Diego's Castle

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0:00:02 > 0:00:05I was hit by a can. Opened it, and out popped a genie.

0:00:05 > 0:00:07# Three wishes set me free

0:00:07 > 0:00:10# Trust me, I'm a genie

0:00:10 > 0:00:13# Wish one...and on that first day

0:00:13 > 0:00:16# I got my very own cafe, taa-daa!

0:00:16 > 0:00:18# Wish two, that was cool,

0:00:18 > 0:00:22# I got my own swimming pool, he-he

0:00:22 > 0:00:25# But then I dropped the magic can

0:00:25 > 0:00:29# It filled with sand And the works got jammed

0:00:29 > 0:00:33# Wish three, total catastrophe

0:00:33 > 0:00:38# The genie raved and ranted but no third wish was granted

0:00:38 > 0:00:41# If one more wish comes true

0:00:41 > 0:00:44# Then I'll be free from you

0:00:44 > 0:00:47# Trust me, I'm a genie. #

0:00:53 > 0:00:57Where are we off to, where are we going?

0:00:57 > 0:01:03ALL SING: # In a lovely castle, just for us.

0:01:03 > 0:01:05# La-la-la. #

0:01:05 > 0:01:07Are you ever going to be quiet?

0:01:07 > 0:01:11Even with all this on I can still here your ear bending sounds.

0:01:11 > 0:01:14- # La-la-la. # - Tell me we're nearly there?

0:01:14 > 0:01:16'Straight ahead for 500kms.'

0:01:16 > 0:01:19There must be a shortcut, what does this do?

0:01:19 > 0:01:25- 'Extreme load activated. Head sharp right.'- Excellent choice, man.

0:01:25 > 0:01:30- Fasten your triple seat belts. - ALL SCREAM

0:01:30 > 0:01:34'At the roundabout take the dirt track

0:01:34 > 0:01:38'leading to the exploding tomato field.'

0:01:39 > 0:01:41Way cool, man, way cool.

0:01:45 > 0:01:48'You have reached your destination.'

0:01:48 > 0:01:52# The castle, the castle... It's... #

0:01:52 > 0:01:56..not here. Where is this 38 star castle?

0:01:56 > 0:02:00- The water beds?- The dojo?

0:02:00 > 0:02:03The rollercoasters in every bedroom?

0:02:03 > 0:02:05What in the world have you booked?

0:02:05 > 0:02:10There must have been some sort of a mistake, the satnav got it wrong.

0:02:10 > 0:02:14Oh, you ninny, it was the reservation number nine,

0:02:14 > 0:02:16not number six.

0:02:16 > 0:02:19Looks like you've booked us the rustic caravan.

0:02:19 > 0:02:23So, we invested all our savings in this dump?

0:02:23 > 0:02:28Hang on, I'm sure this caravan is ace. Ooh.

0:02:28 > 0:02:30At least the weather's on our side.

0:02:35 > 0:02:36Ooh.

0:02:36 > 0:02:39- Ooh.- Daa.

0:02:39 > 0:02:41Ooh.

0:02:41 > 0:02:44Ah, anybody able to unstick me?

0:02:44 > 0:02:50- Diego, our holidays are ruined. - ALL: And it's all your fault.

0:02:50 > 0:02:53Diego, this is an unfortunate disaster.

0:02:53 > 0:02:58Luckily you have a genie close at hand that can solve all your worries

0:02:58 > 0:03:03- with one little wish.- You sure? - Yep, he's sure.- We want our castle.

0:03:03 > 0:03:07I'm the one who sells wishes here. Here's how it goes.

0:03:07 > 0:03:10Either your friends never forgive you

0:03:10 > 0:03:13or you get a private castle by using your last wish.

0:03:13 > 0:03:15Just imagine.

0:03:28 > 0:03:32OK, OK, Ziggy, I wish for a luxury castle.

0:03:32 > 0:03:37No problemo. I call upon the powers that be to grant this wish

0:03:37 > 0:03:39and set me free.

0:03:46 > 0:03:51- What a useless genie. I'm going to bed.- Uh-uh.

0:03:51 > 0:03:55FROG CROAKS

0:03:55 > 0:03:56- Uh-uh. - FROG CROAKS

0:03:56 > 0:03:58Wahh.

0:03:58 > 0:04:00You've thrown your wish away.

0:04:00 > 0:04:04Didn't you notice that the frog was wearing a crown on its head?

0:04:04 > 0:04:08- Must be a princess under a wicked spell.- A princess?

0:04:08 > 0:04:13Yeah, if you want your wish to come true you just need to kiss her.

0:04:13 > 0:04:15Then you marry her and live in a castle.

0:04:15 > 0:04:20- No way, sorry, mate, I don't kiss frogs.- Think of the castle, Diego.

0:04:20 > 0:04:26Besides, I'm sure she's cool. I'll go look for her.

0:04:26 > 0:04:32Let me introduce...oh, er...sorry, I didn't catch your name.

0:04:32 > 0:04:35The transmorphing must have blown some brain cells.

0:04:35 > 0:04:40- This is typical in bewitching cases. - Did you here that, Diego?

0:04:40 > 0:04:43Poor princess, kiss her. Help her get back to normal.

0:04:43 > 0:04:46That's what Captain Justice would do.

0:04:46 > 0:04:52You're right. Princess, prepare to be kissed. I'm coming.

0:04:53 > 0:04:58Don't be shy, everything's going to be fine.

0:05:03 > 0:05:08Well, that wasn't too bad for a first try. Onto plan B now.

0:05:08 > 0:05:13So, to sum things up, we're dealing with a princess under a spell

0:05:13 > 0:05:16who's convinced that she's a frog.

0:05:16 > 0:05:20If we want Diego to kiss her, he'll need to entice her

0:05:20 > 0:05:25and to entice her he has to speak froggy language.

0:05:25 > 0:05:32Now, repeat after me. A - ribitt, B - rib-bit, C - ribitt.

0:05:32 > 0:05:35ALL: Ribitt.

0:05:40 > 0:05:43OK, Diego, you're ready.

0:05:43 > 0:05:47After all, froggy is only the 9,876th easiest language

0:05:47 > 0:05:49to learn in the world.

0:05:51 > 0:05:54Diego, there she is.

0:05:54 > 0:05:57Go up to her and say, "Hello, my name is Diego

0:05:57 > 0:06:02"and I think you're extremely beautiful", in froggy.

0:06:02 > 0:06:05Ribitt, ribitt, ribitt.

0:06:08 > 0:06:12That was really rude, Diego, I can't believe you just said that.

0:06:12 > 0:06:15- What do you mean?- Hi, guys, Rib, ribbit, rib, rib.

0:06:15 > 0:06:19Oh, absolutely, I couldn't agree with you more, Tony.

0:06:19 > 0:06:21W-w-what did you say?

0:06:21 > 0:06:27Don't worry, Diego, I got Plan C waiting for you. It can't fail.

0:06:29 > 0:06:33Here's the plan. Creep up on her, tap her on the shoulder

0:06:33 > 0:06:38and as soon as she turns around, give her a surprise kiss.

0:06:43 > 0:06:46SIREN WAILS Ooh.

0:06:50 > 0:06:52Ohh. Help!

0:06:52 > 0:06:57- You got the camera?- I never forget it, bruv.

0:06:57 > 0:06:59No, don't do that.

0:07:05 > 0:07:11Yeah, go on, enjoy yourselves. I'm just a good for nothing,

0:07:11 > 0:07:13who can't even kiss a frog.

0:07:13 > 0:07:16Oh, look, I think she's coming to apologise.

0:07:16 > 0:07:19Excellent karma, Diego.

0:07:19 > 0:07:22ALL: The Castle.

0:07:22 > 0:07:27Freedom...here I come.

0:07:32 > 0:07:36This frog princess is starting to seriously get on my nerves.

0:07:36 > 0:07:40Luckily, plan B should get us out of this mess.

0:07:43 > 0:07:44Psst. Over here.

0:07:44 > 0:07:47- Ribitt.- You look very tense,

0:07:47 > 0:07:50how about a nice relaxing free massage

0:07:50 > 0:07:55before another game of fly hunting?

0:07:58 > 0:08:04Nobody can resist a good old free massage.

0:08:04 > 0:08:07Perfect. Now, press on the fifth vertebra,

0:08:07 > 0:08:10starting from the three-quarter left.

0:08:10 > 0:08:15It's the love vertebra. It should make her fall in love instantly.

0:08:15 > 0:08:19Three quarter...left...erm.

0:08:19 > 0:08:22I think he touched the third vertebra

0:08:22 > 0:08:25from the fifth quarter left. Ooh.

0:08:25 > 0:08:29Now, what do we do? Plan E.

0:08:41 > 0:08:43Good, keep going.

0:08:50 > 0:08:53Why am I surrounded by incompetents?

0:08:53 > 0:08:57If it's insects you want, that's what you'll get.

0:08:57 > 0:09:02I promise that tonight we'll be sleeping in the castle.

0:09:02 > 0:09:05Come on, hurry up, action.

0:09:08 > 0:09:10It's perfect.

0:09:13 > 0:09:16Captain Diego, please take a seat.

0:09:16 > 0:09:21Remember to embrace the insect within you, Diego.

0:09:24 > 0:09:30Aah. Ow. Ohh.

0:09:35 > 0:09:38Ziggy, is this normal?

0:09:38 > 0:09:42Ziggy, Larry, Zazie, anyone. Get me out of here.

0:09:42 > 0:09:45She wants to put me in a sandwich.

0:09:45 > 0:09:49- This is terrible, she's going to eat Diego.- I baggsy the cafe.

0:09:49 > 0:09:54- I baggsy the pool.- Shame on you, let's share everything three ways.

0:09:54 > 0:09:55Count me in.

0:09:55 > 0:09:58Ohh! I'm a-coming, Diego,

0:09:58 > 0:10:00hold on.

0:10:02 > 0:10:07No, I'm a can. I'm aluminium, I'm extremely hard to digest.

0:10:13 > 0:10:19Wah-ohh. Mayday, mayday! SOS! Help! Wah.

0:10:23 > 0:10:25Wow, unbelievable.

0:10:25 > 0:10:28Princess is a dude, man.

0:10:28 > 0:10:30Did it work?

0:10:32 > 0:10:36What have you done to me? I've become a hairy, lumpy creature.

0:10:36 > 0:10:41And my tongue, where's my lovely...ribbit,

0:10:41 > 0:10:46- long sticky tongue?- Diego saved you from a terrible situation.

0:10:46 > 0:10:49Saved, are you completely nuts?

0:10:49 > 0:10:52I'm the prince of frogs, ribbit,

0:10:52 > 0:10:57and now all I look like is a repulsive, disgusting camel.

0:10:57 > 0:11:03What is this, a joke? You're kidding, right? Where's your castle?

0:11:03 > 0:11:09My castle, I have many castles. Every swamp is my castle.

0:11:09 > 0:11:12- Ribbit, ribbit.- Well, this is unexpected.

0:11:12 > 0:11:15I want to be like before, immediately.

0:11:15 > 0:11:20Which one of you do I have to kiss? Ribbit.

0:11:20 > 0:11:23No way, out of the question, no way, no.

0:11:23 > 0:11:27It doesn't exactly thrill me either, camel face. Believe me.

0:11:29 > 0:11:34Come back, the sooner we do it, the sooner it will be over. Ribbit.

0:11:36 > 0:11:40Why are you laughing? The wish has failed,

0:11:40 > 0:11:43you'll never get your castle.

0:11:43 > 0:11:46Never mind, man, whenever we're with Diego

0:11:46 > 0:11:48we know we're going to have a laugh.

0:11:48 > 0:11:52And that's worth all the castles in the world.

0:11:58 > 0:12:01Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd.

0:12:01 > 0:12:04E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk