 > 0:14:51another example of bad behaviour.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Not at all, sir. Got the message right here, sir.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56- Hey, hey! - Got the message right here.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59AUDIENCE YELLS
0:14:59 > 0:15:02- Stop that, stop that, stop that! - What? What?- Don't do it!
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Mr Burgess, what are you doing?!
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Well, I'm spreading yoghurt all over the computer.
0:15:08 > 0:15:09Why?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Well, I've already done the house plants.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13- Ah!- Don't worry, though, sir,
0:15:13 > 0:15:16I've got enough yoghurt here to do your shoes.
0:15:18 > 0:15:23Fraaaaaank!
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Yeah!
0:15:27 > 0:15:29GLASS BREAKING
0:15:34 > 0:15:36HE SCREAMS
0:15:36 > 0:15:39GLASS BREAKING
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Ho-ho-ho! Hello, boys and girls!
0:15:57 > 0:15:59It's me! No, do not adjust your sets,
0:15:59 > 0:16:02I'm not Father Christmas, although I am popular with children,
0:16:02 > 0:16:07I'm quite jolly and I'm perfectly capable of eating 10,000 mince pies
0:16:07 > 0:16:08in a single evening.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11But if I'm not Father Christmas, why am I dressed like him?
0:16:11 > 0:16:12Well, it's simple.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15It's to remind myself of Rule Number Six if you want to be
0:16:15 > 0:16:18the Governor - always keep a little bit of magic in your life.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Then there'll always be a little bit of magic in The Slammer!
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Rudolph! Not here.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Welcome to my cosy little study.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46You know, just because you work in a prison is no reason to
0:18:46 > 0:18:48turn your back on culture,
0:18:48 > 0:18:50which is why I've written this very long
0:18:50 > 0:18:53and moving poem about my life,
0:18:53 > 0:18:55which I would like to resuscitata-ta-tate
0:18:55 > 0:18:58for you now. Ahem. Thank you.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Oh, when I was a little boy
0:19:03 > 0:19:07I was my mother's pride and joy
0:19:07 > 0:19:09I used to walk along the streets
0:19:09 > 0:19:12And people did say, "He's got big feet"
0:19:12 > 0:19:15'They'd send me down into the shops
0:19:15 > 0:19:17- 'Sometimes I'd go in little hops...' - Ugh!
0:19:23 > 0:19:25'..bottles I would swig
0:19:25 > 0:19:28'And they'd say 'He really is a greedy pig.'
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Well,
0:19:34 > 0:19:38thank you so much for letting me share that with you.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41You know, music and poetry are very important to me.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Shakespeare once said,
0:19:43 > 0:19:45"If music be the food of love, play on."
0:19:45 > 0:19:47As I don't like wasting grub,
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Rule Number Seven if you want to be the Governor is -
0:19:50 > 0:19:52always face the music!
0:19:52 > 0:19:55# I'm seeing
0:19:55 > 0:19:59# Through your lying eyes
0:19:59 > 0:20:04# And I know what's on your mind! #
0:20:24 > 0:20:26# They call me Willy
0:20:26 > 0:20:28# Stay so cool I'm chilly
0:20:28 > 0:20:30# I done made that milli
0:20:30 > 0:20:32# On my way to that billi
0:20:32 > 0:20:34# Used to have a piggy bank
0:20:34 > 0:20:36# But now I got that bigger bank
0:20:36 > 0:20:37# Who cares what the haters think
0:20:37 > 0:20:39# They hatin' on me cos I'm doin' what they can't
0:20:39 > 0:20:41# I stay on that hustle
0:20:41 > 0:20:43# I flex that mental muscle
0:20:43 > 0:20:45# Hate to bust your bubble
0:20:45 > 0:20:47# I'm on that other level
0:20:47 > 0:20:48# I'mma take it higher
0:20:48 > 0:20:50# And high, high and higher
0:20:50 > 0:20:52# I stay in fly attire
0:20:52 > 0:20:54# Keep burnin' like that fire! #
0:20:54 > 0:20:56# I like to move it, move it
0:20:56 > 0:20:57# I like to move it, move it
0:20:57 > 0:20:59# I like to move it, move it
0:20:59 > 0:21:01- # I like to- Move it
0:21:01 > 0:21:03# I like to move it, move it
0:21:03 > 0:21:05# I like to move it, move it
0:21:05 > 0:21:06# I like to move it, move it
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- # Yeah, I like to- Move it! #
0:21:09 > 0:21:13HE BEATBOXES
0:21:25 > 0:21:28SWING MUSIC
0:22:04 > 0:22:06# If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe
0:22:06 > 0:22:08# I'd been married long time ago
0:22:08 > 0:22:09# Where did you come from Where did you go
0:22:09 > 0:22:11# Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe
0:22:11 > 0:22:13# If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe
0:22:13 > 0:22:15# I'd been married long time ago
0:22:15 > 0:22:16# Where did you come from where did you go
0:22:16 > 0:22:19# Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe? #
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Here we go!
0:22:33 > 0:22:35There's a very important part of being the Governor that
0:22:35 > 0:22:39I haven't mentioned yet, and that is, of course, your staff.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41I mean, what's the point of being in charge
0:22:41 > 0:22:43if there's nobody to boss about!
0:22:43 > 0:22:47But seriously, where would I be without Mr Burgess on hand
0:22:47 > 0:22:50to shout at everybody, or Miss Meadows with yet another
0:22:50 > 0:22:53of her bright ideas to liven the place up?
0:22:53 > 0:22:58Probably a good deal calmer, saner and with considerably less earache.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00But it wouldn't be half as much fun.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Which is why the final, and most important rule
0:23:03 > 0:23:05if you want to be the Governor is -
0:23:05 > 0:23:08Remember, you're not alone!
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Number one and number two.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13- There you go. - I'm going to need more than that.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Oh, no, any more than two sheets a day has to go through the office,
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- Miss Meadows.- But, but... - Go in there!
0:23:21 > 0:23:23- Ha!- Shoot!
0:23:25 > 0:23:29- Look, just one doughnut left. For me.- Sorry, sir, you can't have this.
0:23:29 > 0:23:34It's faulty, full of holes. I'll give it to Pablo, he won't mind.
0:23:34 > 0:23:40Well, sir, I bet you dough-not like that, do you, sir? Mm? Mm?
0:23:44 > 0:23:48- I'm glad you're happy here, Pat. - Thanks, Mum.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51You don't mind not being in charge?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Give me a year.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56MOTHER LAUGHS
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Oh, that's my girl!
0:24:04 > 0:24:05Well done!
0:24:05 > 0:24:08You've almost reached the end of this intensive course,
0:24:08 > 0:24:10and you now know as much as me about being
0:24:10 > 0:24:12the Governor of The Slammer.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15Don't worry if you haven't mastered every little detail,
0:24:15 > 0:24:18I haven't, and I certainly seem to muddle through somehow!
0:24:18 > 0:24:19'Not kidding.'
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Anyway, I've only one secret little move left to show you -
0:24:24 > 0:24:25it's this one!
0:24:25 > 0:24:28And reach, two, three. Pull, two, three.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Push, two, three. Pull, two, three.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Push, two, three. Pull, two, three.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35What have I shown you? Why, the correct way to pull
0:24:35 > 0:24:37the Showtime lever of course!
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Because at the end of the day, that's what it's all about -
0:24:39 > 0:24:42that moment where pull that lever
0:24:42 > 0:24:43and look divine.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45It's Showtime!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49It is...Showtime!
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Well, then, what a feeling.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59# Bein's believin'
0:25:00 > 0:25:02# I can have it all
0:25:02 > 0:25:08# Now I'm dancin' for my life
0:25:08 > 0:25:10# Take your passion
0:25:11 > 0:25:14# And make it happen! #
0:25:16 > 0:25:18It's Showtime!
0:25:18 > 0:25:20# You can dance right through
0:25:20 > 0:25:24# Your life! #
0:25:31 > 0:25:32It's Showtime!
0:25:39 > 0:25:43So, there you have it, from acrobats to balloon modellers,
0:25:43 > 0:25:45from clowns to dolphin impersonators,
0:25:45 > 0:25:49you now know everything you need to know about being a governor.
0:25:49 > 0:25:50But the truth is,
0:25:50 > 0:25:54the most important part about being a governor can't be taught.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58It's here. Right here.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02Without this, I wouldn't be half the Governor I am today.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Colin, my lucky jelly bean.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Every governor should have one.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Not this one, he's taken.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13And why is he my lucky jelly bean?
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Well, let me tell you a little story...
0:26:15 > 0:26:18It was my first day as Governor at The Slammer,
0:26:18 > 0:26:21and as I made my way into the office for the first time, I tripped
0:26:21 > 0:26:25on a discarded toilet brush and got my foot wedged in a dustbin.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28Disorientated, I tripped over the bookcase,
0:26:28 > 0:26:29allowing a jar of marbles,
0:26:29 > 0:26:32confiscated from Marblellous Maureen,
0:26:32 > 0:26:34to roll across the floor like deadly gobstoppers.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Skidding on the marbles, I found myself head-butting the desk,
0:26:37 > 0:26:40which made the drawers spring open to collide with my leg.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42I hopped around the room in agony until I slammed face
0:26:42 > 0:26:46first into a novelty cactus and fell to the floor,
0:26:46 > 0:26:50where, spitting spines from my lips like a portly porcupine,
0:26:50 > 0:26:51in my moment of despair,
0:26:51 > 0:26:56I spied, hidden under the rug, a jelly bean, this jelly bean.
0:26:56 > 0:27:01And I thought to myself, "Governor, this is your lucky day!"
0:27:02 > 0:27:06And if you follow my instructions, who knows, one day it could be you
0:27:06 > 0:27:09slipping over a toilet brush as you make your way
0:27:09 > 0:27:11into the Governor's office.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Thanks for watching,
0:27:13 > 0:27:16I hope you've enjoyed learning the tricks and skills of my trade!
0:27:16 > 0:27:18So, you want to be the Governor?
0:27:18 > 0:27:21Keep up the hard work and maybe one day you will be!
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Who's the Governor? I'm the Governor.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Yeah, I like the sound of that!