0:00:05 > 0:00:08# I can make my world come true
0:00:08 > 0:00:11# All my dreams will see me through
0:00:11 > 0:00:14# Doesn't matter what may come my way
0:00:14 > 0:00:18# Believe me now, I will win some day... #
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Hey!
0:00:25 > 0:00:29What idiot sets you lot a family tree project?
0:00:29 > 0:00:33I've got some interesting royal ancestors.
0:00:33 > 0:00:38- You haven't enough family to fill a phone box.- I've got my mum.
0:00:38 > 0:00:43Your invisible mum who never comes to visit you. I've got a real dad.
0:00:43 > 0:00:48- You can include Carrie.- I thought we could only include humans.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Well, at least I've got someone.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02- And Lou might as well. Mightn't you, Lou?- Hmm.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07< Fostered by this lot? No chance!
0:01:07 > 0:01:12- Give it back!- You can't use them. They're not family.- Not yet.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15But after this picnic, who knows?
0:01:15 > 0:01:21They'll turn up all smiley-smiley. By teatime, everyone will hate you.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26- The two of you will have something in common.- Tell us about fostering,
0:01:26 > 0:01:30Miss Know It All. The promises, the forevers, then the dumping.
0:01:30 > 0:01:36Who was that woman who dumped you back here? Anyway, she's history.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41Just like you lot after the picnic. Louise will be alone again.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Just like you were, Tracy.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47What did I say?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54I'm not alone. I'm not!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- Yes!- Oi! >
0:02:07 > 0:02:09What do you think you're doing?
0:02:09 > 0:02:13- We're bored. - Yeah, B-O-R-D, bored.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16You can help with the gardening.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Hello?
0:02:25 > 0:02:30Big families are the worst. They'll treat you like a slave.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35She'll be fine. You'll see.
0:02:35 > 0:02:40Well, if by some miracle she is, that'll be the last you see of her.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45- And you've definitely confirmed the time?- Twice.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49I'd have done it at least three times and then...
0:02:49 > 0:02:54Look, I know this is my first case, but you can trust me, dude.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Just relax, Elaine.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- Sorry.- Just relax.
0:03:00 > 0:03:05- It's just fine.- And if it's not, who's gonna get the blame?
0:03:05 > 0:03:10- Eh?- Don't worry. Everybody goes weird when a fostering's in the air.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12It's a scary business.
0:03:12 > 0:03:17Yeah. Just imagine how the kids feel.
0:03:17 > 0:03:22- Oi, Justine! Coming shopping? - Yeah, in a bit.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25No, now. She's seeing me off.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Need her hand holding, does she?
0:03:27 > 0:03:30We'll still be best friends.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- For how long. For ever. Right, Justine?- Yeah.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37For a month. Maybe a week.
0:03:37 > 0:03:42She'll walk out the gates and not even remember what you look like.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45That's rubbish! Isn't it, Justine?
0:03:47 > 0:03:49I'm off. Coming?
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- Here we go.- It'll be fine.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Nathan's got everything sorted out.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09- Sure, I've got forms, documents and...- Louise?
0:04:09 > 0:04:14- Come on, Grandad. - Come on, Dad. Come on, kids.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Louise will be down in a moment.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30I'm sure everything's going to be fine.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34I'm not going and that's that. They're great people.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Sure. You'd fit in perfectly. >
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Just think - a real family.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44But what about friends? Justine's my best friend.
0:04:44 > 0:04:49At least she was until this stupid foster thing came up. I hate it!
0:04:50 > 0:04:55Oi, smiley! Can anyone use these stairs
0:04:55 > 0:04:57or are they for a special occasion?
0:04:57 > 0:05:02- Sorry. I can't get Louise to go on this picnic.- Course not.
0:05:02 > 0:05:07You're a trainee social worker. Even the trained ones are rubbish.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09You need help from a real expert.
0:05:09 > 0:05:14- If that's an offer, I'll take it. - I'm not cheap.- I can't pay.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- Ice cream?- Possible.
0:05:17 > 0:05:22- Coke?- Sure.- And I get to go on this naff old picnic with my client.
0:05:22 > 0:05:27- No, I couldn't.- Suit yourself. I tried.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- Hang on.- (Bingo!)
0:05:31 > 0:05:36- I won't go.- I don't blame you. Stupid fostering trips!
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Only real families matter.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43My mum and I ruled over a happy land.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47Then one day, the evil social workers invaded.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59My mum knew there was only one thing to do.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08Since then, I've been on hundreds of useless fostering trips.
0:06:08 > 0:06:14- Never again.- Right.- Some kids go on these trips for ice cream and Coke.
0:06:14 > 0:06:19Imagine that - using people just to get what you want!
0:06:19 > 0:06:24And to avoid one of Nathan's corned beef meatball lunches.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27- Hey, Tracy...- Hmm?
0:06:27 > 0:06:32- She's going.- She is? - Yeah, they're leaving now.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34- That's a relief.- Both of them.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Both?
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Yeah, she's taking Tracy with her.
0:06:39 > 0:06:44Tr...? AAAAAARRGGGHHH!
0:06:44 > 0:06:49- I've got a free day...- Can't stop. Louise is entering fostering hell.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53- I have to protect her interests. - Don't mess it up for Louise.
0:06:53 > 0:06:58It's a fostering. It'll mess up by itself.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- Louise might be luckier.- Get real!
0:07:01 > 0:07:06- You're a PC whizz, aren't you? - I wouldn't say that.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11Our PC crashed and I still have homework to finish when I get back.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Please?
0:07:17 > 0:07:21Are you sure it's OK Tracy coming with you?
0:07:21 > 0:07:23No problem.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28CHILDREN: Bye, Grandad!
0:07:28 > 0:07:35- Sure you'll be OK, Dad?- Yeah.- You behave!- They won't know I'm here.
0:07:35 > 0:07:40What's this? Computer games? On a day like this?
0:07:40 > 0:07:45- There's more to life than computer games.- Right(!)
0:07:45 > 0:07:49- I'd have learned survival skills. - Hold me back!
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Like catching wild animals.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54BOTH: Wild animals?
0:07:55 > 0:07:57There! Now we just wait.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03Yeah, a couple of decades should do it.
0:08:03 > 0:08:08What animal's gonna be dumb enough to fall into that?
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Aaagh!
0:08:14 > 0:08:19I hope you don't take out all your foster kids in these conditions.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22All? She's the first one.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26I see. They've got a lot to learn, haven't they, Lou?
0:08:26 > 0:08:31You have to look after kids like us, spoil us, lots of ice cream,
0:08:31 > 0:08:36- Coke, that sort of thing. - Really?- Or we could turn ugly.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40Believe me, you wouldn't want to see that!
0:08:40 > 0:08:43So do you have a regular job?
0:08:43 > 0:08:47- Seven days a week.- And wages? - Excellent.- How much?
0:08:47 > 0:08:51- Two-fifty.- 250,000 a year?
0:08:51 > 0:08:54And we only get a tiny bit of cake?
0:08:54 > 0:08:58- £2.50 an hour. - That's rubbish money!
0:08:58 > 0:09:02Other paper rounds only pay two quid.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06No-one's taking this fostering thing seriously.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Oh, some of us are.
0:09:13 > 0:09:17We only fire it away from the buildings, OK?
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- Of course.- How perfectly sensible!
0:09:20 > 0:09:26With any weapon, the key words are discipline and safety. Got that?
0:09:26 > 0:09:32- Yeah, discipline and safety. - Try that tree over there, Bounce.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35No, only fire it the other way!
0:09:36 > 0:09:39I bet he can't hit it.
0:09:39 > 0:09:44- Me? I was the best shot in our street.- I bet he could hit it.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46- No chance.- Which tree?
0:09:46 > 0:09:51- That one over there behind the summer house.- Just you watch!
0:09:53 > 0:09:55GLASS SMASHES
0:09:57 > 0:10:02Lou won't move in with people I don't know. You could be monsters.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06- That's us.- This might be just a big laugh for you,
0:10:06 > 0:10:10but not for me and Lou. Imagine being in a kids' home!
0:10:10 > 0:10:15- You've got no idea what it's like. - I know exactly what it's like.
0:10:17 > 0:10:22That's why I've always wanted a house full of kids. Happy kids.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Like her.
0:10:27 > 0:10:32- Oh.- So, do we get your approval?
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Don't rush me. I'll let you know.
0:10:37 > 0:10:42- What else can you show us? - There's starting a fire.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44- Yeah!- No, I'd better not.
0:10:44 > 0:10:49- OK, see you.- Yeah, this survival stuff yawns!- Yeah.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Hang on. I mean, I shouldn't.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56It could be. You might... Let's find a couple of sticks.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08CRACKLING SOUND
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Go on, you're good at this. Go on!
0:11:17 > 0:11:20CLEARS THROAT
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Hi, Duke.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27How's the garden?
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Oh, it's fine. It's in great shape.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Considering!
0:11:33 > 0:11:35STIFLED LAUGHTER
0:11:47 > 0:11:52- What happened? Is everyone OK? - Yeah, all back safely.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- Really?- It was wicked.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Nathan, I told you everything would be OK.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13- Bye!- Bye!
0:12:17 > 0:12:21- Oi!- Wait!- Grampy! Give me the GameBoy back!
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- Have you got a GameBoy?- Yeah.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29- Justine!- I'm not here!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37So...had a nice time?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Yeah, it was perfect.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43Well, nearly. They had this great cake with cream.
0:12:43 > 0:12:48But they only let us have one piece each. So I saved mine for you.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52We'll still be mates, won't we?
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Half each?
0:12:58 > 0:13:03I was promised two ice creams. I got one and had to share it!
0:13:03 > 0:13:07- Family life!- You can keep it. - Hear, hear!
0:13:07 > 0:13:12- Still, Louise deserves some love. - Yeah, we all do.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15That's true.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Now I've fixed the PC, you could finish your homework.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Oh, thanks a million(!)
0:13:35 > 0:13:40Subtitles by Subtext for BBC Broadcast 2003