The Bygraves/Down With School

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0:00:05 > 0:00:10# I can make my world come true All my dreams will see me through

0:00:10 > 0:00:14- # It doesn't matter What may come my way...- No! No!

0:00:14 > 0:00:18# Believe me now I will win some day. #

0:00:18 > 0:00:21MUSIC: Theme from "Captain Pugwash"

0:00:21 > 0:00:23AA-RRR!

0:00:23 > 0:00:26Say hello to the sharks. DOLLY SCREAMS

0:00:27 > 0:00:31Anything to say before I feed you to the fish?

0:00:31 > 0:00:36- Yeah, you're a big pathetic creep. - DOLLY SCREAMS

0:00:36 > 0:00:38BOTH: Look what he's doing to Dolly!

0:00:40 > 0:00:41Coward!

0:00:57 > 0:01:02- Are you all right?- Yeah. He said did I want to feed the fishes!

0:01:02 > 0:01:06- I didn't know he meant ME! - Come on, let's play.

0:01:06 > 0:01:08AA-RRR-RR!

0:01:08 > 0:01:11DOLLY SCREAMS

0:01:11 > 0:01:13Bullying, I'm afraid.

0:01:13 > 0:01:17- I don't like to tell, but... - You did the right thing.

0:01:17 > 0:01:23Tracy Beaker, Justine Littlewood, can I have a word, please?

0:01:23 > 0:01:27Can you believe that?! She thinks WE'RE picking on the tiddlers.

0:01:27 > 0:01:32- He's got to go. - The sooner he gets fostered, the better.- But who'd have him?!

0:01:32 > 0:01:36- You promised. - I said I'd try and sort something.

0:01:36 > 0:01:41- I want to see my grandpa. - I'd like someone to go with you.

0:01:41 > 0:01:46- I- could go with her. No, you're right. Bad idea. Never mind.

0:01:48 > 0:01:52Satisfied? Now there's two of us. SHE SNEEZES

0:01:52 > 0:01:55Watch my lips.

0:01:55 > 0:02:00It was Michael who was bullying Dolly.

0:02:04 > 0:02:06- Right, I give up.- Good.

0:02:06 > 0:02:11This nice couple have been in touch...again.

0:02:11 > 0:02:15They don't discourage easily. If you'd like to meet them, I could...

0:02:18 > 0:02:22Nobody in their right minds would live with these people.

0:02:22 > 0:02:28They're a total nightmare. Not to mention desperate. They'd foster anybody.

0:02:36 > 0:02:40- Tracy...- On second thoughts, could you set up at a meeting?

0:02:44 > 0:02:47- Who have you got? - What are you on about?

0:02:47 > 0:02:51Elaine's set us up with mystery families. It's like Blind Date -

0:02:51 > 0:02:55"Number 3, does your house ming of cabbage?"

0:02:57 > 0:03:01- "Michael - Barbara and Dave Crenshaw."- Ooh!

0:03:01 > 0:03:05- What, you know them?- I hope you like ballroom dancing.- Why?

0:03:05 > 0:03:09- She'll teach you. Just don't stare at her warts!- I don't wanna dance.

0:03:09 > 0:03:13You'll be happy just to get out of the car. They smoke - it reeks.

0:03:13 > 0:03:16- Of cigarettes?- No, cat sick(!)

0:03:17 > 0:03:20I could switch with you.

0:03:20 > 0:03:25- What do you want?- You'd better leave Dolly alone from now on. - Yes, all right.

0:03:34 > 0:03:38It's not too bad. Nice house, a good-sized garden.

0:03:38 > 0:03:42- It's the pits.- That's a bit harsh. - He shouldn't be in a nursing home.

0:03:42 > 0:03:47- There's nothing wrong with him. - Jackie? Jackie!- Grandpa!

0:03:47 > 0:03:51Hello, my love! They said you wasn't coming.

0:03:51 > 0:03:56They lied, then, didn't they? Grandpa, this is Crash.

0:03:56 > 0:03:58- Hi, nice to meet you.- Hello.

0:04:00 > 0:04:05- Oh, hi. Are you the...?- Bygraves, that's right.- You must be Tracy.

0:04:05 > 0:04:09- Let me look at you. - Tracy's not feeling very well.

0:04:09 > 0:04:12- Oh, dear.- That is a shame. - There's someone else.

0:04:12 > 0:04:17- He was meant to go out with another family, but they let him down.- Oh!

0:04:17 > 0:04:21You don't think he'd like to meet us, do you?

0:04:21 > 0:04:25I'd say there's quite a good chance. Follow me.

0:04:37 > 0:04:39Come and sit here, Michael.

0:04:44 > 0:04:48We're sorry the other lot let you down. Their loss.

0:04:48 > 0:04:50It must be so difficult.

0:04:50 > 0:04:52Yeah, well...

0:04:53 > 0:04:56I nearly forgot.

0:04:57 > 0:04:58Here.

0:05:01 > 0:05:05- It's a rhyming dictionary. - I bet you've not got one already.

0:05:05 > 0:05:08Um, no. Thanks.

0:05:08 > 0:05:11- Indispensable when you're writing a song.- Or poetry.

0:05:11 > 0:05:15I write the odd poem myself, Michael.

0:05:15 > 0:05:18Read him the one about the kittens.

0:05:18 > 0:05:21Um, could you excuse me a minute, please?

0:05:31 > 0:05:32(Michael!)

0:05:32 > 0:05:35Two people - loud.

0:05:35 > 0:05:39- Tell her that I'm sick.- Tracy said I don't have to do what you say.

0:05:39 > 0:05:43- Want to taste my cat o' nine tails? - Your what?!- You don't want to know.

0:05:43 > 0:05:48- How was I supposed to know? - Just how much are they?

0:05:48 > 0:05:52They just won the lottery. How much does that make you?

0:05:52 > 0:05:56- What if you didn't get on?- So what? I could go to boarding school,

0:05:56 > 0:06:01- have my own swimming pool and a pony.- Yeah. But what about Michael?

0:06:01 > 0:06:03He doesn't know yet.

0:06:03 > 0:06:06I will have to get them back off him before he twigs.

0:06:15 > 0:06:19- I'm afraid he's sick. Very, very sick.- And now,

0:06:19 > 0:06:23I'm much, much better. ..There. Now, beat it.

0:06:24 > 0:06:26Now then, where are we going?

0:06:30 > 0:06:33Bad luck, Beaker. Ker-ching!

0:06:42 > 0:06:44A hearse?!

0:06:45 > 0:06:49A funeral director, called Bygrave!

0:07:01 > 0:07:06HORN HONKS "The Funeral March"

0:07:06 > 0:07:10So, there I was, everyone in the stadium on their feet,

0:07:10 > 0:07:14and this Belgian and me neck-and-neck.

0:07:14 > 0:07:17Carry on, I'll just get some drinks.

0:07:17 > 0:07:21My legs were like rubber. He gets in front,

0:07:21 > 0:07:25then keels over, so I crawl across the line on my knees!

0:07:25 > 0:07:29- You should have heard that crowd roar.- Wow! You're fitter than me.

0:07:29 > 0:07:32Oh, by the way, you didn't tell me,

0:07:32 > 0:07:36who's your young lady friend? She seems very nice.

0:07:40 > 0:07:44This is fantastic. You shouldn't have gone to this trouble for me.

0:07:44 > 0:07:48- Oh, it was no trouble. - That's right.

0:07:48 > 0:07:51Poor Tracey, to be missing this.

0:07:51 > 0:07:52Shame.

0:07:52 > 0:07:55It's so nice sitting here with you.

0:07:55 > 0:07:59- If you only knew how much we'd wanted...- Nelly...

0:07:59 > 0:08:05So, your lives are really going to change. Have you thought about what is going to be like?

0:08:05 > 0:08:08Oh, Michael, all the time.

0:08:08 > 0:08:11I just think we should be a bit careful.

0:08:11 > 0:08:13Very wise.

0:08:13 > 0:08:17- You don't want to go and blow it all now, do you?- We certainly don't.

0:08:37 > 0:08:41Would you care to try one of these, Michael?

0:08:43 > 0:08:47- What are they? - They're my wife's speciality.

0:08:47 > 0:08:50Liver rissoles.

0:08:53 > 0:08:54Delicious.

0:08:54 > 0:08:57Do you like singing? I bet you do.

0:08:57 > 0:09:01We're in a choir.

0:09:01 > 0:09:04- Maybe you could join if...- Nelly!

0:09:09 > 0:09:13I'm sure you know this one. Join in if you like.

0:09:13 > 0:09:16# Kumbaya, my Lord... #

0:09:16 > 0:09:20CHILDREN GIGGLE # Kumbaya

0:09:22 > 0:09:26# Kumbaya, my Lord

0:09:26 > 0:09:29# Kumbaya

0:09:29 > 0:09:33# Kumbaya, my Lord... #

0:09:38 > 0:09:40- Hi.- Hi.

0:09:40 > 0:09:44- This is a nice place.- You've been at the Dumping Ground too long!

0:09:44 > 0:09:48Look, it might not be such a bad idea for your grandpa to stay.

0:09:48 > 0:09:51Don't be stupid.

0:09:51 > 0:09:55No, really. He, er, asked me who you were.

0:09:55 > 0:09:57What do you mean?

0:09:57 > 0:10:01If he can't remember who you were, maybe he needs some looking after.

0:10:01 > 0:10:04Does that look like someone who needs looking after?!

0:10:09 > 0:10:13- We've so enjoyed today, Michael. - Me too.

0:10:13 > 0:10:18We'd like to have a word with Elaine about you, if it's OK.

0:10:18 > 0:10:20Start the ball rolling.

0:10:20 > 0:10:25Really? That's great. I mean, if you haven't got too much to think about.

0:10:25 > 0:10:29- With the big win, and everything. - Win?- Yeah.

0:10:29 > 0:10:32- We haven't won anything.- But...

0:10:32 > 0:10:35- What about the Lottery?- Lottery?

0:10:35 > 0:10:38We don't do that. It's a mug's game.

0:10:46 > 0:10:49What were you two thinking?!

0:10:49 > 0:10:51We were just trying to help.

0:10:51 > 0:10:54- Help?!- Him get fostered.

0:10:54 > 0:10:57You wish. Michael!

0:10:57 > 0:11:02The one day I was hoping for a break.

0:11:02 > 0:11:06- So you mean, he's not leaving? - No, Justine.

0:11:06 > 0:11:09So that's it, then.

0:11:09 > 0:11:13Er, not quite. There's something that I want both of you to do.

0:11:14 > 0:11:18- So that's the story. - It was just a bit of fun. Sorry.

0:11:21 > 0:11:24We can't have children, you see.

0:11:24 > 0:11:26Silly...to get our hopes up.

0:11:26 > 0:11:30But...it's everything, don't you think?

0:11:30 > 0:11:33Having your own family.

0:11:37 > 0:11:41- Yeah, you're right.- It is.

0:11:41 > 0:11:44Look, we're really, really sorry.

0:11:44 > 0:11:47- Honestly.- If there's anything we can do...- Anything.

0:11:50 > 0:11:52That's the end of visiting time.

0:11:52 > 0:11:58Oh, hello! Can I introduce my granddaughter, little Jackie Hopper?

0:11:58 > 0:12:00Not so little now, eh?

0:12:00 > 0:12:03Well, time to move along.

0:12:05 > 0:12:10You've got a very nice place here. Which is your room?

0:12:10 > 0:12:13This is where YOU live.

0:12:14 > 0:12:16Is it?

0:12:16 > 0:12:18Oh, that's right.

0:12:18 > 0:12:21Miss you, love.

0:12:21 > 0:12:23I'll be back soon.

0:12:28 > 0:12:34- I could slip him out, if you stall the nurses for a minute.- Jackie!

0:12:34 > 0:12:37I don't think this is a good idea. Sorry.

0:12:37 > 0:12:41Don't worry. I'll get him out one way or another.

0:12:49 > 0:12:51Morning!

0:12:53 > 0:12:57Ah! Girls, we'll put yesterday behind us, shall we?

0:12:57 > 0:13:01- I've got new foster parents to show you.- I don't think so.

0:13:01 > 0:13:05- Too much of a minefield. - Who knew adults have feelings?

0:13:05 > 0:13:08- Besides, we've got a visit.- Oh?

0:13:08 > 0:13:12With who? CAR HORN BLARES

0:13:33 > 0:13:39You've got to admit this is miles better than doing your homework.

0:13:39 > 0:13:43I hate Mondays. Double mussel sprocket - yuk!

0:13:43 > 0:13:47- Hey, Crash, don't forget you've got a spelling test today.- Oh, no.

0:13:47 > 0:13:50Run away again, Jackie?

0:13:50 > 0:13:54Just cos your grandpa's a champion runner, it doesn't mean you are too!

0:13:54 > 0:13:58- That is enough, Michael. - You ought to lock her up, Shelley,

0:13:58 > 0:14:01now the school have chucked her out.

0:14:01 > 0:14:04- They didn't chuck me out! - Michael, enough!

0:14:04 > 0:14:06I just had better places to go, OK?

0:14:09 > 0:14:12ALARM SOUNDS

0:14:20 > 0:14:25They chucked you out so you have to do all your work here on your own...

0:14:25 > 0:14:28- in between running away.- Which part of "enough" don't you understand(?)

0:14:28 > 0:14:33At least Jackie didn't spend every lunchtime ALONE.

0:14:33 > 0:14:38Just drop it. Once Michael settles in he'll make lots of new friends.

0:14:38 > 0:14:42- ALL: No! - Jackie, I'm away today...

0:14:42 > 0:14:46- Great, I'll go and see Grandpa.- Your home tutor's left you lots of work.

0:14:46 > 0:14:49- Nathan will supervise you.- Nathan?!

0:14:49 > 0:14:52I'll see you later. And no more running away, OK?

0:14:52 > 0:14:55I'm not promising anything.

0:14:55 > 0:14:59- I wish I was staying home. - Me too, even if it is with Nathan.

0:14:59 > 0:15:04Tracey, you're not going to bunk off, are you? It's football today.

0:15:04 > 0:15:08- And treacle sponge. - And history with Miss Penwellyn.

0:15:08 > 0:15:12Oo-ooh(!) Big deal. I'd much rather spend the day with Jackie.

0:15:12 > 0:15:16- Why can't- I- have a bit of home tutoring too,

0:15:16 > 0:15:20- especially as Nathan's in charge? - Blah-blah-blah-blah...

0:15:31 > 0:15:36- You'd never pull it off.- Just watch. - Have a nice day at school, Michael.

0:15:38 > 0:15:41Have a good day at school, dudes.

0:15:41 > 0:15:45Hurry up, Bounce. You're going to be late for Miss Penwellyn.

0:15:47 > 0:15:51Layla, your physio's coming round today, remember?

0:15:51 > 0:15:54But I'll miss my play rehearsal.

0:15:54 > 0:15:58- It's all arranged. - But I'm the Psychopathic Fairy!

0:15:58 > 0:16:02I get to zap everyone into a coma!

0:16:03 > 0:16:06We're doing Sleeping Beauty.

0:16:06 > 0:16:11- Ah. Sorry, Pumpkin.- I don't want to miss school, Nathan.

0:16:11 > 0:16:14- It's not fair.- I know.

0:16:32 > 0:16:34Aaargh!

0:16:34 > 0:16:37- AAARGH! AAARGH! - Michael, what's happened?!

0:16:37 > 0:16:41- I fell down the stairs! My foot hurts!- Let's see.

0:16:41 > 0:16:43- AARGH!- I'll ring an ambulance.

0:16:43 > 0:16:48- No! I'd better get to school.- Whoa, dude! You're not going anywhere!

0:16:48 > 0:16:53- Oh. Have a nice day at school, Tracey.- Come on, you'll be late.

0:16:53 > 0:16:56Don't worry, Nathan. We're not going anywhere.

0:16:56 > 0:17:01- What?!- School stinks...big time. - Today, we're into home education.

0:17:01 > 0:17:04- You can't do that!- Jackie does.

0:17:04 > 0:17:08You've got to go to school! Think of the things you've got to learn,

0:17:08 > 0:17:12like who invented the bicycle and who discovered the potato.

0:17:12 > 0:17:16We're not going and there's nothing you can do about it.

0:17:19 > 0:17:23- You all right, Nathan?- Aargh! - Yeah, everything's fine.

0:17:23 > 0:17:25Come on. Quick, off you go.

0:17:25 > 0:17:29- Keep your wig on!- We're going. - Aargh!

0:17:54 > 0:17:58Jackie, it's about time you did some work now.

0:17:58 > 0:18:01Don't be a spoilsport, Nathan. I'm winning.

0:18:01 > 0:18:07- Chill out, Nathan.- Chill out? Me? Chill out?! Right, that's it!

0:18:08 > 0:18:14- What is?- You want to stay home? Fine. Meet your new tutor, dudes.

0:18:14 > 0:18:20So...two-thirds is bigger than three-quarters.

0:18:20 > 0:18:25No... It's gotta be the other way round. Or was it three-fifths?

0:18:25 > 0:18:29- Pass me that bit of cake, Tracey. - What, this one?

0:18:30 > 0:18:33- Mmm. This is yummy. - Stop eating the maths equipment!

0:18:33 > 0:18:35OK.

0:18:36 > 0:18:40- Want a fight?- Come on, then! - Pack it in now! Come on!

0:18:40 > 0:18:44- This isn't fractions! Come on! - Have another fifth!

0:18:44 > 0:18:47Nathan, try a sixth!

0:18:48 > 0:18:52- What on earth is going on?! - Eighth of cake, Elaine?

0:18:52 > 0:18:55Elaine, you got my message.

0:18:55 > 0:19:00No. I popped in to see Jackie. Why aren't you two at school, Tracey?

0:19:00 > 0:19:03We want to be home tutored too.

0:19:03 > 0:19:08Jackie's special. The school will take her back when she calms down.

0:19:08 > 0:19:11Blah-blah-blah. You can't force me to go!

0:19:11 > 0:19:15- And you can't force us! - I've tried everything.

0:19:15 > 0:19:18- They won't budge.- Right.

0:19:18 > 0:19:21Well, there's only one thing to do.

0:19:21 > 0:19:25- Phone Shelley, tell her to come back?- No, Nathan.

0:19:25 > 0:19:29Allow them to experiment with home education.

0:19:29 > 0:19:32- You're not serious...- Perfectly.

0:19:32 > 0:19:34I can't take it. There's this lot,

0:19:34 > 0:19:38Michael's fallen down stairs and hurt his foot,

0:19:38 > 0:19:40Layla's complaining about physio!

0:19:40 > 0:19:43Deep breath, Nathan.

0:19:49 > 0:19:51Exhale... Exhale now!

0:19:54 > 0:19:58Why don't you take a break? Go and make yourself a nice cup of tea.

0:20:00 > 0:20:02- I'll take over here.- You?!

0:20:02 > 0:20:04Right...fractions.

0:20:04 > 0:20:10Now, supposing I had a large pie and I cut it into pieces and...

0:20:10 > 0:20:14- What kind of pie? - I don't know. Um...

0:20:14 > 0:20:19- You don't know the flavour?! - It could be dodgy meat passed off as apple!

0:20:19 > 0:20:22Or snot and bogey.

0:20:22 > 0:20:26- The point is...- The point is, Elaine, this is very, very boring.

0:20:26 > 0:20:30- What do you WANT to learn about? - How about why we're here on Earth?

0:20:30 > 0:20:34The secrets of the universe? Or the solar system?

0:20:37 > 0:20:40Hi, Layla. Want a game of cards?

0:20:41 > 0:20:43Or something else? You choose.

0:20:43 > 0:20:48- Go away.- That's not very nice. You should be happy.

0:20:48 > 0:20:53- A day off school...- I didn't have a choice...unlike SOME people.

0:20:53 > 0:20:55How's the ankle?

0:20:55 > 0:20:58Yeah, funny, that, isn't it?

0:20:58 > 0:21:02One minute it's fine, the next it's not.

0:21:03 > 0:21:07- Shall I test you?- No! Go away! - I only asked!

0:21:10 > 0:21:12Hey, look, I can fly! I can fly!

0:21:12 > 0:21:17Michael, stop it! Give me them back! Michael!

0:21:17 > 0:21:19OK. Pay attention, everyone.

0:21:24 > 0:21:27I present to you...the solar system!

0:21:27 > 0:21:30I will demonstrate how a black hole operates.

0:21:30 > 0:21:34A black hole sucks in all matter... like this.

0:21:34 > 0:21:37- MOTOR WHINES - I'm not sure that's a good idea.

0:21:37 > 0:21:40Nothing can survive - planets, stars...

0:21:46 > 0:21:51- Elaine, Michael's got my costume wings!- I have not!

0:21:51 > 0:21:56- Layla, what would a big boy like Michael want with those?- Aargh!

0:21:56 > 0:21:58- Aargh!- Oh, you poor thing!

0:21:58 > 0:22:01How could you chase him like that, Layla?!

0:22:01 > 0:22:06- But...!- If you've got nothing better to do, you'd better join us.

0:22:06 > 0:22:08Right, we'll give the room a tidy,

0:22:08 > 0:22:11and then start some nice geography work.

0:22:11 > 0:22:16- Do you like geography, Michael? - Yes. It's my favourite subject.

0:22:16 > 0:22:18- Everything all right, Elaine?- Fine.

0:22:18 > 0:22:23- Layla, your physio cancelled, so you'll make your rehearsal.- How?!

0:22:23 > 0:22:28SOMEONE'S hidden my script and costume!

0:22:43 > 0:22:49..and little by little over hundreds and hundreds of years,

0:22:49 > 0:22:52slowly the river makes a new course.

0:22:52 > 0:22:56Taking a short cut, but doing it very slowly -

0:22:56 > 0:23:00so slowly that you wouldn't even notice it.

0:23:00 > 0:23:03Carving itself a new path,

0:23:03 > 0:23:06but still leaving the old route, which...

0:23:06 > 0:23:11- Where are you all going? - It's lunchtime, Elaine.

0:23:17 > 0:23:21I didn't think anything could be more tedious than school.

0:23:21 > 0:23:25But this has been my best day ever. It's so boring here on my own.

0:23:25 > 0:23:28Why are Nathan's sandwiches soggy?

0:23:28 > 0:23:31I'd swap them all for some treacle sponge.

0:23:31 > 0:23:35- Me too. It's the cross-country race this afternoon.- Is it?

0:23:35 > 0:23:39- I wish you'd come back to school, Jackie.- Me too.

0:23:39 > 0:23:43- They're giving away a silver cup for first prize.- You'd win easily.

0:23:43 > 0:23:45Layla?

0:23:47 > 0:23:52GLASS BREAKS Who said you could come in my room?!

0:23:58 > 0:24:02Think it's funny, do you?! My brother got me this!

0:24:02 > 0:24:05Well, see how funny you find this!

0:24:07 > 0:24:10Michael! No, I didn't mean...!

0:24:12 > 0:24:17- Give Layla her stuff back!- No way! I'm going to rip them to pieces!

0:24:18 > 0:24:23- Don't!- Michael, I thought you'd hurt your ankle.

0:24:24 > 0:24:28- Aargh!- That really is very naughty to pretend like that!

0:24:28 > 0:24:30He HAS hurt it, Elaine.

0:24:30 > 0:24:36One minute it's fine and the next it's not.

0:24:39 > 0:24:44- Sorry I broke your picture, Michael.- It's OK.

0:24:44 > 0:24:47Oh, I thought you were just pulling our leg.

0:24:49 > 0:24:51Let me help you.

0:24:51 > 0:24:53- Come on.- Aagh!

0:24:55 > 0:24:59Elaine, Nathan... I want to go back to school.

0:24:59 > 0:25:06School?! Yeah... Yeah, great! What an absolutely great idea!

0:25:06 > 0:25:09OK. I'll give the headteacher a call.

0:25:09 > 0:25:12Come on, let's go!

0:25:12 > 0:25:15My play rehearsal starts any minute.

0:25:15 > 0:25:18- Let me help you, Michael.- Aagh!

0:25:18 > 0:25:22We'll do some nice geography this afternoon.

0:25:22 > 0:25:25Are you sure about this, Jackie?

0:25:25 > 0:25:28110% sure. Aren't you, Jackie?

0:25:28 > 0:25:32I'm ready for school. I don't know if it's ready for me,

0:25:32 > 0:25:35but there's only one way to find out.

0:25:35 > 0:25:40# I can make my world come true All my dreams will see me through

0:25:40 > 0:25:44- # And the fight won't get me down - No! No!

0:25:44 > 0:25:47# My dreams will turn things All around

0:25:47 > 0:25:51# With a smile upon my face I can see a better place

0:25:51 > 0:25:54- # It doesn't matter What may come my way...- No! No!

0:25:54 > 0:25:59# Believe me now I will win some day. #

0:25:59 > 0:26:01E-mail us at subtitling@bbc.co.uk