0:00:06 > 0:00:11# I can make my world come true All my dreams will see me through
0:00:11 > 0:00:14# Doesn't matter What may come my way
0:00:14 > 0:00:19# Believe me now I will win some day. #
0:00:19 > 0:00:21PHONE RINGS
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Hello.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26Oh, hiya.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29I'd love to but I'm up to my neck.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31RUMBLING FROM ABOVE
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Hold on. I'll have to call you back.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39ALL ARGUE THEN ARGUING SUBSIDES
0:00:40 > 0:00:44How did this happen? ALL: Accident.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48- What accident? - We were playing football and...
0:00:48 > 0:00:53- I knew you were too big. - He fouled me!
0:00:53 > 0:00:56- It was a good tackle.- Whoa!
0:00:56 > 0:01:01You were playing football on the pool table?
0:01:01 > 0:01:07You gotta be more responsible, you got everything here, the telly,
0:01:07 > 0:01:13you have this lovely big garden if you wanna play football.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16You're really lucky, even I'm lucky.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Who am I kidding? Lucky me.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Saturday afternoon and I'm in here...
0:01:24 > 0:01:27talking to furniture.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46- Hello, Sid.- Who are you?
0:01:46 > 0:01:50My references should explain everything.
0:01:50 > 0:01:55Constance Carlton, winner of the Care Worker of the Year Award.
0:01:55 > 0:02:00- Five years running.- Seven. - Why are you here?
0:02:00 > 0:02:05- Everybody has their problems. - Our kids are all right.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08They're not monsters.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12- I was talking about you.- Oh.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14You're overworked.
0:02:14 > 0:02:20If you don't take time out, you'll be talking to the furniture.
0:02:20 > 0:02:25- How did you know? - Time to meet our young persons!
0:02:28 > 0:02:35Hiya! You know that thing you wanted me to do, but couldn't? Well, I can!
0:02:36 > 0:02:42This is Constance Carlton and she's joining us for a while.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Constance is a care-working legend.
0:02:45 > 0:02:51Look who's talking. I've heard you're the best chef!
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Can't wait to try your chocolate souffle!
0:02:54 > 0:02:57They're quite tricky...
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Don't you mean challenging?
0:03:00 > 0:03:03I'm sure you could do it.
0:03:03 > 0:03:08You're right, I'll make one tomorrow.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Now, let me guess.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Jackie Hopper - our running star.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Bouncer - the budding chef.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23Lol - the footballer.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26And you must be Crash -
0:03:26 > 0:03:27the artist.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28What about us?
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Rio, Roxy,
0:03:31 > 0:03:36Chantal - yes... I know all about you.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42Course we can manage without you. Have a good time!
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Well, good luck...you'll need it!
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- Afternoon!- Good afternoon, Sid.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51Sorry. All visitors must be approved.
0:03:51 > 0:03:56- I'm not a visitor - I practically live here, don't I?- Sad but true.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- You're Tracy Beaker. - Yeah. That's right. Excuse me.
0:04:01 > 0:04:06I believe some youngsters formed a Beaker Club, inspired by you.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Well, I AM pretty inspiring.
0:04:08 > 0:04:14They made flour bombs and put care worker's underwear on their heads.
0:04:14 > 0:04:19- All leaders get misinterpreted. - We can do without your influence.
0:04:25 > 0:04:30- GENERAL HUBBUB You're on this side, now?- QUIET!
0:04:30 > 0:04:33We ought to talk about your care plans.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37- Our care plans?- Elaine and I made a few revisions.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44What?! Anger-management counselling every day?
0:04:44 > 0:04:48I think you've just proved you DO.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51YOU want to send US to separate foster homes?
0:04:51 > 0:04:55Well, we think it'll really give you a chance to blossom.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59They're only a three-hour train journey apart.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03- You can't do this! - Let's talk to Sid.- Sid's not here.
0:05:04 > 0:05:12- But care plans can change...- What do you want from us?- Well...
0:05:12 > 0:05:16if you can prove that you can function well together...
0:05:16 > 0:05:20with good behaviour, I might rethink.
0:05:20 > 0:05:25But that's enough serious talk. Time to relax and watch telly.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Just in time for Celebrities Go Nuts In The Zoo.
0:05:28 > 0:05:34- I thought we'd watch a documentary on potatoes.- I'm out of here.
0:05:34 > 0:05:39I hope you're not being antisocial. Perhaps counselling would help.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57Oi! 'Prisoner escaping!'
0:06:05 > 0:06:07You won't believe what happened.
0:06:07 > 0:06:13- What is HE doing here?- Rehearsing. - What, Boring Care Workers.- No.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17The Young Rebels, a drama set in the '50s.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Sid's Danny T, the leader of a motorcycle gang.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25One of the members dropped out. I'm sure Constance can manage.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28She just chucked me out!
0:06:28 > 0:06:32I'm sure she was just being cautious. When she gets to know you...
0:06:32 > 0:06:39- ..She'll put bars on the windows. - Where's the telly?
0:06:39 > 0:06:44- And the games console...? - Constance!- I don't believe this.
0:06:44 > 0:06:49You know...I've always believed that only boring people get bored.
0:06:49 > 0:06:54- Right! And we're not boring, so...we're fine, aren't we?- No.
0:06:54 > 0:07:00- We've got nothing to do. - Oh, really? Don't look so gloomy!
0:07:00 > 0:07:04- We're here to have fun! - What sort of fun?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07The best kind - mathematical fun!
0:07:07 > 0:07:11Welcome to Cliffside Matholympics!
0:07:11 > 0:07:14I've got to run through a few rules.
0:07:14 > 0:07:19No calculators, no mobile phones, no talking...
0:07:21 > 0:07:26Rules...you can take your rules and you can shove 'em up yer...
0:07:27 > 0:07:31- I haven't got this, have I?- Um...
0:07:31 > 0:07:35- Maybe it's the outfit. - Yeah, that shirt's minging.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38'50s clothes might help.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42I've got stuff from theatre group.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46She is taking this too seriously.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50She's a writer. This play's her baby.
0:07:50 > 0:07:56Why does she need a baby? She's got ME. This '50s stuff is so lame!
0:07:56 > 0:08:02- Have you imagined anything so it felt real?- I might have, once.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23- Duke, you have to help us.- Only if you help me with me souffles.
0:08:23 > 0:08:28- I can't get 'em to rise!- You have to get Constance sacked.- Why?
0:08:28 > 0:08:32- She made us do maths.- Is that all? - "All"?!
0:08:32 > 0:08:34- Why? What else has she done?- She...
0:08:34 > 0:08:41- She... er...nothing. - Glad to hear it.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44So...how do we get rid of Constance?
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- We've gotta call Tracy. - Running to the Beaker(!)
0:08:47 > 0:08:52- Let's hear your ideas, then.- No. - We're going straight.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59She's beaten the Wellards. We haven't got a chance.
0:08:59 > 0:09:04- You don't HAVE to fight! - Hey, no chick tells ME what to do!
0:09:05 > 0:09:08I'm not saying that! PHONE RINGS
0:09:09 > 0:09:14Hello, National Theatre of Sad-land! Oh, Crash. What's wrong?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17No, it sounds great - carry on.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22I do what I wanna do, and if you don't like it, you can stick it!
0:09:22 > 0:09:25- That's terrible!- You're not wrong!
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Here - my permission form.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- When did Sid write this?- Just now.
0:09:35 > 0:09:41- He was dressed like a reject from Grease.- A likely story(!)- Ring him.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Goodbye, Miss Beaker.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51- Thanks for distracting her. - No problem. Come on!
0:09:53 > 0:09:56What part of "evil dictator" don't you understand(?)
0:09:56 > 0:10:02- Constance has done good work. - Like what?- Like...Traverse House.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06She turned it around.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10- Know what? You're so right. - But that outfit is so wrong.
0:10:11 > 0:10:16The kitchen has a sprinkler system, which is triggered by smoke...
0:10:16 > 0:10:18caused by...
0:10:18 > 0:10:22for example...burnt toast. It's the most genius plan ever invented,
0:10:22 > 0:10:27because it's all based on science - the force of magnetism and gravity.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31- Always keep it simple... - ..And it can't go wrong.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36Constance will be baffled by the laws of physics and chemistry.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39The ancient power of toast.
0:10:39 > 0:10:44- We'll only let her out if she agrees to leave.- Sorted.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46BEEPING
0:10:49 > 0:10:50BEEPING STOPS
0:10:58 > 0:11:03- Don't you know it's dangerous to set booby traps?- No, it's...
0:11:03 > 0:11:07It's just a snack. I like my toast...crunchy.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Well, you'd better eat it up, then.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Mmm. Delicious.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Oi, you!
0:11:20 > 0:11:25- The pigs!- Shut up! It's Crash and the Beaker. What do YOU want?
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Haven't seen you Traverse House lot for a while.
0:11:28 > 0:11:34- We had this evil care worker. - Was that...Constance Carlton?
0:11:34 > 0:11:39- Constance COW, we called her. - Want to get your own back?
0:11:39 > 0:11:45- If we knew where she'd gone. - Oh, come on, Sid. You can do this.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48I can't do it. I can't get angry.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53- We're gonna have to cancel the show. - Cancel? It took months to write.
0:11:53 > 0:11:58Just say the lines. What kind of wuss can't do that?!
0:11:58 > 0:12:01And what would YOU know?
0:12:01 > 0:12:07You don't know what it's like in an audience. Get off my back!
0:12:07 > 0:12:14I think you've got it! That documentary was so...inspiring,
0:12:14 > 0:12:16I just had to buy enough potatoes.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20We can all keep a potato diary and chart the progress.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Great. What are we waiting for? Let's get out there.
0:12:26 > 0:12:32- Come on, then, everybody! Come on, come on!- Hello, losers!
0:12:32 > 0:12:36Did YOU do this? Sian!
0:12:36 > 0:12:42- Christopher!- You got a problem? - You should be doing your homework,
0:12:42 > 0:12:44not vandalising.
0:12:44 > 0:12:51- Homework's for losers.- We don't need to worry about vegetables.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54You've stopped eating vegetables?!
0:12:54 > 0:13:00But I only left three days ago! A whole year's work ruined!
0:13:05 > 0:13:10Duke! I got your text messages. What's up? Where's Constance?
0:13:10 > 0:13:16She just left. Said she had to go back to Traverse House.
0:13:18 > 0:13:24Mmm! Right, you lot! What have you been doing to poor old Constance?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27What's all this in aid of?
0:13:27 > 0:13:32- We realised how lucky we are to have you.- Yeah?
0:13:32 > 0:13:35- Never go away again.- Hey...!
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Subtitles by BBC Broadcast 2004