0:00:02 > 0:00:05I was hit by a can, opened it and out popped a genie!
0:00:05 > 0:00:08# Three wishes set me free
0:00:08 > 0:00:10# Trust me I'm a genie
0:00:10 > 0:00:13- # Wish one -- And on that first day
0:00:13 > 0:00:16- # I got my very own cafe -- Taa-daa!
0:00:16 > 0:00:18- # Wish two -- That was cool
0:00:18 > 0:00:22- # I got my own swimming pool - Hee-hee!
0:00:22 > 0:00:25# But then I dropped the magic can
0:00:25 > 0:00:27# And it filled with sand
0:00:27 > 0:00:30# And the works got jammed
0:00:30 > 0:00:33- # Wish three -- a total catastrophe
0:00:33 > 0:00:35# The genie raved and ranted
0:00:35 > 0:00:38# But no third wish was granted
0:00:38 > 0:00:41# If one more wish comes true
0:00:41 > 0:00:44# Then I'll be free from you
0:00:44 > 0:00:47# Trust me I'm a genie. #
0:01:00 > 0:01:03AUDIENCE: Ooo! Wow! Oh!
0:01:06 > 0:01:11And so, dear viewer, do you believe what you see?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Can you truly trust your eyes?
0:01:13 > 0:01:17Does magic really exist?
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Is it just an illusion?
0:01:23 > 0:01:27AUDIENCE: Wow!
0:01:31 > 0:01:35I just love expensive chocolate.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Gold...into chocolate.
0:01:37 > 0:01:42Those vibes can't come through the screen, can they?
0:01:42 > 0:01:45- Oh.- Wow! The Great Alfonso rocks!
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Wouldn't it be great to do magic like that?
0:01:48 > 0:01:51You'd need a wand...and talent.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55Ha, he's short on both.
0:01:55 > 0:02:01- Oh!- There's no reason a cool dude like you couldn't be a magician.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05I mean, how do you think this Alfonso guy became so good?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Um...practice?
0:02:08 > 0:02:11No need to practise with a magic wand
0:02:11 > 0:02:13that would obey your every command.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17A magic wand! I like the sound of that!
0:02:22 > 0:02:23Wow!
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Abracadabra!
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Woo-hoo!
0:02:31 > 0:02:33ALL: Yay!
0:02:38 > 0:02:40What are we waiting for?!
0:02:40 > 0:02:45- I wish to have a magic wand that will do as I command.- You got it!
0:02:45 > 0:02:47I call upon the powers that be
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Give Diego a wand
0:02:50 > 0:02:52And set me free!
0:02:57 > 0:03:01Wow! Just like one of the Great Alfonso's wands!
0:03:01 > 0:03:05Yeah, well, hurry up and get waving, Diego.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09- One piece of magic and I'll be free! - Are you kidding?
0:03:09 > 0:03:13- A great magician doesn't rush a performance.- He doesn't?- No!
0:03:13 > 0:03:18There's only one way to perform magic, Ziggy. And that's with style.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Dear audience...
0:03:28 > 0:03:32As I stand before the cafe's entire stock
0:03:32 > 0:03:35of...um...tin cans,
0:03:35 > 0:03:37do you believe what you see?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Can you trust your eyes?
0:03:40 > 0:03:46- Get on with it!- OK, first, I'll make these precious cans
0:03:46 > 0:03:48rise up in the air!
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Wa-ha!
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Ha! A toy wand.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Try checking the batteries.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00Yeah! Try checking the batteries.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Just try something simple, Diego.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Yeah, OK, right.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09I will now use the incredible power of magic
0:04:09 > 0:04:12to make Tony's drink disappear.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18Hey, look in my eyes, only in the eyes.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21I'll show you how to make my drink disappear.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23HE SLURPS AND BELCHES
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- ALL: Ha-ha! Ha-ha!- Oh, yeah!
0:04:27 > 0:04:31It's just a toy wand, isn't it?
0:04:31 > 0:04:36It's a real wand, Diego. It just happens to be useless.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40- Argh!- Argh! - Oi! Who you calling useless?!
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Ah, at last! Some entertainment.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50A magnet? What kind of magic was that?
0:04:50 > 0:04:54OK, so I was trying for a squirty flower.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56We can't all be perfect.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Oh...
0:04:59 > 0:05:02A wand who doesn't know what she's doing. Just my luck!
0:05:02 > 0:05:07Hey, don't blame me! I'm just starting out in magic.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10The great master is going to teach me how it's done.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13A great master(!) Pah!
0:05:13 > 0:05:16I mean... Why didn't you say so?
0:05:16 > 0:05:20It just so happens we have a great master right here.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Huh?
0:05:22 > 0:05:26- We do?- Trust me, I'm a genie.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36Magic For Nitwits. Are you sure about this, Ziggy?
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Of course I'm sure. Now, look, stop interfering.
0:05:39 > 0:05:45Hey, a level 25 mega-magic extravaganza!
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Juggling the pyramids!
0:05:47 > 0:05:50The wand will learn a basic level one trick.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54How to make a fluffy toy dog appear.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- Oh!- Here, you hold her.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01One fluffy toy dog coming up.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- Argh!- Argh!
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Are you sure he's house-trained?
0:06:06 > 0:06:08BARKING
0:06:15 > 0:06:19No sign of the dog. Lucky it stopped at all those trees.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23OK, maybe it's time to try a level zero trick.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Really, Really Easy Magic For Nittier Nitwits.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Hmm.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36I know you're feeling annoyed, let down
0:06:36 > 0:06:41- and wondering why the magic is useless.- You do your best, Ziggy.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43I'm talking about the wand!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Ha-ha!
0:06:49 > 0:06:51OK, I want some cash
0:06:51 > 0:06:54and I don't mean small change.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57I'm talking big money here.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11OK, the bird has to disappear from the table and appear in the cage.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14First, you have to... No, not yet!
0:07:16 > 0:07:19OK, let's drop to a level minus one trick.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22OK, little one. Remember this.
0:07:22 > 0:07:28Do not do anything unless you are tapped three times.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31- Three times?- He means like this.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36ALL: Oh!
0:07:36 > 0:07:40Maybe level minus one was aiming too high.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Hey, shall I magic them back on for you?
0:07:42 > 0:07:48Argh! Go away, leave us alone!
0:07:48 > 0:07:50You're great, Ziggy.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54- I never realised learning could be such fun!- Argghh!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59I feel...
0:07:59 > 0:08:01different!
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Argghh!
0:08:05 > 0:08:10So, Ziggy. This is all still part of the class, right?
0:08:10 > 0:08:12ALL: Argh! Oh! Argghh!
0:08:23 > 0:08:27I'm in charge. Now, you come here and do as you're told!
0:08:27 > 0:08:32- Yeah, like, when it's convenient, obviously.- I'm doing my homework.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Hey, maybe I could try a few ideas on you!
0:08:36 > 0:08:39ALL: Argh!
0:08:41 > 0:08:42Aaargh!
0:08:42 > 0:08:47I bet the Great Alfonso never has this kind of trouble!
0:08:53 > 0:08:56There's no need to prove you can do magic
0:08:56 > 0:08:59by turning the cafe into a giant cake!
0:08:59 > 0:09:04- It's not my birthday. - OK, how about we try this instead?
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Oh, that's weird. That wasn't me.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13How about we go for some extra practice?
0:09:15 > 0:09:18ALL: Argh! Oh!
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Arrgghh!
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Oh!
0:09:33 > 0:09:37Um, Ziggy, this is Alfonso's wand. What have you done?
0:09:37 > 0:09:40There's nothing wrong with sharing.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43She is my most powerful wand yet
0:09:43 > 0:09:47but she is new and has to learn control.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51You have been causing chaos for miles!
0:09:54 > 0:09:57You wanted to be a magician, Diego.
0:09:57 > 0:10:02Tap our friend three times and make this guy disappear.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Couldn't I make myself disappear instead?
0:10:05 > 0:10:09You want to see some magic? How about this?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- Hmm.- Huh?!
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Yes, that's...reasonably good.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Don't try this at home!
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Al Pacino!
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Ohh!
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Can't say I saw that one in Magic For Nitwits.
0:10:34 > 0:10:40Diego, please. Do some magic!
0:10:42 > 0:10:43Uh-oh!
0:10:45 > 0:10:49Never mind, Ziggy. It's just a matter of practice.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52A wand can only be as good as her master
0:10:52 > 0:10:57and I know together we will be magnificent.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Maybe we could all join forces?
0:10:59 > 0:11:04It's amazing that someone can make the whole world disappear!
0:11:04 > 0:11:08No, Diego. This is just magic.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15A trick! Anyone could do that!
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Espresso!
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- Oh my!- Goodness gracious! - Wow, that was fantastic.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Cheer up, Ziggy. The wish may have failed,
0:11:30 > 0:11:33but we've just seen the best magic show ever.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39'So now, dear viewer, you know my secret.'
0:11:39 > 0:11:43Everything is an illusion...
0:11:43 > 0:11:49or do I mean, magic?!
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:11:57 > 0:12:00E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk