The Snake

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0:00:06 > 0:00:11# I can make my world come true All my dreams will see me through

0:00:11 > 0:00:14- # It doesn't matter What may come my way...- No! No!

0:00:14 > 0:00:18# Believe me now I will win some day. #

0:00:18 > 0:00:21Hurry up, it's feeding time.

0:00:21 > 0:00:24Um...he's not here.

0:00:24 > 0:00:28- What?!- He's not in his box. - Course he is!

0:00:28 > 0:00:31You're just not looking proper.

0:00:31 > 0:00:33He's not there!

0:00:33 > 0:00:37- He's not in his box. - What's the matter? What is it?

0:00:37 > 0:00:39He's...gone!

0:00:41 > 0:00:43No...

0:00:46 > 0:00:49- What kind of monster gets up your nose?- A bogeyman!

0:00:49 > 0:00:52- THEY GIGGLE - Sid.

0:00:52 > 0:00:57What's the difference between an elephant and a biscuit?

0:00:57 > 0:01:01Have you ever tried dipping an elephant into a cup of tea?!

0:01:01 > 0:01:03It's funny.

0:01:03 > 0:01:07Uh-oh. Red alert, red alert - we have a sense of humour failure.

0:01:07 > 0:01:10I repeat, we have a sense of humour failure.

0:01:10 > 0:01:13SIREN BLARES

0:01:35 > 0:01:38OK, Sid...

0:01:38 > 0:01:41this'll make you laugh. Bounce, do your Dot Cotton impression.

0:01:41 > 0:01:43You're such a pretty girl, Sonia!

0:01:46 > 0:01:51- OK, Dot Cotton being attacked by piranha fish.- Sonia! Sonia!

0:01:51 > 0:01:54Oh, come on, Sid.

0:01:56 > 0:02:02This is really hilarious. Bounce, do your exploding alien.

0:02:06 > 0:02:08Yeah...

0:02:08 > 0:02:10Later, boys.

0:02:12 > 0:02:18- There's something wrong with him. - Doesn't he realise we're the funniest people here?

0:02:18 > 0:02:22- Comedy dream team - that's us.- If we can't make him laugh, no-one can.

0:02:25 > 0:02:28He was like my best mate.

0:02:28 > 0:02:30I could tell him anything.

0:02:30 > 0:02:35Call yourself a Wellard? Wellards don't cry over nothing.

0:02:35 > 0:02:38- But...- Nothing - got it?

0:02:38 > 0:02:41Me and Roxy are family. We're the only ones you need.

0:02:41 > 0:02:44Now, let's split up and search.

0:02:50 > 0:02:55Hi. My name's Bouncer and when I grow up, I wanna be a pop star.

0:02:55 > 0:02:58# I just can't get you outta my head

0:02:58 > 0:03:03# Boy, you're lovin' is all I think about... #

0:03:03 > 0:03:07- Have you been drinking that fizzy drink with all the additives?- No.

0:03:07 > 0:03:11- We're just trying to make you laugh. - You know, like this.

0:03:11 > 0:03:14I laugh as much as anyone else.

0:03:14 > 0:03:20- What? You never find anything funny. - I have a finely-honed appreciation of comic irony.- Yeah?

0:03:20 > 0:03:23So when was the last time you had a good proper giggle?

0:03:26 > 0:03:32# La, la, la La, la, la-la-la... #

0:03:36 > 0:03:39Has anyone seen Marco?

0:03:39 > 0:03:45- Sorry.- We were supposed to be making an animal hospital.- Oh, dear.

0:03:47 > 0:03:51Tell me the truth...

0:03:51 > 0:03:53Am I a humourless grump?

0:03:53 > 0:03:56No, come on. This is serious.

0:03:56 > 0:04:02- Tell me.- You've had a very heavy workload recently.

0:04:02 > 0:04:05- Is that code for "you've got no sense of humour"?- Well...

0:04:05 > 0:04:08It's... Everyone has...

0:04:08 > 0:04:10Yeah.

0:04:10 > 0:04:16That's ridiculous! I like a laugh as much as the next man.

0:04:17 > 0:04:18Aw!

0:04:18 > 0:04:22- Gotcha!- It's only plastic!

0:04:22 > 0:04:26That's childish and silly and it's totally unfunny. Isn't it?

0:04:29 > 0:04:31What's wrong with you?

0:04:34 > 0:04:37Are you looking for Marco too?

0:04:37 > 0:04:41- No, the snake's got out.- Cool. A snake?- His name's Rex.

0:04:43 > 0:04:45Go on, Rio, go and look in the hall.

0:04:45 > 0:04:48Go on. I heard a noise.

0:04:50 > 0:04:52What kind of snake is he?

0:04:52 > 0:04:55A slithery one. Lives near water.

0:04:57 > 0:05:01Get a grip or I'm not helping. Got it?

0:05:01 > 0:05:04I just couldn't bear it if anything happened to him.

0:05:08 > 0:05:11- Perfect. This can't fail.- Thank you.

0:05:11 > 0:05:15- I'm sure my bum looks big in this. - Oh, massive, massive.

0:05:15 > 0:05:20- The size of a large asteroid. - Enough of your cheek, Edna. Go in before your tights fall down.

0:05:20 > 0:05:26Off you go, little girl. We have an appointment with the manager of this magnificent establishment.

0:05:26 > 0:05:28- He doesn't laugh much.- If ever.

0:05:28 > 0:05:31Edna, I'm off again.

0:05:31 > 0:05:34- Hit me with your handbag. Not that hard!- Sorry!

0:05:36 > 0:05:41Good afternoon. We're here to foster a couple of children.

0:05:41 > 0:05:44Two...nice...bright...kiddies.

0:05:44 > 0:05:47No smelly ones. We don't want any riff-raff.

0:05:47 > 0:05:49You're rehearsing a play.

0:05:49 > 0:05:52Ah, I see what you're doing...

0:05:52 > 0:05:54What are you doing?

0:05:56 > 0:05:59You really do have a problem.

0:06:04 > 0:06:07- Have you seen Marco?- Sorry.

0:06:07 > 0:06:11Crash, you know about snakes, don't you?

0:06:11 > 0:06:14Snakes?

0:06:14 > 0:06:16Um...yeah! I know about snakes.

0:06:16 > 0:06:20Every type, every mutation, every variety.

0:06:20 > 0:06:23I wouldn't risk being caught face to face with one, though,

0:06:23 > 0:06:28and not know if whether it's a suffocater or a venom-spitter.

0:06:28 > 0:06:30Are you scared of them?

0:06:30 > 0:06:33No way! Snakes are...

0:06:33 > 0:06:35- cool.- OK.

0:06:35 > 0:06:38Which snakes live near water?

0:06:38 > 0:06:41Boa constrictors.

0:06:41 > 0:06:45They eat anything from a mouse to a live antelope.

0:06:45 > 0:06:48That's what Rio's got, then.

0:06:48 > 0:06:51You're joking!

0:06:51 > 0:06:56No. We have to find it before it gets really hungry.

0:06:56 > 0:06:59I'll get Jackie to help.

0:07:27 > 0:07:32Sid, there's a massive boa constrictor loose in the Dumping Ground. You've got to do something!

0:07:32 > 0:07:36Yeah, nice try, Crash. You nearly had me laughing.

0:07:36 > 0:07:41Maybe if you'd said there's a six-foot celery-snorting Yeti,

0:07:41 > 0:07:45I might have giggled. But a snake? Nah, bit predictable, really.

0:07:45 > 0:07:48- Sorry.- I'm not joking, Sid.

0:07:48 > 0:07:52- There's a very large, very hungry boa constrictor somewhere here!- Ooh(!)

0:07:52 > 0:07:56Health and safety won't allow it. What are you going to do?

0:07:56 > 0:08:00Forget it, Crash. It does not get more funny the more you labour it.

0:08:00 > 0:08:02Hang on, hang on.

0:08:02 > 0:08:07On a scale of one to ten, how funny would you say this is?

0:08:07 > 0:08:13- "What did one earwig say to the other earwig as they fell out the tree?"- I don't know. What?

0:08:13 > 0:08:17"Earwig-o, earwig-o, earwig-o."

0:08:19 > 0:08:22It's not funny.

0:08:25 > 0:08:28- You see anything?- No.

0:08:28 > 0:08:29- AH!- What?

0:08:29 > 0:08:32Something's there.

0:08:35 > 0:08:37It's only a vacuum cleaner.

0:08:37 > 0:08:40Of course. I knew that...

0:08:51 > 0:08:53Jackie.

0:08:55 > 0:08:57Wow. Marco! >

0:08:57 > 0:09:00Jackie! Layla! Pie and blancmange. Come and get it!

0:09:00 > 0:09:03PA-A-A-A-A-RP!

0:09:03 > 0:09:05ALL LAUGH

0:09:05 > 0:09:08The blancmange is off!

0:09:10 > 0:09:13Well, at least it's better than Crash's snake joke.

0:09:13 > 0:09:16No, Sid. There really is a snake. Really, really.

0:09:16 > 0:09:20Ooh! And I'm Posh Beckham's grandmother(!)

0:09:20 > 0:09:23It's Rio's. He's been keeping it a secret under Chantal's bed.

0:09:23 > 0:09:25And now he's gone!

0:09:26 > 0:09:30We can't find Marco anywhere, but we found Rio's snake.

0:09:30 > 0:09:32Oh, yes!

0:09:32 > 0:09:37- I'm afraid it's bad news. - Oh, no-o-o-o-o-o!

0:09:41 > 0:09:44Sorry, Rio, he's dead.

0:09:44 > 0:09:48By the look of things, he's been that way a long time.

0:09:48 > 0:09:53- We put him in Crash's snooker cue box.- His need is greater.

0:09:53 > 0:09:55SID SNIGGERS

0:09:55 > 0:09:57Sorry, it's just...

0:09:57 > 0:10:02- the long box.- It's Rio's pet in there.- It's not funny.

0:10:02 > 0:10:06- Yeah. I'm sorry.- Maybe we could bury him in the garden.

0:10:07 > 0:10:10Out. Now.

0:10:10 > 0:10:14Of course we could bury him in the garden if that's what you want.

0:10:14 > 0:10:18- I'd like to see him one last time. - I wouldn't, Rio.

0:10:18 > 0:10:20There's not much left of him.

0:10:20 > 0:10:22Aagh!

0:10:22 > 0:10:25Let it all out, Rio. I don't mind.

0:10:25 > 0:10:29He's alive. It's his skin. You thickos!

0:10:29 > 0:10:31He's just shed his skin!

0:10:31 > 0:10:33Rex lives!

0:10:36 > 0:10:37That's...great.

0:10:37 > 0:10:39- Where is he, then? - And where's Marco?

0:10:39 > 0:10:43- No-one's seen him all morning. - Layla! >

0:10:50 > 0:10:53BU-U-U-U-URP!

0:11:05 > 0:11:08SNAKE SNIFFLES

0:11:13 > 0:11:15Where have you...

0:11:15 > 0:11:19- been?- In the attic, making the animal hospital.

0:11:19 > 0:11:22Annabel can be our first patient.

0:11:22 > 0:11:25He's mine. His name's Rex and he's not sick.

0:11:25 > 0:11:29- But- I- found him.- He's a wild snake.

0:11:29 > 0:11:32- That right, Crash?- Yeah, sure...

0:11:32 > 0:11:35Just a harmless little...

0:11:35 > 0:11:36wild snake.

0:11:36 > 0:11:39It's harmless. Totally harmless.

0:11:39 > 0:11:42I just... I just...

0:11:42 > 0:11:44Chicken!

0:11:46 > 0:11:50He's a wild creature, Rio. He'll get sick if you keep him in a box.

0:11:53 > 0:11:56I'm not giving him up. You can't make me.

0:11:56 > 0:11:59- It'll be teatime soon. - Rex won't eat anything.

0:11:59 > 0:12:02Maybe he isn't happy.

0:12:02 > 0:12:04'I think you should let him go.'

0:12:04 > 0:12:07'He's gotta hang out with his snake mates.'

0:12:11 > 0:12:16Goodbye, Rex. I'll never forget you, my scaly little friend.

0:12:27 > 0:12:30Bye...

0:12:39 > 0:12:42- Are you all right, Rio? - I'm sure Rex will be OK.

0:12:42 > 0:12:46- You can have my cake tonight if you like.- Course. I'm all right.

0:12:46 > 0:12:52- What sort of wimp do you think I am? - Where's Marco?- Marco! Supper's here.

0:12:53 > 0:12:59I was just checking all my stick insects had gone. I set them free.

0:12:59 > 0:13:02- You said it was cruel to keep animals in a box.- I'll skip supper.

0:13:02 > 0:13:06- Yeah, me too.- I'll have yours, then.

0:13:10 > 0:13:12ALL SCREAM AND SHOUT

0:13:15 > 0:13:17ALL SCREAM

0:13:26 > 0:13:31# I can make my world come true All my dreams will see me through

0:13:31 > 0:13:36# And this life won't get me down My dreams will turn things all around

0:13:36 > 0:13:40# Put a smile upon my face I can see a better place

0:13:40 > 0:13:43# Doesn't matter what may come my way

0:13:43 > 0:13:45# Believe me now I will win someday. #