0:00:05 > 0:00:08# I can make my world come true
0:00:08 > 0:00:11# All my dreams will see me through
0:00:11 > 0:00:15# It doesn't matter what may come my way
0:00:15 > 0:00:19# Believe me now I will win some day... #
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Hey, Tracy.
0:00:21 > 0:00:27- Look at me!- Are you trying to put me off my breakfast?- What do you see?
0:00:37 > 0:00:40A duck.
0:00:40 > 0:00:45- But now?- A prize duck. I didn't realise they had duck contests.
0:00:45 > 0:00:50No, it's for a quiz and I answered the winning question.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53- What was it on?- How to oversleep!
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Oh, what?!
0:00:57 > 0:01:01It came to the final round. The atmosphere was electric.
0:01:01 > 0:01:06Then came my moment of ultimate glory and the question was...
0:01:06 > 0:01:10< Nathan, are you completely brainless?
0:01:10 > 0:01:14What do you get when you mix colours with whites?
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Don't tell me! Can I have a hint?
0:01:17 > 0:01:22You owe me! This season's colours are not sludge and puke green!
0:01:22 > 0:01:25OK, but I've got a great idea.
0:01:25 > 0:01:30We could all enter the National Youth Quiz and I'll be your coach.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33- How cool is that?- Not cool.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37- Come on. Why not? - Quizzes are for swots.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40- With sad, empty lives.- No offence.
0:01:40 > 0:01:45Come on. We need a little team spirit round here.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49This lot were sick the day they hand out brains.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53- Except me, of course. - ALL TALK AT ONCE
0:01:53 > 0:01:56All right, all right, all right!
0:01:56 > 0:02:01Never mind. It's just that the finals are held in London.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04You stay in a luxury hotel...
0:02:05 > 0:02:10..see a West End show and tour a TV studio.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14ALL TALK AT ONCE
0:02:20 > 0:02:25Well, yeah, I'm impressed. I thought I'd start coaching now.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29Our first match is tomorrow. Tomorrow?
0:02:29 > 0:02:34- Are you joking?- We'll never be ready in time!- What?!
0:02:34 > 0:02:37I signed 'em up already, you see.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41At least we can get on with professional coaching now
0:02:41 > 0:02:45- because the brains have arrived. - Eh?
0:02:45 > 0:02:49I think I'll coach them in small groups. What do you reckon?
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Yeah.
0:02:54 > 0:02:59You can't know everything, so you have to be selective.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03Pick a subject you already know a bit about like...
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- American football.- Finance.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09How about...
0:03:09 > 0:03:11geography?
0:03:11 > 0:03:14< History?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Religious studies?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23OK, US state capitals.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29US states?
0:03:31 > 0:03:35If we were computers, we wouldn't have a problem.
0:03:35 > 0:03:41- We're not.- And we have. You can get a whole encyclopedia on one chip!
0:03:50 > 0:03:54All working together - that's what I call team spirit.
0:03:54 > 0:03:59Who's gonna be on the team? All of us.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03- There's only three on each side. - Three?!- You're useless!
0:04:03 > 0:04:06You're witless! You're brain-dead!
0:04:06 > 0:04:12- You'll be just plain dead!- Enough! Only one way to sort this out.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Everyone votes for the person they want to be on the team.
0:04:16 > 0:04:21You'll get at least one vote. You can't vote for yourself.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Five sweets if you vote for me.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Six sweets if you vote for me.
0:04:31 > 0:04:36This is just a present, a sort of thank you in advance.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Yum!
0:04:40 > 0:04:45Right, everyone's voted. Apart from Dolly who's feeling sick.
0:04:45 > 0:04:50And our captain with the most votes is...Louise.
0:04:51 > 0:04:56We should be fine if we get any questions about flowers.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59And, second, we've got Bouncer.
0:04:59 > 0:05:04So we'll be fine if we've got any questions about...
0:05:04 > 0:05:06American football!
0:05:06 > 0:05:11- And third is...Tracy. - Yes, yes!
0:05:14 > 0:05:18'And the winner is Tracy Beaker!'
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Oi! Tracy!
0:05:32 > 0:05:37The future Brains of Britain are here.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48BONES CRACK
0:05:54 > 0:05:59Look at their pasty skins! They've been in the library for months.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03I bet they're rubbish at sports questions.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09'GUNSHOT'
0:06:11 > 0:06:14We're stuffed.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16They're gonna hammer us.
0:06:16 > 0:06:21We're gonna look like a bunch of dumb kids in care!
0:06:22 > 0:06:27Unless... Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
0:06:27 > 0:06:30It wouldn't be cheating exactly.
0:06:30 > 0:06:37So for the 92nd time, Louise, when I cough, it's the right answer.
0:06:37 > 0:06:42But I don't understand. How do you get the messages from Lol?
0:06:42 > 0:06:45- A mobile phone.- Oh, I get it!
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Hooray(!)
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- So when do- I- cough?
0:06:50 > 0:06:55- We're starting! > - Just answer the questions.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59You've got a one in three chance of getting it right.
0:07:06 > 0:07:12- What's SHE doing here?- Elaine's the quizmaster. We needed someone
0:07:12 > 0:07:17- to guarantee fair play.- She hasn't got a fair bone in her body!
0:07:19 > 0:07:22WHOOPING AND CHEERING
0:07:24 > 0:07:27ALL CHANT: Stowey, Stowey!
0:07:27 > 0:07:31- Can I have your attention, please? - CHANTING
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Quiet! Quiet, quiet!
0:07:36 > 0:07:43Thank you. I want everybody to just relax and have fun and, remember,
0:07:43 > 0:07:48- it's not winning that counts, it's taking part.- We'll thrash you!
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Yeah, whatever!
0:07:51 > 0:07:56- Right, we'll start with Bradley. - (Bouncer.)- The first question is...
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Better not be, "What's your name?"
0:07:59 > 0:08:02- Very funny(!)- Shut up!
0:08:02 > 0:08:08What were the very first words spoken down a telephone line?
0:08:08 > 0:08:10A, "Sorry, wrong number,"
0:08:10 > 0:08:15B, "Who is this?" or C, "Come here, I need you."
0:08:20 > 0:08:25(Yes!) OK, yeah, it's C.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29COUGHS THREE TIMES
0:08:30 > 0:08:33C. "Ring me back on my mobile."
0:08:35 > 0:08:39- Just kidding! "Come here, I need you."- Correct.
0:08:43 > 0:08:48Eamonn, your first question. Is the land
0:08:48 > 0:08:52connecting North and South America, divided by the Panama Canal,
0:08:52 > 0:08:58A, a peninsula, B, a causeway, or C, an i-i-i...
0:08:58 > 0:09:02- an isthmus? - Yeah! Go, Jim, go!
0:09:03 > 0:09:07- The answer is C, isthmus.- Correct.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Yes!
0:09:14 > 0:09:16- It's incredible.- Inexplicable.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Almost unbelievable.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23Give them credit. They've been trying really hard.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- They got every single question right.- Both teams?
0:09:27 > 0:09:31So they're a clever set of kids.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- They're sneaks!- Cheats! - Just like us.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Your point is? Better to lose fair and square.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42- Where does she get this rubbish? - Search me!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45So I've confiscated their phones.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47- Dolly! - You're a genius!
0:09:49 > 0:09:53And I've confiscated Amber's phones too.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56< Round Two!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Well?
0:10:02 > 0:10:06Was it A, B or C?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Um...
0:10:08 > 0:10:14- C, giant whale?- No, Mary did not ride into Bethlehem,
0:10:14 > 0:10:18sitting on the back of a giant whale.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23- A?- Or an ostrich! - LAUGHTER
0:10:23 > 0:10:27And the results of the second round are three-all.
0:10:27 > 0:10:33- Plan B, then.- What's that?- We act like a bunch of dumb kids in care.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Lucky I've come up with something!
0:10:47 > 0:10:51That's two out of three questions answered correctly
0:10:51 > 0:10:54in this, the final round.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58And the first question
0:10:58 > 0:11:03- to Stowey House is for Bradley again.- Huh? Oh, yeah.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07The war between the Greek city states and the Persian Empire
0:11:07 > 0:11:11was like a game of American football.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15How many yards do you need for a first down?
0:11:15 > 0:11:21- A, one yard, B, ten yards, or C, 100 yards?- Easy, ten! Um, B.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Correct.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36Thank you, Bouncer...Bradley. Now, Louise.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40Geography. In the foothills of the Himalayan Mountains,
0:11:40 > 0:11:45what flower would you be most likely to find? A, orchid,
0:11:45 > 0:11:49B, rhododendron, or C, self-raising?
0:11:49 > 0:11:54B, because they come from there. They need a sandy soil.
0:11:54 > 0:11:59- Except for the dwarf ones. They like it a bit...- Yes, B is correct.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03CHEERING
0:12:05 > 0:12:10Now, this would be the winning question if you got it right.
0:12:12 > 0:12:17What Christian name has the meanings of "warrior",
0:12:17 > 0:12:20"eloquent" and "brave"?
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Is it A, Charlotte...
0:12:25 > 0:12:28..B, Catherine
0:12:28 > 0:12:32- or C...?- That would be C, Tracy.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Correct.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37CHEERING
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Let me congratulate you
0:12:49 > 0:12:54on being, if not better than the opposition, at least more cunning.
0:12:54 > 0:12:59- When's the next match?- Not for a while. I called the organisers
0:12:59 > 0:13:04and asked them to disqualify both teams. Anybody have a problem?
0:13:04 > 0:13:07ALL SHOUT AT ONCE
0:13:07 > 0:13:12I'll ask you this. Who in the Bible was the father of King Solomon?
0:13:12 > 0:13:16And what was this doing behind the goldfish tank?
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Um, B, it's a very clever goldfish?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23I'm afraid this quiz is over.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26When you're as gorgeous as me,
0:13:26 > 0:13:30it's best not to let on about being clever as well!
0:13:30 > 0:13:36Subtitles by Subtext for BBC Broadcast 2003