Love and War

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0:00:06 > 0:00:11# I can make my world come true All my dreams will see me through

0:00:11 > 0:00:14- # It doesn't matter What may come my way...- No! No!

0:00:14 > 0:00:18# Believe me now I will win some day. #

0:00:19 > 0:00:23TV: 'Today, we are profiling the life of Obadiah Johnson.

0:00:23 > 0:00:26'He was a highly successful secret agent,

0:00:26 > 0:00:30'well known for his skills as a deadly poisoner.

0:00:30 > 0:00:34'He worked with an accomplice known only as Cyanide Sue.

0:00:34 > 0:00:39'Their favourite method was to slip poison into their victim's soup.'

0:00:39 > 0:00:44- Finders keepers, Crash! - Look, it was in my room, on my bed!

0:00:44 > 0:00:48Please can I have some peace and quiet?!

0:00:48 > 0:00:52I'm trying to get this recipe right for Jane,

0:00:52 > 0:00:57- and I can't even hear myself think! - Too late, she's just arrived.- Oh...

0:00:57 > 0:00:59Out! Go on, out!

0:00:59 > 0:01:03I don't know why you're making such a fuss over her, anyway.

0:01:03 > 0:01:06Her family's from the same island as my family,

0:01:06 > 0:01:11so I'm preparing this local speciality - knock 'em dead soup.

0:01:11 > 0:01:16- Knock 'em dead?- It's not just soup, it's a way of life.

0:01:16 > 0:01:19When I get it right, this stuff is lethal!

0:01:19 > 0:01:23- I saw this one...- Hey, everyone, I'd like you to meet Jane.

0:01:23 > 0:01:28- She's a student care-worker and she'll be here a few days.- Hello!

0:01:28 > 0:01:32Hey, Norwich City... You like football?

0:01:32 > 0:01:37- But if you're a Norwich City fan, maybe you don't.- That's Lol,

0:01:37 > 0:01:40and this is his brother Bouncer.

0:01:41 > 0:01:44Bouncer, are you all right?

0:01:59 > 0:02:01OK, boss, Duke here.

0:02:01 > 0:02:05Knock 'em dead. ..That's right. I need to know now.

0:02:05 > 0:02:08I know it's a secret!

0:02:08 > 0:02:12Look, spill the beans before it's too late.

0:02:12 > 0:02:14Got to go.

0:02:14 > 0:02:16(Too many people around.)

0:02:30 > 0:02:33Jane...you are to me

0:02:33 > 0:02:35What Norwich Citeee

0:02:35 > 0:02:37Would to me be

0:02:37 > 0:02:39If I went to see

0:02:39 > 0:02:41Them every Saturdeee.

0:02:43 > 0:02:45Bouncer?!

0:02:45 > 0:02:47Sorry.

0:02:49 > 0:02:51Oh, dear.

0:02:51 > 0:02:53It's not what you think.

0:02:53 > 0:02:57All right, it is. It's a poem for Jane.

0:02:57 > 0:03:01But it's useless! I can't give her any of this rubbish.

0:03:01 > 0:03:06A letter would be more romantic. I could write it for you.

0:03:06 > 0:03:10No, no. Just go away - I need to be alone.

0:03:10 > 0:03:13OK.

0:03:14 > 0:03:17Do you really think a letter might work?

0:03:17 > 0:03:21You've got to deliver this letter to Jane's house.

0:03:21 > 0:03:24And don't open it, it's from Bouncer.

0:03:24 > 0:03:26OK.

0:03:26 > 0:03:30- Where does she live? - You'll have to find out. Be cunning.

0:03:30 > 0:03:35You have to be really clever, Marco. You can't let her suspect a thing.

0:03:45 > 0:03:48OK, that's far enough.

0:03:48 > 0:03:50Give us the letter.

0:03:52 > 0:03:54Such a loyal little postman.

0:03:54 > 0:03:58But Bouncer won't thank you when he has to visit you in hospital.

0:03:58 > 0:04:02Think about it. You know it makes sense.

0:04:11 > 0:04:17This'll keep you all quiet when it's finished. Here, try this.

0:04:19 > 0:04:21It's all right.

0:04:24 > 0:04:28Still not right. Something's missing...

0:04:28 > 0:04:33- Knock 'em dead!- Hi, Duke. Any luck with our "little problem"?

0:04:33 > 0:04:38I called the boss, but I still don't know the secret ingredient.

0:04:40 > 0:04:42Mmm. This stuff is to die for!

0:04:42 > 0:04:46Yeah, but it's still not quite right.

0:04:46 > 0:04:49Hayley, you try it.

0:05:09 > 0:05:13"Jane, finding the right words to say how I feel for you

0:05:13 > 0:05:18- "is like looking for the purple ones in the pick'n'mix of life." - What a sap!

0:05:18 > 0:05:22"You are like the light in the fridge -

0:05:22 > 0:05:25- "always on, even in the cold and dark."- What?

0:05:25 > 0:05:30- Wouldn't it be cool if we wrote back?- Why? We don't like Bouncer.

0:05:32 > 0:05:36No, but if we write to him, and he thinks it's Jane...

0:05:36 > 0:05:38Ah, and "Jane" asks for presents?

0:05:38 > 0:05:41Get with the programme, Rio.

0:05:41 > 0:05:45We write... he gives... we get. Like it!

0:05:45 > 0:05:47Pen, paper - now!

0:05:50 > 0:05:53HE GROANS

0:05:55 > 0:05:57What's the matter?

0:05:57 > 0:06:01I dunno. Bad stomach. Must have been something I ate.

0:06:01 > 0:06:04'Knock 'em dead soup.

0:06:04 > 0:06:07'This stuff's lethal...lethal...lethal!'

0:06:12 > 0:06:15Bouncer! She's written back!

0:06:26 > 0:06:29Well, what did she say?

0:06:29 > 0:06:31- "I like a man in yellow shorts." - What?

0:06:33 > 0:06:36Hi, Jane.

0:06:37 > 0:06:40- Hi, Lol! - You look like a fruit salad!

0:06:40 > 0:06:42It's to impress Jane.

0:06:42 > 0:06:46- I'll impress her with the scorpion kick!- Scorpion kick?

0:06:46 > 0:06:48- Bounce...- Ready, Lol?

0:06:48 > 0:06:51Bouncer, don't! Bounce!

0:06:51 > 0:06:53- Ready?- Bouncer!

0:06:53 > 0:06:54Seriously!

0:06:54 > 0:06:56Chuck it up!

0:07:02 > 0:07:05Bouncer, are you OK?

0:07:06 > 0:07:08Yeah...

0:07:08 > 0:07:12Yeah, I'm fine.

0:07:13 > 0:07:15Just give me two minutes, OK?

0:07:23 > 0:07:25Jane!

0:07:25 > 0:07:26Jane!

0:07:26 > 0:07:28I've got it!

0:07:33 > 0:07:35(Brilliant. Well?)

0:07:35 > 0:07:40(Lady's fingers. That's what we need. Come on.)

0:07:51 > 0:07:53..Best wishes,

0:07:53 > 0:07:55Bouncer.

0:08:01 > 0:08:04I'm not taking it. I'm on strike.

0:08:04 > 0:08:06Postmen only strike at Christmas.

0:08:06 > 0:08:10It's more romantic if it's delivered to her house.

0:08:10 > 0:08:14Something's not right. She told me she's got a boyfriend.

0:08:14 > 0:08:18- She's not married - I'm still in with a chance.- Look at this letter!

0:08:18 > 0:08:21- The handwriting is terrible. - That's a sign of intelligence.

0:08:21 > 0:08:26- It's totally unprofessional. - Well, romance is dangerous.

0:08:33 > 0:08:36Let's not do anything rash now, Postie.

0:08:36 > 0:08:39Just hand it over,

0:08:39 > 0:08:41nice and slow.

0:08:43 > 0:08:47They're trying to poison us with that soup.

0:08:47 > 0:08:50They've found special ingredients -

0:08:50 > 0:08:53it's fingers!

0:08:55 > 0:08:57They're trying to poison us!

0:09:03 > 0:09:05Oh...

0:09:05 > 0:09:08# I've got a letter, a love letter

0:09:08 > 0:09:11# I've got a letter

0:09:13 > 0:09:16# I've got a letter

0:09:16 > 0:09:18# She loves me... #

0:09:20 > 0:09:22"Dear Bouncer...

0:09:22 > 0:09:25"..boyfriend...

0:09:26 > 0:09:28"..rabbit...

0:09:29 > 0:09:31"..chocolates?"

0:09:35 > 0:09:39Dear Jane, just to say Mr Sniffles the rabbit is on his way,

0:09:39 > 0:09:45with lots of chocs in a beautiful box for you to eat today.

0:09:52 > 0:09:54Marco! Marco!

0:10:01 > 0:10:02- Layla!- >

0:10:05 > 0:10:10Poisoner! You tried to poison Crash with this soup!

0:10:10 > 0:10:12I didn't try to poison Crash!

0:10:12 > 0:10:16Do you know how much chocolate he ate yesterday?

0:10:16 > 0:10:19Well, you tried to put us all to sleep,

0:10:19 > 0:10:23and I heard you talking on the phone to the boss.

0:10:23 > 0:10:25Oh, the boss?!

0:10:25 > 0:10:29Don't tell Sid, but that's my auntie from the Caribbean.

0:10:29 > 0:10:32I'm not supposed to make international calls.

0:10:32 > 0:10:36But you put lady's fingers in the soup!

0:10:38 > 0:10:40Lady's fingers?

0:10:40 > 0:10:43Okra - the secret ingredient.

0:10:43 > 0:10:47This soup's not poison. It's ambrosia. Watch.

0:10:49 > 0:10:51Mmm...

0:11:03 > 0:11:04Marco!

0:11:10 > 0:11:13Thank you, Postie.

0:11:13 > 0:11:15I'll take the chocolates.

0:11:15 > 0:11:17And I'll take Mr Sniffles!

0:11:17 > 0:11:20THEY YELL

0:11:20 > 0:11:23Give it back! Give it here!

0:11:23 > 0:11:25ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

0:11:29 > 0:11:32Where did you get them from?

0:11:32 > 0:11:34Sniffles, I believe is his name.

0:11:34 > 0:11:38- Oh, dear. - OK, Bounce, nobody's perfect.

0:11:38 > 0:11:42You, me, Layla, we've all made mistakes.

0:11:42 > 0:11:46Sometimes it's better to raise both hands and say, "OK, I goofed."

0:11:46 > 0:11:50Humiliation is a part of growing up.

0:11:50 > 0:11:52- What are you talking about? - How do I put this?

0:11:52 > 0:11:56Chantal, Roxy and Rio wrote Jane's letters.

0:11:56 > 0:11:59- They've been making a fool out of you.- You what?

0:11:59 > 0:12:01Jane never even got your letters.

0:12:03 > 0:12:05So I'm still in with a chance, then?

0:12:05 > 0:12:09Bouncer, she thinks you're mad.

0:12:09 > 0:12:12Anyway, I'm not writing any more.

0:12:12 > 0:12:15Rise above the situation, Bounce.

0:12:15 > 0:12:18Be a man.

0:12:19 > 0:12:20Oi!

0:12:20 > 0:12:25That's my rabbit. I've got the ears to prove it.

0:12:25 > 0:12:28Here, take him, but remember -

0:12:28 > 0:12:31he's more of rabbit than you'll ever be!

0:12:34 > 0:12:37And we'll have these!

0:12:39 > 0:12:42Hmm, knock 'em dead soup...

0:12:42 > 0:12:44Hmm. Nice!

0:12:44 > 0:12:47Octopus, is it? Snail?

0:12:47 > 0:12:49- Mouse?- No.

0:12:49 > 0:12:54No, I can't say. It's a secret family recipe.

0:12:57 > 0:13:00Um, Jane. We bought these for you.

0:13:00 > 0:13:05We've eaten half, but there's plenty left. We enjoyed having you here.

0:13:05 > 0:13:10- I suppose I'd better practise my scorpion kicks, though!- Hmm!

0:13:14 > 0:13:19I'm proud of you, bro. You see, you can do it. She's just a chick.

0:13:19 > 0:13:26- Hi, I'm the new student. Is this a good time?- Yeah! Have some soup!

0:13:27 > 0:13:30- Lol? Lol, are you all right?- Yeah!

0:13:30 > 0:13:32Lol?

0:13:33 > 0:13:35Boys!

0:13:35 > 0:13:40# I can make my world come true All my dreams will see my through

0:13:40 > 0:13:42- # And the fight won't get me down - No! No!

0:13:42 > 0:13:45# My dreams will turn things All around

0:13:45 > 0:13:49# With a smile upon my face I can see a better place

0:13:49 > 0:13:52- # It doesn't matter What may come my way...- No! No!

0:13:52 > 0:13:56# Believe me now I will win some day. #